A call for action (and a sad story from my hometown: Greensburg PA)

[jtrockville]

Yesterday, I received this letter from my cousin about his experience at the community church where we grew up together. It really broke my heart. I've already received a few replies from people Gary sent this letter to sharing the response they got when calling. None of them had much success. Still, I feel compelled to follow-up with letters and phone calls.

Here's Gary's letter:

Greetings all.

It is with a heavy heart that I report that the Catholic church has crossed the line one last time that I just absolutely cannot tolerate. While we were visiting my family in Greensburg PA for the holidays, I attended the Sunday mass between Christmas and New Years with my parents. Tony stopped going 3 years ago when the Catholic church vocally supported voting for Bush from the pulpit. As we entered Our Lady of Grace Parish I immediately noticed the blue & white glossy brochures to "Join the campaign to save MARRIAGE IN PENNSYLVANIA."

I knew what it meant immediately. My heart began racing. I began to sweat. I took a brochure to my seat and began to read it. Among other things it asked you to pray, write/visit/call your senator, enlist the church family and pastor, use the pulpit, etc. to spread the word..." I was crazed. I ripped it up, brought it to the back of the church and threw it on the table. I went back to my seat and my mom asked what was wrong. I showed her a brochure. I went to the back of the church a second time and took a stack of these brochures & threw them in the trash where they belong. I then went back to my seat for the mass to begin hurt, angry & nervous. I thought, "Well, that will be it. Nothing more will be said"

But then the sermon began. The priest, Monsignor Raymond Riffle, began his homily by talking about how the Catholic church was invisible the need for it to speak up and make waves. He said that something is happening now that we can't be silent about. We must organize and speak out! And then he began a vitriolic diatribe about how the institution of marriage was under attack.

I thought I was gonna throw up. It was an unexpected sucker punch and a stab in the back. This parish was formed by my Italian immigrant grandparents & their families and it was named after the patron saint of their hometown Madonna Della Libera (Our Lady Of Grace.) It has been supported extensively by my large extended family. And it serves as a community and social network for them as well.

I told my mom that I couldn't stay for one more moment. Clearly upset, I stormed out of the church, took the remaining brochures and ripped down the "Please take one per family" sign. My heart was broken as I went to the car. I sat in the cold, dark parking lot and cried.

I called Tony to tell him what happened and to ask him to come and get mom & dad from the church after mass because I could not go back in. He came and waited in the back of the church for my parents. As people began to leave mass, Tony was the first person to speak to Monsignor Riffle. He told him that this campaign was wrong. He said, "You know me and you know Gary. You know our family and you know that we are not a threat to marriage or the church."

Monsignor Riffle said that it has always been this way. The Catholic Church has always believed that marriage was between a man and a woman. "It has always been this way." Tony told him that the church had not always tried to change a state's constitution to make discrimination legal. Riffle asked if they could continue the conversation later as there was a crowd gathering. Tony agreed but stood beside him as he greeted the exiting parishioners telling each person who took a brochure that discrimination was not Catholic or Godly.

When an usher asked Tony to leave, Tony said "I absolutely will not move. I am gay man who is married, whose in-laws built this church and give a lot of money to it. I won't leave because what you are asking in the name of the church is absolutely wrong." The usher backed off.

Tony saved me once again that night. He is my hero.

We went to dinner with my family and talked about it. I was so nauseated that I could not eat. At night I was so upset that I could not sleep. At 2:30 and 3:00 am I left voicemails for the priest. His words, and the words of the others on this missive are so damaging. They still ring in my ears.

The following day a very saintly priest, Msgr. Larry Kinary, came to my parents house to see how Tony and I were feeling. He knew that there was a meeting 6 weeks ago with the Bishop and other catholic leaders to make this the topic of Dec. 30th sermon. He knew it would be upsetting to us, as well as the gay and lesbian members of his own church and their families. He did not deliver a hate filled speech. He chose to tell of how "Everyone is called to love, be loved and belong. And to pray for the family. If you need any more information check your bulletin."

It seems that the Pennsylvania Catholic Conference is behind this movement and being orchestrated by www.pa4marriage.com and www.youranswermatters.com.

I know you know there are many things wrong with what is happening. Namely, tha they are putting down an entire group of people. Telling them they are "less than" and "don't deserve" equal rights. It is not the place for a priest from the pulpit to make demands to contact legislators to amend a state's Constitution.

The hate filled rhetoric is so hurtful. In one of my voicemails to Msgr. Riffle I told him that "I am an adult man and will be fine. But there are gay, lesbian and questioning youth who will hear your words. Gay youth are 3 times more likely to attempt and commit suicide so please be more compassionate if you continue to give that speech." He gave it at all masses that Saturday and Sunday. He also put an article in the church bulletin and is sending a personal letter to every church member's home.

Needless to say I will not be going to that, nor any other PA Catholic church again anytime soon. The groups are very organized and going across the entire state to enroll all catholics and other denominations.

It's difficult to put into words how hurt, shocked and betrayed I feel. And angry. There I was sitting with my parents at church as I always do when I go home. Just happy that they are alive and somewhat healthy and that I get to be with them for that hour. Feeling safe sitting there with my family I was told that I am a threat to that family. I know that everyone who reads this knows me, loves and supports Tony and me and knows how important family is to both of us.

Sadly, it is more than just this little priest man, at this one church in this little Western PA town.

It is happening all over Pennsylvania. PA is one of the top 3 swing states, as is Ohio and Florida. We all know what happened in the 2000 election in Florida and the 2004 election in Ohio. Now they have set their sights on Pennsylvania. Knowing that this campaign is politically motivated makes me even crazier. I don't care what churches do with their members. But they are now actively trying to make Tony's and my Canadian marriage invalid. On the voicemail to Msgr. Riffle I sarcastically mentioned that I am such a threat to marriage and I so devalue it that I traveled to Canada with 70 family and friends just to get married!

Unfortunately most of my family and friends at Our Lady of Grace are so... dominated into submission. They can't say anything to anyone about this. The cone of silence is mind numbing. To be a good Catholic you just can't talk back to a priest or a nun. I am so sick of this, especially with the political power that they wield (WITHOUT PAYING TAXES. AND WITHOUT THREAT OF LOSING THEIR NON PROFIT STATUS EVEN WHEN THEY CROSS THE LINE INTO THE POLITICAL ARENA!!! UGH!)

So many people I know have suffered because of the catholic church. For gay people, women who have unfortunately had to have abortions, catholics who married a non-catholics, friends who got divorced, etc. I had several catholic gay male friends who have committed suicide. I know many who have been told that they are sick, evil, intrinsically disordered, going to hell, a great disappointment and who where shunned by their family and church. They then fail to have any connection to spirituality, have low self esteem, and resort to alcohol, drugs and other unhealthy behaviors including risky sex just to feel connected. And then many of these people contract AIDS.

And the Catholic church is even against using condoms! THey talk about not having premarital sex...and then don't let us get married!

I feel like I am at wit's end. I am so sick of it that I personally want to educate and change the Catholic Church. Or at least it's leadership. The HAVE to know of the harm they are causing and the pain they are creating. They aren't blind to this are they? Or are they just plain evil. Or stupid?

As if this wasn't enough, on Jan 1st, World Peace Day, the Pope gave a speech. The message was that "Peace begins with the family." That's a reasonable point. But then the pope writes, "Everything that serves to weaken the family based on the marriage of a man and woman ... constitutes an objective obstacle on the road to peace." Having implicitly named homosexuality as an obstacle to world peace in his fifth paragraph, the pope then waits until the seventh paragraph to mention the environment, the ninth to mention poverty and the second-to-last to mention war and violence.

AAAAARRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am more threatening than war!!! ME?!!

Enough is enough. These old white men have to be stopped.

Please join me in communicating your thoughts, feelings and emotions. Following are some options. If you have any other ideas please share them with this group, your friends or your church.

1. If you are a Catholic and/or still go to church please TALK to your clergy, as uncomfortable as it might feel.
2. If you live in PA write to your representatives. (Write even if you don't live there.)
3. Talk to your friends and families about what is happening and find out how they feel.
4. Write letters and emails to newspapers and websites, particularly the ones supporting the Amendment to tell them they are wrong.
5. If you are gay, mail a picture of your family to your church and your elected representatives so they see exactly who the "threat" is with a message about you and your family.
6. Stop giving money to institutions that support anti-equality marriage amendments and gay hatred.
7. Start giving money to organizations that support general equality work and marraige equality specifically.
8. Please write and call the phone numbers listed below and let them know how you feel.
9. Got to www.youranswermatters.com and write in your comments on the blog section.
10. Go to PAforMarriage.org and see how the other side operates. Respond to them.
11. Remember that it is about love, and let your voice flow from that place.
12. Forward this email on to others.
Thank you for taking the time to read this.
And for your ongoing & undying love and support.

One of the good things that came from this is that I've had amazing conversations with a lot of people. Including many 80 yr. old Italian American Catholic Pennsylvanians. All of who understand and support me. This experience also affirmed that PA. is not my home. It is where I grew up and where my family lives. NYC is my home and it is a great place to be. I thank God for it. I am fully aware that just as all Americans are not represented by their leaders, neither are all Catholics.

Peace & Love
Gary

Monsignor Raymond Riffle
1011 Mt. Pleasant Rd.
Greensburg PA 15601
[phone] (PH)
[phone] (FX)

Bishop Lawrence E. Brandt
723 E. Pittsburgh St.
Greensburg PA 15601 - 2697
[phone] (PH)
[phone] (FX)

Pennsylvania Catholic Conference
223 North St.
PO Box 2835
Harrisburg PA 17105
[phone] (PH)
[phone] (FX)

Catholic Accent - Local paper publishing pro-discrimination articles weekly
723 E. Pittsburgh St.
Greensburg PA 15601 - 2697
[phone] (PH)
[phone] (FX)

PA Governor Ed Rendell (D)
225 Main Capital Building
Harrisburg PA 17120
[phone] (PH)
[phone] (FX)

PA Senator Arlen Specter (R)
771 Hart Senate Office Building
Washington DC 20510 - 3802
[phone] (PH)
(202 228-1229 (FX)

PA Senator Robert Casey
383 Russell Senate Office Building
Washington DC 20510 - 6324
[phone] (PH)
[phone] (FX)

PA for Marriage
23 N Front St.
Harrisburg, PA 17101

[davidinalameda]

1. thanks for posting this

I can't imagine though why any gay person would be a member of or attend a Catholic Church

I grew up in the church and was very close to entering the seminary (insert gay priest joke here) but my parish priest at the time was very conservative and this was about the time the church was making a hard turn right

the Catholic Church is trying to out-conservative the Evangelicals due to declining membership

this will come back to bite them on the butt

tell your cousin that there are plenty of gay-affirming and accepting churches out there

[jtrockville]

4. This church also serves as a community and social network.

As hypocritical (spiritually) as it may seem, attending mass during Christmas season is a marvelous way to connect with people you may not get a chance to visit with. It's impossible to visit everyone's home individually, and practically everyone in our extended family attends mass at Our Lady of Grace. Hell, our ancestors laid the brick for the original church that was in the center of our neighborhood.

I quit going some time ago, and I do miss the social aspect but I have no regrets about leaving the Catholic Church.

Odd that the response to declining membership is to denegrade (yet another) segment of the flock.

[terisan]

2. thanks. I left the church years ago over its discimination against women;& its pro war messages

I will do what I can.

I respect this person's willingness to stand up and confront priests and parishioners who preach hate and ignore the Constitution of the US; and try to raise barriers between individuals and god.

.

[jtrockville]

3. I left too for the same reasons you did.

I wasn't willing to confront anyone when I left, but I don't remember the church ever being this hateful.

[terisan]

5. Yes It wasn't when I left either. There was still a lot of love. nt

[Maat]

6. People that are both Catholic and pro-GLBT- rights ...

need to speak up; if that doesn't work, they need to leave the Church.

This PFLAGer believes that we cannot keep giving money to organizations that work against us.

There are many churches that are openly welcoming and affirming, including the United Church of Christ churches and the Unitarian-Universalist churches.

The Episcopal church observes many of the traditions, yet most of the churches are welcoming and affirming.

This topic really gets me fired up.

I'm not Catholic, but I hope that those that are speak up.

Thanks for the post.

[blue neen]

7. I'm very sorry to hear that this happened 20 minutes from where I live.

Most Catholics I know are much more open-minded than their priests tell them to be.

Please don't judge all of PA by these bigoted so-called church "leaders." If they are so concerned about saving marriage in PA why don't they talk about divorce rates?

[DCKit]

9. Because "Teh Gays" are THEM and not US.

It's always a small, vulnerable group that's targeted first. The Nazi's illustrated this tactic far better (to my knowledge) than anyone in history. When they finally went after the Polish Catholics, every one else was either dead or in the camps already. Someone should explain the analogy to the Church.

Divorce no longer works as a hot button issue for the Catholic church because divorce has gone mainstream. Even if the divorce rate in the PA parishes doesn't approach the state or national average for other groups, the Church can't (financially) afford to alienate that many people. On the other hand, gay Catholics have, for the most part, already abandoned the church and are no longer useful as anything but a focal point for solidarity and fundraising.

The OP made an excellent point about the suicide rate among gay youths and, if nothing else, that is the one issue that might be used to demonstrate and demonize the destructive potential of this current campaign.

[sakabatou]

8. wrong thread (delete)

[LostinVA]

10. The Catholic Church is anti-war and anti-death penalty -- it is NOT pro-war

If anyone has a priest who is a warmonger, they need to contact their Bishop. Pope Rat has spoken out against the invasion of Iraq.

There are many, many reasons to leave the Church (as I did), but the Church being pro-war isn't one of them.