Next Season on Survivor

[proud2BlibKansan]

This email has been going around for the past week or so. Pretty funny, IMO.

Next Season on Survivor

Have you heard about the next planned "Survivor" show?
Three businessmen and three businesswomen will be dropped in an elementary school classroom for 1 school year. Each business person will be provided with a copy of his/her school district's curriculum, and a class of 20-25 students.

Each class will have a minimum of five learning-disabled children, three with A.D.H.D., one gifted child, and two who speak limited English. Three students will be labeled with severe behavior problems.

Each business person must complete lesson plans at least 3 days in advance, with annotations for curriculum objectives and modify, organize, or create their materials accordingly. They will be required to teach students, handle misconduct, implement technology, document attendance, write referrals, correct homework, make bulletin boards, compute grades, complete report cards, document benchmarks, communicate with parents, and arrange parent conferences. They must also stand in their doorway between class changes to monitor the hallways.

In addition, they will complete fire drills, tornado drills, and drills for shooting attacks each month.

They must attend workshops, faculty meetings, and attend curriculum development meetings. They must also tutor students who are behind and strive to get their 2 non-English speaking children proficient enough to take the SOLS tests. If they are sick or having a bad day they must not let it show.

Each day they must incorporate reading, writing, math, science, and social studies into the program. They must maintain discipline and provide an educationally stimulating environment to motivate students at all times. If all students do not wish to cooperate, work, or learn, the teacher will be held responsible.

The business people will only have access to the public golf course on the weekends, but with their new salary, they will not be able to afford it. There will be no access to vendors who want to take them out to lunch, and lunch will be limited to thirty minutes, which is not counted as part of their work day. The business people will be permitted to use a student restroom, as long as another survival candidate can supervise their class.

If the copier is operable, they may make copies of necessary materials before, or after, school. However, they cannot surpass their monthly limit of copies. The business people must continually advance their education, at their expense, and on their own time.

The winner of this Season of Survivor will be allowed to return to their job.

Pass this to your friends who think teaching is easy, and to the ones that know it is hard.

[Taverner]

1. NEVER MIND - DELETE

What I get for not reading the whole article...

[drmeow]

2. And before taping starts

the network will have to provide signed agreement slips from all parents in the classrooms agreeing to have their student potentially lose 1 year of education (err - to allow the substitution).

[classof56]

3. Well, all right then--this would definitely make a Survivor viewer out of me.

I'd be glued to every episode. Let the games begin!

Big K&R!

:fistbump:

[femmocrat]

4. Don't forget duties!

Bus duty, a.m. and p.m. The p.m. buses will run late every day and you won't be compensated for overtime. In bad weather, be prepared to stay an extra hour or more. If you pull outdoor duty, make sure you bundle up!

Breakfast and lunch duties. Someone will throw up, count on it. You have to open countless milk cartons, pump ketchup, and watch for kids touching each others' trays. And they can't leave ANYTHING on the floor!!! Breakfast duty will cause you to be late for your first class, so you will have to come in early to prepare. Too bad.

Recess duty -- skinned knees, twisted ankles, fighting and bickering, kids who are hot or cold, have to go the bathroom or nurse, and you have to unlock the door each time. There could be up to 90 kids running around on the playground at once. Sometimes a stray dog will add to the chaos. :)

Hall monitoring and restroom patrolling. Plus you must keep track of every kid who uses the restroom from your class during the day.

"Walker" duty -- car-riders. You must match up kids' listed numbers with parents' numbers in their car windows. You cannot release a child who is picked up by anyone else. If a parent doesn't show up, you get to call numerous numbers trying to locate the parent and stay at school until he/she decides to show up for the child.

And... have a nice day! :hi:

[proud2BlibKansan]

5. LOL I put this on FB and am getting all kinds of additions

This could turn out to be a novel before too long.

[Smarmie Doofus]

8. And catch bedbugs.

http://www.uft.org/news-stories/bedbugs-your-classroom

>>>>>>Tell your principal. If you suspect that you have found bedbugs in your classroom or on one of your students, inform your principal immediately. He or she should have a specimen collection kit that can be used to send a dead bug to the DOE’s Pest Management Unit for confirmation. Schools should follow the Department of Education’s protocols.>>>>>

Oh... don't bother clicking the DOE link. It's broken. (Surprised? Don't be. It's ALL broken.)

Welcome to Education Reform. Now in it's 9th year in NYC.

[Wilms]

6. Brilliant! n/t

[spartan61]

7. I taught 1st and 2nd grade for 32 years.

The original poster and those that replied nailed it. Throw in an epidemic of head lice, a child with seizures, and having to pull loose tooth on occasion and we have almost covered all the duties of the day. I love how anyone who has never been in a classroom, except as a student, seem to think it is an easy job.