Driving Under The Influence Of Christianity

[DeSwiss]

'God said she needed to be taken off road'

Express-News
By Robert Crowe
Web Posted: 11/29/2008 12:00 CST

A speeding pickup rear-ended a woman's sedan on the South Side on Friday morning and sheriff's officials say the driver said it was Jesus' will because the other motorist was not “driving like a Christian.” The bizarre incident that shut down southbound U.S. 281 above the Medina River happened about 7:25 a.m.

“He just said God said she wasn't driving right, and she needed to be taken off the road,” said Lt. Kyle Coleman of the Bexar County Sheriff's Office. The driver of the pickup was identified in a Sheriff's Office news release as Michael E. Schwab, 52, of Blooming Grove. Schwab told first responders at the scene that “the other vehicle was not driving like a Christian and it was Jesus' will for him to punish the car,” according to the release.

The 35-year-old woman was driving her sedan north when the pickup struck her vehicle. Schwab told deputies he was driving faster than 100 mph at the time, Coleman said. The impact caused both vehicles to spin across a median before they came to a stop along a barrier in the southbound lanes. No other vehicles were involved. Though both vehicles were badly damaged, the drivers suffered minor injuries.

“God must have been with them, 'cause any other time, the severity of this crash, it would have been a fatal,” Coleman said. The woman was taken to a hospital as a precaution. Schwab was later charged with aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, motor vehicle. His bond was set at $50,000, according to the news release. The pickup driver did not specify for authorities how the woman was driving poorly. Investigators determined the female driver “had done nothing wrong,” according to the release.


Staff Writer Michelle Mondo contributed to this report.


http://www.mysanantonio.com/news/traffic/God_said_she__needed_to_be_taken_off_the_road.html">LINK

- Ordinarily, right about here I'd be winding-up a pretty good sarcastic smackdown on such an idiot as this. But for some reason, I don't feel the need.

Sometimes they do just write themselves.....
==============================================================================
DeSwiss


http://www.atheisttoolbox.com/">The Atheist Toolbox



"Blessed are they that
drive sinners off the road."


"Prayer is just a way of telling god that his divine plan for
you is flawed -- and shockingly stingy" ~ Betty Bowers

[Ken Burch]

1. Nice.

BTW, where did you find a graphic of Jesus with a mullet? I'm not sure why, but it really helps the OP somehow.

[Dogmudgeon]

2. It's from His days with the NHL

I wonder if missing teeth count as stigmata.

--p!

[DeSwiss]

5. Missing teeth!?!?!?!

- They count as DOUBLE STIGMATA!!!!

[DeSwiss]

3. From the Almighty of course!

- GOOGLE!

I ask the Almighty Google for a picture of "Redneck Jesus" and this is what he/she/it gave me!!!!

on edit: more specificity (if you can believe that!)

[Bozita]

4. At 100+ mph, it didn't take him long to receive and interpret his message from God

Must've been a text message.

[DeSwiss]

6. Okay. If you say so.

- But me? I'm having trouble with the visual.....

....a redneck with an Ipod, ....a redneck with an Ipod, ....a redneck with an Ipod......

[Jamastiene]

7. What an asshole.

I'm recommending this, because I have met people who think like that. They really are THAT fucking deluded. Geez, I hope none of them decide my driving isn't "Christian" enough for them, :wtf: ever that means... Can we declare their "voices" a mental illness yet? :eyes:

[DeSwiss]

8. Mental illness???

Just because......



- Nahhhh.....

What's disturbing to me, is the utter lack of relevancy that the woman herself seems to have played in all this for him, since he said it was: "Jesus' will for him to punish the car."

A belief that inanimate objects require chastisement because they are blaspheming your religion, counts as a MENTAL ILLNESS in my book!!!

on edit: spelling

[TWiley]

15. you forgot one part

you forgot the part where God (author of the rules) tortured and killed his only son to satisify a technicality that he created so the rest of us could be forgiven for actually being the sinners that he created in the first place.

[moggie]

9. Ramming at 100mph = driving like a Christian?

Is that what they mean by "God speed"?

Personally, I'd like to know whether the un-Christian car had any bumper stickers which offended this warrior of God.

[DeSwiss]

11. Ohhhh that was a good one!!!!

GODSPEED!!!!

:rofl:

[PDJane]

10. OK, this is too sad for words AND

outrageously funny.

WTF? Who are these folks and where do they come from? Can they be forced back under the rock?

Just........wow. I'm speechless.

[DeSwiss]

12. WTF? Who are these folks and where do they come from? Can they be forced back under the rock?

- Well, here's one explanation.....

[dmallind]

13. Nobody noticed the saddest and strangest part

A spokesperson for the same office that arrested this wackojob and sent him to a psychiatric evaluation because of his weird delusions, vinidcated and took as axiomatic the exact same delusion in saying that the same god watched over them because they did not die. Presumably, an intellectually consistent LEO would then have sent himself for psychiatric evaluation for imagining that Yahweh intervenes personally in car collisions.

[laconicsax]

14. God says that the guy was following his instructions:

God, on His Blog writes:

Now why is it that whenever tells everyone that I, The Almighty God, told them to do something, people just assume they’re crazy? How come they never ever consider they might just be telling the truth?

[TWiley]

16. True story at a traffic light

As the result of daydreaming, I found myself in the wrong lane at an intersection which can have cars backed up around a mile. As I approached the light in the vacant lane, I noticed a van with a little fish on the back (and other religious stickers) with about 3 empty car-lengths of space ahead of him. So, I stopped, and parallel parked in front of him.

He was SO PISSED! He was beating his hands on the steering wheel and screaming inside his truck. I rolled down my window, and shouted back ..... Thank You. Jesus Loves You. Hallelujia.

My remarks did little to calm him down. He could see me looking at him in my rear-view mirror, so he started whipping his door open if he saw me looking. It was crazy.

When we finally made the light, he went barrelling around me like a bat from hell. I really thought he would run me off the road as he shook his fist when he went by.

Why was having a huge vacant spot in front of his van so much different than having a portion of it occupied by my car? He actually moved closer to the light after I backed in, so I actually did him a favor.