Every day, I pray for the Rapture...

[porphyrian]

...so these self-righteous fucking assholes will get the fuck off the planet.

[thecorster]

1. wow, wtf?

[BrklynLiberal]

2. Right on!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[yorgatron]

3. the funny thing is though

none of those people that think they're on the list are actually on the list of people that get taken

[leesa]

29. That IS the down side of the Rapture...none of these bastards will be gone

[Solomon]

65. But that means we are the ones who will be taken. Jokes on them.

Anyway you look at it, they'll be shipped outta here.

Ooops. I see further down ModernTerrorist beat me to the point.

(Head bowing solemnly)

[Blue-Jay]

4. Lots of free Buicks out there to be had.

[Broca]

13. But what would you do with all the excess Jesus Fish

that you would have to pry off the rear trunk lids?

[Old Deuteronomy]

70. Well, we have 2 Toyotas

and you may have them, because I am definitely GOING!

Glory!

[TheModernTerrorist]

5. actually....

if there IS a Rapture, I doubt any of them are going anywhere... It'll be people like us that leave, and they can just finish off the planet the way they've been doing for oh so long.

[Warpy]

8. You're right, it's a win-win situation

either they'll be the ones left here to clean up after themselves, or we'll be RID of them.

In any case, I think there are going to be a lot of very stunned people sitting in fundy churches when the shit finally hits the fan.

[Tux]

6. Well

At least peace on Earth and good will to man might be possible.

[murray hill farm]

7. but it is the true believers ...those who actually practice the faith..

that will be of the spirit to survive the "rapture" which isn't an actual lifting, but a lightening of spirit from the ability to move from the material to the spiritual..in their nature of being. This is not the description of most of those who believe in their own misinterpretation of the "rapture"..it will be those that are saying"WTF" if a true rapture should occur..ha! I also believe the incident called "rapture" speaks of an evaluational occurance..that would take thousands of years to complete..although it may be a good ways through that thousands of years right now.

[heidler1]

9. I don't believe in Rapture, however if I'm wrong so few will be taken

we very likely wouldn't know it when it happened.

[journalist3072]

15. Yes, you will know when it happens

Contrary to what the Left Behind series says, the Rapture is NOT going to be some secret event. When the Rapture happens, everyone will know it. You won't have all the non-Christians wondering where all the Christians went!

I encourage you to read the following article: http://www.adventistreview.org/2001-1513/story5.html

[itzamirakul]

34. I'll bet that a lot of those folks who SAY they want to go will

be yelling and screaming, "No! I don't want to go! Don't take ME! please!" They will be as scared as if they were going to the electric chair. There's gonna be a whole lot of "professed Christians" who suddenly lose all their pretend "holiness."

The lying punks

[Old Deuteronomy]

71. I respecfully disagree....

Jesus will come as a thief in the night and we shall go with him... it may be days or even weeks before someone finally realizes what has happened - or maybe "admits" what has happened. Like so many here (to my amazement because I had that naive idea that most Christians believed the Word) they will be "sure" that the rapture was never "for real"... and then the light will dawn.

[lavenderdiva]

75. Welcome to DU, Old Deuteronomy!

I fully agree with your comments...

[Old Deuteronomy]

76. Hello

thanks for the welcome... and I am glad you agree... I TRY to be as truthful as I know how... and not ruffle feathers....

[murray hill farm]

21. Ha!

That is really funny..and probably true.

[KarenS]

10. OH YES,,, Me too!!

Take them away.

AND

if it's these jerks that are going to Heaven, then I want no part of Heaven,,,,

[Clark2008]

11. Actually, I believe in the Rapture

I just don't believe these self-righteous assholes will be taken.

I'll be smiling down at Bush's trying to explain why he wasn't lifted up.

[FreedomAngel82]

52. I'd like to see that!!

Ooo that would be so nice to see. That's like Lazareus and the rich young man in hell! LOL.

[TrustingDog]

12. let's set up a fund...

and buy thousands of blow up helium people dolls and let'em loose on one fine sunny afternoon.

They will be much crying and gnashing of teeth for being left behind... lol.

[KarenS]

16. yes, yes,,,, The great Rapture Hoax perpetrated by those

godless libburals !!

[Clark2008]

19. LMAO!!!

This is an urban legend (proven false by Snopes), but still funny:

ARKANSAS CITY (AP) —

A Little Rock woman was killed yesterday after leaping through her moving car's sun roof during an incident best described as "a mistaken rapture" by dozens of eye witnesses. Thirteen other people were injured after a twenty-car pile up resulted from people trying to avoid hitting the woman who was apparently convinced that the rapture was occurring when she saw twelve people floating up into the air, and then passed a man on the side of the road who she claimed was Jesus.

"She started screaming "He's back, He's back" and climbed right out of the sunroof and jumped off the roof of the car," said Everett Williams, husband of 28-year-old Georgann Williams who was pronounced dead at the scene. "I was slowing down but she wouldn't wait till I stopped," Williams said.

She thought the rapture was happening and was convinced that Jesus was gonna lift her up into the sky," he went on to say. "This is the strangest thing I've seen since I've been on the force," said Paul Madison, first officer on the scene. Madison questioned the man who looked like Jesus and discovered that he was dressed up as Jesus and was on his way to a toga costume party when the tarp covering the bed of his pickup truck came loose and released twelve blow up sex dolls filled with helium which floated up into the air.

Ernie Jenkins, 32, of Fort Smith, who's been told by several of his friends that he looks like Jesus, pulled over and lifted his arms into the air in frustration, and said , "Come back here," just as the Williams' car passed him, and Mrs. Williams was sure that it was Jesus lifting people up into the sky as they passed by him, according to her husband, who says his wife loved Jesus more than anything else.

When asked for comments about the twelve sex dolls, Jenkins replied "This is all just too weird for me. I never expected anything like this to happen."

[FreedomAngel82]

53. Thanks for the laugh

That really is funny. LOL. I think that woman is a lil obsessed.

[leesa]

30. That is a GREAT idea! What fun!

[itzamirakul]

37. ROFLMAO! Now Dog, you just made me bust a gut

I love your idea. I wish there was someway to do it secretely and then tell them..."THE RAPTURE IS HERE...THE RAPTURE IS HERE!" LOL

[TrustingDog]

38. we can Promo it on eBay this way...

'Rapture' Day... (got to be in Hell-vetica font) on an old cheese or a new baloney sandwich. That ought to get the audience we need.

[doublethink]

14. Ain't gonna happen ...

Unfortunately we're stuck with them through thick and thin. And if and when the shit hits the fan, and no rapture happens to them ... as they stand their 'wondering' wha happened? ..... the good LORD will not asnswer them. And they will be the first to loose their faith. And the good LORD will look upon the peacmakers, the poor, the righteous and have mercy, to their souls, and will tell these other self righteous greedy bastards ... get behind me Satan for I know you not. These are the ones Jesus testified of that pipped to him daily and he too said to them I know you not. With their lips they do honor me, but their hearts are far from me. We wait for light but behold obsecurity. Woe unto you that seek the day of the LORD ..... to what end is it for you? Okay my preaching is done for the day.

[Selteri]

22. Nah, they'll do the same thing they've been doing for the last 1200 years

Expecing the rapture to happen tommorow and using it.

Some things don't change until something intervenes. Just with any other addiction and self destructive pattern.

[G_j]

25. welcome to DU and

nice post

[tinonedown]

17. So much tolerance, diversity and religious freedom!

You sir deserve an award for tolerance.
And thanks for packaging the Christain religion, painting with a broad brush and tossing out the baby with the bathwater on your way out.
I want to wait for your next post on Islam - after the next terrorist hijacks the Muslim religion in the name of a Jihad, but I won't hold my breath.
Attack the villian, not the religion. Doing so only exposes the strong possibility that you enjoy freedom of religion under rules defined not by the constitution but by you yourself.

[Hoping4Change]

31. Gets your facts straight, the "Rapture" is not part of any religion.

It is an idea concocted in 1830 by Margret MacDonald in 1830.

"It may come as a surprise to many Christians, but the doctrine of the Rapture is not mentioned in any Christian writings until after the year 1830 A.D.

Whether the early writers were Greek or Latin, Armenian or Coptic, Syrian or Ethiopian, English or German, orthodox or heretic, no one mentioned a syllable about it.

If the doctrine were so clearly stated in Scripture, it seems incredible that no one should have referred to it before the 19th century, it does mean that thousands of eminent scholars who lived over a span of seventeen centuries (including some of the most astute of the "Christian Fathers" and those of the Reformation and post-Reformation periods) must be considered as prophetic dunces for not having understood so fundamental a teaching.

http://askelm.com/doctrine/d760201.htm

[Viva_La_Revolution]

36. I love that game...!

You know, where you all sit in a circle, one person tells the next what the first person said, by the time it gets to the end, it's something completely different.

[otohara]

40. Wow - Thank's For Info

I had no idea, always thought it was in written in the bible.

[leesa]

32. Get over yourself.

[porphyrian]

44. I hope you go with them.

Tolerance means allowance, not acceptance. The religion meme is just as much a part of the problem as the people infected by it. Thank you for your tolerance of my opinion.

[Just Me]

18. *LOL* As in, let them have what they fuel,...just leave me out of it!!!

The "rapturers" have been around since way before Jesus Christ.

What's sad is, their lives are so miserable that they just want the world to end so that they can get relief.

Their problem is that,...they don't even realize how they are disempowering themselves to predatory strictly-self-serving human beings.

I prefer to "rapture" those who have advantaged themselves of a struggling and suffering populace,...and hug/inspire those who have been victimized by the predators.

[mermaid]

20. NO!!!!!!!!

The ones who leave the planet are the ones who will be in Paradise, when Armageddon starts HERE!!

Fuck that...WE will be the ones leaving the planet and let them assholes kill one another in the fucking Armageddon they started and caused. Let those assholes die the slow and painful deaths they deserve!!

Why the fuck should THEY go to Paradise?? After what they have done?!!?

[havocmom]

26. Maybe it's already happened

Let's get that meme going and mess with their minds.

[davekriss]

41. I've been saying that for years...

The Rapture has already happened and WE are the Left Behind!



What else can explain 51-49 "reelection" of the Village Idiot?

[wildmanj]

23. rapture

if only you can hang on for another 4 1/2 billion years

[ruggerson]

24. What will we do with all the empty trailer parks? n/t

[crimson333]

27. there are some nice trailers

[mitchtv]

46. bumper sticker ...

When the rapture happens,
can I have your car?

[cliss]

28. Same here.

We have several fundies at my office. One used to read out loud from her bible in the lunch room, "just in case" us sinners needed saving. Another girl would sit and read her "Left Behind" books during her lunch hour (she wasn't as obnoxious).

She explained to me that when the Rapture comes, she will be lifted out of her clothes and taken away to heaven. Everyone who is "Saved" will be taken away. Also, children who are under the age of 19 will be Raptured too. I wondered, "what about teenagers who just had their birthday 2 days ago, will they get raptured"? "No," was the answer. "They are too old." "Oh" I said. Too bad.

Here's the bad news: they're COMING BACK to give us one last chance to repent, accept Jesus as our savior, or get left behind For Good.

Sound like a sales pitch to anyone?

[Swamp Rat]

35. It IS a sales pitch.

Fundies are such EASY pickins'.

[porphyrian]

45. The series did make a lot of money... - n/t

[Tux]

67. From the book's descriptions

They all have the same plot but different characters. Now they have a kid's version of it. I wish I thought of it first.

[Arugula Latte]

60. Oooh, nekkid fundies flyin' up to see Jebus!

Now THAT I'd like to see.

I picture Jebus with a big old shop vac suckin' up them fundies then discarding the bag in a big ol' trash can.

It's hard to believe that people in this day and age buy into these silly stories.

[MountainLaurel]

72. 19, huh?

Damn, that's pretty generous. In the fundie church I attended as a child, they expected you to know by about the age of 6 that you needed to accept Jeebus.

[w4rma]

33. Careful. If there is a rapture, the ones who have been trying to end the

world so that the rapture can take place, according to their beliefs, may find out that they have been the bad guys and are the ones stuck here on Earth while the folks they had demonized are "raptured".

Anyway, I can't see how trying to bring about the end of the world is anything but evil.

[kaitykaity]

39. Unfortunately the corpses will have to be piled high enough

for Jesus to walk on, at least according to Malloy.
(I like the way he puts it).

[immoderate]

42. Only the gullible can go...

--IMM

[liberalitch]

43. The baby jesus is gonna be really pissed off .....

i hope they're ready....

[Coventina]

47. *sigh* I keep telling you guys....

Jesus is NOT coming for THEM! He's coming for US!!!

Do you REALLY think Jesus wants to hang out with those people?

They are really in for a BIG surprise.

[Zhade]

48. Too bad the "Rapture" is an 1800s bullshit heretical teaching.

You'll be praying a long, long time.

[Bouncy Ball]

49. ME, TOO!!!

If they want to go on and die, then go on and do it!

[Bouncy Ball]

50. And I might add

this is incredibly cruel maybe, but I do like to play on their rapture fears when I run into a fundie. Sorry, but it's just too damn easy. I keep talking about how "it's probably going to be soon!!!"

I consider myself to be a Christian and I think the Rapture stuff is a biggest load of hooey. Preachers rolling in money preach it to scare the sheep out of more money, period.

Look how much money that stupid Left Behind series of books made.

Just tap into the fear, tap into the fear, and a wellspring of cash will follow.

[FreedomAngel82]

55. I'm with you

I also am Christian and have mixed feelings about it all. It all seems really crazy and stuff. I remember watching a show on the history channel dealing with the Bible we know today and a lot of the scholars on there said that the book of Revelations was VERY close to not making it in because it sounds so crazy and all that. There are also some books missing (like one Mary Magedelene wrote).

[lala_rawraw]

51. is it possible...

they missed the boat already? maybe all of the tsunami victims were the raptured, now the wingnuts are stuck on earth. Can you imagine saying that to one of them? They assume they have a ticket to this bus, even if the bus is not real.

[YellowRubberDuckie]

54. If you're waiting for God to take those idiots...

You'll have a long wait. God hates hypocritical bigots...Just like Dolly.
Duckie

[OrlandoGator]

56. If Heaven is filled with Falwells and Santorums...

...then I'll be the one pouring the beers at the bitchin' party we'll be having down below.

But, given that Jesus was actually a radical socialist liberal who hated the rich...I figure we'll be the ones with the harps and halos.

[mermaid]

66. Actually

Jesus hated NO ONE.
He preached against the Pharisees and the Sadducees...he preached against the power brokers and the rich and the tax collectors, etc. of His day...but He did not HATE them. He wanted to SAVE them.

For His trying to save them, they nailed Him to a cross!

wouldn't it be nice if we could still do that?? Nail someone to a cross for trying to "save" us?? Next time a fundie would get in my face about wanting to pray for me, I'd be whippin' out the hammer and nails!! LOL

Goddamn fundie bastards. I hate them. Sorry, Jesus...I know I'm not SUPPOSED to hate anyone, but THEM...I'm truly sorry, but I DO hate them!

[Lizzie Borden]

57. In the grocery store, LAST WEEK, there was...

one of those goofy 'newspapers' like the Star or something that said the Rapture was going to happen THIS WEEK. I wonder, is God's timing off or what the hell is going on???

[OrlandoGator]

58. That's still more accurate than the pre-war Iraq intelligence.

n/t

[MountainLaurel]

73. Thanks Gator!

Now I have to clean up the water I sprayed all over my desk and keyboard.

And welcome to DU!

[Vinca]

59. My thoughts exactly. Rapture the bastards out of here. nt

[Arugula Latte]

61. Today in a science museum I saw a woman with this shirt:

"JESUS IS COMING!"

I started to roll my eyes when I saw the message underneath it:

"So look busy!"

I couldn't decide if she was a Christian with a sense of humor or just someone ridiculing the Jesus myth.

[Andy_Stephenson]

62. Actually...

they will be the ones left behind. Do you know any Republicans that are christ like?

[mermaid]

64. My Point Exactly! n/t

[Tux]

68. Christ like?

Act like Jesus? I thought CHristians only had to believe he was savior and they could do as they pleased and still go to Heaven.

[MountainLaurel]

74. Depends on who you ask

Hell, look at this week's thread about "What is a Christian?" You've got some who say that Christians are those who behave in a Christlike manner and believe in his message of peace and love for one another. Then there are others who insist that only those who accept Jesus as their savior can be "Christians."

[Agnomen]

63. The Rapture crowd doesn't bother me

Mainly because they're rather thin on the ground in my neighborhood, so it doesn't impact me directly. People are free to believe as they wish. Religion is faith - in unprovable. The one belief system I found annoying is astrology, since the faithful would insist on asking for my birth sigh/rising sign and then proceed to tell me my character traits based on that info, the spiel usually starting with "I knew it, I could tell right away you're a ________ " . I would wait till they were out of the trance before showing them my driver's licence w. correct birthday on it.....

[Az_lefty]

69. Sorry, there ain't no Pre-Trib Rapture

Post-Trib / Pre-Wrath is more likely. Which means these wacked out looneys are going through the big-trib with us. Gonna be a real circus.