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Being as you right-wingers have demonstrated your lack of maturity time and again, I thought I’d try to explain things to you as though you were back in high school – which, mentally, most of you still are.
When the student body elects a new president of the Student Council, dissin’ him every chance you get doesn’t change the fact of his election. And when you get into passing notes in gym class about what a great guy the last president was (the one you supported for years, who finally graduated when he should have been expelled), you might want to actually remember what that president’s policies were, and what he did to the school as a whole.
For example, talking trash about the new guy raising the price of textbooks when he is actually lowering them just makes you look, uh, dumb – especially when it was your guy who blew the school budget, which led to the potential need for the price of textbooks to be raised in the first place.
What you seem to be willing to protest now in the school parking lot seems to be the same thing you didn’t protest then, and attributing your guy’s failings to the new guy is a perfect example of “projection” – something you’d learn about in Psych 101 in college, if any of you had the grades to get into college. Which you don’t, but there you have it. (And BTW, your English teachers are dyin’ over here, what with the bad grammar and mis-spellings on your placards and all.)
It’s a given – everybody wants to sit at one of the cool tables in the cafeteria. But if you choose to eat lunch with nutcases like Glenny Beck and Michelle “If I Only Had a Brain” Bachman, don’t get all snotty when the really cool kids treat you like nerds, and laugh at you in the hall.
Let’s keep certain things in mind – like the fact that your legendary Student Council small-P “pResident” introduced that “Mission Accomplished” theme for the prom – the one only you uncool kids attended – and insisted that the wearing of costumes would actually suffice for real leadership. And then there was that please-just-kill-me-now moment when the DJ-for-hire started playing that “Boot Up Your Ass, It’s the School Way” crapola – way uncool.
Oh, and here’s a thought: Sometimes the Student Council prez shakes hands and jokes around with the Student Council prezes of other schools – ya know, being courteous and sportsman-like and all. It happens, and it’s all good – unlike the times your “pRez” played cowboy, all hat and no cattle – or, as the Honors students prefer to put it, all smirk and no brains. And so far, the new SC prez has yet to embarrass the entire student body by trying to give a back massage to any of the female SC prezes from other school districts. Thank God for small miracles, huh?
You might also want to remember, as you’re yukkin’ it up in science class (yeah, actual science, not that Creationist/Flintstones man-rode-dinosaurs-to-work “science”), that the Abstinence-Only Sex-Ed course has been cancelled – due to the number of students who had to drop out because of impending childbirth. (Under-the-bleachers rumor has it that the new and improved sex-ed course will include definitions of phrases like "teabaggin", so you might want to show up and learn something.)
And while you’re attempting to chew gum and talk at the same time, you might want to pass along the info that a “grassroots” initiative starts with a bunch of students spontaneously taking over the PA system during an assembly, as opposed to being organized by a bunch of out-of-work teachers who have an axe to grind – and want you to grind it for them.
Now, I don’t want to get all you-guys-are-hypocrites on ya and all (okay, I DO), but you might want to quit bitchin’ in front of your lockers long enough to acknowledge that the new SC prez has been going steady with the same chick all through HS, and no under-aged, gimme-a-drink-anyway teenagers were harmed in the making of this administration – nor were they trotted out as being the product of a good ‘n’ moral Christian upbringing ™.
This new prez is trying to make things right, trying to undo the damage your guy did for the eight years it took him to get out of high school (it would have been way more years than that, if his parents weren’t at every PTA meeting naggin’ about how poorly their little chimp son had been treated by those meanies at the Board of Edumacation, not to mention civics class and the Real American Patriots Club.)
Oh, and just a word to the unwise (or the illiterate who can’t read the latest school newsletter), the Drama Club will no longer be participating in “acting out” bogus Bin Laden threats, and the Art Club is unanimous in their ixnay-on-the-somewhere-in-the-desert-sets-and-props projects – just so’s ya know.
As for the “unofficial” but nonetheless recognized Bullies Club that sprang up during your guy’s Student Council “presidency”, don’t be surprised if the International Board of Education starts sending out truant officers to collect their butts and throw ‘em in juvie hall pending investigations into their activities. Forewarned is fore-poutraged, and we wouldn’t want you to miss the point – as you have a penchant for doing.
So as we gather together to start a new school year, I just want to remind you that you’re OUT and we’re IN – and BTW, not only are you out-and-out nerds, your mother, who looks and sounds uncannily like Rush Limbaugh, dresses you funny - especially when she puts teabags on your hat.
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