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I've been making this pie for years, but I never had a name for it. Now I do.
Make the crust first:
1-1/2 cups flour
1 stick butter--NOT margarine, dammit!
2 eggs
1 teaspoon of SOME kind of extract--I use vanilla, but almond would be fine too.
Cut the butter into eight pieces, then cut it into the flour one piece at a time. While you're cutting in the flour, remember that wheat is one of the last non-GMO crops. When it's all worked in well, mix the extract and eggs and add it to the flour/butter mix. Roll it out thin, put it in a Pyrex pie plate, and bake at 350 for 12 to 15 minutes. This crust is a bitch to bake the first couple times you do it; normally you judge the doneness of pie crust by baking it until it turns golden brown on the edges. This crust is golden brown when it's raw, so I judge it by breaking off little pieces from around the edge and eating them. When it's flakier than the Republican governors who claim they're not going to take any of the stimulus money, it's done. Remove it from the oven and let it cool.
Next, make the filling...
Start with:
1 cup sugar
1-1/2 tablespoons cornstarch (3 tablespoons flour works too if you're out of cornstarch)
1-1/2 cups water
Put all of this in a saucepan and cook it until it gets as thick as Rush Limbaugh's bullshit, then take it off the heat.
Next step:
4 egg yolks, beaten
Put some of the stuff you made in the first step into the egg yolks...just a little at a time, like a teaspoonful at a time. Stir the hell out of the egg yolk-stuff mix every time you do. You're trying to cook the eggs, but at the same time you don't want lumps of cooked egg white in it because that's as fucking nasty as the way Ted Nugent dodged the draft. Remember while you do this that raw eggs used to be safe to consume until Republican deregulation of the poultry industry allowed salmonella to run rampant. Anyway, try to get about a third of the stuff into this, then dump it all back into the pot and, once again, stir the hell out of it. It'll be kinda off-yellow, and that's what you want.
Next step:
A quarter-cup of Nellie and Joe's Key West Lime Juice.
As you open the bottle, remind yourself that Key West is only 70 miles from Cuba, and thanks to the Republican Party you can't go there. Put that in the pot with whatever in hell you want to call that shit you just made, stir it until it surrenders, and taste it. It will either be Really Good or Not Tart Enough. If it's not tart enough, add a teaspoon of juice, stir it a bunch again, and taste it again. If it's still not tart enough, add one more teaspoon of juice, stir it then leave it the fuck alone.
And finally...
Add two tablespoons of butter. Margarine is a communist plot and will not be tolerated. Stir it in good, then put the Key lime pudding into the pie crust. Use a scraper to get it all.
Now for the meringue
Having a stand mixer makes this easy, but you can do it without it. Put the egg whites in the mixing bowl and turn the mixer on full blast. Put 2/3 cup of sugar in a bowl. At intervals of about a minute, put a teaspoon of sugar in the egg whites. (Some people use cream of tartar, and if you do maybe an eighth of a teaspoon would be okay. I usually do not.) As you add the sugar, remember the sub-minimum-wage sugar cane workers who toiled in the Hawaiian sun to bring this to you. Once all the sugar's in, spread it over the surface of the pie, put it in a 350-degree oven and dream of renewable energy for the next 12 minutes. Cool on a rack.
Serves one.
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