November surprises to watch for this weekend:

[JeffR]

:bluebox: Speaking from a secure undisclosed location several feet up his own ass, Vice-President Dick Cheney announced today that anyone voting for a Republican House or Senate candidate on Tuesday will receive $50,000 and a pony. Asked about apartment dwellers, people allergic to horses and other voting blocs who might not want a pony, Cheney said, "They can go fuck themselves."

:bluebox: In a dramatic Washington news conference, Dennis Hastert, Bill Frist, John Boehner and other top GOP lawmakers officially announced that they are changing the name of their party to The Democratic Party. They urged all voters to vote Democratic on Tuesday. Addressing the idea that this might cause confusion at the ballot box, Boehner commented, "Well, we sure hope so."

:bluebox: Beneath the eerily familiar sight of a large "Mission Accomplished" banner, President George W. Bush today announced that all American forces will be withdrawn from Iraq by Monday evening, and that control of the Iraqi government will be turned over to Saddam Hussein. "There's no reason why someone guilty of mass murder, corruption and other high crimes and misdemeanors isn't perfectly capable of running a country," Mr. Bush noted.

:bluebox: All state, district and local Democratic candidates were deported to Afghanistan overnight. A jovial Tony Snow informed the White House press corps that it was, "... in America's best interest that we fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here."

:bluebox: A Bush administration spokesperson confirmed early media reports that oil has been found on the president's Crawford ranch, putting an end to years of jokes about Mr. Bush's inability to find oil in Texas: "We believe this will send a message to the American voter that the president is trustworthy and competent after all, so everyone should vote Republican on Tuesday. The president will have more to say about this, but he is currently digging up every square foot of the ranch in the hope that Saddam's weapons of mass destruction might be discovered there, too."

[iamjoy]

1. Very Good

I have forwarded to friends, so they can get a laugh just like I did.

[JeffR]

3. Thanks!

[NanceGreggs]

2. EXCELLENT!!!

K & R!

:kick: :kick: :kick:

[JeffR]

4. Nance, that's like having Roger Clemens praise your fastball

;-)

[NanceGreggs]

14. Is that a compliment ...

... or a dig?

Just wonderin' ...

[JeffR]

15. If you paid more attention to baseball

You'd know that praise doesn't get much better than that. I'd have said Bob Gibson rather than the Rocket, but then the younger DUers might not have known what the hell I was talking about.

[AIJ Alom]

20. Then they don't know squat about baseball. Then again I am

28 (there are probably thousands of DU'ers younger than me), Tim McCarver was a Mets announcer in the 80's and 90's, and mentioned Gibson enough times. Roger Clemens has a great fastball, but Gibson's was superior based on movement or so I have seen (I guess it helps to have the mound 6 inches higher and a dead ball era).

[Infinite Hope]

5. K&R

[talk hard]

6. I can see all that happening

[TheWraith]

7. Damn good stuff. Kicked and recommended.

Feels like it should be on some alternate world version of Saturday Night Live's news segment.

[JeffR]

8. We've been in a parallel universe for 6 years, so

nothing seems too far-fetched anymore. I hope to tell we can get our grounding in reality back, beginning Tuesday.

[juajen]

9. I sure enjoyed that. Thanks

N/T

[vixengrl]

10. Oh, this is so good!

A jovial Tony Snow informed the White House press corps that it was, "... in America's best interest that we fight them over there so we don't have to fight them over here."

:rofl:

[JeffR]

11. Hey, vixengrl

Considering the great posts you've put up, I'm honored that you commented here. Thanks!

[NoAmericanTaliban]

12. Good stuff. LOL - here is another one

A massive power outage is predicted for Tuesday making it impossible to vote on any electronic voting machine. Karl Rove was spotted at the Diebold company headquarters and asked about the power outage. "If our re-tabulation efforts lead to a power outage do not panic or worry about it. You will be able to cast your vote on Nov 7th two years from now. We are not anticipating a country wide power outage, but if one did occur it will most likely be Bill Clinton's fault."

[JeffR]

13. Killer!

"... if one did occur it will most likely be Bill Clinton's fault."
:rofl:

[Ino]

16. Thanks for the laugh! Excellent!

n/t

[jhain]

17. Excellent Stuff!! n/t

[Eurobabe]

18. ROTFLMAO

Good one Jeff...

[AIJ Alom]

19. Thanks for the chuckle !

[Erechtheides]

21. Whew! Thanks.

That set me off on a much-needed fit of giggling.

I'm voting the bums out even though a pony would fit very neatly into my one-bedroom apartment.

[newyawker99]

23. Hi Erechtheides!!

Welcome to DU!! :toast:

[Erechtheides]

25. Hi

Thank you!

[jhain]

22. And

Laura Bush, looking lovely in her crown of crimson chrysanthemums, has announced that the entire Country has been declared a National Park. Alex Avery is aboard to coordinate Flora and Gail Norton
( whose family has spent more than enough time with her, ok?!) is fixed to facilitate the few remaining 'faunas'. America will now be known as The Slash and Burn Bumper Crop of Lumber Land Park.

[caledesi]

24. You should work for THE ONION. nt

[NanceGreggs]

26. Just a little ...

:kick: