GOP announces platform change

[Fresh_Start]

They are revoking "contract with America".

In its place they are releasing the new platform: "Screw the Children".

Focus groups said that the new platform appeals strongly with the base voters including the especially challenging libertarians.
This new platform solidifies the entire policy of

1) leave huge federal debt
2) destroy environment
3) eliminate protections for consumers and workers
as well as the newly revealed, pedophile and pedophile supporters movement within the party.


Subsequent announcements will integrate other GOP policies such as
a) destroying pension plans
b) promoting poverty and
c) demeaning foreign allies
into the 'Screw the Children' platform.

[Greeby]

1. the only platform fitting for the Republican Party as an entity

Is one with a trapdoor in it

[dchill]

3. To quote David Letterman...

(to Paul Shaffer) - "You have crystallized my thoughts exactly."

[Fresh_Start]

5. the only fitting platform

as spokesperson for the GOP I need to ask which of our platform aids you were referring to?

1) 'corporate punishment' - spanking-made-easy platform
2) 'escape hatch'- if you don't have a loophole you better have an escape hatch platform
3) 'safe sex'- for procreation only, not for pleasure enforcer

[Olney Blue]

2. Slogan for the new platform: Leave no child left unscrewed.

[Breeze54]

4. HASTERT DISPATCHES EMERGENCY MEMO

SPEAKER DENNIS HASTERT DISPATCHES EMERGENCY MEMO TO CLARIFY
COMMON CONGRESSIONAL TERMINOLOGY FOR HOUSE PAGES
http://www.whitehouse.org/news/2006/100106.asp

Formal Congressional Memorandum

FROM: Dennis Hastert, Speaker of the House

TO: All House Pages

PRIORITY: HIGH

RE: Intra-Congressional Miscommunications

In lieu of recent events, it is imperative that all pages be clear on their respective Representative's intent when communicating by e-mail, instant message or via traditional verbal form. Unfortunately, it is not uncommon for inexperienced and highly-expendable teenagers to misinterpret the sometimes ambiguous codes and complex shorthand used by Congressmen since the time of our great forefathers.

Below you will find a list of commonly misunderstood phrases, accompanied by their literal meanings. Please commit these translations to memory, as any alternate interpretations from this point forward will be considered a mistake on the part of the page and may result in disciplinary action up to and including premature termination and/or spanking.

Message: "LOL"
Translation: I am laughing while I type at my computer.

Message: "TTYL"
Translation: We will speak at another engagement.

Message: "How often do U work out?"
Translation: If there is a last minute vote, please contact me via my pager as I may be out of cell phone range.

Message: "What are U wearing?"
Translation: This Friday will be "Casual Friday." Please feel free to wear khakis with a matching and appropriate sport coat. Ties are not optional.

Message: "Are UR pants off?"
Translation: Please schedule cocktail meeting for next Thursday with members from the House Committee on Judicial Matters. Pre-order two cases of Booker's bourbon.

Message: "Sometimes nothing feels better than a good rub down after a long day of work. Have U been rubbed down?"
Translation: Please confirm my travel arrangements for Saturday's speaking engagement at the Elks Lodge.


Read on....

:)

[Fresh_Start]

6. thank you for your suggestion

we will review it during our next focus group.

[Olney Blue]

7. Just trying to serve my country....

:patriot: