Redneck Jokes for the 21 Century

[pam4water]

Redneck Jokes for the 21 Century:

You maybe a red neck...
If you have ever charged the state per diem for staying at your own house.
If you are already in an elected office and someone has to explain to you what the vice president does.
If the entire state police department was involved in the fight you had with your in-laws.
If you brought back a version of the bee hive hair-do.
If Rich Lowry’s little Chaney sits up straighter when you wink at him.
If when your campaign jet bonuses during turbulence, 3 or more dogs hit the ceiling.
If all of your answers to debate questions include titles of Classic TV Westerns.
If you head has been cut and pasted on to every gun toting, flag bikini chick on the Internets.
If Dick Chaney is afraid to go quail hunting with you.
If you field dressed the ugly off a moose, using only a lipstick case.
If you make up your own demographic because soccer mom sounded to fawrin.
If you joined succession party, because you confused it with the success party.
If you ever said “doggone it” and “ain't” in a vise presidential debate.
If you improved the couch in the governor’s office by putting a bear skin rug on it.
If a witch doctor is included in both your election plan and your health care plan.
If you think seeing Russia form you house... Oh that one is too easy.
If Jeff Foxworthy comes out of retirement when you get the nomination node.
If Ron White re-decades You Can't Fix Stupid to you, and you are faltered.


I was on a roll with Redneck Jokes last night. I decided to post them, before I realize they weren't as funny as them seemed at 2 am. And I don't think Jeff Foxworthy has ever retired, but it would be funny if he had. I wanted to find a way to work in the, "If you ever cut the grass and fond a car", but I couldn't think of a way.

[NanceGreggs]

1. Pretty damned funny at midnight!

:rofl:

[pam4water]

2. Warning my jokes may require beer goggles.

Thanks or Tankz as you know who would say.

[NanceGreggs]

4. The saki kicked in a while ago ...

... but this is damned funny stuff!

[Jackpine Radical]

3. ...if you ever cut the grass and

found the snow machine that had been missing since last spring.

[pam4water]

5. Then cover it back up so the Russian can't see it on their next fly over.

[JeffR]

6. Great post!

:rofl:

[chalky]

7. #3 is good stuff!

"If the entire state police department was involved in the fight you had with your in-laws."

:rofl:

[paulthomson]

8. Really good...

and I haven't had anything to drink yet!

[pam4water]

9. If you went from a jump suit over flannel to spending $75,000 at Neiman Marcus

in one shot, you many be a Beverly Hillbillies... redneck!


Hay, you'd be surprise at how little you get for $75,000 as Neiman Marcus! (OK, I wouldn't know, but I can imagine :P)

There has to be a photo idea in there somewhere.

[bhbwl]

10. Why does flyover America even have the franchise anymore?

Inbred white-trash has no business in politics, at the top OR the bottom-end.

One of the first things to fix the country (after the trials, of course) is fixing the perennial problem of white rubbish who can cancel out the votes of their intellectual and social betters.

[pam4water]

11. If you think the Cable Guys..

is the brother of Joe the Plumber.
If you drive a show machine instead because the word mobile sound to highfalutin.
If you have ever authorized log in a state forest to help find where you left your snow machine.
If you have ever planned a shot gun wedding at a hockey rink.

Not directly related but this made me laugh. Redneck High Rise

[pam4water]

12. If you think that Adam and Eve could out run a velociraptor... you maybe a redneck! N/T

[pam4water]

13. If you think the first Amendment is the right to bare childern, you maybe a redneck.

[pam4water]

14. If you've give one or more

interviews in front of animals being slaughtered, you may be a Redneck :rofl:

[freesqueeze]

15. if you think

negotiating drilling contracts with oil companies makes you an energy expert...

[trollybob]

16. How about if you're not afraid

to go quail hunting with Dick Cheney, Justice Scalia?