This is literally AND figuratively one of the sweetest things I've seen in a LONG time...

[MiddleFingerMom]

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...and I GUARANTEE you that if you do this for your SO...
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...she (OR he) will STOP to think of it (and you) often and
have people wondering just what it was that caused that
amazing a smile from out of "nowhere".
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Unless, of course...she/he is diabetic (in which case they may get a restraining
order against you).
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[Nuclear Unicorn]

1. If I ate all those calories, who would want me in bed?

Still better than cracker crumbs, I suppose.

[Chan790]

2. There isn't even a pound there.

Literally, you can't gain more weight from consumption than the weight of what you're consuming. I'd wager that if we weighed all that candy it weights maybe 14oz. total...8oz. if we took out the candy bars.

Edit: On second glance, I'd say it's under 3lbs. at most. 1lb. might have been a low guess. Still...it's an hour on the stairmaster machine.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

3. Nonsense. Chocolate has been shown to violate the

Chocolate is a substance not of this universe as it has been shown to violate the laws of physics.

How else can a 10 oz bar of chocolate add 5 lbs to your hips?

:P

[MiddleFingerMom]

4. I also violate the laws of physics (among others)...

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...and it's a proven fact that 60 seconds of amorous activity
with me will remove 5 lbs from your hips.
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Hmmmmm... lemme see... 60 seconds...
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...that should be no more that four... FIVE sessions tops...
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...because I AM the man.
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Or my name's not MiddleFingerMom.
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[blue_roses_lib]

11. Ok I'm making my appointment~~

Lessee - 1 min of amorous activity with MiddleFingerMom for 5 lbs... we'll say 20 mins so we have time to talk, etc...

I'll bring the wine.


*giggles* ~~~~~~~~~~~~> Ok, ok, I couldn't do it with a straight face. :P :hi:

[hippywife]

5. I dunno about that.

I've been told it takes 3300 calories to gain a pound. I doubt seriously that the pound for pound equation you're quoting could possibly work, especially with extremely calorie dense foods.

[Chan790]

8. It's basic physics.

Conservation of mass/matter specifically. You cannot gain more weight than the weight of inputs. What really messes that up is water however, as it has no calories and a significant weight. Not surprisingly, the largest % of the actual mass (and volume) of a pound of human fat is...water.

If you ate 33000cal. a day even (let's say that those calories have a mass of 2 lbs. on intake just to set a value for the variable X) along with 64oz. of water (that's 4 lbs. for Y) and your total water and waste loss over the day was 5lbs (Z). The most weight you can gain(W) without breaking fundamental laws of physics is: 1lb. (X+Y...)-Z = W. (The ellipsis represents any other input-variable you want to include.)

Matter is never created or destroyed in this universe, it merely changes form. (Many of our most important physical discoveries result from this fact.)

The 3300cal. actually represent the amount of energy stored as fat you have to burn to lose 1 lb. of fat off your body weight.

[Nuclear Unicorn]

9. It's basic humor.

sheesh!

[hippywife]

6. My husband doesn't seem to have

a problem with additional pounds. Not every man does. I've been chubby all my life and have had quite the sex life.

[MiddleFingerMom]

7. I have only had a problem with additional pounds on a woman ONCE in my life...

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...and it wasn't really the pounds on HER.
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Germany. 18 years old. Picked up by a woman in a bar who was
about the same age as I and had a French accent (powerless am I
when faced with a French accent). By far the LARGEST woman I've
ever been with in my life. No problem.
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Until...
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...she turned to me and said...
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..."I think it is time you had better to go now."
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Disappointment. It was pretty amazing. What had gone wrong?
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"Are you SURE you want me to leave?"
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"Oui," said she...
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..."my father (said fah-zair -- m-m-m-m-m), he is about to come home now."
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I looked at her and thought of what size her Papa might be and I'm pretty
sure that I was out the door before I actually got my pants back on.
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I did NOT want to face the person with the genes that had sired her.
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At least not with the guilty "I've just recently been naked with your lovely
daughter" look that I undoubtedly would have had on my face at the tender
age of eighteen.
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[SwampG8r]

17. yeah but you have candy

guys like candy

[Duer 157099]

10. How come the "You" is monotone black letters

but the "I" is all wonderful multicolors?

Something subliminal going on there

[MiddleFingerMom]

13. OH,COME ON!!! RELAX!!! Sometimes a cigar is just a...

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Oh... ... ... ... ... ... nevermind.
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[Odin2005]

16. Maybe she's Goth?

:dunce:

[Hissyspit]

12. I did that exact same thing for the sweetest girl I ever met once!

When she got home she screamed and called the cops and had me arrested for breaking and entering and stalking and then got a restraining order.

:D (It's a joke, folks.)

[kimi]

14. Awwww!!

I think that's just sweeeeeet!!!

No one will ever do that for me *sniffle* but that's just lovely!!

[HopeHoops]

18. "Mom. Tell the one again about the time you got the restraining order on dad."

"That's a REALLY good one!"

[Odin2005]

15. I wan't a girl to do something like that for me!

:cry: