Is it wrong to have a one night stand?

[bocadem]

With someone you barely know?

Sorry to make my initial post something of this nature, but I'm really curious to know your opinion.

I'm a 23 year old "bachelor" - is there anything wrong with me going out and having sex just to have sex?

I've refrained from doing so in the past because I used to think that it was dirty and trashy - I also had high hopes for the LTR... But hope is fading and I'm just really freakin horny.

LOL.. again I apologize for the topic, but what do you think??


bocadem

[RememberJohn]

1. My thoughts on this...

... no, but only if your partner is also seeking the same. I think the terms should be discussed up front, if only to say, "I'm not looking for a girlfriend (or boyfriend.)"

[Capn Sunshine]

2. Now I have to change my subject line!! My definition of "quickie"

Is not the same as yours apparently. If you are referring to "one night stands"

Where I come from , a "quickie" is sex in a limited period of time, often without completely undressing, like at work. During a shift. In a dark part of the building...while she has a client waiting.

Under 10 minutes is my rule of thumb... pardon the crassness, true gentle flowers of womanhood...:loveya:

I always wanted to edit that subject line! It works

[bocadem]

6. you're right

I'll change the subject...

[celestia671]

3. Well...

I've never been into casual sex myself, but if it's something you want to do, go for it. Just remember to wear your raincoat!:+

[RememberJohn]

4. If you're feeling spunky...

...wrap that monkey!

[LeftPeopleFinishFirst]

7. my friend always says...

wrap it before ya slap it! :D

[MUAD_DIB]

5. Well, be careful no matter what you do.

In the words or Richard Pryor "There are things out there that that'll make your dick look like a foot."

Also it may be an old fashioned line, but you may want to find out who your hanging with before nookie.

[RememberJohn]

8. How about the Eddie Murphy routine?

Eddie: Doctor, I got fire shootin' outta my dick!

Doctor: You say you're experiencing a burning sensation when you urinate?

Eddie: No. Fire shootin' outta my dick.

[slackmaster]

9. Only if you or your friend is married

As long as both partners are adults and they both understand the ephemoral nature of the relationship, one-nighters are GREAT!

[JVS]

10. It's fine

[LWolf]

11. No, if:

1. You are not enabling a cheater.
2. You are protected from pregnancy and STDs.
3. Both (or everybody, as the case may be) understand the nature of a one-night-stand and have no problem with it...no further expectations.

[DrGonzoLives]

12. As long as you're careful

it's not a problem with me.

[Skittles]

13. I've never understood them

exchanging bodily fluids with someone you just met? Absolutely f***ing gross.

[TXlib]

19. HEY SKITTLES

DOESN'T THAT JUST MAKE YOU WANT TO KICK HIS ASS?

:evilgrin:

[Skittles]

28. you know I'm no prude

but I've never understood the mentality behind a one night stand. You wouldn't share a toothbrush with this person but . . . . need I go into details? F***ing gross.

[Loonman]

14. Hell, no

Relationships are overrated.

[Demobrat]

15. Well, from a female point of view.

It's not wrong if you don't lie about it. If you both want the same thing, hey go for it. If you trick the girl into thinking you're actually interested in her, tell her you'll call and disappear, you're just another scumbag.

[thermodynamic]

16. Being terrified of disease and potential emotional hurt,

I've decided to let the "fingers do the walking", so to speak.

I can't trust one-nighters or the people behind them and I'm happy to be disease free.

Even if you trust a person you're supposedly in a monogamous relationship with, they'll probably cheat and who knows if they'll use protection or not (and even if they do, accidents can happen). (60,000 guests on Jerry Springer can't be wrong)

People aren't worth the risk to your life.

Get some good pics and movies instead. :evilgrin: There's nothing morally wrong with porn as long as it remains private and isn't shared with friends unless they ask out of the blue.

[buddhamama]

17. if it is mutual

and there's no leading on or sweet words of nothingness and you're protecting yourself and the woman, i don't see anything wrong with it.

[TXlib]

18. As long as you don't hurt anybody.

If you and your partner have the same goal -- sex for the sake of sex -- go for it.

But if you misrepresent your intentions to get her into bed, that's wrong.

Also, make sure you religiously wear condoms, and get yourself tested regularly if you engage in frequent casual sex with many partners.

[SOteric]

20. I'm not a moral authority, the Acme Judgement Company, or

your dear old Aunt Minnie. So I'm not concerned about the choices you make with regard to your own sexuality. If you think a one-night stand is morally, socially, and emotionally acceptable, then do it. Just do it responsibly.

Since you asked our opinions and advice, however, I will offer the following:

1) Much like many others, you need to be clear with your intended partner that the evening's activities are not a prelude to romance, and that you're not interested in a repeat performance.

2) You should always practice the safest possible habits. I just learned today that a dear friend's roommate has been diagnosed HIV positive. It's shocked us all because he's an incredibly smart fellow and we can barely believe he'd have taken such a chance with his life over a moment's gratification.

3) If you barely know the person, that is at your descretion, but you should at least become acquainted enough to know whether (s)he's emotionally fragile and your choice not to pursue a relationship will hurt her/him.

4) And along that line, it's best to at least become well enough acquainted to sort out whether you're dealing with a loon who will stalk you, or make your life a living hell in some way if (s)he feels rejected.

5) Please don't assume any of the above does not apply in your case.

[TXlib]

21. SOteric... You're always so thoughtful

I always look forward to reading your posts.

[SOteric]

25. Well. Thank You.

But if you're hoping to maintain that illusion you probably should read any of my participation in the 'Yak Threads.' ;-)

[plcdude]

32. that's it

enough said that is my answer too read SOteric

[Kat45]

22. Another option is to have

a 'fuck-buddy' type of thang with a woman you know, a friend or acquaintance, who also doesn't want anything more than sex out of it. Then you'll be having sex with somebody you know, and know something about, and you can have it here and there with the same person instead of having to look for a new one-nighter every time you get too horny.

It's a little safer both health-wise and from the perspective of not keeping taking chances of finding nut-cases.

I'm a woman, and I've had some of the best sex with guys who were in this category.

[Scottie72]

29. I already posted my thoughts

and have basically rehashed what has been said. I also agree with you that this type of situtation can also be very beneficial.

I have been in this situation a few times... (though not recently since I am in a LTR of almost three years now with my partner) I have had a few "One night stands" and have never really enjoyed them. Though I have had the ocassional sexual encounter with some of my friends (we both were horny and figured why not) agreeing that it is just sex... this acutally has been some of the best sex I have had.

[Ekaterina]

23. :-)

be honest and be safe (and have a good time)

[CDY]

24. Depends on the situation

As long as your partner knows that is what's up and you're safe about it, I don't see what is wrong with it. Don't be a deceitful prick about it though and make some chick think that you want a relationship when you don't.

Also, use a condom buddy! No excuses for risking your, or her, life. No excuses for unwanted pregnancies at your age either.

Hope you get some relief!

[Throckmorton]

26. I only have one night stand,

there just isn't room in my bedroom for two, so I only have one night stand. Therefore, I see nothing wrong with one night stand, if your room can be made pleasing with only one, go for it.

[Scottie72]

27. My thoughts....

What it comes down to is simply are you being honest with your partner that it is a "one night stand", that you haven't lead your patner on in any fashion...etc. You have to also be confident that your patner also understands this (not just says it). If you and your patner agree that it is just sex for sex sake and are safe about it, I find nothing wrong with it.

[SPICYHOT]

30. depends!

I mean if the girl you went or going with feels the same way, then it is ok I believe. But if you go with a girl ( is a girl right?? ) just kidding, that is feeling for you then I think you must be carefull, and of course, be carefull with your sex, use condom hehe :spank:

[dragonquest8]

31. just make sure to use a condom

then you are OK:thumbsup:

[leftofthedial]

33. only if one of you catches something

n/t

[stickdog]

34. If you are a straight man, definitely.

If you are a straight woman, absolutely not.

If you are a bi-woman, absolutely not.

If you are exclusively lesbian, one night threesomes including a guy with long red hair are definitely encouraged.

Others, I'm not certain.

[Nikia]

35. It depends

It depends on you. You've expressed that you do have some advesion to this. Will you feel trashy if you actually do it? Personally, I don't think it is a very good thing for people emotionally, but I have known people to have casual sex for a time in their life and later have successful relationships with no regrets about their past. I suppose that you could try it, use protection, and see how you feel. If you want a real relationship, perhaps you could use the same skills that you develop to pick up people who you don't care about but get to know them a little before having sex.

[ButterflyBlood]

36. only if you have a serious relationship with someone else

[no one in particular]

37. Nope.

Since getting divorced, that's the only way I do it. My time is reserved for my kids and relationships would get in the way.

I'm honest about it, though. I make no promises and I accept none.

[inthecorneroverhere]

38. Yes,it's wrong

A one night stand is sexual exploitation of the other person.

In the name of libertinism and egotism, people who justify one-night stands say it's 'OK' to view the other person as an object that is useful only for sex.

It's just wrong!

Yeah, yeah, yeah I know all the 'social liberals' here will disagree with me. The bottom line (no pun intended) is that I'm against exploitation, period, whether it's economic or sexual. Y'all can disagree with me, but my mind is made up on this. I am against exploitation, period paragraph.

Sex is a component of a relationship. Relationships need multiple days and months to develop.

Hey, it's also dangerous. If you can't keep it in your pants, at least wear a condom for crying out loud.

It's wrong.

P.S. Yeah, yeah, yeah, you said you were 'sorry' this was your initial post. Guess what? I don't believe your apology is for real.

I really think that you posted this in order to be divisive and to 'label' Dems as 'libertines,' as opposed to your fellow freepers, who are, in your mind, more restrained.

[no one in particular]

40. I disagree.

"I am against exploitation, period paragraph."

If both parties are willing participants, with no deception involved, how is it exploitation?

"Sex is a component of a relationship."

Sex has been going on long before our current definition of "relationships".

[bocadem]

41. ummm

you were either kidding or just really really paranoid!!!

not everyone with <100 posts is a "freeper"


geez

[inthecorneroverhere]

48. I just must be a neanderthal....

OK. Here goes. This is probably going to be one of the least popular posts in this forum.

Well, I guess I just might be the only :dem: 'round these tumbleweeds who isn't a 'moral relativist.'

I actually believe there's such a thing as right and wrong.

Imagine that! Boggles the mind, huh?!

Oh, yes, I confess. It's highly politically incorrect, too! Most post-60s "liberals" (in quote marks) believe that those who have a moral compass are either 'fascists' or conservatives of the neanderthal stripe.

It's amazing that being 'conservative' on issues of morals and relationships gets almost as much negative response 'round this neighborhood as gag being a *shrubbie.

I'm against people using other people for their own ends. That's why I'm in favor of strict labor and environmental laws that protect workers and natural areas. That's why I'm in favor of a fair wage for a fair day's work, and not sending American jobs overseas. And, that's why I'm against hitting someone up in a one-night stand rather than having a relationship with that person.

Gosh, I guess all of those folks who had decent two-parent families and long-term relationships back in the 'dirty 30's' when FDR won some of the biggest landslides in U.S. history....were conservative neanderthals, because they didn't go 'roaming around!' but instead were concerned about putting food on their family's table! Well, if FDR, the best and most effective protector of labor and defender of the rights of common folks, represented that sort of conservatism, I'll take a double portion, please!

Actually, what one sees with 'cultural relativism' is a sort of extreme individualist trend that, taken to its extreme, results in a complete loss of any sort of ethics. By the way, the *shrubbies and their NeoCon buddies are a huge part of this extreme individualist trend that believes in moral relativism, i.e. no right and no wrong with respect to working folks and people in other countries. This loss of moral consideration means anykind of ethics, whether based on a belief in a supreme Being, or whether based on an agnostic belief in the human ability to create an ethical and just society.

One major reason that the :dem:'s lose a lot of votes is the perception that :dem:'s are in favor of, shall I say, 'sexual adventure' and against the stability of families. We need to change that perception.

[stickdog]

42. So, you can think of no situation in which two people might both just

want sex with each other?

Most of the time, you are right.

But not all of the time.

I hope you can see this.

[davidinalameda]

39. no

as long as you take the proper precautions like birth control and precautions against STDs, go out and have fun!

[amazona]

43. I don't think it's wrong but I was a teen in the 70s

Not that you're a teen but just to show that I came up in a different time. Who wanted to get tied down and trapped in the whole making baby thing when you could avoid all that by having anonymous encounters? Just be careful, and use the appropriate protection and common sense. I don't think a 23 year old needs to be in a LTR anyway. Give yourself time to be young and create a few wild memories. Don't put yourself in a position where you have to kid yourself that you're in love with everyone you screw.

Dirty and trashy sex is often the best kind.

[Coffee Coyote]

44. not wrong at all!

I have two myself, one on either side of the bed. No law against having one though!

[Maddy McCall]

45. Not if you're single and you make it clear that sex is all you want. n/t

[rbnyc]

46. Not, as long as you're safe and you both want it.

LATEX, baby!

EDIT: Woo-Hoo! Made edit in subject line!

[ForrestGump]

47. Can't speak from experience,

and am in no hurry to ever do so, but I'd have to agree with a lot of what's already been posted.

I don't see anything inherently wrong with the idea as long as it's nature is mutually above-board and you protect yourself (and her). That protection also extends to watching out for signs that you might be destined to star in your very own remake of Fatal Attraction.

Of course, sometimes it's just better to be lonely and stay sexually frustrated - you can always start a yak thread on DU.

[shanti]

49. no, with disclaimers

as long as both of you are cool with it AND are using condoms and/or birth control, why is it bad? just be careful!

[whirlygigspin]

50. Senator Biden

your wife is on the phone.

[NightTrain]

51. I'm not morally opposed to one-night stands, but....

...I stopped engaging in them years ago, after my second one. Why? Turns out, I'm a hopeless romantic who belives in love and caring and all the rest of that stuff!

The morning after each encounter, I felt as if I had done little more than masturbate into a stranger's vagina. I also felt that I had used those women and treated them like objects, rather than the thinking, feeling human beings they were.

I don't mean to preach to you; I'm simply giving you the, er, benefit of my somewhat limited experience with one-night stands. Hey, you asked!

One last thing: If you're still going to seek out a one-night stand, make damned good and sure you take precautions against contracting one of the myriad sexually transmitted diseases out there. AIDS is the big one, of course, but there's also herpes, chlamydia (sp?), and a whole host of others. So fer chrissake, be careful!

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

52. Yes it's wrong

For you, that is. If it weren't you wouldn't be feeling the need for positive re-inforcement. You might want to ask your own self what your standards and ideals are in the matter because if having a one night stand goes against them, you'll only use it to beat yourself up.

[ronnykmarshall]

53. No way.

Would write more but I need to get, uh Ken, I mean Carl, no, no, no, Paulo a cab. :evilgrin: