Question regarding elderly parents

[soleft]

Is it normal to have practically no short term memory, yet have no other signs of dementia.

My sister spoke to my mother yesterday and told her she was coming to visit today. Today I called my mom to she if my sister was there yet- it was all news to her. She even said, that's strange, she usually calls and tells me she's coming.

Her short term memory has been going down hill for a long time now. She's 86. Yet, she never seems confused or disoriented, always knows who everyone is. Can remembe what color basketball uniform she wore in high school.

She lives in a very nice senior living community and sees her doctors ALL the time. There's never been any mention of Alzheimers.

I guess I just figured if the short term memory got this bad, she'd start to exhibit other symptons as well.

[Rambis]

1. Mother is 86

father is 84- father says the same things over and over. Called the other day in a panic because he needed to tell me where all his assets are etc etc. He sent us a detailed letter with 3 years ago outlining everything. He just cant remember from one day to another. He is on meds to help him not go down hill but it is sad to watch. Thing is he works out 1 hr a day, heavy weights, leg lifts he is in perfect physical health. My mother has called three times this week to make sure we are coming to visit this weekend. She says she is confused all the time. I worry about them because they sort there own medications (wont let pharmacy help). Just a sign of age because she does not have dementia or Alzheimer symptoms. She can remember everyone's name from the 1920's & 30's just not the 2009's. Good luck it is hard-

[soleft]

3. Sounds so familiar

My Dad is also 86 and is doing a little better in the mental faculties Dept., but he seems to be in denial about her. He actually let her go on a Doctors appt. on her own. We have no idea what the doctor told her and are playing catchup now.

The fact that your Dad is on meds makes me think me and my sister need to contact her doctor regarding treatment.

Thanks!

[Rambis]

5. good luck

get started early in the process it makes a huge difference in ability to treat symptoms. A family we know didn't and it ended really badly!

[pitohui]

10. your mom might have a medication or chemo fog

i don't know how you are sure she doesn't have dementia, but assuming you got that from a doctor, then she might be confused because of her medications

she should talk to her doctor about her mental confusion and see what he can do

[livetohike]

2. Dealing with it here too - same thing with m-i-l

who is 83...and she can't hear well and won't get a hearing aid. It's been going on for a couple of years now. She keeps repeating herself and asking questions she just asked 5 minutes before. It's frustrating.

My mom is 78 years old and has become paranoid, but remembers everything.

:hug: for all of us

[soleft]

4. Thanks - unfortunately the one thing she never forgets

is to watch O'Reilly ever night - so yeah, a little paranoia going on there as well, but possibly Fox News induced.

[Rambis]

6. "I don't need a hearing aid"

I got her one of those cheesy thing off tv with the headphones. She wears it at coffee on Thursdays and loves it. My father is convinced everyone is out to cheat him or steal from him. It is very sad.:grouphug:

[livetohike]

17. My mom thinks people are breaking into the house

and changing things around/taking things. I don't know whether my m-i-l would wear that ear amplifier thing, but it's worth a try :grouphug:.

[Captain Hilts]

19. My mom got paranoid too. nt

[Roon]

30. My Grandfather refuses to get a hearing aid too..

but he likes to bullshit. You would think he would WANT to hear the people he's talking with.

[livetohike]

36. I'll bet he's a character

:-).

[Roon]

37. Oh,he really is a character

He's a lot of fun.

[pitohui]

7. 50 percent of folks over 85 have alzheimer's

i think that's the stat i was told

she needs to talk to a doctor but, yah, this sounds a lot like what we experienced w. several of our older relatives

you lose the near (short term) memories first

it's very cruel

she might still remember high school when she forgets your name

repeating questions over and over is also a symptom of alzheimer's, i think most of the people described in this thread have it and are just in denial, the slow progression makes it easy to deny i guess

there are also other forms of dementia that need to be ruled out, pernicious anemia is one cause that can be treated and the progression of the dementia can be stopped in its tracks w. B12 injections

[elleng]

11. I think thats a b.s. stat,

unless the statistician was having a memory loss! Dementia is closely related to alz, imo, and the words/labels are being confused by many.

[pitohui]

13. i suggest you look it up for yourself, it is a widely published statistic

you don't seem to understand that alzheimer's disease has a long period of time (several years) where the person is doing things such as being cruel for no reason you can understand, making unfair/paranoid judgments, and having short term memory loss and repeating things over and over AND yet he/she is still able to drive, walk, read, and appears in many ways to be like anyone else except for some reason he/she doesn't seem to have the same love or sharpness or caring in them anymore

that is NOT a normal part of aging and by pretending that it is we just contribute to the concealment and the shame

you lose your judgement and your manners first (a lot of times), short term memory second

it's surprising how long your ability to do such things as read can last, hence the phenomenom of a relative i had who (we found notes) telling the names of her own daughters!

alzheimer's is tragic, unfortunately, while it is a rare tragedy in your 50s and 60s, it is very, very common in your 80s

people who have this in their genetics/family need to think seriously about how long they truly intend to live, i know i have

if i deny and i deny, it means my husband (who is younger than i am) will be beggared by the cost of keeping me alive w.out a brain

we need to be honest about what happens to the aging brain and we need to have better tests so that those of us who are developing the disease can opt out of the suffering if we like

i do not wish to be remembered for spending the last years of life accusing the people i once loved of not feeding me, simply because i can't remember that i ate 5 minutes ago

memory loss repeat is NOT normal, it's a disease, i play poker every day w. folks in their 80s who are still sharp -- to pretend that repeating things and forgetting things is not a progressive condition is not a kindness to anyone

it is better to know early than not to know, before it's too late to be able to make plans (either for proper care if you can afford that or to take off for the hills)

i wish i knew what else to tell you, i surely do wish i could believe as you believe, unfortunately i can't

i can't unknow what i already know

[elleng]

16. I know something about both dementia and alzheimers,

and about the elderly. My mother passed away a year ago, at the age of 88, and during her last months I lived in Florida with my father (who is now 95) at a residence for retired people as we sought and found care for her.

My mother passed on as a result of a cancer in her cervical spine, causing her to lose her ability to stand, walk, and use her hands correctly. Prior to these symptoms, she had been repeating things for some years; she never lost her judgment. SHE was the one to conclude that she and my father should stop driving when they did. I do not know whether or not she passed any line from dementia to alzheimers, and I suspect that this is the issue that we all in society will be thinking about/working on/struggling with for some time.

While I was in Florida, I met and spent time with MANY people in their 70s, 80s and 90s, which is why I question the statistic.

[tigereye]

28. I agree that it needs to be checked out and ST memory loss isn't normal

for the aging, but usually the ST memory loss can be early stage, and then continued loss of more judgment and pragmatic skills occur as the disease progresses. It can take a long time in the early stages.


People should have testing by an aging expert or psychiatrist to rule out other illnesses like the ones you mention, and to start to get help or support or relevant medications right away.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

31. Agreed -

a lot of people think Alzheimer's is dementia, and vice versa.

It's not.

At a certain age, a lot of people just start to fail. Their brains start wearing out. My own mother, at 86, suddenly hadn't the slightest idea of how to use her phone or answering machine. She was fine about everything else, but the phone and answering machine were like something from another planet.

I made a chart, with colors and numbers, and finally, she was able to use both instruments again.

But, at the same time, she started getting really fussy about the smallest details - a bracelet, not even an especially fine piece of jewelry (and she had some great stuff) that absolutely needed to have a stone replaced. Fortunately, a good friend of mine is a jeweler, and he humored her. We got the stone replaced.

Her cell phone, people were taking it, but, in fact, she had it with her all along.

She forgot, though, how to use it.

It was only a few months before she died. Suddenly and without any illness, she just dropped and was gone that fast. At 87.

I realized, after she died, that she had begun wearing out. It happens.......................

[Petrushka]

21. "50%" ? ? According to Alzheimers Disease International: Over the age of 80, it's 1 person in 5.

"Dementia primarily affects older people. Up to the age of 65, dementia develops in only about 1 person in 1000. The chance of having the condition rises sharply with age to 1 person in 20 over the age of 65. Over the age of 80, this figure increases to 1 person in 5."

See frequently asked questions re: dementia & alzheimers at the following link: http://www.alz.co.uk/alzheimers/faq.html

[suninvited]

8. yes, it is normal

and doesn't necessarily mean alzheimers is involved. The brain itself declines with age, and there are parts that control long term and short term memory and for some reason short term seems to be a popular victim.

[elleng]

9. Don't think 'alz' everytime something unusual happens.

I've noticed 'dementia' is a long term thing, and short term memory comes and goes, and I think the professionals don't understand or have all the info about dementia and alz. Just enjoy her!

[pitohui]

14. "enjoying her" instead of treating her could mean she loses ability before she has to

this woman doesn't need to be humored, she needs to find out exactly what's going on w. her parents

if it's alzheimer's, there are going to be significant financial expenses ahead, if it's a different form of dementia, such as pernicious anemia, then the disease can actually be treated and stopped in its tracks (saw this w. a friend's father) --

if it's chemo/medication fog, then it could be treated w. a change of Rx but the poster can't do that, a doctor has to know what's going on so the doctor can do that

playing the denial game means that if the parent DOES have a treatable form of dementia, the treatment is delayed (you don't get back what you lost from pernicious anemia, you merely stem the decline, so EARLY TREATMENT saves brain) -- this is also important if the cause of the loss of mental function is multiple mini strokes -- again, EARLY TREATMENT saves brain -- smiling and "enjoying" a parent's mental confusion (altho how can you enjoy that if you have a heart?) means cheating that parent of their best chance for recovery

change in personality even before short term memory loss should be AGGRESSIVELY pursued, and once you are seeing short term memory loss there is absolutely NO time to be lost -- it needs to be investigated

alzheimer's patients themselves come and go for some period of time, and they are entitled to know what is happening to them, so that if they do have a period of clarity, they are not lost in a haze of paranoia, lies, and secrets (in later stage they will be paranoid anyway because they can't understand what is happening but you don't have to make the beginning stages a web of lies and shame)

[susanr516]

12. It sounds like the onset of dementia

As others have said, the loss of short-term memory is one of the earliest signs. I would suggest you share your concerns with her doctor.

[hippywife]

15. I work in a retirement community

that is a full continuum of care, which means we have independent, assisted living, and nursing care residents.

What you describe is normal for a patient with dementia. There are many other causes of dementia besides Alzheimer's and there are many symptoms of it besides confusion and disorientation. Not everyone exhibits all of the same symptoms. Check the alz website for all the information on the various types.

I deal with this every single day and I feel for your situation. :hug:

[Captain Hilts]

18. Yes. My mom did that. nt

[Patiod]

20. My dad is 86, 90% sharp, but some ST memory loss

although I think some of it is hearing. He will respond inappropriately sometimes to conversation.
"we lost a client at work"
"great!"
"DID YOU HEAR ME? I said we LOST a client"
"oh"

All week I've been talking about going to the shore for 4 days, and he's been squirreling away treats for us - bottles of wine, snacks, etc. - so he clearly knew we were going. I mentioned several times we were leaving Thursday night.

So over dinner Thursday, he asks "what time tomorrow are you leaving?"

My SO thinks it also has to do with being retired and not working - it's harder to keep track of what day it is when you don't have the rhythm of M-F and weekends. And I noticed most of the "forgetfulness" has to do with confusing his days....

[sarge43]

22. It's certainly common

Like aching joints STM loss comes with the years. I can recall the first telephone number I ever learned; I sometimes have trouble remembering if I brushed my teeth this morning.

STM loss is annoying and frustrating, but in itself it's no symptom of Alzheimer's.

As they say, if you forget where you left the car keys, don't worry. If you forget what a car is for, see your doctor.

[where my Peeps at]

23. Well, I would imagine that it's a gradual decline, even at a later age...

Good luck and make sure to get her proper care.

[LibDemAlways]

24. Watch out for other signs. My 86-year-old

mother was in total denial about my father's dementia until it reached the point where he was quite far gone. When a steep decline came, it came quickly and was awful to behold. I'd have your mother evaluated now. Call the local branch of the Alzheimers Assn. for a referral. They will know where the most helpful resources are.

[HopeHoops]

25. My great grandfather had an interesting mix.

He lived with my grandparents in his last years (late 80's, early 90's). He could remember songs from the early 1900's (and play them on the piano while singing), but he always called me Will or Bill (not close to my name). Any woman under 80 was simply "young lass".

The interesting part was what he could remember and what he forgot in short term memory. I stayed there for about a week one summer. A perfect example was the time I headed for the kitchen to get a drink. He stopped me on the way there to tell me all about some article he had just finished in National Geographic, and he explained it in great detail from memory. I left for the kitchen and secured my beverage. On the way back through the living room, he stopped me to tell me all about the SAME article in equally great detail, seemingly unaware that he had already done so. Go figure.

[LibDemAlways]

26. I once had a college professor who was quite elderly.

He repeated the same lecture two class periods in a row. As he was about to start the same lecture the third time, one of the students finally spoke up and told him he'd already delivered that lecture. He paused, then continued to deliver it again. He retired shortly thereafter.

[tigereye]

27. maybe she should see a psychiatrist - that can be one of the precursors

that's what happened to my mom and now she has Stage 4 Alzheimers after other things were ruled out. The early stages - seem more like cognitive impairment - can take 7 years before things get worse. There are medications that can delay symptoms or moderate them somewhat, if it is Alzheimers...


It's not a good sign - but it could be due to other illnesses.

[soleft]

29. Thank you everyone!

My sister and I talked with my father tonight and Monday he's going to call their doctor and make an appointment. he said he would speak to the doctor alone before my mother sees her, because apparently my mother is really good at putting on a good front. And its true, if you spend 20 minutes with her you'd think she was sharp as a tack, but then she starts redoing the same 20 minutes.

Thanks for sharing your experiences and support.

[rasputin1952]

32. Hope it all works out for the best soleft...

You are taking the right steps, and kudos to your dad for listening to you and your sister...:hug:

[Bryn]

34. She will be given tests

like Mom's doctor did. Like drawing a clock, etc. That's how they knew mom had dementia.

Good luck. Let us know how it goes for your mom.

[Bryn]

33. My mom was diagnosed with dementia last year

She moved in with me last December. So far she has stayed the same, not going downward. She doesn't remember how to use TV remote. She was an excellent artist, but can't draw/paint anymore even though I bought for her art supplies. Most of the time she's pleasant and childlike. She just turned 80 a month ago.

I think it's more related to depression. She lost her son nearly 3 years ago, then her brother over year ago who was also her best friend. When she first lost her husband of 30 years (my stepdad) in 1997 she became anti social..she said that she couldn't go and start dating because she has to wear urine bag even though she is still attractive. She had to have bladder removed due to cancer. She knows me, but forgets my name. Cannot do much around the house to help me.

It's not easy, but I do my best to be her caretaker. I strongly suspect that her dementia is strongly related to despression.

[elana i am]

35. my grandfather had vascular dementia...

which i guess is like a succession of mini strokes, that kill off little bits of memory function at a time. but some memory loss and repetition is just a natural part of getting old.