Funny things your child has said ....

[greenbriar]

one time when daughter was about 1 and 1/2 or 2 she and her daddy were making tools with play dough and he would make something and tell her what it was ...like a hammer, a screw driver ect...

she made something that kind of looked like a sledge hammer. Daddy asked her what it was she sweetly said "its a dick rock daddy" we had to clean up spewed pepsi all over the chair. To this day we have NO idea where that came from



This sweet innocent baby girl will receive her High School diploma tomorrow night

my how they grow up

[mainegreen]

1. My guy started singing 'push it in the butt' loudly as were in a store one day.

People noticed.
We were embarrassed.

No idea where that one came from.

[JVS]

9. Is that a song?

[mainegreen]

12. I hope not.

[dana_b]

23. LOL

out of the mouths of babes! Maybe he had heard Eddie Murphy's "Boogie In Your Butt"? ;)

[MorningGlow]

30. That was the first thing I thought of! n/t

[madeline_con]

63. Does antone babysit him?

That would concern me.

[AwakeAtLast]

2. Today actually

My 7 y/o and I were discussing some fish she saw in a garden pond. "One was dead." she said.

I say, "Well, it will get cleaned out or the Koi fish will do it before it gets picked up."

She said, "And the girl fish, too." :rofl:

It was funny to me, anyway!


:rofl:

[progressoid]

3. TaaDaa!!

My daughter used to say that after she pooped in the toilet.

With hand gestures too!

[SCantiGOP]

4. the novel

My five year old son announced that he was going to right a novel. He concentrated for several minutes and then asked me how to spell 'punt.' I said, "So, you're writing a book about football?" He said, "No, I'm writing Wunc A Punt A Time."

[Bertha Venation]

5. a friend's daughter

We were at an Angels' game. A souvenir hawker came around and was yelling "Mini helmets a dollar! Mini helmets a dollar!" Apparently he was riveted by the game for a while, and stayed near us for several minutes, the whole time yelling "Mini helmets a dollar!"

My friend's daughter yelled "Shut up for free!"

[dana_b]

25. that's a smart kid!

imagine where her wit will take her in the future.

[LynzM]

50. LOL!

Nice one! :rofl:

[malta blue]

6. Hahaha!

Nice!

Little mb once told her daddy "my butt hurts, kiss it"

She was about 2.

[surrealAmerican]

7. My "baby girl" is also about to graduate from high school.

When she was about one and a half, people used to say to her, "what a big girl you are". She would get this puzzled look on her face and say, "No, I'm a LITTLE girl."

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

8. My cousin's kid...

He was in kindergarden and his teacher was apparently yelling at the class. The whole time, he had his hand up...finally, she called on him, and he said, "in my house, we have a no yelling policy. I think you should try that."

The best part everyone screams all the time in his house.

[MorningGlow]

10. Oh lordy which one to pick?

When he was 3, he was playing on the floor at my mom's house, totally wrapped up in his Matchbox cars--or so we thought. My mom made a comment about something she had to do (a big task--I forget what) and all of a sudden we heard from our feet, "Oh YEAH. Like THAT'LL happen." Great--sarcasm at 3. Nowhere to go but up!

And of course there was just the other night, when he was getting ready for bed. I had my back turned, getting his pajamas out of the dresser. He said, "Look at me!" I turned around to see he had taken all of his clothes off and was bouncing his hips. "I'm doing the winkie dance!" We took some time out (after I got him into his pajamas) to talk about NOT doing the winkie dance in school, and just to be safe, not to talk about his winkie in school, for any reason. :banghead:

[mainegreen]

14. winkie dance!

:rofl:

[MorningGlow]

15. Wasn't so funny when I had the fleeting thought that my son was going to grow up to be a pev!

:rofl:

Come to think if it, he was moving like the dancing banana...OH NOES!

[JVS]

17. As someone who did similar dances in childhood, I assure you that he will grow up to be a pev.

[MorningGlow]

19. Whoops--edited

I read that wrong--I thought you were promising he WOULDN'T. Sigh.
:rofl:

[PassingFair]

32. I dropped into daycare once, the teacher was trying to...

get the kids out of their swimsuits after
some fun in the sprinkler.

One of the little boys had gotten loose and
was running around holding his "winkie" asking
"You want some of THIS?"..."You want a piece of this?"....

Little girls were holding their hands over their
ears and running away screaming.

The teacher was HORRIFIED.

VERY funny. Made you wonder what the kid's
father was like.....

[GoddessOfGuinness]

41. My older boy, when he was a toddler,

would sometimes streak through the living room when I was giving a violin lesson, saying, "Hopper hopper! Hopper hopper!" :rofl:

[PassingFair]

11. My oldest daughter asked her grandmother why she had a surfboard in her bedroom.

"That's an ironing board honey...doesn't
your Mommy have an iron?"

My kid:

"What's an iron?"


My MIL still tells anyone within
earshot this story.

:eyes:

[MorningGlow]

21. OMG that's great

Yeah, my mom warned me that we will no longer be able to keep ANY secrets--kid's gonna report back to grandma even if she doesn't ask.

Come to think of it, my son recently looked under one of the twin beds in my mom's guest room and exclaimed, "Wow, grandma, you don't have any dust bunnies under here. We have LOADS under our beds." :eyes:

[PassingFair]

24. When the same daughter was 1, we had a cat with a continence problem...

My dad was babysitting her while I was at work,
and he called me in the middle of the day and
said he just wanted to praise me for the fine
religious upbringing of my daughter.

How she was constantly calling on "the lord".

I asked him what he meant, and he held the phone
down so I could hear my daughter scolding the
cat for making yet another puddle...

"Jesus Christ, Smokey!"

Over and over again.

:rofl:

[Bertha Venation]

27. Love it!

:rofl:

[PassingFair]

28. Same kid.....age 5...

Walking through the mall with her Aunt, who
was going through grueling fertility treatments...

When her aunt veered towards a maternity store,
my daughter got all excited and asked her when
the baby was coming and whether it was a boy
or a girl.

"I'm not pregnant YET, but Uncle Dave and
I are TRYING"....

My daughter (loudly)...

"TRYING? Has he TRIED putting his penis
in your vagina yet, cause that's how you
do it!"

She was so proud to offer up suggestions.

:blush:

[MorningGlow]

29. BWAAAhaaaaa

I love your kid. Srsly!
:rofl:

[PassingFair]

31. You can't take her anywhere!

Same kid, age 4....

She had (ANOTHER) ear infection.
I rushed out of the house to take
her to the clinic (high fever)...

Had to go to the drug store to pick
up the meds...LOTS of people waiting
in the waiting area...

She reaches her hand up my shorts to
stroke my thigh...goes up a little
higher...

Then SHOCKINGLY PROCLAIMS:

"MOM, you FORGOT to put on UNDERWEAR!"

Every one stares.

I say: "Yes I am, you just can't feel them".

Her, rubbing my butt under my athletic shorts...

"NOPE, nothing there!".

:blush:

[tigereye]

48. your daughter was hilarious!

I love how frank they are about everything...

[tigereye]

46. ha that's hilarious!

:rofl:

[Burma Jones]

13. My Son, at 6 years of age, described Bob Dylan, whom we had just seen live

as "a cross between a Hobo and an Angry Mouse"

[MorningGlow]

18. Wow!

That's very astute, ackshually. Kid might grow up to be a music critic--he already has the chops!

[Arugula Latte]

20. Bwa ha ha!

That's a great description. :rofl:

[Inchworm]

16. No shit daddy, no shit.

She was reminding me not to cuss.

:)

[GoddessOfGuinness]

67. HAha!

:rofl:

[1gobluedem]

22. I had the twins make get-well cards for their grandmother who'd had a mild stroke

They were seven at the time (both girls). Twin #1 drew butterflies, hearts, and flowers and said Get Well Soon Grandma, I Love You. Twin #2 wrote in big, black letters: GET WELL OR YOU WILL DIE.

She has always been the realist in that that pair. Cuts right through to the bottom line :rofl:

[meegbear]

34. ...

:spray:

[zanne]

38. Contact Hallmark immediately! nt

[1gobluedem]

47. Yes, I think she has a future there

She'll make millions.

[flying_wahini]

52. love it !

n/t

[Broken_Hero]

66. .........

OH damn.......:spray:

[cyberswede]

26. on learning Spanish

My kids are in a dual language program at school where 50% of the curriculum is taught in English, 50% in Spanish (also, over half the student body is latino).

One day at the beginning of 1st grade (after going to the pool all summer & getting quite a tan), my son told me, "My skin is getting darker because I'm learning Spanish." LOL!

[dropkickpa]

33. Skirts with shorts attached

Are apparently like "A mullet for your butt", as Dropkid likes to remind me everytime she puts one on. I have no idea where she got this.

[Rambis]

35. self delete (nm)

x

[greenbriar]

36. these are awesome

keep em coming

[Pacifist Patriot]

39. Mine's probably overkill. Your thread reminded me that I had typed up...

stories about my first kid eons ago. I found the Word Doc and then cut and paste. Sadly, the stories end shortly after the birth of number 2. There are no typed up stories for kids 2 and 3. Gee, wonder why.

Here's one for kid number 2. He was talking to my mother-in-law awhile back. He had just turned 8 at the time and was asking her about her brothers and sisters. She told him their names and ages (she has four older siblings with the next youngest ten years older than her) and then stopped when she saw a faintly puzzled look on his face. He pondered something for a minute and then blurted out. "Oh I get it. You were a mistake!"

[Pacifist Patriot]

37. Grab a cup of tea

Cast of Characters
Liam: The Child
Jamie: Dad / My Husband

Two Years Old

We were driving along and Liam starts letting out these hair-raising screams from the back seat. After a couple of these, Jamie asks Liam if that is really necessary. There is dead silence from the back seat for awhile followed by a scream that had us nearly jumping out of our skin. Followed shortly thereafter with a quiet, “that was necessary.”

Three Years Old

Again we were driving along with Liam in the back seat. He had a bit of a cold and let out a huge sneeze which produced quite a quantity of mucus. He started whining for a tissue. Of course we couldn’t find any within arm reach so I rummaged through my purse for something to use. I found a panty liner and tossed it back for him to use. Liam asks, “What is this?” Jamie and I sort of coughed and said something along the lines that it could be used to wipe his nose. Liam said, “I know what this is.” We asked him what he thought it was and he said shyly, “You know, it goes down under.” At this point Jamie and I are about to split our sides from holding in the laughter. Jamie tells Liam to just pretend it’s a tissue. The panty liner sails into the front seat followed by the comment, “You gave it to me, YOU pretend!”

Four Years Old

Today at the grocery store Liam was eyeballing the candy in the check-out lane. There was a woman and her 8-10 year old daughter being rung through and I was beginning to put our groceries on the counter. Liam turns to me and says, "Mommy I have a joke for you." I asked him what it was and he says, "What did the chocolate say to Liam?" I answered, "I don't know. What did the chocolate say to Liam?" Are you ready for his punch line?..... "Eat me!" Gee I hope everyone heard the first part too.

Our bedtime routine wraps up with lying next to Liam in bed and whispering songs to him (can't really sing them with gusto since Colin's right there asleep in the crib). Tonight I was whispering "Twinkle Twinkle" when Liam whispers. "I'm peeing." I said, "What?" Liam said "I peed in my pull up." I asked him why he hadn't gotten up to go to the bathroom and then asked if he wanted me to get him a new pull-up. His answer was, "No, I just got this one nice and warm." Good grief! He's going to be in overnight pull ups in college.

Today we were playing with Colin on the bed. I asked Liam if he remembered what he thought babies were going to be like when I was pregnant with Colin. He nodded and I asked if a baby turned out to be what he expected. Liam answered, "He's so sweet." I said, "aw that's so nice. So that's what you expected a baby to be like?" He said, "yes". I said "I'm so glad that it's turned out the way you thought it would." He answered "No it hasn't. I thought it was going to be a girl!" He will never forgive me for this and will not believe me that daddy determines the gender. He said that I did this and insisted that we give him a girl.

Four Years Old

We met friends at Van Saun Park. After visiting the playground, touring the zoo, and riding the train we decided to have a snack at a picnic table. I felt that Liam had already had enough juice and wanted water myself so we stopped at the café for bottled water. Liam begged for lemonade because the other two kids were getting some. I pointed out that they had been drinking water all morning and this was their first juice. During our snack, Liam finished the water. I made an off-hand comment that “Okay, you buy the next bottle.” Liam started down the small hill to the snack bar a few minutes later. I asked him where he was going and he told me he was going to buy me some water. I told him he’d need money so he came back and I gave him the correct change. The other mom, Stephanie, asked me if Liam could do this by himself. I shrugged and said, “I guess we’re about to find out.” I changed my mind a few minutes later and decided to go check on him. Stephanie told me to finish feeding Colin and she’d go get Liam. They came out a few minutes later with Liam waving the water bottle. Stephanie calls out, “you need to enroll him in the talented and gifted program.” I said, “Why? Did he manage all by himself?” She started laughing and said, “Well you could say that….he ordered lemonade.” Stephanie had asked the snack bar personnel to take it back and replace it with the bottled water.

Four and a Half Years Old

We went to dinner at the local dinner. A family with four children between the ages of three and six came in and sat at a table near ours. The restaurant wasn’t very full so everyone could pretty much hear everyone else. The kids at the other table weren’t terribly ill-mannered, but whatever they were doing was obviously keeping the mom busy with reprimands. Liam was predictably very interested in what was going on at the other table. Jamie and I had to frequently ask him to turn back around in his seat. At one point, one of the children was sharply reprimanded by the increasingly frustrated mother. Liam’s curiosity got the best of him and he practically stood in his seat to turn around. Under our breaths, we asked Liam to turn back around and mind his own business. He loudly blurted out, “Oh, it’s not the kid I’m mad at, it’s the mom. She’s the loudest one!” Fortunately, she understood and it brought laughter rather than creating a scene. I think the mother and father were more amused by my embarrassment and amusement than anything else. They let up on the kids after that.

Four and a Half Years Old

While waiting for a prescription to be filled at the supermarket pharmacy, Liam encountered a little girl about his age waiting with her father at the bank. The two children started talking. They exchanged names, chit chatted, etc. When I told Liam it was time to go, he turned to the little girl and yelled, “I have to go now. Quick, give me your phone number and I’ll call you.” Probably to her father’s horror, she started rattling it off. I suspect he’ll become a little too shy to do this when he’s fourteen rather than four.

[flying_wahini]

53. all great stories.....

Liam is quite a character!

[GoddessOfGuinness]

40. In the frozen food aisle, with numerous people around to hear,

my son (who was age 6 or 7) blurted out, "So Mom, sperm is stored in the scrotum?"

Me: "That's right dear. But let's talk about it a little later."

Him: "Why?"

Me: "Because I'm trying to decide which kind of waffles to buy; and it's not polite to discuss private parts in public places."

[LynzM]

55. LOL

Your reply cracked me up, perfect! :rofl:

[underpants]

42. Josie

"girls have one butt boys have two butts" --they share a bathroom at daycare

I was on the floor doing my nightly ab workout and she (accidentally) got a look down my shorts "HEY there's frogs in there!"

On Curious George they said "The sky will tell you what the weather is going to be"
Josie shook her head "The sky doesn't talk!"

"Nana says DAMMIT but you aren't supposed to say DAMMIT but Nana does you do too Daddy you say DAMMIT and so does mom she says DAMMIT"
Me "Honey please stop saying that word"
Josie "Okay I will stop saying DAMMIT like you say DAMMIT and mom says DAMMIT and Nana says DAMMIT"

[tigereye]

51. I love the dammit one!

An old friend of mine told me about her toddler at the time sitting in the car seat saying "dammit, dammit, dammit."


:rofl:

[Rising Phoenix]

43. My nephew calls boobs oobies.....wait here comes the funny part

I'm on the phone with him and he says "They talk to each other. Oobies talk to each other and sing incubus to each other." He was three. :wtf:

[gblady]

44. one from each son....

older one: when we would play Hide and Seek,
he'd always say "weady or no, here my dumb"

the younger one...said during a Boy Scout trip to the fire station...
fireman said: "Be sure to have your Mommie test the fire alarm"
young son: "Oh, she does every night when she cooks dinner."

sadly, it was true!

[Pied Piper]

45. I've told this story here before

...but it's just too good to pass by.

My nephews were on the way to their great-grandmother's wake. Since it was their first wake, my sister explained to them in the car that some people would be really sad, and they might even see some grownups crying. She explained that Grandma would be lying in a coffin and it will look like she's asleep. So they get to the funeral parlor and the boys ran right up to the casket and peered in. The younger one turned around and proudly exclaimed to everyone, "Yup, she's dead alright!"

[flying_wahini]

54. good one !

n/t

[vadawg]

49. once when i was pulled over by a MD state trooper

my little guy in the back pipes up to inform the trooper "daddy has a gun in his pocket and a shotgun under the seat" needless to say the situation could have went quite badly. i never even realised that he would put that sentence together or at the time of asking.

[ScreamingMeemie]

56. My son, at 4, tried to say "big, funky earrings" to his daddy about a

drawing he had done... It came out "big, fucking ears". Needless to say, I had to tell his daddy what he meant to say in another room... Man we were crying tears of laughter, he said it so loud.

[PassingFair]

58. Don't forget the time we all taught him how to say:

"Muriken Justish"

And he sauntered around the farmer's
market daring everyone not to laugh....

Good times....

:hi:

[ScreamingMeemie]

59. Really good times...

He still says it every once in awhile. He was always good for a laugh, eh? :hi:

[rurallib]

57. My girls are full adults now but we have two we always remember

1) the youngest was right at two. We were at the dinner table. My wife and I were talking when all of a sudden from the little girl in the high chair comes a loud "Hey" . We all turned to look at her. She grinned and said "let me have a speak!" So we always use the 'let me have a speak' when we want to talk.

2) The oldest was somewhere around 2 or 3. We were grocery shopping and the daughter was in the child seat of the basket. This was so long ago that smoking was still allowed in most stores. I made no bones about how I felt about smoking in closed places. I would say something like 'I don't care if they want to kill themselves, but i don't want to die because of them.'
So this older lady goes by us and she is smoking. Out of the clear blue our daughter sticks her arm straight out and points her finger at the woman and says "She's gonna die. She's smoking!" I was so embarrassed and proud all at once.

[LibDemAlways]

60. One time on a road trip when my daughter was about 3, we

passed a large dam. My husband commented, "that's a big dam," and from the car seat in back came my baby's innocent response, "a big damn what, daddy?"

[mentalsolstice]

61. "How's your love life?"

Not my kid, but me. I grew up when Laugh-in was all the rage. My Dad had a friend who was up on all the modern cliches. So my dad, who could never get a punchline right, decided to coach me to gig his friend (I was 7 or 8 at the time). With carefully prepared training from my dad, I went up to his 50-ish year-old friend and his wife and asked "So, how's your sex life?" Every adult face in the room turned red, and I had no idea what the big deal was. For me, at that age, "sex" simply meant is it a girl puppy or a boy puppy.

[Tangerine LaBamba]

62. Our older daughter,

eighteen months older than her sister, looked up at the baby's bare feet as her father cradled the new arrival in his arms, and pronounced, "Frowers."

They're both mothers now, and the best of friends.....................

[Broken_Hero]

64. My sister,

at church, she was roughly 3yrs old or so. She was bouncing off the walls after the main service was over, and the bishop comes up to her and asks her what she is doing and she says "can't you tell? I'm kicking my own ass!"

Thanks Jim Carey.

[no name no slogan]

65. "Why does my brother Billy look like the mailman?"

[distantearlywarning]

68. This is something I said when I was a little girl, about 3-4 years old

I was bothering my mother when she was trying to do something. She said, "Why don't you go bother daddy for a while?"

I said, "No, daddy's secretary gives him all the attention he needs!"

[scheming daemons]

69. My toddler said, "Someone who can't drink milk or eat toast is 'black toast intolerant'"

[GoddessOfGuinness]

70. I just remembered a landlord's toddler son, who couldn't pronounce "tr"...

...and being fascinated with different types of vehicles, he'd point at all the trucks going by and gleefully say, "FUCK! Oooo! Big FUCK!" :rofl:

[av8rdave]

71. When my son was in the 9th grade

He came home from school one day, and as usual I asked him what he learned. He replied, "In my state mandated health and sexuality class, I learned that the typical sexually mature male has a sexually related thought every 17 seconds."

After a few seconds of silence, he looked at me and said, "Dad, what do YOU think about the other 16 seconds?"

[TommyO]

72. Something that happened when I was just a wee little toddler

My mother was always careful to not swear around my brothers and I when we in our impressionable years, my father, on the other hand, was know to let loose a string of shits and damns whenever he thought it appropriate. I was always well behaved and never repeated anything my father said, but then there was the slip-up, my mother said "shit". Needless to say, it became a regular part of my repertoire, for a while I was just running through the house yelling, "shit, shit, shit, shit, shit..." Thank goodness (for my very embarrassed mother's sake) there weren't too many people at the house at the time.