My heart was broken today. (long, rant-ish)

[southerngirlwriter]

I was wandering around one of the local art-supplies stores, buying some postcards made of watercolor paper (which were 50% off! YEAH!) and looking at all the lovely supplies I want but can't afford. :(

There was an elderly woman there, too. I don't know how to describe how her presence affected me. If you don't believe in the metaphysical, skip to the next paragraph, I guess. Basically, I am an empath (it means I REALLY DO feel your pain, and I ain't runnin' for office) and being just a few feet away from someone in the aisle at a store like that usually opens my empath beam pretty high. This woman was full of pain and self-hatred. Agony. Anger. Sooooooo angry. Furious. But not angry like punch-a-wall. Angry like completely dead inside. Sorry; can't explain it better than that.

I saw her up close later on, at the register. There was a hole in her chest. The skin around it was flaming red and irritated. A little tube-like thing went from it to her throat, which I hadn't seen before because she wore a shirt with a high collar and a jacket, too. She spoke when I was telling the cashier that the postcards were 50% off. She said, "That's right. They are."

Her voice was mechanical, of course. But when she spoke I hadn't noticed her physical differences, so I jumped. I was very startled. I gave her a stricken look -- I wanted to apologize but didn't know how. She stared at me with an intensity I can't describe.

Her eyes were empty.

As I started to turn my head away, she said, "Do you smoke, young lady?"

I have always thought smoking was the most revolting thing on this planet, and I have never so much as taken a single drag. So I was able to say, "No. Never."

She said, "If you ever think about starting, go ahead and kill yourself first."

There was no drama, no I'm-so-pitiful to her manner. It was just a simple statement of fact.

This woman was OLD. At least as old as my grandmother would be if she were still alive. My grandmother often showed me magazines from her youth, some of which advertised smoking as "good for the throat."

I don't know if that woman got hooked by deceit decades ago, or by making bad choices later. And I don't care.

It made me want to burn down the buildings of some Big Tobacco companies. And it made me want to hurt certain politicians who defend those scumbags.

If you're still reading, thanks for listening.

[Catshrink]

1. Wow! That sounds so unsettling.

Too bad she can't talk to young kids who think smoking is cool. Poor woman.

[Tinoire]

2. Thanks for writing. Makes me want to quit cold turkey right now! n/t

[Oilwellian]

3. Your story just reinforced my quitting 3 weeks ago

I went through 2 sessions of hypnotherapy and haven't smoked since. I've smoked for 30 years and knew I was pushing the limit where my health was concerned.

For those of you who want to quit but find it hard to do, I highly recommend hypnotherapy. I never thought I'd be able to give it up but voila! I'm smokefree now and don't even desire it anymore. It's the most bizarro experience I've ever had but it works.

[madmax]

5. I wanted to try hypnosis but,

I'm hearing impaired (not deaf) but it would be difficult to do the group hypnosis thing. I tried to get a private meeting but, he wouldn't do it. :( Yes, I'm still smoking :cry: It's so hard to quit. Between family illnesses and stress from this friggen bushbastard I can't seen to quit right now. Any suggestions??

[SoDesuKa]

4. Cigarette Addiction

Yes, it's difficult to quit smoking but not as impossible as your story makes it sound. Withdrawal isn't pleasant, but people do it. A generation ago we were conned into smoking, but the habit persists today. Go figure.

Former smokers can tell you their recovery stories. I used a combination of strategies, and the one that gave me the most success was doing it a day at a time. Each day got a little easier, but it took a while before I got through an entire day without my addiction staging a major tantrum. It's been at least 10 years now.

[ewagner]

6. I always believe

that encounters like that are meant to happen. I don't mean that in a religous sense, but certainly in a spiritual sense. And the funny thing is, those encounters only happen to people who are already spiritual in nature.

Don't be unsettled. The encounter will serve you well in the future.

[madrchsod]

7. along time ago-when i was 16-

i worked for a guy that must have been in his 60`s. he was coughing really bad while smoking...he turned to me and said-never start smoking it`s killed me...a few years later he was dead from lung cancer. it took me 16 more years to quit.

[WannaJumpMyScooter]

8. At least she is not still puffing away through the trach tube...

I have seen that more than once.