One of My Friends is a Freeper

[RoyGBiv]

I try not to bring personal issues to DU, but sometimes I just feel compelled. With this subject in particular, I felt DU would be the best place for it.

I have a friend from high school I have not seen in ten years. He's a great guy. I've even mentioned him obliquely in some of the stories I've told about my hacker days. I'll always have fond memories.

He just sorta disappeared those ten years ago. I knew he'd moved to Georgia. He basically packed up and moved in the middle of the night, to get away from a family of leaches and a number of other "friends" who were trying to lead him down an unproductive path. I have heard from him a few times within these years since I've seen him, but he was distant and not all that willing to talk about himself and his situation. I didn't question it. He had a lot of family issues that were problematic for reasons I won't go into.

A few weeks ago, this friend found me on Facebook. We got to talking. He's the same as he's always been. We've shared jokes, caught up. He's married now, which is incredibly cool to me because when we were in high school he always had so much trouble with women, and I remember a night we spent in my house with him drunk off his ass lamenting the recent realization that a woman he'd fallen for had been using him.

A couple days ago I was browsing around his profile for not particular reason, just to see what all things he was involved with that we hadn't talked about, and I found he'd become a "fan" of Bobby Jindal the night the latter gave the Republican response to Obama's speech. Well, okay, I thought ... we've always had political differences. He had voted for George Bush the First for his first vote. I'd voted for Dukakis. It was never a big thing. He was mostly a libertarian, and on all of what I consider the major issues that allow me even to be able to associate with someone, we were generally compatible.

But then, today, I looked at his Wall and noticed he'd been posting on Free Republic's Facebook page. I checked out some of his posts, thinking, at first, he'd been giving them hell since he tends to do that with people who are clearly too in love with their dogma. But, no ... the first post I saw was a racist rant about Obama. What makes that even more interesting to me is that this guy is a Native American and has been subjected to racism himself. I suppose that shouldn't surprise me, but it does.

My inclination is to remove him from my friends list and just not mention it anymore. I don't want to make this more dramatic than it is. Facebook is not Life. However, we've been talking quite a bit lately, getting back into the old "friend" groove, and this just put the brakes on it for me. I could deal with him being a Republican. I have a number of Republican friends who aren't complete idiots. But this guy is a Freeper, apparently a racist Freeper ... but I repeat myself.

What I have done is gone and subscribed to every last liberal "cause" I could find on Facebook with more than a few members and opened up my viewable info to include my politics and (lack of) religion, I suppose in something of a passive-aggressive ploy to let him decide whether he wants to continue to communicate.

So, DU ... what would you do if you found out a long-time, long-lost friend was a Freeper?

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear RoyGBiv...

I"m not sure what I'd do, actually.

Maybe just talk to him, sound him out...

Find out if he's REALLY that bad. And if he is, and it sure sounds like it...Say goodbye...

I couldn't maintain a friendship with a genuine Freeper.

It's sad, though...

:hug:

[RoyGBiv]

3. Ah, Peggy ....

... a sage, if ever there was one. :)

I suppose a generic comment on it to him might be a good idea. One never knows another person's circumstances. But, in the end, I have the same opinion. I can't be hypocritical enough to call myself an actual friend of someone who would associate with that bunch, much less associate with them in a way that attempts to buttress their ideology.

It's just very disappointing.

And I don't get it ... at all.

I'm from Oklahoma. I am fully aware of the cognitive dissonance that fuels Oklahoma politics, e.g. Democrats who vote for Reagan/Bush/Bush. My friend owes his very life to social programs that prevented him and his family from having no home and nothing at all to eat. When we were kids, he was "the poor one," meaning the one who really was was poor as opposed to didn't have much money. Our circle of friends were all aware of this and never made it an issue, but as sort of an unspoken agreement, we made sure he and his younger sister had food and clothes.

And now he's a Freeper?

I am just aghast.

[amitten]

2. I couldn't deal. I'd probably slowly wean the friendship to "off"

status again (due to a "busy schedule, or some other excuse).

[RoyGBiv]

4. I'm kind of a jerk ...

Or at least that's the way some people interpret it.

I have very few problems simply ignoring people I don't like or who piss me off to the extent I don't want them around me anymore. I don't like to "fight," and I won't argue with a person at length who is beyond redemption. So, just cutting him off is not really a problem.

But, inside, it bugs me. I have people in my life who, if I found out they were Freepers, it would not shock me at all, and I'd just ignore them without a thought. Hell, I mostly ignore them now anyway. But this guy just doesn't fit the mold.

Anyway ... thanks for the thought.

[amitten]

14. It sounds like you must really like the guy as a friend, since you

are so disturbed by his new freeper status.

If I was you, and you really think he's a good guy, I'd engage him in some friendly political debate. If he has a good heart, and you gave him the right information, his ways may change. It is possible for people to stop being racist jerks and/or freepers if they have the right information. I've seen people have their minds changed thanks to a new perspective.

[Chemical Bill]

5. Preemptive strike.

Kill him before he kills you. Oh, wait, that's what freepers do. Better make it duck-and-cover.

:hide:

Bill

[Iggo]

6. Freeper? Maybe. Racist? Never.

But that's just me.

[OmahaBlueDog]

7. I hear you

I posted some items here about 9 months ago. A friend from 20 years ago has become not a freeper, but a RandRoid -- someone who blathers on endlessly about the nanny state and objectivist and libertarian ideals. He is also one who sees the government actions at Waco, for example, as bordering on what the Nazi's did at the camps.

Unlike many here, I can be friends -- or at remain cordial with these people. I don't know -- maybe it's because I grew up outside of Washington, which (after a fashion) is a factory town. Maybe it's because I have few friends, and political views aren't the basis of the friendships that I have.

I have a theory. When in doubt, tell the truth - it works. I'd just tell him "I saw your comments on Facebook, and I've gotta tell you I'm a huge supporter of our President and I'm against everything Free Republic stands for. You aren't going to change my mind on that, so if that's going to pose a problem, let me know now." See what your friend says and gauge from there.

[RoyGBiv]

8. That's some good advice ...

I'm much the same way with my friendships. I mean, having come from Oklahoma and being this flaming lefty, if I weren't I'd have had no friends at all. :) But, seriously, there tends to me more to a human than their political beliefs, at least most humans. Political junkies are another breed, and we have this habit of seeing everything in terms of politics. I happen to think that's a good habit to have since everything is political in one way or another, but it's hard to have a conversation with someone if you're always categorizing commentary into political ideologies.

LIke I said, I knew we had political differences. And it's really not the Freeper thing itself so much as what he posted. I'd never heard a racial slur come out of the guy, and our group of friends when we were younger was quite diverse racially, at least as diverse as it gets in Oklahoma.

Anyway ... I think I have an idea of how to bring it up in a non-confrontational manner to judge reaction.

Thanks for your thoughts.

[OmahaBlueDog]

10. Here's the clearest sign if there is no hope

It won't be getting mad or stomping off in a huff. If it won't work, you'll know when he/she takes the "you must just be misinformed" tact, and starts sending you e-mails on the birth certificate and all other manner of untrue garbage. If that's his/her reaction, as opposed to simply avoiding discussion of politics or indicating that the differences don't matter, I doubt it will work out.

Good luck.

[Shell Beau]

9. I wouldn't care if my friend was republican, but I would care about

the racist part. I think it is silly to lose friends over politics. Racism is a different deal though. I'd remove him on facebook and move on!

[ReliantJ]

11. and I found he'd become a "fan" of Bobby Jindal

smh

[Tangerine LaBamba]

12. My curiosity would prevail,

and I would tell him, straight out, that I'd read his racist rant at FR. I would ask him where that came from, and I'd wait for his answer.

If the answer comes back - this would be nice, but I'm not betting on it - that he was pimping the freepers, just getting them pumped up, I'd give the guy another chance.

But, given all that you said, and didn't say, about his past history, there's every reason to believe that his disturbances go deeper than anyone might suspect, and that they've manifested themselves, in part, in hate.

There's no recovering from finding out that someone hates. Racists don't get second chances.

It's an ugly turn life has handed you - to find a good old friend and then to (maybe) lose him again.

Good luck.

[5thGenDemocrat]

13. I deal with Andy the Right Wing Republican on a near-daily basis

He and I aren't quite 180 degrees different. More like 158 degrees different. We agree on being raised Catholic and left-handed, we agree (with some minor differences) on the Second Amendment and neither of us trusts Commies. Aside from that, we disagree on most matters political and have even had one doozy of a fistfight over the subject.
But, once, I had to return a car to a friend in Detroit and Andy not only lent me his car for the shuttle, but loaned me $20 to put the gas in it. He and I have gotten merrily drunk on more than one occasion, and Andy has hand-built my last two computers.
We'll be friends unto death. Meanwhile, life is more complicated and has more colors to it than can be accounted for in a simple, black and white perspective.
John
What can I say? I love the guy because of who he is and in spite of who he is.

[mwooldri]

15. Tough question to answer, really it is.

This kind of case could bring out the hard-core fundamentalist liberal Christian in me. Lesson here: Hate the sin, not the sinner.

Could also play the "race card" against him in another way: what tribe American Indian? Would his politics be in tune with tribal culture?

You state though you have a lack of religion, so we can't play the fundie Christian card there.

If it were me, I wouldn't cut myself off. Depending on how close I was to the guy in the past, I'd certainly let loose my tongue and confront on the issue: well I'd begin by stating that I found out XYZ about the guy, is that true? If true, tell them up front "You're a great guy that's for sure, but this, sorry I can't take and we'll have to disagree." Further conversations would have to be away from these topics if you wanted to continue the friendship. If however your friendship was centered around these topics then you'd have to seriously consider letting loose.