I Can't Stop Crying...

[QueenOfCalifornia]

I wish I could stop... But the tears keep streaming down my face.

My beautiful, smart and wonderful cat was killed. My heart is breaking. I love him so much and he isn't here. He's gone. He went into the canyon like he had a thousand times. I tried to make him an inside cat but he just wanted to be out in that damned canyon so much I didn't have the heart to keep him from being himself. He went out the night before last and was killed by coyotes. I feel so guilty that I let him out. He always came home and slept next to me and his best friend, our chihuahua Tiki. They grew up together.

I am devastated and heartbroken. I will miss my friend Spike so very much.

Spike


Spike and Tiki when they were babies

[redqueen]

1. Oh no...

I'm so sorry... :(

[QueenOfCalifornia]

4. Thank you

I keep looking for him - I have been out in the yard so many times I lost count. It is such a beautiful day here and I keep expecting to see him out in his chair on the patio.

[Inchworm]

2. So sorry Gilligan

:hug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

5. I am

just so hurt by this. I keep telling myself to stop crying but everything reminds me of him.

[Inchworm]

13. That means he was loved

Crying is ok. Only one human death hurt me as bad as when I lost my dog. I'd post a picture of him, but I'm at work.

It is going to be a rough few days coming up. You are in my thoughts.

:hug::hug::hug:

[motely36]

3. I am sorry

:hug:

[Shell Beau]

6. I am sorry. I know how bad it hurts!

:hug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

8. Thank you Shell Beau

Spike was the most special cat - I just really had a special connection with him. He played with all the kids in the front of our house like he was a dog. He would chase them and spring out from behind a bush to scare them just for fun. He loved being with the kids.

This is killing me.

[meegbear]

7. My condolences ...

:hug:

My cat died 2 months ago and I still well up when I think of him. Cry it out man.

[Heidi]

9. Oh, my god, Gilligan. I'm so sorry.

I'm lighting a white candle for sweet Spike's safe passage, and sending you and Spike's companion, Tiki, so many good vibes for healing. Your boy passed on knowing he was well loved. :hug:

P.S. I want to thank you, too, for reminding me of how much I love The Wiley and Excellent Boy Cat Named Ginger. I've been so horribly swamped with work lately and your OP reminded me that I need to put work aside and PLAY with my boy a lot more often. :hug: :hug: :loveya:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

18. That is so

kind of you. I really try never to forget to love and play with my animals. I have had a lot of loss over the years and learned not to take connections like this for granted. I knew there was a chance that Spike could be a meal for a coyote but he was such a smart little guy I thought he could beat the odds. He would have been miserable if I had him locked up. He wanted to be out with all of us -

:hug:

[Heidi]

24. Let me tellyou something, Gilligan.

My mom harps on us for not "forcing" Ginger to be an "indoors cat." And we live in a rural part of the country: foxes, wild pigs, and a few farmy types who'd just as soon shoot a cat as look at it. But for Ginger's overall quality of life, we made a decision a few years ago to let him be as free as he wants to be during the day, but to "encourage" him to sleep indoors at night. These days, he sleeps indoors from 9 p.m. to 4:30 a.m. and I get up at 4:30 to let him out to pee and prowl. We've seen how unhappy he is to be kept indoors 24/7. It's completely against his nature. We'd rather him be happy being who he is. You did the best you possibly could to honor your Spike's quality of life, and I really don't care who flames me for saying so. :hug: :hug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

42. Awwww....

Heidi - Exactly.

xoxo
Gilligan

[Arkansas Granny]

45. I'm so sorry for your loss. I rescued a feral kitten several years ago and she

is not one to be happy being a strictly indoor cat. Her pet door gives her the option of coming and going as she pleases even though I realize that there is some risk involved. I can't imagine that I would be happy being confined to the house for my entire life without ever feeling the sun or the wind and I feel that her life will be richer for the experience even if it may ultimately shorten it. You gave Spike the freedom to live as he wanted to.

[mikeytherat]

10. So sorry for your loss.

I lost my little buddy, Tate, to an aneurysm about two months ago. He was only seven.

It really hurts right now, but each day will be a little better.

:hugs:

mikey_the_rat

[LeftyFingerPop]

11. I'm so sorry....

:hug:

[RebelOne]

12. So sorry. My heart aches for you.

Losing a beloved pet is like losing your child. I don't know what I'm going to do when my 11-year-old Rottweiler goes to the Rainbow Bridge. She is my big baby.

[MissMillie]

14. RIP Spike

you were loved and you'll be missed.


(He'll miss you too, Gilligan)

[Tuesday Afternoon]

15. Orange Toms are the best

with or without their nuts.

Try to take some comfort in knowing that he died living life on his terms. May he rest in peace.

:hug:

[Lorien]

16. I'm so sorry Gilligan. I've been crying too

My sweet kitten Atticus Pye has FIP and is slowly dying. I've been trying everything I can find to save him, but I'm failing. He's nothing but bones and a bloated tummy now. He'll soon be joining Spike on the rainbow bridge. I understand entirely how you are feeling right now, because I feel the same way. I love my furbaby so much and it's breaking my heart-I just can't stop crying. Little ones don't deserve these fates. It seems so terribly unfair. :cry:

:hug: :loveya:



In happier times: http://www.democraticunderground.com/discuss/duboard.php?az=view_all&address=105x8145777

[GreenPartyVoter]

37. *hugs* It's such a desperate feeling when we can't find a cure for our babies. :^(

[DS1]

I know the conflict

you faced with a cat who had to be outside to scamper around and exercise its hunting instincts. Spike will be in our thoughts.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

20. Yep...

He was the kitten of a barn cat out in the country - she was almost wild so he was just a generation away from being a ferrel cat. I picked him from the litter after driving an hour to the middle of nowhere - I love orange cats - they have a different persona - anyway, he never liked being locked inside. He would get pissed off when I denied letting him out. He had gone out about 3 or 4 in the afternoon and so I thought he would just do his regular thing which was to go out till around 9 and come in, demand his food and then sit with us... When he didn't come back all night I was worried - he had done it before but always was at the door in the morning looking for his breakfast. When he didn't return yesterday morning I knew it wasn't good - I kept calling him all day - Last night I took up his food dish and put it in the dishwasher - I knew he was gone for good - But I still got up 2 times last night and went out in the yard to look...

I just wish this wasn't happening.

[DS1]

23. Mine's a similar story

barn cat from the sticks. However, he's been gone for 2 weeks through the dead of winter with a foot of snow on the ground through known coyote areas and come back hungry. Don't want to raise hopes, but 2 days is a trip to the grocery store for some cats

[QueenOfCalifornia]

26. Well....

I keep telling myself he may be out there.. Let me tell you why I think he is not coming back.

He always comes back - has never missed a date with his food bowl. He is neutered so his party life is sort of limited to hunting rats, birds, mice, rabbits and squirrels - oh and lizards.. poor lizards. Anyway - he has never left for more than an all nighter and he has been as good as gold about being back early in the morning to get in out of the cold.

I wish you were right though. I would give ALMOST anything to hug him again. :hug:

[KittyWampus]

50. Gilligan, do you have neighbors? Cause my Felix was gone for days. I went to every neighbor

and asked them to open their barns/garages/basements/attics in case he'd gotten in there.

[MilesColtrane]

17. Awwww...

I'm so sorry.

:cry: :hug:

[ThomCat]

19. I am very sorry.

:(

I hope he put up a hell of a fight. I hope he lived well and enjoyed himself. He was a cat and lived like one.

:hug:

[Spacemom]

21. Godspeed Spike

I'm so sorry for your loss. :hug:

I too have an inside/outside cat. As much as we want to protect them, they have to be the creatures they were meant to be. I'm sure you'll see him again, on the other side of the bridge.

[amitten]

22. I am really so sorry. I know how painful it is to lose a favorite

pet. It takes months to feel normal again.

Know that you gave him a good life, and that he had so many blissfully happy times playing in that canyon! His life was a full one, and that is what counts. You should regret nothing and know that he lived in the happiest way a cat can.

[BurtWorm]

25. Hey, Little Buddy...

I had a cat named Tallulah who looked just like Spike--a marmelade with the same intense, intelligent sort of face. She was one of the brightest cats I've ever known. She used to sit on my lap and stare at pictures in books I was reading. Once I was looking at a film encyclopedia with her, and I opened to a page with a still from Citizen Kane showing how Greg Tolland, the cinematographer, had revolutionized depth of focus and inclusion of ceilings in his interior shots. (Before then, they didn't shoot ceilings because that's where they put the array of lights required to light those scenes.) I could see that Tallulah was fascinated with the picture. It was from the scene when Kane and his wife are growing apart, and this emotional distance is represented by the physical space between them at the breakfast table:



I don't really know what was going on in Tallulah's head, of course, but she suddenly stepped forward and put her foot on the picture, as though she were trying to step into it. It really felt as though she was testing the depth--was that space she saw as deep as it looked? Maybe there was actually a dustball or tiny fly on it that I hadn't seen. But it sure looked to me like she was trying to get information about what she thought she was seeing.

Anyway, she was too curious about the world outside to want to stay locked up in a house. I remember her last night, she came to the window from the roof in one of the wee hours. I got out of bed and opened the screen to coax her in. She decided against it, and for the next few minutes as I slipped back into sleep, I heard her scampering back and forth on the roof.

The next evening, as I came home from work, my parents broke the news to me that they'd found her body next to the road earlier that day. I was shocked and stunned. I had never reacted to a death with such intensity up to that point. I wept like an open faucet for a couple of days.

She was so smart. And so innocent.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

35. What a beautiful

story. Eloquently told.

As someone who understands lighting (It was my minor in college) I am aware of the era where ceilings were just imagined. I was telling my 9 year old son about this very thing a couple of weeks ago.

Your cat was a bit unique... Did you know that orange cats are usually male? Of course they are not as rare as a male calico but as a rule, if you see a brightly colored orange-striped cat they are male. I had a orange female who had long fluffy fur and was a more dusty shade of orange - she was my next best cat - she was quite old when she had to be put down due to stomach cancer. I cried for a couple of weeks over Der Bengal's death - she was very smart and loved to ride with me in my '68 Coup de Ville Convertible - We got lots of grins and thumbs up signs while driving through S. CA with the wind blowing through our hair! She found me. Yep, she had been abandoned where I lived in a condo in La Jolla, she was living in some bushes and when I would pass by, she would come out and meow - then one day a neighbor told me the owner of the cat had moved away and just left her! Well, she had no collar and no name so I named her Der Bengal. She had been declawed so she couldn't even protect herself, poor thing. Anyway, she moved in and became a major player in my life story. I miss her all the time.

Then I had another orange male cat - he was a shelter cat who we adopted when he was 14. I knew no one would adopt that old cat and so he came home where we loved him for the last 3 years of his life. We all still miss him as well. He was more of my husbands cat than mine - and I was the one who demanded we bring him home. (ingrate.) anyway - he was my kids first cat -

We are very saddened by Spike leaving us... very, very sad.

I am sorry for the loss of your wonderful cat... roads are not very forgiving.

[BurtWorm]

44. I didn't know that about female marmelades.

I also had another orange cat, a male named Icarus. He was also an extraordinary animal. Very smart and very tough. He lived to about 16. He wound up blind, having gotten into hundreds of scraps in his life with any and all comers. I think it was a racoon that ultimately blinded him.

[Arugula Latte]

27. Oh, gawd. That's horrible. I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[Call Me Wesley]

28. Safe passage, Spike.

Might your suffering be over. Peace and comfort to you and yours, Gilligan. :hug:

[Flaxbee]

29. I'm so sorry, Gilligan

I lost one orange tabby to the canyon, too, many years ago. He was miserable if I didn't let him out for his ramble around the neighborhood, and while I knew the risks, I always hoped he'd come back. One day, he didn't.

:hug: I hope your grief lessens in time. I hope Spike wanders back, but if not, he was out and about, doing something he loved to do when his time came.

[Born_A_Truman]

30. I'm so sorry

I have lost a few beloved cats over the years to coyotes. When I first moved out here to the desert I tried keeping my cats indoors and it has been impossible. I have a cat, Sonny, that runs out every time I take my dog outside or when DH or I go outside for firewood. I haven't found a way to stop him. I hold my breath every night until he scratches at the door to come back inside. But I also know how unhappy he is when he wants out and we don't open the door. He cries and yowls until I am ready to pull out my hair.

He's quite the mouser and brings them to my door mat. Yuk! We have lots of coyotes here and one particular one has been eating the juju fruit that dropped off the tree in front of the house. He has a half moon marking on his back so he's easy to identify. I call him my vegitarian coyote. Well, the fruit is pretty much gone and last week he actually came up on my porch. I shooed him away. I don't want him domesticated or lack fear of humans. And I don't want him coming after Sonny.

[QueenOfCalifornia]

38. Ahhh...

Yes.. the yowling - it worked for Spike like a charm. He would start up and I would try to distract him - it worked for a little bit but he wanted OUT. I would pat him and let him go and always say "Come home, don't get eaten tonight Spike."

What desert do you live in?

[Born_A_Truman]

70. California's Mojave Desert

About 120 miles from Los Angeles on the way to Las Vegas. We have 30 acres with a butte up behind the house. Lots of coyotes and other wild critters.

[ceile]

31. So sorry!!

:hug:

[VaYallaDawg]

32. Godspeed, Spike. Rub up and say hello to my Ginger for me, please.

She died three years ago - I still grieve for her too. It's hard to see now, Gilligan, but it will become easier over time.

Actually, there are times when I still dream of Ginger - at first it used to make me very sad, but now I feel a wonderful peace when I dream of her - I know she's in a better place and she still loves me.

Peace, friend.

[mnhtnbb]

33. I am so sorry. Our cats are indoor/outdoor, too, and there are so many

hazards outside.

RIP, Spike. You were loved.

:hug:

[MissHoneychurch]

34. That is so horrible

I am so sorry Gilligan :hug:

I can't put in words how sorry I am.

:cry:

[GreenPartyVoter]

36. Oh noes! Poor Spike! I am so very sorry that you lost him. *hugs*

[mike_c]

39. I'm so sorry, Gilligan....

I have similar issues with my cats-- I love them more than most people I've known and want to protect them, but they're just not happy when they're confined indoors. Actually, some are, and others aren't-- I just cannot deny them that happiness in order to protect them. It's their life.

I think you did the right thing letting Spike go where he wanted to go. It's terrible to lose a such a well loved friend. My heart goes out to you. :hug:

[graywarrior]

40. Oh man, I am so so sorry to hear this

You have my total sympathies. I lost a kitty who looks just like yours a few years ago and I still miss him so much. I couldn't keep him in the house either. I'll never know what happened to him.

Hugs to you, my friend.

:hug:

[harmonicon]

41. :(

[TrogL]

43. You can't keep an outside cat in

I've got a cat I adopted from the pound. They said he had been discovered alongside a road. I was living in an apartment at the time and had a lot of problems with him marking and spraying.

We moved to a house and the first day he was out the back door like a shot and didn't come back for two days. I thought he'd decided to go across town to the old apartment, but he showed up bedraggled like he'd been in several cat fights and gotten tangled up in every burr bush in town. He was also happy as a clam.

Any attempt at keeping him in for any length of time has been a completely failure, except for the time he really badly injured his leg (soft tissue) and we kept in him for a week. As soon has he could half-ways walk again, he was howling at the door to be out.

I fully expect one day to find he's been hit by a car or one of the neighbour dog's gotten him, but he's lived a cat's life.

[pinstikfartherin]

46. I'm so sorry..

RIP Spike.

[Ava]

47. i'm so sorry for your loss

it's so hard to lose a kitty.. they really are members of the family.

spike had a happy life, and you were right in letting him wonder in the wild outdoors. cats aren't inside creatures.. and they enjoy the outdoors. don't feel guilty, though i know it is hard not to. he was happy with the life he had.. and he was lucky to have you as an owner.

:hug:

rest in peace Spike

[Chorophyll]

48. I'm so sorry, Gilligan...

:hug:

[Critters2]

49. I am so sorry!! What a beautiful cat.

:hug:

[Left Is Write]

51. How awful! I'm so sorry.

:hug:

[Marrah_G]

52. I know exactly how you feel .

I lost my best friend to Coyotes almost 2 years ago. Jack was feral turned human-lover and he was always there for me. I still miss him now, even with a house full of kitties.

I hate that he is dead, but I would rather have him go that way then to have been kept inside and miserable. I tried it a few times. He was so unhappy and depressed.

[stuntcat]

53. ((Spike))

he has beautiful eyes :hug:

He had a GREAT LIFE, he was a lucky kitty to have real love. You shouldn't feel bad, no way.

[derby378]

54. Oh, dear Gilligan...

ginbarn and I offer our sincere condolences. We lost our beautiful Bonnie last year, and even though I thought I got all my grief out of my system, it still sneaks up on me sometimes and wallops me. I know the pain you're going through.

Please don't blame yourself. Hang in there.

:hug:

[QueenOfCalifornia]

55. ...

Thank you. I am beside myself with grief.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

56. My dear Gilligan...

Oh, what can I say?

I'm so very sorry, sweetie...

As others have said, at least he went being where he wanted to be...

Out in the great outdoors...

May your sorrow be lessened by the fact that he was true to himself, and he lived life on his terms...

:hug:

[BlueIris]

57. I'm sorry, hon. That is completely terrible. RIP, Spike.

He sure was a cutie.

[Sequoia]

58. I so very sorry to hear that.

So sad.

[sinkingfeeling]

59. I'm so very sorry. At least you know what happened to Spike. I've had

two cats who just vanished with no trace. One, right before a long distance move. I spent 3 years hoping that she'd just show up one day at the new place, like some animals have done.

[abq e streeter]

60. He died being himself and doing what he loved

Doesn't change your heart being broken, but I hope I can live whatever time I still have with that kind of courage; to live being true to ones' self and being willing to take the risks that entails. If its any consolation, and I guess right now it probably isn't, Spike's life, and learning of it from your sharing of it, is inspirational to this human, on this day. Hoping the tears will stop before too long, and you'll remember with pride your dear feline friend.

[lightningandsnow]

61. I'm so sorry.

Seems like he was a wonderful cat to have. :hug:

[applegrove]

62. Sorry. It hurts a great deal when you loose a pet suddenly.

[Zavulon]

63. God, that sucks.

I'm really sorry to hear that. Having lost a beloved cat myself, I can honestly say "I know how you feel" without it being an empty and insincere platitude.

My thoughts are with you and Spike.

[baby_mouse]

64. That's awful for you, I'm so sorry...

:(

I know exactly how awful this is, poor Gilligan... Please don't feel guilty, it's not your fault.

[BrklynLiberal]

65. Oh No! I just saw your posted pic of him in the best picture thread.

I am so very, very sorry... I wish there was something I could say to make it easier.

[GCP]

66. I'm so sorry

Our two cats like to go out but always come home at night (touch wood). I'm crossing my fingers that this is an aberration and he'll come sauntering back wondering what all the fuss is about. :hug:

[Lavender Brown]

67. I'm so sorry

What a beautiful cat. He knows how much you loved him... don't feel guilty. :hug:

[HopeFor2006]

68. He was beautiful

And he certainly had a good life with you and Tiki.

[LuckyTheDog]

69. He needed to be out

Trying to keep an outdoor cat in just breaks its spirit. My brother had a cat that was the same way. He knew he'd eventually lose the cat (he was right), but figured that a happy life was better than a long one for a cat that wanted to roam free.

[SeattleGirl]

71. I'm so sorry for your loss, Gilligan.

Regardless of how we lose them, it is devastating when they're gone.

:hug:

[hedgehog]

72. Don't feel guilty about what happened. Cats are ornery and independent.

That's what we love about them. You gave Spike what he needed. Don't feel bad about crying. He was an important part of your life.