I need some cat advise...

[Lincolngirl]

Hi. I'm looking for help with a cat/kitten situation.

Read some recent cat advise here, and thought I'd ask.

I have a 5 year old female, Abi.

I adopted her when she was about 1 1/2, and she is a very sweet loving girl. She runs to the door when I come home, sleeps with me. Just a great girl.

Just over 5 months ago I adopted Max. Yep, he's climbing on my head.

He was 9 weeks when I brought him home. I kept them separate as I know you should do. Let her smell him on me, let him smell her on me. Kept them separate for a week, and then brought them together slowly. Like I was taught to do. He is very playful, and tried to play with her, and she wants nothing to do with him. I figure I just need to give them time. For a while she would play with him, and then she got more and more fearful of him.

Now Max is 7 mos. old, and bigger than Abi. He has a very dominant personality, and Abi is very passive. He goes in both boxes immediately after I clean them, watches her eat. When he sees Abi, he goes after her, and won't leave her alone.

Now Abi is terrified of him. If she is in my lap, and he is anywhere near, she runs away and hides. She is afraid of him when he is sleeping!!!

Asked my Vet, who is a cat lady. (must add here, my dad was a Vet, and I was raised around animals, so I know a good amount about animal behavior) She recommended a pheromone spray, and instructed me to spray it in the area of the cats when Max attacks Abi.

Well, I used the spray, and it settles Max down a bit, but it's still pretty scary around here for Abi. Now, after a week, he seems less fazed by the spray too.

Will this get better as he gets older. I'm hoping it will. Or would you all suggest I get another kitten, just a bit younger than Max? That way he has someone to attack, and Abi is out of the "line of fire".

I live in an apartment and only have so much room.

Please help if you think you can!!!

[Parche]

1. Get a gun for the other cat

That way the one that bothers it, wont do that anymore

:hi:

[Lincolngirl]

3. That's why I love that Avatar!

Looks just like Max when I got him, and he needs to be put in his place!!!

[Lil Missy]

2. I had good luck with Feliway in a similar situation.

My male cat did not appreciate my ex's kitten and was quite aggressive toward her. The Feliway helped a lot.

[Lincolngirl]

6. Did yours settle down? How long.

This is breaking my heart!

[Lil Missy]

9. Yes, he did settle down. He wasn't exactly friendly with my SO's cat,

but the aggressive behavior was greatly reduced. The Feliway lasts for a month and you could sure tell the difference in him when it ran out.

We used it the whole time my SO lived here, about 2 years. When we parted ways she took her cat with her. No need to use it now and he is just fine.

[Lincolngirl]

10. Good to know.

I guess I need to be faster on the draw!!

[Shakespeare]

4. Have you had him neutered yet? n/t

[Lincolngirl]

5. He is neutered

Had to before I brought him home.
Forgot that very important point.

[NJCher]

7. my experience

I had a similar situation and they never did really get on with each other. They were friendly at times and other times they just ignored each other. At least they didn't fight.

Eventually, one of them passed on. Then I got two sisters as kittens. The one who had once had adjustment problems with the new cat now had two kittens to contend with. They play with each other--mostly chase. They all get along fairly well.

Cats can be very frustrating.



Cher

p.s. both your kitties are very sweet.

[Lincolngirl]

8. Thanks, they are, to me!

I wouldn't mind ignore,

Attack is what I have now!

[MorningGlow]

11. Alas, it could take a while

We had our male cat for about a year before we brought home a female. He was disgusted at the thought of her and pulled all the alpha male tricks (like using all the litter boxes first) to assert his authority. They basically sat around sticking their tongues out at each other for quite some time. (We decided their thought bubbles said "You smell!" "YOU smell!")

And then one day we caught them sleeping on the same chair, all curled up together. We took pictures to prove we hadn't been hallucinating.

Seems like your Abi is a bit shell shocked that Max is now an official alpha male and bigger than her. That's going to take some adjusting on her part, for sure! Be patient, play with them together (string to one, string to the other, and back again, is always good), give 'em both treats and catnip together, etc. They should come around. Of course, some cats never do (our neurotic third has completely wrecked our cat dynamic), but you've got a good shot at it.

Love your bootiful kittehs! :hi:

[LittleClarkie]

12. My friend had two cats, and it always seemed like the one was teasing the other

If they were both sitting next to mommy, one on the arm of the chair and the other in the lap, the younger of the two would poke the other repeatedly. I pictured the one thinking "I'm not touching you...I'm not touching yooou..."

[MorningGlow]

14. ROFL!

I'll bet that's exactly what the cat was thinking! And did the other one go "Moooooommmm! He's touching me!" ?
:rofl:

[LittleClarkie]

17. Nah. She'd put up with it for a while then turn around as if to say "Cut it OUT"

and finally bat the other cat.

Sarah was an older cat and fairly tolerant. Coda was the younger. They'd only snuggle when the heat got turned off and it was either that or freezing to death.

Coda was so named because her owner said the cat would be the end of her.

Sarah was an interesting cat. She had mutant dew claws (is that what they're called?) that made it look like she had thumbs. And she could use em too. Coda would bat around the can of Pounce like crazy and Sarah would calmly wander over and get the can as if to say "GIVE me THAT." She'd hold the can in one paw, and use the proto-thumb to pop the top. A cat with thumbs. Be afraid. Be VERY afraid.

Actually I knew at least one cat of whom I used to say, "if that cat had thumbs he'd be higher on the evolutionary scale than some humans I know."

[Lincolngirl]

16. I can see it!!!

[Lincolngirl]

13. I appreciate the help

Max says Hi:hi: , and I'll tell Abi when she comes out of hiding! :hide:

[MorningGlow]

15. De nada!

Dilbert, Jasmine, and Clover send their regards! :hi:

[sunnybrook]

18. There are several possibilities

Take it from someone with multiple felines, getting a third one is not your easy answer, it will likely make things worse for Abi. It is so hard to tell in your specific situation what will work because they are so damned individualistic.

But we started with one cat, when I used to travel for a living, he went everywhere. He LOVED other cats and always wanted one. We took in a female alley cat and he liked her and she barely tolerated him, but comparatively, they got along fairly well.

Then we took in another one, that was a kitten, and female. We were so hesitant to introduce her to the others, thinking the poor thing would be eaten. It took her less than 30 seconds to establish her dominance, and suddenly my female that hated my male was "taking up for him" against the new intruder. My original female finally tolerated the new cat, and we learned that it is not physical attributes, but who can dominate the other with their mind, because the dominant one was now tiny.

Then my soft hearted boyfriend begged me to take in a 4th cat, a male maine coon that was living in our yard. He is huge, 25 lbs or so, and the biggest "fraidy cat" of all time. He seriously needs assertiveness training, he is at the bottom of the social heirarchy!

But (yes there's more) the biggest threat of all to our original female was cat #5. (One has since died and we now have 4). But this female and my original female truly hate one another and neither one wants to let the other be dominant. But I would say it took AT LEAST a year before they would do things like share the couch at the same time, and it has gotten a little better. But for some cats it does not. I was shocked that they have even accepted each other to the point they have, especially after so much time. They are working things out in their feline world that they have to settle, but I read the advice somewhere that after quite awhile if they are still not able to come to an "agreement" that you really should separate them, in order to not torture your original cat! That sounds good in theory but my feeling was that I am saving them from being alley cats and I do not want to take them to a shelter or something, so they just have to live with what they get. They tolerate one another but it took a LONG time. But adding more cats is not the answer! Don't go there unless they are living in your yard and you just can't help yourself!

Good luck and I wish you a peaceful household, I hope they work it out.

[bluethruandthru]

19. I feel your pain!

I have four cats. Two original brother and sister...then I got a little tortie girl, then a year later a boy kitten. Boy kitten is now the biggest of the bunch and, while he respects the original male..who is the Alpha male...he tortures the tortie. He can't jump well so she lives most of her life high on closet shelves, bookcases, etc. I really think he's just a big doofus and wants to play with her..since the other two are quite a bit older and not really interested in playing. But, he's such a big lug and she's so tiny that I'm sure his size scares her.
The big boy has gotten quite a few bloody scratches...but he hasn't learned to play nice!
Hopefully, as your boy gets a bit older, he'll settle a bit. That's what I'm hoping for with my problem child! :)

[Lincolngirl]

20. any one else?

[Lincolngirl]

21. bumping again

If there is any further advise out there!!!

[Lincolngirl]

22. Kicking this again.

Are there any other opinions out there? I'd just like to see if anyone has any more advise?

[Bertha Venation]

23. I do so wish I could help.

The only advice I can give you is to make sure Max has plenty of opportunities to play. Find the kinds of toys he likes best. Does he have a cat tree? They're not cheap, but you might want to get one. If he can play a lot, and play hard, it may lessen his aggression. Maybe.

I wish you luck, sweetie. :hug:

[Lincolngirl]

24. Thank you very much

My apartment is filled with his toys, a tree, boxes, toys a plenty.
Once he sees Abi, its game over....ATTACK!!!!