***HUMOR THREAD*** Lighten someone's mood with a good joke

[WillParkinson]

Once upon a time there lived a king. The king had a beautiful daughter, the princess. But there was a problem. Everything the princess touched would melt. No matter what, metal, wood, plastic -anything she touched would melt! Because of this, men were afraid of her. Nobody would dare marry her.

The king despaired. What could he do to help his daughter? He consulted his wizards and magicians. One wizard told the king, "If your daughter touches one thing that does not melt in her hands, she will be cured."

The king was overjoyed. The next day, he held a competition. Any man that could bring his daughter an object that would not melt would marry her and inherit the king's wealth. Three young princes took up the challenge.

The first prince brought a very hard alloy of titanium. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. The prince went away sadly. The second prince brought a huge diamond, thinking that diamond is the hardest substance in the world and will not melt. But alas, once the princess touched it, it melted. He too went away disappointed.

The third prince approached. He told the princess, "Put your hand in my pocket and feel what is in there." The princess did as she was told, though she turned red. She felt something hard. She held it in her hand.

And it did not melt!!! The king was overjoyed. Everybody in the kingdom was overjoyed. And the third prince married the princess and they both lived happily ever after.

Question: What was the object in the prince's pants?
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Answer: They were M&M's, of course. They melt in your mouth, not in your hand. (What were you thinking?)

[Parche]

1. sex thread!!!

:woohoo: :hi:

[AllegroRondo]

2. At school one Friday....

the teacher gave the children a homework assignment. They were to talk with their family, and come back monday with a story about their family that taught a moral.

On Monday, the children got up to tell their stories.

First up, a boy said "My uncle has a farm. On some days, we go and collect eggs from the hens, and put them under a warming lamp to make them hatch. In a few weeks, most of the eggs hatch into baby chicks, but some dont."

The teacher said "well, thats a nice story. And what moral does that teach you?"

The boy said "Dont count your chickens before they hatch!"

Next up, a girl said "My uncle also has a farm, he collects eggs to sell at the market. One day he put all his eggs into a big basket to deliver them. On the way to market, he hit a bump and the basket fell over, ruining his eggs."

The teacher said "good! And what moral does that teach you?"

The girl said "Dont put all your eggs in one basket!"

Third, a boy gets up to speak. "My uncle was a fighter pilot in Viet Nam. One day, his plane got shot and was going to crash. So he ejected with his emergency supplies of a case of beer, a machine gun, and a machete. After he landed, he drank the beer, and was attacked by soldiers from North VietNam. So he shot as many as he could with his machine gun, then faught his way back to the south using his machete. When he finally made it to the south, he was greeted as a war hero!"

The teacher said "wow, thats a great story, but what moral does that teach?"

The boy said "Dont fuck with my uncle when he's been drinking!"

[Lucian]

3. Haha.

[meegbear]

4. Knock knock. Who's there? Anaconda. Anaconda who?

Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He concludes by saying: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed."

"OH NO!" the President exclaims. "That's terrible!"

His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the President sits, head in hands.

Finally, the President looks up and asks, "How many is a brazillion?"