Worst obituary ever written?

[Drunken Irishman]

If anything, she must have been a real ______.

Dolores Aguilar
1929 - Aug. 7, 2008

Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.

She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.

Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.

http://www.legacy.com/TimesHeraldOnline/DeathNotices.asp?Page=Lifestory&PersonId=115754551

[bertha katzenengel]

1. Hmph.

To each his own. :shrug:

[Drunken Irishman]

2. haha, it's crazy funny.

[bertha katzenengel]

28. Yep - and completely believable.

If my sisters and I had been of age when our mother died . . . :rofl:

[rug]

3. There are some cold comments in there.

"August 17, 2008

bye bye cupcake.

karl morgan"

http://www.legacy.com/TimesHeraldOnline/GB/GuestbookView.aspx?PersonId=115754551&PageNo=2

[TK421]

4. You would think this woman was pure evil....none of my business, but

I'm really curious as to just how bad it all was.

I have never in my life read an obit like this one here

[rug]

5. It sounds like the whole family became so fractured they can't even meet at their mother's funeral.

It probably happens more than we like to think but I never read in cold type anything like this either

[Whisp]

41. omg! cali's real name is karl morgan?

:rofl:
I've noticed she sometimes calls her adversaries here 'cupcake' and it drives them wild.

[underpants]

6. WOW. I just emailed this out to my friends and family

okay at least as I am dying I can think "well at least I am not going to be publicly ragged like that lady in Vallejo Ca."

:rofl:

[Redstone]

7. Good God. The sad part is that I'll bet there are MANY people about whom their family would want

to write that kind of obituary, but shied away from telling the unvarnished truth because of our collective feeling that "we shouldn't speak ill of the dead."

Redstone

[Gormy Cuss]

8. It's obvious that at least one of her children is a cold, vindictive person.

A simple death notice would have sufficed.

[bicentennial_baby]

10. Sounds like something my crazy sister would write

Needless to say, she won't be charged with that responsibility. I'll be surprised if she dares to show her face at the funeral, frankly. And that's fine with me.

[JVS]

22. You want someone to keep her away when the time comes?

[bicentennial_baby]

24. Sure thing, pardner...

You volunteering? :D

[JVS]

25. If I can make it sure.

"What's going on in the parking lot? Some woman was tasered and dragged away from the funeral."

"Yeah, that's our bouncer. We're high-class that way."

[GreenPartyVoter]

15. She must have really hurt them for them to write that, eh?

[Gormy Cuss]

18. I hope so.

Otherwise the author of the obit just ticked off the rest of the family. I'm no fan of the glowing obits of miserable people but exacting revenge on your mother in the obit is truly bizarre.

[GreenPartyVoter]

19. Yeah, I am gonna assume this was an exercise in much needed catharsis

[Redstone]

9. Hey, but she had nine kids, so at least she didn't short her husband on nookie, yes?

Redstone

[Critters2]

26. That's what I thought...Somebody found her okay to be around. nt

[Oeditpus Rex]

11. At least it's honest

Of the hundreds I wrote — transcribed, actually, from info from funeral homes — I wish I'd gotten just one like that instead of the typical "He was loved by everyone who knew him" crap.

But, this is what happens when newspapers don't edit obits.

[skygazer]

30. Maybe, maybe not

I've got a little sensitivity on the subject right now because my 27 year old daughter disowned me about 2 weeks ago. She accused me of horrible things that I did not do, based largely on a very difficult time in my life and that of my kids when I was struggling with divorce, depression and poverty.

In her mind, she is a victim, and those things have grown and grown until they have become a cascade of things that happened to her and her alone, things I had complete control over and crassly chose not to rectify.

In short, memory is a funny thing, and several people can live through the same events and all remember them completely differently.

At any rate, even if the above is true, I don't see an obituary as the proper venue for it - talk about airing dirty laundry!

[Oeditpus Rex]

36. All of which is the only reason necessary

for newspapers to stop the stupid practice of allowing survivors to post obits on their web sites.

[AlCzervik]

12. i wonder if they saved it up until after she died or they actually said this stuff to her face.

[underpants]

13. Would you?

:scared::hide:

[Arugula Latte]

14. Ouch.

x(

[YankeyMCC]

16. Wrost in what way?

Actually it may be pretty good, I didn't know Dolores, but if it's an accurate reflection of who she was and how others perceived her, then it strikes me as pretty good actually, except maybe the way it lists the people that'll be 'greeting her', that seems a little goulish. I mean if she was such a stick in the mud maybe they wont greet her or have to spend the rest of eternity trying to avoid her. ;)

Dolores might have take objection to it but I don't think it matters much to her now.

[BrklynLiberal]

17. Not necessarily the worst, but certainly the most honest.

[Blue Diadem]

20. Strange, odd, bizarre all come to mind.

One of those times when I'd like to know more.

[JVS]

21. I hope she didn't leave them any money.

[texanwitch]

23. Many families are like this.

I am not close to my family, only see them if I have to.

This orbituary would fit my Mother.

I never see my brothers and only see my sister because of my father.

Not everyone is nice in life, my Mother isn't.

I will not be that sad when my mother passes.

I can understand the person who wrote this orbituary.

[Midlodemocrat]

27. That obit says a lot more about the person who wrote it than the deceased.

Whoever it is should be ashamed. :puke:

[rug]

29. I'm betting it's Mitzi.

[Midlodemocrat]

32. Probably. Still pissed that she got stuck with the stupid name.

:rofl:

:hi:

[Turbineguy]

31. Obviously this woman

did not leave a large estate for someone to inherit.

Let that be a lesson!

[npk]

33. That is horrible

She is dead. Don't throw her under the bus.

I am very superstitious and I would be afraid this person would haunt me forever after this obituary.

[bluesbassman]

34. Dolores "made no contribution to society" huh?

What does that say about the author of the obit? Guess she didn't think that one through, did she.:dunce:

[npk]

35. She obviously contributed to him being a jackass

I'd say that's a pretty big contribution.

[Critters2]

37. I once was asked to do a funeral for a guy who was so disliked no other pastor

would do the service. I didn't know him, so told the funeral home I'd do it. When I met with the family, asked them what they'd like celebrated about his life, his son said "Just put him in the ground!". I pointed out that a funeral wasn't necessary, that they really could "just put him in the ground." But his wife wanted a service. No one could think of a kind thing to say about him, though. So, I preached about finding peace with their memories of him. Mostly, I preached a biblical text, not at all my typical funeral sermon. I never met the guy, and apparently he was really was awful to everyone in his life. But, at the end of his life, I felt sorry for him, and did my best to give him some respect.

[sakabatou]

38. Wow... that's sad.

[fortyfeetunder]

39. I will have to save this one to use later...

I know someone who fits this exactly. But I'd never, ever publish it. Maybe use as a joke among friends when the time comes.

[PassingFair]

40. I read one once here in Detroit that was headlined:

"A Lifetime of Shady Deals"

I wish I had saved it. It SLAMMED the guy.

[Whisp]

42. a disgruntled employee/typesetter inserted this in an obit

printed in our paper, many years ago.

Florence Whatshername died last Wednesday (so what, big deal) bla bla bla

the bracketed part was actually set and printed. should have saved it to send to Jay Leno's Monday headlines, which, can be hilarious! one I recall is an ad for toilet seats, full page in colour - copy read: Available in ass. colors.