Lies About Chuck Norris

[Generic Brad]

Apparently no one has informed Chuck Norris that satire is a protected form of free speech in this country. Either that, or he does not have a sense of humor when it comes to himself. http://www.huffingtonpost.com/huff-wires/20071222/people-chuck-norris/

The last thing I would want to do is upset Mr. Norris by spreading malicious falsehoods about him that are masquerading as the truth. But could he be upset if we just made crap up for the sake of being silly and openly labeling it a lie? If we did that, we would not be intentionally misleading anyone; would we be?

And if we had never read the book "The Truth About Chuck Norris" but we accidentally came up with some of the same things the books writers did, we would not really be plagiarizing either, would we be?

Here's a couple of Chuck Norris lies I have come up with. Anyone care to add their own?

Chuck Norris does not need body armor. Chuck Norris' body is armor.

If Chuck Norris kicked a tree in the forest and no one was there to hear it, how bad ass would that be?

[GirlinContempt]

1. A recall of sold books, eh?

[DS1]

2. Yet, he's cool with going on TV and repeating some of them for Huckadoodledoo

there should be a counter-suit for uncredited work/copyright infringement.

[baldguy]

3. Apparently Chuck hates America.

[Skittles]

4. Crop Circles

are Chuck's way of telling the world that sometimes, corn just needs to lay the fuck down

[Political Heretic]

5. Erm - some of the "satire" in that book is racist, sexist and homophobic.

It would be one thing if just the "good" ones were in the book. But I can certainly understand why Chuck would have a problem with his name being the focus and subject of a book with jokes in it that include things like "..blah blah blah, Chuck Norris punches a Mexican baby in the face."

Satire as free speech does not give someone to use someone else's name - even in jest - in connection with racist statements when doing so goes against the persons which and could be demonstrated to negatively impact their public image / profession, etc.

But besides all the technical arguments just think about it --- would you want to have no say of a book used your name and posted all kinds of racist or homophobic quips about you in it? No, you would probably sue. :)

[sakabatou]

6. Whatever

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesnt get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

[SKKY]

7. I guess Chuck Norris does in fact put the "fun" in "funeral".

What a douche bag.