Question: Is the word "queer" offensive to gays and lesbians?

[jimbo fett]

I've had this argument with some friends (in other parts of the country) of mine.

The gays I know aren't offended by the word "queer" but my friends say it is offensive.

I point out that there are two TV shows with the word "queer" in the title: Queer Eye and Queer As Folk.

Those shows are held in FAIRLY good esteem by the gay community aren't they?

Well, is the word "queer" offensive to you in casual conversation? (assuming it isn't being used in the context of hurling insults at you).

[Newsjock]

1. I'm gay and old-fashioned ...

... and, to me, the q-word is only marginally different from the much-feared n-word.

I cut a little bit of slack when gayfolk use it to each other, but to me it's still one of the most hateful words that can be used against a gay person.

As for the two TV shows (one of which I sometimes find entertaining, one of which I loathe), I don't get quite as worked up over those because each title has its history in colloquial expressions.

Yes, I realize I'm probably in the minority on this, and my position seems to be weakening over the years, simply because it's too tough to fight anymore.

[DU9598]

2. The Q-word

I find it offensive and I find both of those shows offensive. Both shows are inaccurate and offensive displays of heterosexual stereotypes of the GLBT community.

[ant]

11. you mean...

...like all television?

Look at this way: gays and lesbians are now getting stereotyped on mainstream television just like everyone else. That's progress.

[AVID]

4. care to share . . .

which one you loathe, newsjock?

[matcom]

3. i asked the exact same thing a couple months ago

i cringe everytime i hear it but i am not gay and apparently its ok (with many)

i just chose not to use it. you'll get some good responses here

[SheepyMcSheepster]

5. i have a question that relates to this one

i often enjoy using the word "queer" as it is defined most commonly (not at all relating to homosexuality), would my use of the word queer in day to day conversation offend anyone?

[La Lioness Priyanka]

6. not to me

i used the words queer and dyke to describe myself often and i call my brother "my fag" as well...he doesnt mind either

[Bertha Venation]

7. usually no; for me, it depends on the context in which it's used

If an obvious homophobe calls me a queer -- of course it's offensive.

If it's used in casual conversation among the queer and queer-friendly, or as an all-encompassing term for GLBT folk -- not at all.

[Sapphocrat]

8. Depends on who's saying it and in what context

Not offensive:

GAY PERSON: "There isn't a single queer bar in this town!"

STRAIGHT PERSON: "Oh, Dave, would you like to meet a nice, rich, queer man from my office?"

Offensive:

STRAIGHT PERSON: "That is SO queer!"

STRAIGHT PERSON: "F#ckin' queer! I'm gonna get you with my car!"

ANYONE: "Don't wear that -- it makes you look like (a) queer."

Addenda:

If you use the word "queer," please use it as an adjective, not a noun. "A queer" is offensive to my ear (as is "a gay," "the gays"). Better to say "queer community." (Yes, even better to say "lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, intersex, and questioning community," but who ever bothers? "Queer" is shorthand for "everybody not hetero.")

If you feel compelled to say "queer man" or "queer woman," better to go with "gay man" or "lesbian."

[brainshrub]

16. I've never used Queer in that offensive context:

Offensive:

STRAIGHT PERSON: "That is SO queer!"

STRAIGHT PERSON: "F#ckin' queer! I'm gonna get you with my car!"

ANYONE: "Don't wear that -- it makes you look like (a) queer."

I am straight, as a youth I used to say:

"That is so gay."
"Don't wear that -- it makes you look like a fag."

At the time, I hadn't considered how offensive those comments were, they were just part of the lingo growing up.
Of course, I would never make those kind of comments again.

[Xithras]

27. Hrm...I have a question

The word queer has been around a long time and is a traditional english word for odd, unconventional, eccentric, or strange...and I actually grew up using it that way (picked it up from my parents, I guess). When I see something bizarre or that piques my curiosity, I'm just as likely to say "How queer!" as I am to say "How strange!"

Do you find it offensive when used in that context?

[arwalden]

9. I'm Liking It Better Now Than When I Was Younger. Why?

Because it's so much easier than saying "Gay Lesbian Bisexual Transgendered"... we're just Queer Americans (with a capital "Q").

As an INDIVIDUAL person, I don't identify as being "Queer", but as part of the larger Queer population, I do. Get it? If I'm ever in a situation where I'm talking about my own sexuality, I'll refer to myself as "gay"... but when I'm referring to our community as a whole and our struggle for equality, we are Queers.

I suppose ANY word could be used hatefully and made to be as offensive as just about any other word. This would be true with "gay".

I've always hated the clinical terms... "homosexual", but I have to snicker whenever I hear someone (seriously) use the word "homo". (Usually pronounced "hoe-moe".)

-- Allen

I'm sure I could have made this much more eloquent and presentable, but I'm hoping you get the idea.

[Sapphocrat]

13. Identifying as 'queer'...

As an INDIVIDUAL person, I don't identify as being "Queer" ...

Do you think that's because "queer" was first adopted so easily by younger people with what I would call a more "ambiguous" sexuality, and who didn't want to be labeled anything specific?

Aside from "queer" just being a handy reference to the whole LGBT community, a queer identity means (to me) that grey area of pansexuality.

P.S. I don't identify as a queer individual either.

[mitchtv]

10. i generally dislike it

But the youngns seem to prefer it-so what do you do? I don't use it myself- Its kinda like baggy pants- ugly but in style.

[Heddi]

12. I'm not gay.....

but I have alot of gay friends, mostly male.

I would never EVER use the word 'queer' to describe anyone's lifestyle.

However, my gay male friends use the word "queer" to describe themselves, or their friends, etc.

I equate it with "nigger"---a black person has every right to use the word as they see fit. A white person doesn't. My black friends use versions of "nigger" (negro, nigga, etc) amongst themselves, but far be it for me, a white female, to go up to my black friend, slap 'em on the back and say "What up, my nigger?" It's just wrong for me to use it in that way. He's not "my nigger", he's my friend, and I don't see anything friendly in using such an offensive word to address my friends.

Same with "queer", or Fag or Fairy or dyke---as a straight person, I have no right to use those words. For too long, they were used by heterosexual to degrade those with lifestyles which conflicted with their own.

I can't use those words the same way someone who is gay can use them. I never would.

For many years, Nigger, Wop, Kike, Chink, Fag, Dyke---these words have been used in oppressive ways by people of my race and my sexual orientation. Rightfully so, we have lost the 'rights' to use those terms.

The oppressed now have the rights to use those once negative terms on THEIR temrs. To take away the hatred that had been associated with them for so long and to use them as their own definition fits.

I have family members, who are white, who use the word 'nigger" and not in an endearing way.

I have family members who are straight who use the word "Fag", and not mean it in a wonderfully loving way.

Therefore, because there are still people, who look like me (white, heterosexual, etc) and use those words negatively, I cannot---will not use those words. THey don't apply to me in the sense that I don't feel hate towards blacks, or asians, or homosexuals, and they don't apply to me in the sense that I"m not black, or asian, or homosexual.

They're off limits for me, and I cringe when I hear some "Kool Kid" say something like "Yeah, my FAG friend and I went to blah blah blah"....do they mean it 'endearing" or is it veiled disgust?

[piece sine]

14. I loath revolving-door expressions.

If it's wrongf for a white gay male to utter the N-word, it's wrong for everyone else too -- especially African Americans. I am gay, not QUEER, and I refuse to wear the cloak of my own oppression. "Queer" is a term to denote queer-ness in homosexuals. I'm having none of it and I don't view either of the programs with the word in the title.

If you can't thing of a nice way to signal my orientation, just say that I bat for the other team.

[Heddi]

21. but see,

I can't tell you that *I* think it's wrong if you use queer. I can't tell a black man that it's wrong if he uses 'nigger'.

All i can do is not use those words myself. If someone else decides that they can use those terms, and reverse the meaning from negative to positive--how can I tell them they're wrong?

For too long, white, heterosexual, christian males have told the non-white, non-heterosexual, non-christian, non-males what they were and what they weren't. They've said what words could and couldn't be used. They've determined what rights could and couldn't be given.

I'm not going to pretend to be so bold as to tell someone "You know, I'm white, and I don't use the term "nigga", and frankly, Mister Black Man, I think it's unacceptable for you to use the word Nigga as well"...I would NEVER do that.

Just like I would NEVER use the word queer to describe my friends--either their personality or their lifestyle. I'm not gay, and that word, that definition doesn't 'belong' to me.

If he wants to call himself queer, or fag, or whatever---more power to him. But I can't. I can't condone straight people, or white people, or whatever, playing "cutesey" and trying to be 'in' and use derogatory terms in what has now become nouveaux-cool ways: "Yeah, i went to a fag bar last night. It was cool, tho, cuz I was with my nigga and we danced all night..."

[ButterflyBlood]

15. I always assumed it was like the "n word"

they use it among themselves, but they don't like others using it.

[geniph]

17. The dictionary definition of the term:

a : WORTHLESS, COUNTERFEIT <queer money>
b : QUESTIONABLE, SUSPICIOUS
2 a : differing in some odd way from what is usual or normal
(1) : ECCENTRIC, UNCONVENTIONAL
(2) : mildly insane : TOUCHED
c : absorbed or interested to an extreme or unreasonable degree

All those potential definitions have to do with something being wrong. And there is nothing queer about loving another human being.

If GLBT folks want to reclaim the word, more power to them. But I won't use it (except in its original meanings, as above) - I believe it is offensive for me to call someone a queer or a dyke, even if they describe themselves that way.

[nostamj]

18. it's a word that younger gay have tried to 'reclaim'

BUT, as an increasingly OLD gay man, it still bothers me a bit. it was certainly a nearly n-word level insult term in my early years. (p.s. 'fag' or 'faggot' was worse. i can remember the first time THAT was shouted at me. dagger in the gut)

and now that it is being MAINSTREAMED by (esp.) QEFTSG--without massive outcry from they (mythic!) "gay community" I suspect it's here to stay.

i have bigger things to worry about.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

19. Here's how I feel about it. Can't do a yes or no answer.

Depending on the context it is used, NO. We use the pejoratives used against us as terms of endearment.

OTOH, using pejoratives as, in a sense, self-effacement, can be very disempowering in the long run as language has a way of working on one's OWN perceptions of one's self.

[NewHampster]

20. Before my Grandma died she said ...

This sweet old lady who saw the Gay 90's said about the word Gay, "What a terrible thing to do to such a lovely word".

so I guess there are many opinions on the uses and co-opting of our language.


Not meant to be flame bait, I'm just stating a very very non-PC point that PC dems would never mention.

[Ratty]

22. Context!

Five drunk rednecks climbing into their pickup to find themselves a bunch of queers: probably offensive (unless they work for a polling firm and are just returning from their lunch break to continue polling the LGBT community about their thoughts on Howard Dean)

A surprised Lesley Ann Warren asking Robert Preston "Ya mean you're QUEER?!" in Victor/Victoria: not offensive.

Personally, it doesn't offend me, but I generally avoid using it even with gay friends, cause you never know ... "Gay" remains the safest term if you're unsure.

[jimbo fett]

23. But gay was once a pejorative term, too, wasn't it?

Could it be that we're in the middle of the evolution of the word "queer" whereas "gay" has already evolved?

[DemLikr]

24. "Queer" is to Gays as the N-Word is to African Americans

whether or not it's offensive depends on who is using it, how they are using it, and in what context.

One almost needs a rule book, but if you just go with your gut on this, you'll usually be safe.

[terrya]

25. Queer is a far sight better than the "F" word. Faggot.

Queer is far more acceptable to gay people than the "F" word. The really bad part is, IMO, is that I've heard gay people use it (one of the Fab Five used the word "fag" in an episode of "Queer Eye"). I don't think that word is acceptable under any circumstances.

Queer is a perfectly valid word, at least to me. I still prefer gay, though.

Terry

[LeftCoast]

26. I usually identify as queer

Several reasons really. One reason is because I would like to reclaim the word, or rather de-toxify the word. Another reason is that I get tired of referring to "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Questioning, etc..." Not only is it a really long list, but you always have to remember each particular group (and they seem to change constantly). If that's not enough you then have the issue of who to list and in what order. "Gay" can't be first 'cuz that refers to men and men are always listed first so that's not fair, right? Anyway, I'm giving up on the alphabet soup acronyms and go with the short, but sweet "queer".