Old Navy Stores Looted, After Hiring Rumsfeld As CEO

[Parche]

Sunday, September 9th, 2007 at 8:07 am
‘OLD NAVY’ STORES LOOTED, AFTER HIRING RUMSFELD AS CEO
By Don Davis
Old Navy Stores revealed today that massive looting of its more than 1000 retail outlets took place, merely one day after former Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld took over as Chief Executive Officer of the clothing chain.

The ransacking began moments after Rumsfeld disbanded the franchise’s vast army of security guards, claiming that they were loyal to their former employer, Bed, Baathists and Beyond.

Once the security guards “melted away” into the food courts, Old Navy stores were bombarded by crazed bargain hunters, who seized huge quantities of Old Navy’s trademark American Flag T-shirts, as well as any apparel bearing the legend “Fuck Bush.”

Ironically, although the store’s outlets were left drastically short of inventory for the Fall season, the stockrooms appeared to have an over-abundance of body armor.

Rumsfeld characteristically deflected blame for the incident, and stated that you sell the protective gear you’ve got, instead of giving it to the troops who really want and need it.

Although Old Navy’s parent corporation, GAP, is disturbed about the looting, they’re apparently not planning to fire the former Pentagon chief. Instead, it is expected that Rumsfeld will merely be transferred to a more suitable GAP-owned subsidiary – Banana Republic.

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