Need suggestions on helping a young guy get a date

[Lostmessage]

I have a shadow at work and I need to help him find a date.
He is 21 years old and he works part time as a graphic artist.
He is a country boy and he has problems with acne.
He thinks that I am pretty and he doesn't care about the age difference of almost 20 years but I do.
This young guy is like my shadow and to tell you the truth I will be glad to leave the crazy company that I work for in a few months.
I feel sorry for this younger guy because he has told me a very sad story about himself.
The police found him abandoned at 2 weeks old. He was in an orphanage until he was 5 years old when he was sent to live with his first foster family. His hand was broken for eating too many cookies and he was taken out of that foster home and sent to several others before being adopted a few years later.
Everyone makes fun of this boy because he acts real odd and his skin is in bad shape. At his age sometimes guys develop bad cases of acne and I believe this is a major problem for him.
He keeps coming up to me and hanging with me the entire time that I am at my job. It gets to the point that he is annoying and he talks about sex and he claims that he has never had it. He was brought up on a farm by Christian right wingers and they love Bush. They told him that he shouldn't have sex before marriage but this guy is wanting it now.
I have to get this boy off of my back without hurting his feelings and I want to possibly help him find a date.
I would be grateful for any suggestions.

[camero]

1. Boy are you a good woman

I wish a woman would find me a date when she didn't feel that way about me. :)

[DrZhivago]

2. Hey I know an annoying girl

at my job that would be perfect for him. They could get on each others nerves all the way down the aisle

[A HERETIC I AM]

3. The internet. He needs to meet young people that share his interests...

that he can get to know BEFORE he asks for a date. Poor kid, i feel for him. And you have a problem i dont envy for a second. Although i am not at all religious, a church youth group might be just the thing for this young lad.

Tactfully encourage him to find friends his own age but MAKE IT CLEAR that you want nothing to do with him romantically AS SOON AS POSSIBLE. Otherwise, he will pester you till you cant stand it any longer.

[Lostmessage]

4. The crazy parents won't let him have a computer

They are right wingers and they think that he would be looking at porn and I have a feeling that this kid would be looking at porn.

[lcordero]

6. you said that you were in NYC right?

how about he start going to the public library?

[A HERETIC I AM]

12. You are probably right about the porn. ....

See if there is a Unitarian Universalist Church in the area. UU'rs are usually VERY open minded and progressive thinkers and tend to raise the same kind of children. He needs to meet folks his own age, whether it is in a church setting or in a classroom. Again, i dont envy your position one iota and the fact that you have expressed your concerns in this forum speaks VOLUMES on your character.

[Lostmessage]

19. He makes me sick

Today I was minding my own business in the hall and he comes up to me and starts talking about his schlong and he made me sick. Something doesn't sit right with this boy and I think that he looks down on women.

[TXlib]

39. Tell him his behavior is inappropriate

I understand you feel bad for him, but you need to let him know firmly where the boundaries are.

[lcordero]

5. how about this?

I'm assuming that going to a dermatologist isn't an affordable solution for him, is a search for a herbal remedy for acne a good start?

http://www.google.com/search?q=herbal+remedy+acne&hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

He might want to up his water intake also.

[Lostmessage]

7. The parents are corporate owned farmers

He said that they make around $400,000.00 after taxes from their farm which I have never heard of that kind of money for farmers.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

27. That sounds like BS...

Sorry...I replied before I read all your posts.

I wouldn't get him a girlfriend; I'd find him a therapist.

[Lostmessage]

33. He is nuts

I don't know anything about farming and he keeps ranting about how much money that they make on their soy farm.

[GoddessOfGuinness]

8. You're wise to not take advantage

of him. It's the last thing either of you needs; though I know how nice it feels to have a much-younger man express an attraction.

Does he have volunteer opportunities open to him, where he could meet non-fundy girls? At least if he didn't meet someone, he'd be doing something to feel proud of.

If, as you say, everyone makes fun of him, you might be able to help others see him differently by diffusing their negative comments...saying things like, "Oh I don't know, he seems like a nice guy...just going through one of those awkward phases," or somesuch.

He's lucky to have you for a friend. Good luck!

[camero]

9. In all seriousness, there are no easy answers

If you know some ladies around his age it wouldn't be a bad idea to introduce them to each other. But speaking as a guy, it would probably be best to point out the age difference and let him down easy. I had that kind of relationship once and it really is like you are in 2 different stages of development.

Those who can make it work, more power to them. But it's alot harder than being with someone who is around my own age.

[Lostmessage]

10. I told him my age and I told him that I am not interested in a kid

He then started talking about sex and I walked off he followed me.
I am to the point now that I am about to tell him to get lost but I am not rude.

[camero]

13. Does he know if you have an SO?

That's the only other way I can think of other than having a discreet talk with your boss. Sounds like hormones are still in the way with him. They were when I was 21 too.

If you don't have an SO then it might work to just say you do anyway in passing. Not right but he may be bordering on harrassment.

[Lostmessage]

17. I am not sure

I tried to tell him one day that I had someone that doesn't live in the area and he kept asking questions like.
Well why doesn't he? Do you have a picture of him and can I see it? Where is your ring at and I said I left it on the sink at home and the next question was well why don't you go home and get it and each day he asks what happened to your ring. He calls him my fellow and he asks me why he doesn't send a pretty woman like me flowers. I asked him how do you know that I haven't gotten flowers from him and he said he knows :shrug:. Everything he asks rubs it in more that I don't have anyone and I want to punch this kid and tell him to f-off but I feel sorry for him.

[camero]

22. I'd be leery

Doesn't sound too good. Maybe you should talk to your boss about it if you know you won't get in trouble. I know you feel bad for him but you should be able to work in peace.

[Lostmessage]

28. I am leaving there in 12 weeks

They have my notice and I gave it far enough in advance. The boss likes him and he can do no wrong. She told me to feel flattered that a younger guy would want to go out with me. :puke: :scared:

[chrisesq]

31. Looks to me as though you have all the requirements

for a sexual harassment case. Sexually agressive employee. Employer knows of the action. Employer does not remedy the situation.

Call an attorney that deals with employment discrimination/sexual harassment in the workforce. That's if you want to do something about it.

Even if you don't want to pursue it, think of the other employees that may have to deal with this type of condoned behavior in the future and how you may be helping them

[Lostmessage]

34. I don't want a lawsuit

The company is small and the owner would end up going out of business. I will leave him with the bitches in the office because they deserve him.

[camero]

32. I feel flattered when a younger woman wants to go out with me

But if she's like that it doesn't make me feel any better. It's good that you gave your notice. You'll be rid of him soon enough. Might be good if someone can escort you to your car.

[Lostmessage]

35. I take a cab

I use to walk but you can't walk in the snow and it's safer that way.

[camero]

37. oops

I saw where you take a cab. It's a good thing you do. Be safe.

[Djinn]

36. don't know the labour laws in US

but where I live - he's sexually harrasing you - especially if you have told him you find it innappropriate and uncomfortable - if I were you I'd have sic'ed my other half on him but as mentioned in another thread I have a bad temper - but I really think the absolute LAST thing you should do is find him a date, he may look at this as interest on your part and will allow him an excuse to keep up contact after you leave your current position. It will give him a connection to you and to me he sounds like the scary stalking type

I'd try as much as possible to avoid him while you're still working at the same place - if that's proving impossible put in writing to your boss what's happening and that you expect them to do something about it.

You have no reason to feel bad if another person makes you uncomfortable

[Kat45]

11. Do you think the stories he's told you are true?

I'm not saying they couldn't be, but they seem so over-the-top that they could be the talk of a pathological liar. (I've known a couple of those.) I'm not an unsympathetic person, and if this is all the truth I do feel bad for him, but I was getting the creeps reading what you told us (mainly because of the way he shadows you.) I think I'd be a little leery of the guy.

[A HERETIC I AM]

14. If what LostMessage said is true in this guys life, he is probably

TERRIBLY lonely. Young, inexperienced but wanting to appear worldly, stricken with bad acne, awkward socially and sexually, traumatic childhood, all these (as i am sure all of us can attest to one degree or another) make for MISERABLE years. Be sympathetic but firm.

[Lostmessage]

15. The story about the Kitten made me sick

I felt like :puke: after he told me about his kitten. I asked him why he didn't try to get the moving rice which we all know was worms out of the kittens throat and he said that he didn't know it was dying. He is giving me the creeps big time.

[Lostmessage]

16. I got the creeps from this kid

I have never met a farm boy so I don't know if they talk about killing animals or not.

[lcordero]

21. tell him that killing animals is socially acceptable only if

for euthanizing an animal. Or if for food.

[Stargleamer]

18. I don't think this guy is ready yet for dating IMHO

and judging from what you have said, I think if he were to begin dating now, he would use his date as object, a means to end--his own gratification--and the date would turn out badly.

I think he needs to develop some social skills and empathy first, before he tries dating. So if you could get him to try mingling at clubs, such as Sierra Hiking clubs in your area, or any other kind of place where he could make friends and get to understand people better, so he could better take into account where they might be coming from. The more he can learn from being with others the better.

Really, given what you said I think he needs group therapy, but I don't know how you could get him into that.

What another poster said about him being lonely is probably true as is the part about being sympathetic yet firm.

Good luck.

[Lostmessage]

23. I suggested that he join a political group

That's when I found out that his parents are right wingers. He is into war and I told him to go and sign up that he could meet some girls in the air force. I would have never suggested to anyone else to sign up but he keeps bragging about how good the war is.

[A HERETIC I AM]

38. You might have an angle there.....

Suggest the Marines to him. Play up to his "tough-guy" machismo. Not to mention, the Marine Corps will straighten him RIGHT out.

They'll take him, no doubt.

[chrisesq]

20. I don't know if you'll like this answer, but

are you sure it's a good idea to pass this guy off on another person?

If the stories are true, this guy sounds like a total basket case. It known that children who are abused often turn into abusers themselves. Plus it sounds like he has the potential to be a stalker.

I don't think I would feel comfortable setting up him on a date with anyone that I even remotely knew.

If he wants to have sex so bad, tell him to go to a prostitute. No girl that I've ever known would want to date a guy whose only goal in seeing them was soley based on sexual frustration.

[Lostmessage]

25. I don't know any girls his age

I would never fix him up with anyone that I know because he gives me the creeps. I wanted to help give him suggestions on how to get a date.
I told him that he needed to change his topic of conversation or he would never get a date like that. He keeps going back to I like older women and you are so pretty. Maybe he feels like he needs a mother figure as a girlfriend because of the abandonment when he was a baby.

[LastKnight]

24. from what ive read throughout the thread...

it sounds like he has crossed the line over sexual harrassment... if he out of nowhere starts talking about his manstick and it makes you uncomfortable... go to your manager and see if you can get the kid to back off... no one should have to take that shit.

although the fact that you want to let him down easily kinda complicates it because... there really is no way to. but the harrassment has to stop, it could get worse, one of these days he could start showing up around your neighborhood or calling your house unwantedly, dont let it get too far.

-LK

[Lostmessage]

26. He creeps up on you when you come out of the bathroom

The kid is 6'4 or 6'5 and he weighs about 250 pounds. I am only 5'4 and I weigh around 138 and he gives me the creeps because he is so weird.

[LastKnight]

29. now THATS messed up...

whatever you do or dont do, just make sure your safe, if you dont already carry some mace or something, might want to pick some up and keep it in your purse or soemthing... im hoping his intentions are harmless but you never know... whatever you do keep yourself safe.

-LK

[Lostmessage]

30. I take a cab every night

I use to walk because I live about 9 blocks from my job and I don't anymore.
I feel sorry for him but I can only take it so far.

He is very good graphic artist.