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Edited on Sun Aug-26-07 11:50 PM by bob_weaver
These have been collected from church newsletters and bulletin boards around the country...
Men’s prayer breakfast, Saturday, 8 a.m. No charge, but your damnation will be accepted.
This afternoon there will be a meeting in the South and North ends of the church. Children will be baptised at both ends.
The rosebud on the altar this morning is to announce the birth of David Alan Belzer, the sin of Rev and Mrs. Julius Belzer.
The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday morning.
Please join us as we show our support for Amy and Alan in preparing for the girth of their first child.
The audience is asked to remain seated until the end of the recession.
Lecture Tuesday evening at 7:00 on “The Christian and Sexuality.” The pubic is invited.
Thursday night - Potluck supper. Prayer and medication to follow.
The concert held in Fellowship Hall was a great success. Special thanks are due to the minister's daughter, who laboured the whole evening at the piano, which as usual fell upon her.
Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.
A song fest was hell at the Methodist church on Wednesday.
At the Women’s Fellowship, the ladies showed off their knitting and crotches.
Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood donors for more transfusions. She is also having trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor Jack's sermons.
Would the congregation please note that the bowl at the back of the church labeled “For The Sick” is for monetary donations only.
The Ladies’ Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.
Couples should contact the pastor at least six months in advance of marriage, even if a firm hate has been established.
The associate minister unveiled the church's new tithing campaign slogan last Sunday: "I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours."
For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.
The sermon this morning is "Jesus Walks on the Water." The sermon tonight is "Searching for Jesus."
Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7.00-8.30pm. Please use the back door.
The cost for attending this week's "Fasting and Prayer" conference includes meals.
This evening at 7pm there will be a hymn sing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.
The church is glad to have with us today as our guest minister the Reverend Raymond Green, who has Mrs. Green with him. After the service, we request that all remain in the sanctuary for the hanging of the greens.
The pastor is on vacation. Massages can be given to church secretary.
Wednesday, the Ladies' Liturgy Society will meet. Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.
Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and heave a healthy lunch.
Associate Pastor personal counselling and hands-on healing available by appointment. Tuesday mornings after his wife leaves.
SUNDAY SCHOOL 9:00 am to 9:45 am. Adults and children ages 4 to 12. Teens can get it at Fellowship Hall.
The service will close with "Little Drops of Water." One of the ladies will start quietly and the rest of the congregation will join in.
During the absence of our Pastor, we enjoyed the rare privilege of hearing a good sermon when J.F. Stubbs supplied our pulpit.
Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our church and community.
Again this year St. Gertrude’s will roll out the red carpet for our archdiocese seminarians and show them our famous hospitality. If you would like to hose one of the young men for the weekend in your home, please call the parish office.
The third verse of “Blessed Assurance” will be sung without musical accomplishment.
Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles, and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.
Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.
The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare's Hamlet in the church basement on Friday at 7pm. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.
The Senior Choir invites any member of the congregation who enjoys sinning to join them.
The ladies of the church have cast off clothing of every kind and they may be seen in the church basement Friday.
Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.
Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.
The Spring Council Retreat will be hell May 10 and 11.
Weight Watchers will meet at 7pm at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.
We need volunteers for summer camp. There will be sinning and dancing.
Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Don't forget your husbands.
The church will host an evening of fine dining, superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.
The cost for attending the Fasting and Prayer Conference includes meals.
Next Sunday is the annual family hayride and bonfire at the Taylors’. Bring your own hot dogs and guns. Bring a friend.
At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to our choir practice.
A bean supper will be held on Tuesday eveining in the church hall. Music will follow.
Next Sunday, a special collection will be taken to defray the cost of new carpet. All those wishing to do something on the new carpet, please come forward and get a piece of paper at the end of the service.
Miss Charlene Mason sang "I Will Not Pass This Way Again," giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.
This being Easter Sunday, we will ask Mrs. Lewis to come forward and lay an egg on the altar.
Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa, will be speaking tonight at Calvary Methodist. Come hear Bertha Belch all the way from Africa.
Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this week for testes.
Thursday a 5pm there will be a meeting of the Little Mothers Club. All wishing to become Little Mothers, please see the minister in his private study.
The Lutheran Men’s Group will meet at 6 p.m. Wednesday. Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and dessert will be served for a nominal feel.
Tuesday at 4pm there will be an ice-cream social. All ladies giving milk will please come early.
In the future, ushers will swat latecomers to the service.
There will be a procession in the grounds of the Monastry next Sunday afternoon. If it rains in the afternoon the procession will take place in the morning.
Please note. From next Sunday the evening service will be at 8pm. This will continue until 13th September.
The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has been cancelled due to a conflict.
During the Burning Bowel Service you are given the opportunity to let go and release anything unwanted in your life.
The outreach committee has enlisted 25 visitors to make calls on people who are not afflicted with any church.
Due to increasing problems with litter louts and vandals we must ask anyone with relatives buried in the graveyard to do their best to keep them in order.
This is the gate of Heaven. Enter Ye all by this door. (This door is kept locked because of the draught. Please use side door.)
The last world war. Where and when will it be fought? St. Margaret's, Hartford Street on Tuesday 22nd.
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