Write a personals headline that is guaranteed NOT to get responses:

[Deja Q]

1. "Mork searching for a Mindy"
2. "I'm dirt, you're a vacuum cleaner."
3. "I stay crunchy in milk!"

Your turn!

[Rabrrrrrr]

1. Psoriasis is Sexy!

[Deja Q]

2. Agreed. Always leave that as a special surprise...

:rofl:

[Writer]

3. "I have this itch... will someone please come scratch it?"

[Hugin]

6. That's HOT!

:rofl:

[triguy46]

4. 55 yo male, only 20 pounds overweight, balding.

Reality sucks.

[Deja Q]

9. Try it at age 35...

:hide:

[triguy46]

14. Remember when Playboy playmates listed their "turn-offs"?

I would regularly win the trifecta.

[Hugin]

5. "Enlarged to show texture."

:7

[Deja Q]

7. !

:rofl:

[Hugin]

13. "Your treat"

Sadly, I'm really good at these. :)

[Rabrrrrrr]

8. Hitler in search of Jewish Gay Gypsie for Extreme Role Play

[racaulk]

11. .

:spray:

Nice!!! :rofl:

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

10. "I'm broke."

[ohiosmith]

12. Have herpes, will travel.

[racaulk]

15. "Who wants to be my next babymama?"

[YDogg]

45. heh

[Rabrrrrrr]

16. Mongol In Search of Undefended Satrapy

[Rabrrrrrr]

17. Sniveling Little Rat Face in search of Dreary Fat Boring Old

[Oeditpus Rex]

28. Object: Matrimony and three children

Ghastly Spotty Cross-Eyed, Dirty Lying Little Two-Faced and Ghastly Spotty Horrible Vicious Little.




And now, a nice version of this same sub-thread.

[flvegan]

18. Animal rights activist looking for trousersnake liberator.

[matcom]

19. Free Republic member looking for his "G. Gordon" man

[Hugin]

21. Now I know who's been running that...

Does Mrs. matcom know? :rofl:

[Hugin]

20. "Catch me on the rebound, baby."

[racaulk]

22. "If I was bread, would you be my butter?"

[rug]

23. Need Soulmate To Change Dressings.

[ruiner4u]

24. Looking for other kindred souls who have a colostomy bag fetish

[Initech]

25. Male seeking female DC-area prostitute to change diapers

[gmoney]

26. Needy possessive guy seeks bad girl

n/t

[ChoralScholar]

27. Wanna go for a ride in my 'vette?

[Oeditpus Rex]

29. 'It puts the lotion on its skin...'

[Hugin]

30. Dayum...

Hahahahahaha!

I quit... Can't beat that!

[XemaSab]

58. *winner*

:D

[matcom]

31. Looking for Olive Garden "Breadstick" taster

[Hugin]

32. "Let's put a bun in the oven!"

Oh, crikey... I'm going to pay for this one. :hide:

[matcom]

33. Feeling Blue - Will You Be MY Monica?

[billyoc]

34. Must love Jackals,

no weirdos.

[SPKrazy]

35. Looking for someone who isn't turned off by dry skin

One time disease free male looking for partner

I'd like to sink my tooth in you baby

:shrug:

[Ikonoklast]

36. "I don't smell as bad as you'd think"

"Tested negative.......mostly"

"My Mom said to run this ad"

"Sensitive male seeking soulmate to fetch my beers"

[texas1928]

37. Mother said I needed to meet new people.

And to get out of her house. Will you let me live with you?

[rockymountaindem]

38. Professional baby-seal-clubber seeks someone to keep warm with

Owns good set of rugs, pillows, seat covers, bathmats, etc.

[Starbucks Anarchist]

39. "It's not gonna suck itself."

[Ellen Forradalom]

41. Been reading Craigslist casual encounters again?

They write stuff like that in there. UGH

[XemaSab]

60. I read that shit for comedy...

18 y/o freshman at UCSB seeks BJ. :P

[Ellen Forradalom]

40. C'mon up and see my chainsaw

[Rabrrrrrr]

42. Ex-school-hero-jock mid-level manager looking for quiescent abusable woman like my friend's wives

whose only sense of self-esteem comes from driving an SUV that I will provide.

Must enjoy living in my past glories, cuz I sure haven't had any since I lost my full-ride football scholarship because of a cocaine and rape incident, and being assistant manager at a Walgreen's at age 47 isn't really anything to brag about, now, is it?

[triguy46]

43. You would the hunkiest of the hunks here in OK....

This defines a signicant portion of the male population in OK. Congrats!

[Rabrrrrrr]

49. A good portion in most of the midwest, it seems.

Sadly.

[GOPisEvil]

44. Now that the rash has cleared, I'm ready for action!

[evlbstrd]

46. I just lost another tooth. Who wants to love me?

[smtpgirl]

47. "Looking to stalk you"

[The Straight Story]

48. "You bring the blue dress, I got the cigar" (nt)

[TheBaldyMan]

50. Walking disaster area (WDA) seeks blind stupid woman (BSW)

Crumbly leper seeks that special s/o for jacuzzi fun

Wife beater seeks romance, poss. long term relationship

[mitchum]

51. "I'm not needy; I just need you!"

[TheBaldyMan]

52. OJ seeks SWF

[idgiehkt]

53. "Let us frolic in my totally dope blanket fort"

:rofl:

okay, not original, taken from craiglist...with pictures included

http://www.craigslist.org/about/best/chi/291079504.html

[BlueIris]

54. "Single Alien Female Seeks Same For Weekend Fun, and Communion With Ship(s)."

Must love large women with many communication implants. Some (mind) probing okay. No smokers.

[flying rabbit]

55. Meth head love pirate seeks

sugar momma to share my downward spiral.

[BlueIris]

56. "Do Yu Luv Linda Ronstadt?"

[XemaSab]

57. Loves long walks on the beach looking for carcasses

(ps If you think this is hot, pm me :hide: )

[BlueIris]

59. "Divorced White Male Seeks Female For Back Massage, Scab Picking and Spitting."

No Virgos.

[BlueIris]

61. "I Can Hold Out With The Best of 'Em! (Plus, I Go To Church)"

Could you be the one Jesus intended for me? (No Jews, Muslims or Catholics, please.)

[S n o w b a l l]

62. 300 lb hottie looking for rich executive for LTR

[JVS]

63. "as I screamed myself hoarse at the cockfighting ring in Bangkok, a wad of money in one hand a ...

prostitute on my other arm, I realized I was missing something: you"

[BlueIris]

64. "Single White Male Seeks Female With Good Breeding Hips"

Divorced okay. Kids okay. Non-smoker prefered.

[TheBaldyMan]

65. Trekkie LARPer seeks similar for Amok Time

p.s. if you think this is hot stay well away from me

[BlueIris]

66. "Divorced Male Leo Seeks Leo (or Sag) to Share Cottage and Alligator Farm"

No kids prefered, but will consider.

[FloridaJudy]

67. Sensitive male seeks liberated lady. No fatties.

[BlueIris]

68. "Modestly-Endowed Male Seeking Female Who Won't Judge"

[TheBaldyMan]

69. Michael Hutchence lookalike seeks Rock chick - no hang ups

[BlueIris]

70. "I Like The Crack Whore Look--Have You Got It?"

Must love hamsters.

[JVS]

71. "I hope you're not like my ex-husband. He was such a fucking asshole. You wouldn't believe the..."

[BlueIris]

72. "Divorced Dad of 4 Needs New Meal Ticket"

E-mail [email protected].

[JVS]

73. "Mommy of 34 cats seeks a daddy"

[BlueIris]

74. "Black Widow Spiders Turn Me On"

No a.m. phone calls.

[BlueIris]

75. "SXXXY Grandpa Seeks Slender Thai Maiden For PTR"

Must luv mature men and nipple clamps. No druggies.

[Seashell Eyes]

76. Seeking father of my future babies.

[hyphenate]

77. Man, 50, seeks woman to replace his recently deceased mother

Natural woman seeks man who doesn't mind extra body hair

Alcoholic man with blackouts seeks woman with good memory

Republican man looking for woman who cooks, doesn't own shoes and enjoys being a mother

Computer geek seeks long term relationship with Miss America

If you don't want me for my body, at least consider me for my money!

[BlooInBloo]

78. Me: Herpes in remission. You: clean.

[LostInAnomie]

79. These warts ain't getting any smaller, ladies.

Neither is the rash.

Come 'n get it.

[KitchenWitch]

80. I am not contagious - honest!

[Blue-Jay]

81. "Check out my sweater vest!"

[datasuspect]

82. "bad motherfucker looking for miss wrong"

fresh out on the street from a 10 year hiatus at club fed, i'm ready to hit it and quit it.

if you're into meth, injecting heroin, and hardcore drinking and crime, hit me up.

[Canuckistanian]

83. SWM Funeral director seeks woman with pale skin, low body temp

Personality not an issue.

[LibDemAlways]

84. Featured on "To Catch a Predator"

[The Velveteen Ocelot]

85. "I'd Like To Sink You With My Pink Torpedo."

... Courtesy of Spinal Tap.