Ask Mr. Zomby your TAX QUESTIONS!!!

[Zomby Woof]

*cues up The Beatles "Taxman"*

Welcome to the first installment of my semi-occasional Q&A sessions on tax law! Let's get started with the first one, shall we?

This is from DUer "YaksAgainstBush04", and he asks:

Dear Mr. Zomby,

Is the time I spend on DU tax deductible? If so, I want to be able to include medical expenses for the mental anguish caused by the General Discussion 2004 Primaries forum as a write-off!!

Oh, and can I declare my baby yak as a dependent? Thanks!

Skinn..., I mean "YaksAgainstBush04"
Washington DC

My reply:

Dear Yaks,

I am sorry to say that according to the Internal Revenue Code, Section 3298, Article XXXIV, Clause 345, Subsection 43, Paragraph 32, Part B, 45 degrees longitude, Red Sox 0: Time spent on the Democratic Underground is NOT tax deductible, however, if you keep a record of your expenditures with receipts, you will find that you never have a shoebox around when you need one, won't you? I know I never do. So my advice to is just make it up like everyone else does!

You cannot declare the baby yak until it gets its own Social Security number, which can be purchased on Ebay for a reasonable price!

Yours,

Mr. Zomby

[fishnfla]

1. What is the difference between a simple IRA and a Roth IRA?

In terms of tax breaks. And why? Please keep your answer brief, I've a short attention span.

[GOPisEvil]

2. Dear Mr. Zomby:

Can I deduct hat replacement costs and depreciation on the old hat? What about routine hat maintenance and upkeep? Any of this deductible? Thanks!

Signed,

GOPisEvil

[Zomby Woof]

4. Dear GOPisEvil

According to my research in IRS Publication 347, "Tax Deductions for Fetishists", it says:

Hats used with reasonable care, provided the care is not excessively loud or cretinous, can be deducted for depreciation costs only if any 2 or the following 3 criteria are met:

1. It is Wednesday, and even then, after 4PM local time.

2. If the loudness does exceed the cretinousness, which when used in the service of threadjacking, means I just made that word up because the goddamned Internal Revenue Code is a nightmare! I mean, if I wanted to make sense of this crap, I could have went to law school. But noooooo, I had to stay up allll night listening to Led Zeppelin and binging on bad coffee. The, that DAMN ECON professor was worthless. I mean, was she high??? So, yes, the cheese stands alone.

3. Skittles will KICK YOUR ASS.

Hope that helps!

Mr. Zomby

[GOPisEvil]

5. Are medical costs arising from the ass-kicking deuctible?

:D

Sorry about the econ prof...I had a good one, but it was junior college.

[banana republican]

12. Is the Hat Tin Foil?????

If so you may be able to deduct a medical expense. Psychiatric expenses are deductible

[Skittles]

3. WHY ARE SINGLE PEOPLE ALWAYS F***ING SCREWED

WHY WHY WHY

[Zomby Woof]

7. Dear Skittles

Single people are always getting screwed, because the surest way to end screwing is to get married, if what my married friends tell me is true! NO sex at all! Sure, they have a few kids at first - but even that can be done by artificial insemination these days! Then after cashing in on all those tax credits and other gimmicks and giveaways, they (the parents AND the kids) become lazy and indolent, watching reality shows and eating pretzels all day. Some of them even end up posting yak threads on DU! That is the bottom of the barrel.

My advice is to adopt a yak, and claim it as a dependent!

Yours,

Mr. Zomby

[laura888]

6. question about property taxes

is this in your line? not sure...

The property taxes in my area have shot way up because of sky-rocketing property values. I pay this amount through my lender.

Is there any chance that the property taxes will go down and I will pay less in property taxes?

[Zomby Woof]

8. Yes! It will happen!

Dear laura888,

Property taxes will decline when Bush takes his first step on Mars! That should be in the year 3897, when the national debt is down to a manageable $768,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000,000.99! His cryogenically preserved body (alcohol has wonderful preservational qualities!) will make those steps. I plan on being dead by then, how about you?

Property taxes are tax deductible, but my microwave just went off, and dinner is ready! Come back later, if I remember the rest of the...

Regards,

Mr. Zomby

[Don_G]

9. Mr Zomby Sir

I haven't filed a tax return in 12 years because I haven't "legally" made enough to file until I had to declare 100K in Profits plus another 100K in Capital Gains this year.

Is Ken Lay's Tax Attorney still certified to practice law in the Commonwealth of Bermuda and does he still have immunity from Contribution?

[ima_sinnic]

10. Dear Mr. Zomby, we Waltons had to pay $8.12 in taxes this year

--why was this, and what can we do about it?
this is unprecedented! I thought we got a tax CUT.
If this continues we will be reduced to slashing our work force, down to nothing but illegals.
thank you,
The Walton Family of Mall-Wart fame

[Skinner]

11. LOL

Bummer. How about this question...

Dear Mr. Zomby

If I were to move the DU web servers to the Cayman Islands, could I avoid paying federal income tax? And are there yaks there?

YaksAgainstBush04
Washington, DC

[Zomby Woof]

13. Ah! A tax shelter!

You could avoid the taxes, but there is great risk involved... namely having to compete for prime tanning spots on the beach with exiled Enron execs and other riffraff!

My advice: Leave the yaks at home, and bring PLENTY of sunscreen.B-)

[ZenLefty]

14. O, thank you so much! This tax question has been bothering me.

Customarily, I use brass tax when making upholstered furniture. It's good for leather-covered chairs and footstools, and someday I may make that mission-style couch. But I find when I use hardwoods, the brass isn't always suitable to penetrate it.

Rather than drill 3/64th inch holes for each of the brass tax, do you think I should use steel tax? Will they rust over time or should they hold for a while? How about copper tax? They look good but I think they lack the strength to stretch 16 square feet of rawhide over the padding and seat.

[Zomby Woof]

15. Dear ZenLefty

I think it is best that you consider a rule of thumb tax: First, never steal steel tax, and don't make a brass of yourself! If at all possible, make sure the upholstery is something Elwood can really sink his claws into.

Finally, admit that unless you use Don Cherry wood for the furniture, you will have nothing to comfortably watch hockey on!

Regards,

Mr. Zomby

[ZenLefty]

20. Oooo, does leather come in plaid?

Beauty! :thumbsup:

[Pobeka]

16. Dear Mr. Zomby

I would like to purchase a yak, because I believe it would endear me to well know yak-lovers at a website, and will likely lead to a better job through the connections I make there.

Can I write off the cost of the yak?

Yours,
Seeking a real job.

[Maeve]

17. Make sure you get a nanny yak

That can lead to a butter job!

[Pobeka]

19. grrrooooaaannn. (hey is that gaelic on your sig line?)

[Maeve]

21. It is that

Irish Gaelic to be exact--I've been studying it for a few years.

[Pobeka]

22. I thought so. I just started studying it in the last couple of weeks.

:thumbsup:

[Maeve]

23. Maith thú!

Zomby won't mind a little thread-jacking..:eyes:....if you're not already familiar with it, check out www.daltai.com I've got a ton of other great websites if you're interested. Just PM me.

[INTELBYTES]

18. Mr Zomby,

Thanks for your service! If you have time I have a question.

I started a fencing business a few years ago with a partner. My business partner does the fencing full time, while I help out occasionally. I only made a few thousand off of the business in 2003. My question is: I plan to give my partner the business completely. Whereas it was listed as a partnership in 2003, this year it will be a sole proprietorship. For taxes purpose this year, can he file last years business finances as sole proprietorship? I'd rather not even mess with the partnership tax thing.

Thanks!

[MGKrebs]

24. I'm confused. What's a tax?

Is it plural for "yak"? Wouldn't that be "yax"?
Does this have anything to do with monkeypox?
Does it involve filling out forms?

I need to know, because I received a notice in the mail from someone called "Internal Revenue" (odd name) that said "All your tax are belong to us". What does this mean?

[UrbScotty]

25. Dear Mr. Zomby,

I'm raising million$ for my re-erection bid. What's left over, I'm planning to give to NASA so they can send to send a probe to investigate gas in and around Uranus.

The problem is, I can't take any heat, especially the rocket blast from the probe launch, so I need a tinfoil body suit (an entire body suit, not just a hat) to wear when the probe launches to Uranus. I'm borrowing from our children to pay for it. Is the interest on that tax-deductible (and trust me it is very interesting - get it, Interesting?)

-Your Great Dictator President, Crawford, Taxes (Taxes - get it?)

[populistmom]

26. Can I claim...

tubes of Lotrimin as deductions? :shrug:

[Zomby Woof]

28. Yes!

Provided you apply twice a day to your kneecaps, and eat lots of jello!

[Pobeka]

27. Kick - a lot of people need some tax advice!