Okay guys, advice is needed... help me with this problem

[belladonna]

There's this forum that I've belonged to for quite some time now. It was once a really cool website and I still occasionally enjoy posting there. I've been pretty loyal to this forum over the years, donating when I could afford to, etc. But, there is a huge problem going on there now and I'm not sure what to do about it.

See, this forum seems to have been taken over by trolls and god knows who else. I really suspect that half of the moderators there are trolls and some of the shit that goes on there makes my head spin lately. Stuff that was never tolerated in the past is now a-okay, yet when you say anything about it or complain about it, you're treated like you're a) paranoid and seeing things or b) a troublemaking whiner. A majority of things that are tolerated there are in direct opposition with the stated rules and mission of this forum and, frankly, I'm sick enough of the crap to just quit and go elsewhere. Pleas to the owners and administrators of this website have fallen on deaf ears, so why bother anymore.

It kind of sucks, though, having to give up something I've enjoyed for so long over a bunch of trolls and assholes. So, tell me, what would you guys do in my place?

[RetroLounge]

1. Take a break for a while?

I think I came back too soon...

Oh, you mean ANOTHER forum...

:shrug:

RL

[belladonna]

3. Course I do

Whatever would make you think I was referring to anything else? :shrug:

[Name removed]

14. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Radical Activist]

30. That's what I did.

I left for several months. Things changed while I was gone, but hell, its only an internet forum. You have to keep things in perspective.

[philosophie_en_rose]

2. Take a break or find a nice little corner of the forum.

:pals:

[NightWatcher]

4. I think I know what you mean

Just avoid the drama and spend your time goofing off with chums. I heard about a site that was just like that once. I hope that it never happens anywhere that I frequent.

[belladonna]

7. Problem is, there are no nice little corners left

The disease has spread and it's everywhere.

[jpgray]

5. Just don't break the rules, don't stir up shit, and keep social feuds private and off the board

Seems to work fine for most of the users here. It's hard when people post snide attacks to forgo responding to them, but it's -always- for the best. If you have to be involved in a petty bullshit Lounge war, at least weigh in on the classier side that avoids posting secret snark or taking the bait of same. If both sides are classless, don't weigh in at all.

[belladonna]

8. That's all well and good

And hey, I have weighed in on the classier side. Doesn't seem to have mattered though :shrug:

[jpgray]

10. From what I saw, both sides did their share of shit-stirring

Doubtless two totally conflicting stories of "what happened" are floating around via PM, email, MySpace or what have you. Lines are being drawn, people are being written off, brave guerilla posts are being plotted, and yet all of it is so wasteful and completely boring. It turns normal Loungers into tiresome fuckwits whose only purpose on an ostensibly political board is baiting one another in the Lounge. People become obsessed with the drama and turn what originally is an unimportant personal falling out into a no-holds-barred situation where both sides try to win at all costs. And for what? What's the point? No one will be proved right, no side will "win" and a lot of popular posters get banned.

Alas, it's all been seen before. Only two or three people really know what happened, yet each person on each side swears they know the gospel truth. Doubtless one or both parties are lying, so why pretend that this needs to be a fight to the death? It should be a fight to -discretion- for people not directly involved.

[belladonna]

11. Oh?

Do you belong to the same forum? Wow, and I never even mentioned the name of it... go figure.

[jpgray]

12. I'm assuming this was about the latest DU drama

I don't belong to any other board like the one you mention. :D My advice holds true for most boards, I imagine.

[belladonna]

17. Funny that you find my description similar to what you see on DU

I guess that says something, but I'll let it stand on it's own.

[jpgray]

18. More your reply to RetroLounge than anything else that tipped me

But I think the banned party should work out the social problem and then let Skinner know that the problems won't continue. That's the best chance for reinstatement, and putting all this behind us. No need to be a martyr for something this silly.

[belladonna]

19. Oh my, you are quite the detective

Gosh, I sure hope you never have a social problem on any board. Especially since you state yourself that you wouldn't want anyone to speak up for you.

[jpgray]

20. I just don't see the point of a petty social war on a political forum

Resolve it privately, sure. Avoid contact with any antagonists and do the very best to avoid responding to any provocation, yeah. Get myself banned because people don't like me? Nah. I sure as hell wouldn't want any of my friends here to get banned if I were. Life's too short to allow a social dust-up to poison people against each other--I'd like to think I would keep the antagonism private and between the people who know for sure what happened. Any second-hand information from me or my co-feuder sent to friends I think would have to be suspect, since both sides would want to cast themselves in the best light.

[belladonna]

22. Correct me if I'm wrong

But I remember one particular social problem on DU that you got QUITE involved in. Funny thing how we forget things like that when pointing fingers at someone else.

[jpgray]

26. Yeah. You learn some lessons in a situation like that.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

23. Don't want to let go - do you?

This shit is tiresome at the very best

[belladonna]

28. Take that advice you give out so often

Hide thread? Do it if you're sick of it. I remember a time when people were upset over something that happened with you. Guess that was different, huh?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

31. Attack me if you want - I couldn't give a sht - however - if you want...

your friend back just chill out. Let her ask to come back. All that stuff.

I don't think you want to start shit with me.

I have no side on this issue - in fact I like all those involved so why get mad at me?

[belladonna]

34. It's an attack to point out that people were once upset that YOU got banned?

Sure, that's not relevant to this situation at all.

[Radical Activist]

27. ugh

sounds too familiar. Yeah, I had someone try to bring a private grudge onto DU. Maybe she sent PM's to badmouth me. Maybe some people still think a certain way about me because of that. But guess what, I don't give a shit. I never responded to any of it, didn't let it bother me, and I've ignored her posts since then. I still enjoy DU and at least some people will recognize petty, childish, vindictive behavior for what it is.

[jpgray]

29. In my view you should rarely trust and never spread internet gossip

But it's really hard not to do, as many people I respect have shown time and again.

[mike_c]

6. call out everyone and go out in a blaze of glory....

They'll be talking about you for years!

[belladonna]

9. Now there's an idea I'm mulling over seriously N/T

[Haole Girl]

13. I say if something is causing you stress..and

..if you have the ability to get rid of that stress..dump it-- get rid of it!

Hope you're doing okay, BTW. :hug:

[Callalily]

15. Sometimes it's best

to just cut your losses. If you're not happy there, then maybe it's best that you leave.

I'm seriously thinking of leaving a site where I'm one of the hosts of a group. Leaving that particular group, not the site b/c I belong to another group that's very active and very congenial.

My feeling is, don't waste your time on something that's upsetting you or is counterproductive. Mind you, this is just my humble opinion.

[Zuiderelle]

16. I think that it's always a good idea to take a step back and consider

that maybe putting too much importance on a discussion board is not very healthy. You should consider yourself lucky that you've seen how destructive it can be to let strangers' opinions affect you negatively. It's probably a good idea to take a break.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

21. I say get over it

Come on - it's just the interwebs.

[belladonna]

24. You're right that it's just the interwebs

But as hard as I work, it's kind of nice to have something to enjoy on the rare occasions that I get a break. The above-mentioned forum was one of those things I enjoyed. Why would I not be upset about it being ruined by bullshit?

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

25. Because you could choose to ignore the stuff that is ridiculous

Which is taking the upper hand. I've seen all this crap for years - you have to let it go.

It is SO not worth all this effort.

[belladonna]

32. What effort?

I've transcribed two files in the time since this thread started. It takes very little effort to speak out when you see bullshit transpiring and people treated unfairly.

[ChavezSpeakstheTruth]

33. Come on - I've seen your posts in the last few days

Just chill - this will all blow over unless you make sure that it won't

[Pithlet]

35. I'm locking this

because of the flames.