These are actual instruction labels on consumer goods:
found at :
http://gdl.msu.edu/~vanhoose/humor/0682.htmlOn Sears hairdryer: Do not use while sleeping. (GEE, that's the only time I have to work on my hair!)
On a bag of Fritos: You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside. (The shoplifter special!)
On a bar of Dial soap: Directions: Use like regular soap. (And that would be how?)
On some Swann frozen dinners: Serving suggestion: Defrost. (But it's 'just' a suggestion!)
On a hotel provided shower cap in a box: Fits one head. (The big one or the little one?)
On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert: (printed on bottom of the box) Do not turn upside down. (Too late! You lose!)
On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: Product will be hot after heating. (Are you sure? Let's experiment.)
On packaging for a Rowenta iron: Do not iron clothes on body. (But wouldn't that save more time?)(Whose body?)
On Boot's Children's cough medicine: Do not drive car or operate machinery. (We could do a lot to reduce the construction accidents if we just kept those 5-year-olds off those forklifts.)
On Nytol sleep aid: Warning: May cause drowsiness. (One would hope!)
On a Korean kitchen knife: Warning: keep out of children. (Or pets! What's for dinner?)
On a string of Chinese-made Christmas lights: For indoor or outdoor use only. (As opposed to use in outer space.)
On a Japanese food processor: Not to be used for the other use. (Now I'm curious.)
On Sainsbury's peanuts: Warning: contains nuts. (But no peas?)
On an American Airlines packet of nuts: Instructions: open packet, eat nuts. (Have a lobotomy)
On a Swedish chainsaw: Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals. (What is this, a home castration kit?)
On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly. (That's right, destroy a universal childhood belief)
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