Post your trite conspiracy theory here:

[Robb]

Mine is that breakfast cereal manufacturers, in league with the snack chip industry, are weakening the quality of the plastic seal so that we're forced to tear the things poorly.

Thus, when they cannot be properly re-sealed for cupboard storage, they go stale more quickly and we're compelled to buy them more often. :tinfoilhat:

[RedStateShame]

1. All professional sports are scripted. Professional wrestling is just polite enough to tell you.

[ghostsofgiants]

4. And with that, I have a new sig line.

:D

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Robb isn't really a dingbat.

:tinfoilhat:


Nah, that's too far fetched.

[yewberry]

3. Mine:

Shopping malls add an addicting and semi-stupefying element to the the air via their ventilation systems.

Thus, people must return again and again to walk the halls in a stupor.

[stuntcat]

22. Exactly, just like the zombies do!

precisely.

[SOteric]

5. There's a twisted deity named 'Murphy'

who watches our every move and monitors our every waking thought poised for a prime moment in time in which to wreck havoc, disappoint and humiliate.

Murphy's especially pleased to work his magic on people who think things are going wonderfully. He rolls his special 12 side die to determine the perfect moment to wither your joy and the best method to do so.

[1gobluedem]

12. He targeted me this morning

And made me hit the corner of my porch with the car. $468 in damage, just when I was feeling good about getting through the ice storm unscathed....

[Lyric]

24. Alas, my family knows Murphy well.

My Mom calls him "The Wrench Man"--every time things are running smoothly, he comes along and tosses a wrench into the gears.

[johnnie]

6. Windshield wipers

They are designed to only go bad on the driver's side and only at viewing level. I swear this is true, it is like that on my Jeep right now.

[matcom]

7. All Doctors get kickbacks from the fitness industry

in fact they get a percentage of every gym membership. That is how they become rich. If they didn't they would be honest with us and tell us cigs and scotch are actually GOOD for you!

now that you know the truth, go out and start an anti-exercise flame war.

[Oeditpus Rex]

8. ...

[skypilot]

9. I sometimes think that film critics...

...have a hand in making sure that most filmmakers keep their films at an hour and a half or less in length so that theaters can fit in more screenings per day. I've noticed that if a movie runs even just ten minutes over the usual hour and a half, alot of critics will make a points of saying that the movie runs a bit too long.

At the same time critics are always mentioning our "short attention spans".

[Fuzz]

10. Urinal cakes at highway rest stops test for drugs and alcohol

and the automatic flush sensors has cameras with facial recognition software that send it to a database at the DMV and send your car description and license plate number to troopers up the road.

How about THAT one! :D

[Beer Snob-50]

11. The Fox Network, in conjunction with the other Fox Affliates

are out to suck the last vestiages of intelligence from the american people with the inane programs that they broadcast.

also, their sports programming department is out dumb down the general sports viewing public with their many stupid camera shots and the dumb f**king graphics they show during a game.

[baldguy]

40. This a a thread for THEORIES, not the truth.

[asthmaticeog]

13. The Protocols of the Elders of Zion were actually written by Meg White.

[underpants]

14. Here are the only two that I subscribe to--OOPS three I almost forgot one

About the gay thing-I don't mean that in an accusatory way I really do think that what became the elite of the elite in the think tanks recruited gays at Harvard (mostly) and Yale-some other Ivy League type schools- back in the late 60's and early 70's. These were social darwinists who held tightly the belief that these were clearly superiorly bred gene pools that had distinguished themselves from the pack of immigrants of the early part of the century. They needed capable bodies and the fact that these men were gay meant that they would forever be loyal as their ultimate fear of being outed could be held over their heads. The rest, as they say, is just wearing a suit and hanging the diploma.

Cheney
Bolton
Roberts
Alito
Norquist
Drier (not Harvard)
etc.


This is my one and only conspiracy theory...that and the one about how they killed Pat Tillman before he could get back to the States and hand Kerry an unfixable landslide.


#3
Okay-During the Manhattan Project at U of Chicago football stadium



The rich and elite families of America got together to create their perfect candidate to become President some day. First up the Forbes family, their genes produced Steve Forbes-the inner workings were fine (the question of what data to upload is another matter) but the outer shell had serious problems and it never blinked.

Next up the Danforths, producing Dan Quayle (a name change that could stop any trail to this project cold)-the outer hardware was GREATLY improved but the hard drive was totally out of whack and the "spell check" had not been invented yet.

Now it was the Bush families turn, creating George-they tooled back the outer appearance and made great gains over the Danforth/Quayle model in terms of the inner wiring and processing though not as coherent as the Forbe's model.

Unfortunately the war ended and it was too difficult to hide the funding of this program so the families got together and decided to go with what they had. They would run the Forbes model out first but never let a connection to the others be even suggested. Then (here is the master stroke) the Danforth/Quayle model would be unveiled thereby lowering the standard for the highest public offices and in comparison the Bush model could actually be seen as acceptable.

Little did they know that some of the young volunteers took the information that had been amassed and some of the Forbes line to make John Kerry-tall, good looking, brave, fierce warrior, detail oriented, and able to blink and communicate. Unfortunately the Bushes had aligned with the controllers of the media (Fairness doctrine repealed in a paperwork switch by George HW Bush while Reagan wasn't looking "Here sign this") and the Bush model was declared the winner within minutes of polls closing and the Kerry model had been reprogrammed in a clean room during the summer to not put up a fight

[Strawman]

15. Here's mine: "Astroturf" campaign efforts are ruining GD

Phony operatives posing as ordinary netizens are tasked with creating a Potemkin Village of netroots support for certain presidential candidates.

Just a hunch.

[JackBeck]

16. The reason why flights at the airport are delayed.

The reason why planes are almost always delayed is because they want you to spend your money at their restaurants and bookstores.

[Lyric]

17. Bra manufacturers are making weak underwire stitches on purpose

They make the stitching weak so that those stupid underwires start poking out and driving you crazy within 6 months of buying the bra, so you have to go buy a new one. :/

*hates pokey underwires*

[itsmesgd]

20. I have a bra one for ya

Christian conservatives are behind an effort to make bras more and more difficult to open with one drunken hand in the pitch black darness. In highschool, I could crack one like a snap, nowadays they have some kind of double locking metal-toothed mechanism.
Why dont they want me to touch the candy?

[Phillycat]

25. OMG!

I just started noticing this too! My bras used to last at least a year - now it's 6 months, tops. And my boobs don't exactly runneth over, so it's not from strain...

[itsmesgd]

26. are they not lasting as long because some lucky person is having to rip them off?

:)

[Phillycat]

27. Um.

I think I choose not to answer that.

[Lyric]

28. I'm tellin' ya, it's a CONSPIRACY!

And an irritating one at that. I hate having to replace my freakin' bras every few months. Granted, my boobs *do* runneth over a bit, but my bras didn't used to fall apart this easily.

And I buy nice ones, too--it's not like I'm buying el cheapo Wal-Mart crap here. :/

[Phillycat]

29. No, these are Victoria's Secret bras!

And I get their plain unlined cotton underwire ones because I don't want all the frou-frou crap that can rip and tear and bunch. So there is NO REASON my underwire should be poking out after 5 months of wear. And once the wire comes out, I can't wear them at ALL again, ever. I can't stand that feeling. And there's no way to darn it - it never stays.

Boy, you've got me steamed. :D

[riderinthestorm]

18. I get red lights when I am in a hurry, green lights when I have all the time to get there. nt

[SPKrazy]

19. Contrails=Chemtrails=Alien Plot

are really a secret plot to spray us all with virus particles so we become immune to an alien species that is coming in the not too distant future to visit and stay, a long time.

[Hugin]

21. Hmm... The Clowns are in on that at the ground floor.

I'm sure of it.

[SPKrazy]

23. Clowns are undoubtedly

aliens then if that is the case

I don't understand how they get the pilots who are otherwise normal people to spray that stuff everywhere?

:shrug:

[azmouse]

31. Did you know that the spot where two contrails meet

marks the location of a satellite that is taking pictures of everything we do?
Yep, I know it's true 'cause I read it somewhere. :crazy:

[SPKrazy]

41. Oh Shit!

I'm under constant surveillance anyway

now I've gotta worry about that too?

:tinfoilhat:

:rofl:

[mvd]

30. American Idol is rigged, and Paula really decides

Wouldn't be much wackier than other stuff from that show, I guess.

[HiFructosePronSyrup]

32. Chemtrails menacingly radiate from airports.

I'm pretty sure it has something to do with lost luggage.

[SPKrazy]

44. Ummmm, Mebbe!

I'm thinking that lost luggage is invisible though when it is lost, some kind of alien ray that gets passed through luggage compartments by the government/alien conspiracy.

Also, all lost luggage goes through Denver Airport

[jakefrep]

33. CBS, not Tonya Harding, hired a hit man to kneecap Nancy Kerrigan

In order to create phony drama and inflate TV ratings for an utter crap "sport" like figure skating.

[otherlander]

34. Jim Morrison was head of an alien conspiracy!

Look what happens when you rearrange the letters!

Jim Morrison
Mor Jim rison
Mor Jm o risn i
Mr. Mojo Risin'

:wow:

[mvd]

37. ...

:rofl:

[SPKrazy]

43. Oh my gawdess!

you're right!

he's prolly not dead either

[Zavulon]

35. Bic pens and their equivalents are designed to crap out a third of the way down.

I know people don't often write with them right to the very end of the ink supply, what with these pens costing just a few cents apiece, but the fact that you never see these pens with a third or more of its ink gone has GOT to be significant.

[BarenakedLady]

36. You are all really figments of my imagination

As well as my whole entire life. I am really lying in stasis somewhere on an alien space ship.

[SPKrazy]

42. Dammit! This One Is Becoming Aware!

more juice to her pod!

[baldguy]

38. Materials design & processing is much more advanced than we're lead to believe.

That's why manufactures can time the catastrophic failure of their products precisely to the day after the warranty expires.

[mvd]

39. I know who would create a good one

That guest on Coast To Coast AM recently who flew out to Jupiter with the aliens and just got out when he landed.

[SPKrazy]

45. Denver's Airport: A Secret Detention Camp Underneath It

all ready to go when the new world order comes to power.

The British royals have land in Colorado and this proves that Colorado is the only place that will survive the coming plague of whatever.

And underneath the airport, is a prison camp run by lizard people.

And have you seen the murals at Denver International Airport (they are bizarre BTW) just more proof that this is the place where it all will be decided in the end.