It is selfish not to let go of people (frienships/relationships)

[Nikia]

I don't want to talk about the specific situation right now (my husband didn't leave me, though). I got incredibly baked last night though while I was still sad and this occurred to me. Many people mourn the loss of friendships and romantic relationships. They are sad and upset. This might cause them to talk to others for a long time about their hang up, make life uncomfortable for the said person (even unintentionally), develop problems in other areas, and write sad songs. It hurts to be dumped whether it is romantic or "just friendship". They go over the relationship in their mind and blame themseleves or the other person, usually both. They think how much they cared for the person and would do anything for them.
This last part is not entirely true if they really care for the person. If they cared for them, they will give the person what they want, which is to be free of them. The obsession about being dumped is about one's own pain of not having the other person in their life. It is about what that person gave them, not what they would give the other person. If you really care unselfishly about this person, you have to get on with your life knowing that it is for the best for both you and the person you care for, but who no longer cares for you.
Now that I realize this, I know how to feel about the situation and hope to be at peace with this. I don't know why I didn't realize this earlier.

[Feanorcurufinwe]

1. Well

just 'giving the other person what they want, which is to be free of them' doesn't necessarily bring any closure. Maybe for them, not necessarily for you.

[SoFlaJets]

2. It's worth fighting for

I refuse to let go that easily.My wife has asked me for a divorce a few times over the last year and I tell her "come on baby" it's worth trying to save a love.Today we had a nice day together last night we had ***,(I'm a gentleman) if I wasn't "selfish" about my love I'd be a lonely guy missing the girl I love more than ever after 21 years.

[Nikia]

4. In your case, you haven't lost her

She could obviously be motivated in leaving your life than she is. In your case, she is undecided.
I suppose that we cannot be completely sure on when someone is still undecided, when the person doesn't want you in their life and presents that point with little doubt, it is selfish to continue the fight.
Of all the things that you can get people to do for you, it is most impossible to make someone like you who has decided otherwise.

[xchrom]

3. 95% i agree

hell i'm not even big on monogamy. and if you do fool around on the side, depending on who it is -- i may want details.
it's not letting go that can be the problem -- it's how.
getting out of a relationship is probably, if done right, as difficult as getting in. that's if you are being civilized about it -- which i recommend.

[tjdee]

5. Well...YOU count as a person too.

In my case I could be calling him/writing him/making a nuisance of myself...especially because I know that he does like me very much and eventually he will come around (LOL...in a year...two...twenty...).

But what's the point? I can't *make* him rush it and if I have to break him down and force it....anyway. I leave him alone. So I agree with you to a point.

HOWEVER.

YOU (or me or anyone) count too. Why does HE get to dictate the situation? If he or she wants to end it--you have just as much right to NOT want to end it and to express those feelings. Why should their feelings supercede yours?

There is an adult way to handle things, but to say if you REALLY care about the other person you'll leave as soon as they tell you to get lost and cry in a corner somewhere..... totally disagree. It's not all about them.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

6. Having been on both ends of this I agree

If one is dumped then why mourn the loss of someone who no longer wants to be around you.

And if for some reason you don't want to be around someone, you shouldn't have to fear that decision simply because they don't want to get it.