The lowdown on the pasty pic thread (if you care to know.)

[Writer]

Hello. I'm sure that many of you really don't care about this, but I wanted to write this out.

So I've been posting pictures in the lounge, and I've been having a lot of fun doing so. My dear husband, Mr. Writer, said that it was all right. Typically, he would have some issues with it, because he doesn't like other men ogling me and is a bit possessive. But we have developed communication and an understanding.

So I posted a pic of myself as a child, then I posted a current pic of myself. One day, I got quite daring and posted a sassy picture of my torso. I showed it to Mr. Writer and he thought it was rather funny. :D

I gained a lot of confidence by being more open. I have spent much of my 31 years being fearful and somewhat socially repressed, so it was nice (and rather interesting) watching how individuals assessed seeing the visual version of someone with whom they had been "anonymously" chatting for quite some time. I had never felt better. Ever since I was forced out of broadcast television because of our moving to a small area, I have had no sense of identity other than being Mr. Writer's wife. It has been debilitating to me personally. I managed to earn a Master's (yay!) but otherwise I felt estranged from the rest of the world and without much real purpose.

Posting the pictures, being more open about my individual tastes, PM'ing on interesting topics with other loungers was completely freeing! Mr. Writer has been relatively open about the subject matter on which I've discussed, because he understands well what "makes me tick." But today I was in for a shock.

I showed him the pasty pic. This was a pic of me lounging without makeup on my covers in sleepwear that I considered rather dowdy (although that's arguable). Compared to the torso pic, I didn't read quite as much sexuality in it, but Mr. Writer most certainly did. He got rather upset! I quickly had the thread locked, not wanting to aggravate the matter, but I now felt that I had to completely retreat from continuing something that was liberating me somewhat. I was heartbroken, but Mr. Writer is a good guy, and I'm not in the business of hurting someone I love.

So I'm sitting in limbo right now. I'm really not sure what I can/can't do now. At least, for just a little while, I felt like a whole person again. That was rather nice. I do know that he is all right with my continuing to post on particular subjects in the lounge, but now there's a chilling effect.

I know some would be judgmental about how Mr. Writer and I interact and make rules in our relationship. But quite honestly, I really don't care what others think of me, him, or this matter. We have a good marriage, with all of its complexities, and are the very best friends. It's both fortunate and unfortunate that we love each other as we do, because sometimes we hurt one another just as much.

Writer.

[CaliforniaPeggy]

1. My dear Writer.........

I'm sorry you're having so much trouble figuring out your boundaries...

Personally, and although I know you didn't ask for advice...

I think you should post whatever you damn well feel like...

He is your husband........not your owner...

My two cents.......:shrug:

:hi:

[Writer]

2. Hey, Peg... I know...

but there's a greater history here that has created this type of openness between me and him. I will write this openly only once, but there have been times where I believe he is in love more with the marriage than he is with me.

Thanks Peg. I always appreciate your wisdom. :)

[Sugar Smack]

3. Well, honestly, I think you're wonderful and your intentions

were very human.I know that this prob. equals a confession and an explanation at the same time. Also, he'll know from the absolute hell you've been going through with this the depths of your sincerity.

Frankly, I'm GLAD this has brought you out more. You were always a mystery. It's good to see your face.

:hug:

[Writer]

5. Yeah, it's interesting that you say that...

because my (and his) humanity are what comprises our understanding. He also knows well that I've been suffering (how can he avoid all that crying?) Yes, it's been helpful to be more open, but his feelings are important to me. I'm sure I'll heal from the shell shock of this, and all is well in the Writer House at the moment.

Thanks. :hug:

[Sugar Smack]

8. That's so good to hear.

I mean about all being well in the Writer house. The best part of it being that your and his judgment coincide, and that you're constantly learning. My god, who can really say that they learn so much as you on a daily basis? It's your curiosity, natural curiosity, that makes you stand out.


:applause:

[Writer]

11. "It's your curiosity, natural curiosity, that makes you stand out."

Thank you. :blush:

[Sugar Smack]

15. I think natural curiosity and a sense of humor are two of the most

important things in life. OMG- if I could tell you how many times I've either enjoyed/been forced to dip into my resources it would make my head spin. EEEK! :pals:

[Writer]

16. Let me add to that positive spirit.

And you are a fulcrum of that. You are 100% good karma. :hi:

[Sugar Smack]

17. OMG!! Thank YOU! My turn to blush; now I go to sleep with good

dreams. Thank you so much! :D :bounce: :loveya: :yourock:

[Writer]

18. ...

:hi:

[LeftyMom]

4. I made a similar mistake once.

All I can say is to talk about it. Let him know what your intentions were and talk about where his comfort level and yours differ.

I can't tell you whether it's appropriate to moderate your behavior to spare his feelings or not, but you should at least know where his idea of inappropriateness differs from yours so you can make an educated decision in that situation.

[Writer]

6. We did talk about it this evening.

We always talk, talk, talk. That's one plus that we have as a couple. We don't shut up around each other. He knows that I'm in love with him, and that I won't lie to him (I'm actually quite terrible at it), so that's what is most important to him.

[SPKrazy]

7. I Kind Of Agree With Peggy

post away

make your own choices

if you choose not to post things, make sure it is okay with you that you aren't

you post good things besides your pasty pics so don't feel that you are not whole

I can relate on some different levels with you about being socially repressed and fearful.

I think it is neat that you found confidence in something as simple as posting your pasty pic.

Here's a song that I love that might pick up your spirits:

http://profile.imeem.com/MfHIb/music/xtdKEWGA/its_a_fire/

[Writer]

9. Thanks, Southpaw...

(by the way, I'm one, as well ;)) For quite a while (and I blame grad school) I posted a lot of reflective pieces, but only recently I decided to focus on more fun aspects of my life. It will be a short while before I can start concentrating on "fun" again. :)

Thanks for the song, as well! :hi:

[SPKrazy]

12. Sure, You Are Welcome

I've enjoyed your fun side

it'll be back soon in the form that feels right to you

:hi:

[Deja Q]

10. I'm glad you two are working your way through this

But not to sound insensitive, especially because your words strike a chord within me that resonates down to my core, you cannot possibly be that socially repressed and feeling lacking in having purpose in life to have found a husband and such a loving relationship. Especially if you two are able to communicate so well.

Needless to say, I truly envy you. (and don't think of anything pertaining to my comment in your 'do I look pasty' thread. I'm fairly flirty with everybody. Partly because I'm a petrified pillock in real life.

[Writer]

13. I can understand why you would think that...

but one thing you may not know about me is that I am EXTREMELY cerebral. I could have 10,000 close friends and a wonderful husband but still feel jaded and unfulfilled if I am not able to exercise my mind. I haven't worked professionally in almost five years, and other than a short political leadership stint and grad school, really haven't done anything that satiates that aspect of me... so here I am doing my best to keep myself afloat until (hopefully - please pray!) I get into the doc. program next year.

And don't worry about flirting. Hell - I just might flirt back! And you know what? That is okay over here. :hi:

[Dammit Ann]

14. fantastic.

sounds like a wonderful marriage. i have one too, good, INTELLIGENT, men are hard to find and remarkably easy to keep. they let you live...



yeah, i said it.