30+ Duers: Advice to the Kinder...

[Robb]

So, over-30 DUers, anything you'd like to tell the young 'uns? I'm thinking of that kind of advice you wish you had when you were in your teens and twenties. Nothing too profound, just little stuff that would have made your life better in some way....think of it as things you would tell your younger self!

I've got two.

First, learn to cook. It's not that hard, nor does it take that long, and you eat better and cheaper.

Second, invest in good sleep equipment, as soon as you can. Get a good bed for yourself (queen or bigger), and top-quality sheets. Flannel if you live where it gets cold.

Next?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

1. Don't trust anyone over 30

[DS1]

4. especially ones on the internet on a Sunday afternoon

that should be spending all day in the confessional booth

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

7. Moi?

[DS1]

9. no, moi

unless there's something I should know

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

12. Well there's a shit load you should know

but that doesn't mean I'm gonna post it on DU :evilgrin: But if you want, I'll hide behind a curtain and you can confess to me...as long as you include all the details :D

[LanternWaste]

51. Never trust anyone under thirty

I used to think that too. Now I'm pretty sure the right way to go is, "Never trust anyone *under* thirty" :)

[mikehiggins]

2. Do unto others as you would have others do unto you.

This also applies to oral sex.

[NightTrain]

3. "Learn to cook" is excellent advice!

My father was an excellent cook who could have done it professionally if he had wanted to. He offered to teach me how, but I never took him up on it.

Now my father's dead and I exist on a steady diet of frozen dinners, fast food, and the occasional restaurant meal. It's expensive and redundant.

So fer chrissake, learn to cook!!!

[wryter2000]

13. You can always learn

You'll never have your dad's favorite recipes and tips. But you can always learn to cook. Julia Child couldn't boil water until she was 30.

Watch the PBS cooking shows. Get one of Julia's books. Go for it. Cooking isn't just useful, it's fun!

[Karenina]

24. And always remember

DON'T EAT YELLOW SNOW!

[SOteric]

5. Ultimately,

life is short. Don't waste what little time you have with jobs, things and people you don't love.

[acmavm]

6. Don't be stupid. Get as much education as you can, and never stop

learning. Don't think you know everything (said from personal experience), listen to people. Always, always investigate everything you are told about the people who are running this country, and for God's sake, VOTE!!!!!!111

[madrchsod]

8. learn how to

iron your clothes.

[Robb]

20. Man, that's a good one.

Again, not that tough -- just do it!

[Blue Gardener]

10. Keep reading...

Newspapers, magazines, books, whatever.

[wryter2000]

11. Hmmm

The best bit of advice for everyone is just about impossible to take, imho. It's to like yourself. Don't take crap unnecessarily from anyone (there's always a certain amount of crap you have to put up with even in a good relationship). Don't feel you need a single other soul to make you happy.

Unfortunately, you can't just develop self-esteem by fiat.

[SoCalDem]

14. Engage your brain BEFORE you open your mouth

You can never "take back" something hateful that you said to another person.. They will ALWAYS remember that you said it, no matter how many times you apologize..

The easiest way to get out of trouble, is to STAY out of trouble..

Be prepared to kiss some asses on your way up the ladder.. Everyone ahead of you did it, and you will be expected to as well.:)

Do not be promiscuous.. It may seem like a fun thing to do, but someday you will meet someone you truly love and your past "can catch up with you"..

Travel "light"... Things weigh you down and make you unable to act quickly when an opportunity arises..

Try to avoid the "New Car" trap.. Young people get themselves into such a bind when they go out and buy that brand new car.. Those payments are HIGH..the insurance rates are high until you pass 25 are HIGH, and it takes such a large part of your take-home pay, that it leaves little for anything else.. Used cars are best, unless you have tons of money :)

[Character Assassin]

15. From the Buddha: place no head above your own.

IOW, figure it out for yourself.

[Bronco69]

16. Stand your ground!!

If you believe strongly enough in something, stick to it no matter what.

[HereSince1628]

33. Better to die on your feet than live on your knees...

if living has no value to you.

But if it does, I would urge you to stick with you beliefs but do so very diplomatically

[Faygo Kid]

17. Don't let the turkeys get you down

I'm 52. Throughout life, you will be amazed at how petty and nasty some people can be, yet be "successful!" They do not question themselves. They are always right. And, often, they move to the top. I have never been so sure of myself that I won't listen to criticism - and then they gotcha. Decide what's important to you, and hold it close to you. Don't let them get you down.

[silverlib]

18. Read everything,

pay attention to what is going on around you.

and never cheat, still, lie or hate.

For women - never learn to start the lawnmower or the bar-b-que pit.

[Robb]

21. LOL!

My mother-in-law had my father-in-law convinced for the first five years of their marriage that the handle on the lawnmower would somehow damage a woman's uterus! :D

[put out]

19. Most people

Are so worried about how the world perceives them, they can hardly take notice of you. Go ahead and be a little weird, when you get the chance.

After all, you are not as weird as you think you are, and everyone else is weirder than you think they are.

[rbnyc]

22. Love and enjoy your body!

I wish I had the healthier attitude about body image that I have now, and the body I had when I was 25.

:)

[supernova]

23. Everybody's free to wear sunscreen

Note: This says Baz Luhrman did this song? Is this true?

Wear Sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future
Sunscreen would be it
The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists
Whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own,
Meandering experience


I will dispense this advice
Now


Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth
Never mind, you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
until they've faded


But trust me
In twenty years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in
a way you can't grasp now
How much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked


You are not as fat as you imagine


Don't worry about the future
Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve
An algebra equation by chewing bubble gum
The real troubles in your life
Are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind
The kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday


Do one thing, everyday, that scares you


Sing


Don't be reckless with other people's hearts
Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours


Floss


Don't waste your time on jealously
Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind
The race is long, and in the end, it's only with yourself


Remember compliments you receive
Forget the insults
If you succeed in doing this, tell me how
Keep your old love letters
Throw away your old bank statements


Stretch


Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you wanna do with your life
The most interesting people I know
didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives
Some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don't


Get plenty of calcium
Be kind to your knees, you'll miss them when they're gone


Maybe you'll marry M
aybe you won't
Maybe you'll have children
Maybe you won't
Maybe you'll divorce at 40
Maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary
Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much
Or berate yourself either
Your choices are half chance
So are everybody else's


Enjoy your body
Use it every way you can
Don't be afraid of it, or what other people think of it
It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own


Dance
Even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room
Read the directions, even if you don't follow them
Do not read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly


Get to know your parents
You never know when they'll be gone for good
Be nice to your siblings
They're your best link to your past
And the people most likely to stick with you in the future


Understand that friends come and go
But with a precious few you should hold on
Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and life style
Cause the older you get
The more you need the people you knew when you were young


Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft


Travel


Accept certain inalienable truths
Prices will rise, politicians will philander
You too will get old, and when you do
You'll fantasize that when you were young
Prices were reasonable, politicians were noble
And children respected their elders


Respect your elders
Don't expect anyone else to support you


Maybe you have a trust fund
Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse
But you never know when either one might run out
Don't mess too much with your hair
Or by the time you're 40 it will look 85


Be careful of whose advice you buy
But be patient with those who supply it
Advice is a form of nostalgia
Dispensing it, is a way of fishing the past from the disposal
Wiping it off
Painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth


But trust me on the sunscreen

[populistmom]

40. I completely agree on the sunscreen (well, other stuff too)

But especially the sunscreen. I'm so fair and I basically gave up any form of tanning when I was 19. I've worn sunscreen on my face every day since I was 22. Now, almost 10 years later, I see some women my age look comparitively much older (not to mention melanoma risks) where I still get mistaken for being in my early and mid 20's (with 4 children no less). Oh yes, I love my sunscreen! :D

[woofless]

25. Worn out and broken 51 YO sez:

You DO have the right to be happy. If you have gotten yourself in a situation that makes you miserable, (work, relationship, marriage, whetever) get out. You know what you want. Pursue it without harming others. Yes, it may hurt someone to leave them, but it won't HARM them and may make them better. I took a long time to learn this and I am as happy now as I ever expected to be. Go for it.

Woof

[trof]

36. ALWAYS wear comfortable shoes.

In fact, NEVER wear anything uncomfortable.
If you MUST wear a tie, buy shirts 1/2 neck size larger than you wear now.

This is trite, but it's true: Don't sweat the small stuff, and most of it IS small stuff.

[underseasurveyor]

We don't have to make the same mistakes

our parents did.
Just because our parents did something a certain way doesn't mean we have to.

[DBoon]

26. Wear earplugs at rock concerts

seriously

[underseasurveyor]

27. (((WHAT?)))

:evilgrin:

[Robb]

28. (((HUH?)))

I THINK HE SAID TO WEAR EARMUFFS TO BLOCKBUSTERS!! :evilgrin:

[underseasurveyor]

31. (((OH OK)))

THANKS :-) I THOUGHT HE SAID SMEAR SLUGS IN ROCK GARDENS.

[TrogL]

57. (((WHO)))??

NO HE SAID "EAT BUGS IN SOCK HAMPERS"

[woofless]

30. He's right.

Ask Pete Townshend.

[baldguy]

29. Every moment in life is a learning experience.

If, when you try to walk, you fall and break your nose, you will learn to tie your shoes BEFORE you try and walk.

and then there's my sig line-

[TeacherCreature]

32. Dedicate yourself to something

anything.

You are never to old to learn something new.

[bowens43]

34. Take it easy with the drugs, don't screw up your credit,

listen to your parents/elders (they're not as stupid as you may think), eat healthy food, live within your means, stay in school, go to college, don't be too promiscuous, don't be afraid to take a chance (but don't be stupid about it), help those you can when you can (it will come back to you many times over and it feels good), control your anger. Love, honor and try to understand your family (they won't always be there and you will regret it later if you don't). I could go on and on , but I won't.

I think another poster had it right when they said 'Do unto others as you would have them do unto you'. It's corny but it's great advice.

[KG]

35. don't be afraid to be alone.

solitude has its own rewadrs.

[underseasurveyor]

37. That's a great one.

And it's so true.

[NightTrain]

46. Damned straight!

As an only child who often goes lo-o-o-ong periods of time between relationships, I've come to value my solitude.

And don't forget what Henry Miller wrote: "It's better to be alone that with someone who doesn't understand you."

[Lydia Leftcoast]

38. Don't take up a career you hate

just because you or somebody else thinks you could make money at it.

I've been lucky, but I know dozens of people who became lawyers or doctors or computer scientists because they thought that it would ensure financial security.

Sure, they have financial security (less so in the case of the computer types), but they get up every morning dreading the day.

On the other hand, some of the happiest people I know are in the arts, scraping by at just above the poverty level but getting paid to do what they love.

[populistmom]

39. If I could go back in time, what I'd tell myself

1. Don't ever have sex without birth control, even once, unless you want to get pregnant.

2. Don't get married until you're totally done with college (a good 3-5 years after that is even better).

3. Don't get married unless you are totally sure and completely in love no matter what.

4. You're stronger, smarter, and more beautiful than you think you are.

5. Don't give up your dreams.

6. Don't listen to your parent's negative stuff they told you about yourself.

7. Don't be afraid to speak your mind on things.

8. Trust your instincts.

[NightTrain]

42. Were we separated at birth?

I swear, that was like reading my own words! :hi:

[liberalhistorian]

41. If you're seriously involved with

someone and no one else can stand him or her, including family and friends, LISTEN TO THEM!! DON'T think you know that person better and everyone's just out to get you and they don't want you to be happy, or don't refuse to listen just because you don't want to. It could really cost you and fuck up your life royally, trust me, please!!! I learned that lesson way too late.

And if you're in college, get a practical degree first, THEN when you're fairly established you can go back for that not-so-practical degree you desperately wanted to get and were so sure you'd find a job right away with.

[NightTrain]

44. Similarly...

...if you're going to be in a relationship that is non-monogamous, make damned good and sure both partners understand that from the very beginning. Otherwise, someone is going to get hurt...badly!

[never cry wolf]

49. Same wavelength

Even my SO's family don't care for her, all my friends tried to warn me and my family was neutral, not wanting to offend my choices. Unlike you, I was 29 and everyone, me included, figured that it was probably time. Hence my advice:

Don't marry too young and for heaven's sake, don't ever marry because you feel the sands in the hourglass slipping away. There is someone out there for everyone and the odds that you meet the right one at a young age are slim. By the same token, if you are no so young anymore that doesn't mean you have to "settle." Life goes on, love goes on. Better to wait for your soulmate and marry at 40 than settle for someone that seems acceptable at the age of 29. Find your best friend, your soulmate because life's trials require the support and compassion of someone who truly has your best interests at heart. If you settle, your mate will become your biggest trial, rather than help you overcome it.

[WillyBrandt]

66. A question from 23-yr-old to mature-er DUers

Here's one. I'm a young recent college graduate. How should I strike the balance of being a work-a-holic trying to get ahead quick and far in the rat race, and relaxing, drinking, and enjoying my fleeting youth?

Not to have a weird sounding question, but I think it's a common concern. I'm working 60-80 hrs/wk. I love my job, but c'mon.

[SoCalDem]

67. You have 7 more years left of your twenties..

At the beginning of a career, especially in times like these, you will need to puch harder on the career, but there will still be times for levity.. Just enjoy them while you can..

And you can have a social life at work, if your are careful to not cross the invisible lines..

Even if you worked 80 hours a week, and slept 8 hrs a night, there would still be 32 hours a week left over for personal time.. You will just have to budget your time :)

That you will learn by experience.. In a few years when your career is more secure, you will probably have more freedom to give yourself some time off..

and don't forget about vacation time.. Take them.. don't waste an opportunity to go somewhere and kick off your shoes :)

[WillyBrandt]

69. Excellent advice...thanks

I could take extra vacation days I didn't use this year as cash or roll them over. I rolled them over...

Exactly on your thinking

[GURUving]

43. Chew your food carefully

enjoy your teeth?

[Booberdawg]

45. Never let your feet end up higher than your ass

it's never a good thing

[liberalhistorian]

48. Not even in certain,

ahem, shall we say, "intimate" situations?

[Booberdawg]

50. That's okay, because it's temporary

;-)

[Robb]

47. Has anyone said moisturize yet?

:) And don't forget your neck!

Exfoliating wouldn't be bad, either, kiddo. ;)

[Skittles]

52. TAKE CARE OF YOUR TEETH

I eventually got serious but it cost me some major bucks.

[amazona]

53. what would i tell my younger self???

It wouldn't do the next generation any good, but I'd tell me to sell in February 2000.

[GOPisEvil]

54. Do not get suckered by credit!!!

Never owe more than you can pay off in a month (except for cars and houses). I've got 5 more years before all the bad stuff comes off my report. It sure makes life more difficult that it needs to be.

[TrogL]

55. Keep your pants zipped

The sexual revolution was a fizzle.

[Karenina]

56. Seriously...

I strongly advise my 20-30 something girlfriends to put off childbearing until they've stashed away a little "nest egg" in their own names unbeknownst to ANYONE ELSE. If things work out when the kids leave the nest it's "Honey, I just found this old savings account... Lets go sit on a beach somewhere together!" If not, they have a cushion to prevent a rapid descent into poverty.

[TrogL]

58. If you're gay, stop trying to be straight

You're just hurting everybody involved.

[Karenina]

64. LISTEN TO TROGL!!!

Please.

[DS1]

59. Take a drawing class

You might be amazed at how effective good professional instruction can be, turning a former stick figure hangman sketch pro in to someone capable of getting their ideas on paper and having it end up looking decent :7

[Nazgul35]

60. how's about...

1) You won't know shit until you hit 25....and you won't realize you don't know shit until your 35...
2) Don't have kids until you can afford them...
3) Read books for Christ sake!!!
4) Start exercising now, cause it will only get harder as you get older...


just for a few...

[sendero]

61. for men:

See (and love) women for what they are, not what society and they will pretend to be.

Probably works both ways for that matter :)

[MediumBrownDog]

62. As a hopefully older and wiser 40 year old

who has spent the last decade managing a parade of 20-somethings, I have the following advice:

Stop taking yourself so seriously. The world is not all about you, and when you make the mistake of thinking that it is, you annoy others. Savor and enjoy your 20's. Travel. Look at the big picture. Get out in the world and get some perspective.

I say this with the knowledge that I behaved as a typical 20-something in my time, and wish that I could have seen beyond that next paycheck, car, date, phone call, movie, beer, party, etc etc etc at the time. Don't waste your 20's. Live them.

[LanternWaste]

63. Without getting too profound...

Not trying to be profound (because, well... I'm not profound):

Never, *EVER* believe you are absolutely correct and the other guy is absolutely wrong. Back up a few steps, take a coupla deep breaths and tell yourself, "The possibility always exists that I'm wrong, regardless of how inconceivable that may seem to me right now".

Don't burn your bridges. Whoever or whatever they may be; ex-bosses, ex-girlfriends, ex-friends, credit rating. Doesn't matter what they've done or how long it's been. Always be ready to accept them back into your heart if the opportunity presents itself.

Get a dog and instill in that dog that the unconditional love it presents to you is justified.

Learn to cook. It's super handy when you're single and super-romantic when you're not.

Read books that support a position you're against.

Hug your mom about once a week for absolutely no reason.

And above all... take advantage of a youthful stomach and eat at least one sample of everything you can find for the experience. After you hit about 35 or so, regardless of how healthy you are, you'll find things that aren't quite... 'digest-ably pleasant' anymore and the list of things you can eat without consequences gets smaller and smaller.

[Ilsa]

65. Your gut feeling is usually right...

so follow your intuition.

Find a way to save. Always. Just a little. Pay yourself first and don't use it, save it!

Stay out of the sun if your skin is unprotected. (Who needs melanoma, anyway?)

[WillyBrandt]

68. Question from 23 yr old to mature-er DUers

Here's one. I'm a young recent college graduate. How should I strike the balance of being a work-a-holic trying to get ahead quick and far in the rat race, and relaxing, drinking, and enjoying my fleeting youth?

Not to have a weird sounding question, but I think it's a common concern. I'm working 60-80 hrs/wk. I love my job, but c'mon.

(posted above on wrong thread level...)

[BiggJawn]

70. Never pass up a chance to have Sex.

Some day, as you lay in your cold lonely queen-size bed with only the fuzzy flannel sheets to keep you warm, you'll wish you NEVER said "No" or "I'm really tired tonight..."

Karma's a BITCH!

Oh, and learn to cook, too. You can't live on Ramen and Mac and Cheez and popcorn from the Nuker forever, y'know...

[WillyBrandt]

71. Excellent advice

I've already looked back with some "goddamns"... part of it is recognizing when it can be had...

Goddamn.

[BiggJawn]

72. I know...I think "Damn! I could've been a CHEF!"

:evilgrin:

The other night, I figured it out. I have turned it down maybe 30 times in my life, and that includes my ex getting all torqued-up in the "F4F" chat rooms and coming in at 4AM waking me up expecting me to finish what somebody else started....

That bad Karma was responsible for a 468-night "dry spell" after she "got honest" and got rid of me....

Not being a better cook gave me Diabetes and 90 pounds extra I have to get rid of....

Never say "No" to Nookie, and learn to cook, kids!

Oh, don't max out your credit cards, either....

[Ellen Forradalom]

73. Long underwear and wool socks

Ditch the fashionable clothes and get something warm for the winter!

Also, don't drop out of school. The end is closer than you think.

[trackfan]

74. Realize that there is no "They"

If your're reasonably intelligent, never, ever take as gospel the advice of a so-called "expert" on ANYTHING...This includes your doctors. Always use your best judgement. Everyone is just as lost and dumb, and trying to figure out their way through life as you are, and if they are considered an expert on something due to years of education, experience, etc., they may very well have some good insight on that particular subject, but, on the other hand, they may just as well be a complete, misguided, misread-the-book, idiot. Think about this ESPECIALLY whenever you consider paying somebody for a service. I think this is most important nowadays when constraints on free market captialism are much less than they were in the old days. The days of the snake oil salesman are back - with a wink and a nod from conservative government - so beware. I guess this can all be summed up as: beware of "groupthink".

[put out]

75. Did you expect responses?

Oh, we have lots of advice! Woohoo, and very happy to give it! Hey, I'll hook you up with my parents, and you will get lots more! Yeah, you'll be up all night, and into tomorrow, and quite possibly ring in the New Year with more good advice!

Honestly, though, good advice from everyone. I should follow it myself, because I am middle-aged and could write a bit about missteps one can make.