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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:23 PM
Original message
Allow me to add my woes to those of everybody else here.
Edited on Sat Oct-28-06 07:26 PM by crim son
My husband doesn't want me to stay here which I completely deserve, but it puts me and the kids in a terrible situation. We are now in such serious financial straights that we are living in the dark and not heating the place - it's going to be REALLY fucking fun when the snow flies, wherever I live. My car is on its way to that great junkyard in the sky and I can no more afford to buy a new one than I can put my life back the way it was, before. Before. I'm a hateful bitch because I've been screwed over so many times now that I'd just as soon spit on my neighbors as converse with them. Fortunately nobody I love is sick or in danger but my luck is so freaking awful that I'm worried it's going to spill over on them. So fuck me, friends.

I need a drink.

On edit: oh, and our roof is leaking in the middle of monsoon season, so my husband's and my daughter's room have buckets on the floor, to catch the drips. Life is GRAND.
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Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:27 PM
Response to Original message
1. I'm sorry
things are so bad for you right now. :hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:36 PM
Response to Reply #1
3. This isn't even bad.
It's just the current situation. I'm amazed at how I've gone frome being June Cleaver to the hated pariah who deserves nothing better than she's getting. And no, I'm not full of self pity. Just facing the facts!
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Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:40 PM
Response to Reply #3
6. That sounds awful for you
You do deserve better! No one should should be made to feel like a pariah, especially in their own home.
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:45 PM
Response to Reply #6
7. I hurt the man, and I don't resent him for hurting me back.
I'm more very scared of being alone and what how this will affect my kids. Believe me, I don't deserve pity!
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Nicole Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:59 PM
Response to Reply #7
13. I know & I understand that
I don't pity you but I do feel for you. No matter what happened, I do remember you from an earlier nick, you don't deserve this level of retaliation. Not if the kids suffer from it, living in the dark and not heating the place is punishing the kids.
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:02 PM
Response to Reply #13
15. It's the kind of man he is
and why I was able to fall so comletely in love with somebody else, after all our years married. But thanks, for understanding :hug:
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:29 PM
Response to Original message
2. Sorry sweetie
Let's have a drink together.

:toast:

and

:hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:37 PM
Response to Reply #2
4. All right, let's!
:pals: A little commiseration goes a long way, doesn't it? :toast:
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:38 PM
Response to Reply #4
5. Yes
I think it does. I'll drink a toast to you my dear!

:hug:
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:30 PM
Response to Reply #5
21. Hmmm
Perhaps we are the same person after all.
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bluethruandthru Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:45 PM
Response to Original message
8. I'm so sorry crim son!
Any relatives you can stay with? State assistance of any kind? I hate the thought of you and the kids being cold. :hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:49 PM
Response to Reply #8
10. You'd laugh if you knew the scene.
I live in a goddamned mansion. Not a McMansion, a mansion. We had money and we lost it all. I don't work and the husband is a professor which means he makes not much. If we didn't have this huge bloody house then we'd have enough money such that I could have moved out months ago. Thing is, I recently decided to stay with him, and he won't have me. Yes, that's a bit of self-pity there. But the house is on the market; has been for almost seven months.

I always say that life is a ride, but I think whoever is at the controls is having too much fun at my expense :(
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acmavm Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:48 PM
Response to Original message
9. How did it come to this? Is there a story that you've posted that
makes this whole think make sense?

I feel sorry for you. My goodness, I feel sorry for you. I've been so close to homeless and without lights or gas the past three years I don't know how I haven't tipped over from stress. I got a reprieve on the electric bill for four days yesterday. That's why I feel so damn bad that you're in the dark. It made me sick worrying about that. You poor thing. And the kids. Crap.

This just makes me sad as hell.
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:52 PM
Response to Reply #9
11. No, no don't be sad!
I just posted to bluethroughandthrough. This is my fault and the circumstances are not what you'd imagine. I'm complaining that it's hard, but it isn't as if I didn't bring myself to this place, albeit by a route I never anticipated I'd take. Never. It is a joke how stupid I've been.
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Kali Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 07:56 PM
Response to Original message
12. yeesh.
Do you have any kind of plan? Not know "what" can be worse than some of the physical hardship. Looks like you are going to have to bargain some way to stay there through at least the winter aren't you? May get out a calander and try to create some kind of timeline for various actions to get this worked out??? If he is working is there at least insurance? Mental health bennies? Would that cover any kind of family counseling?
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:00 PM
Response to Reply #12
14. I have a plan, because until recently I was leaving anyway.
I'm taking classes to get myself a job and may be placed early next year. I'm not one of those helpless types. Which makes the situation all the more surprising/horrifying to me. And he has promised not to divorce me until I am on my feet and have a job with benefits. For that, I'm grateful.
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joneschick Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:06 PM
Response to Original message
16. joys shared are doubled
while troubles shared are halved. We're here for ya. :hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:09 PM
Response to Reply #16
17. I know it, which is why, periodically, I post about the mess
that is Lisa's life. You guys always make me feel better.
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Haole Girl Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:10 PM
Response to Original message
18. I hope things turn around for you soon...
..you deserve better! :hug: :hug:
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:18 PM
Response to Reply #18
19. Everything is always changing.
Maybe something will change for the better. It'd be a wonderful surprise :D
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Pale Blue Dot Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:26 PM
Response to Original message
20. Take a deep breath. You don't deserve this.
I don't know what you did, and I don't need to know. I can guess, and if I'm right, I did the same thing myself. It wasn't right, and I would never do it again. But it's done.

The truth is, whatever you did was a two-way street. In my case, I can't justify what I did, but it didn't happen in a vacuum. There was something missing in my marriage; actually, a lot of things. I went looking for them, and found them. In a way. It didn't cost me my marriage, at least not directly, because my ex-wife never knew. But it did cost me my mental health. The guilt that I felt was overwhelming. I suspect that that's what you are feeling now.

You need to remember, though, that he bears some responsibility for this, even if you can never tell him so. Not for the act itself, but for not being available to you to discuss what it was that you needed before there were consequences. And I would suspect that the very things about him that caused you to hurt him are what's causing him to be deliberately hurtful to his kids, who are completely innocent.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel, although I would be the first to admit that it's probably impossible to see now. I emerged from the disaster of my first marriage with a much clearer understanding of who I am and what I need. In January, I'm getting married to a beautiful woman who understands me, who I can be honest with (about everything), and who gives me everything I need. My son, who I was worried would be irreparably harmed by all of this, couldn't be happier with the addition of 4 new brothers and sisters to his life.

You WILL recover from this. And hopefully, so will your husband, so that you can do whatever it takes to raise healthy kids, together or separately. Good luck, and PM me if you need to.
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Nikia Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:37 PM
Response to Original message
22. I have an urge to offer you advice, but maybe that wouldn't be helpful
And maybe I don't understand the specifics of your situation.
I hope things get better for you though.
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Lady Freedom Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 08:44 PM
Response to Original message
23. HE is going to throw you and the kids out???
Pardon me but he needs to leave. And he better get those bills paid too! This may be the 21st. century, however he stills has a responsibility to those children!
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crim son Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 11:16 PM
Response to Reply #23
25. No, he wouldn't throw the kids out, just me!
But the oldest two are not comfortable with him because of his anger issues, and I'm not at all liking the idea of not being there as a buffer, as I have been all their lives.

He's not a monster, and he will support his children. He just isn't much of a husband or father, just like his father before him.
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idgiehkt Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 09:01 PM
Response to Original message
24. wonder where the DU attornies are tonight?
I am so sorry you are going through this, it sounds to me like a question for an attorney. I sure hope you are documenting all this stuff. You know I'm here for you. What he is doing is wrong, wrong, wrong. I mean, I'm pretty sure it's wrong legally, as well as morally. He has no legal right whatsoever to abandon his duties as a father despite what may have happened between the two of you. I am so sorry, I hope you have an attorney on your side.
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Floogeldy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 11:21 PM
Response to Original message
26. "My husband doesn't want me to stay here which I completely deserve"
Why do you type this?

:shrug:

Need more facts.

Love,

Floog
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 11:22 PM
Response to Reply #26
27. I can't answer for her
but I'm sure I'll be typing those same words very soon.
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Floogeldy Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 11:31 PM
Response to Reply #27
29. Why will you be typing those same words very soon?
:shrug:
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BarenakedLady Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 11:43 PM
Response to Reply #29
30. Just a feeling
:shrug:
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Starbucks Anarchist Donating Member (1000+ posts) Send PM | Profile | Ignore Sat Oct-28-06 11:26 PM
Response to Original message
28. I'm so sorry.
:hug:
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