Women are like apples

[leftofthedial]

Women are like apples on trees. The best ones are at the top of the tree. Most men don't want to reach for the good ones because they are afraid of falling and getting hurt. So, instead, they sometimes take the apples from the ground that aren't as good, but easy to reach. The apples at the top think something is wrong with them, when in reality, they're amazing. They just have to wait for the right man to come along, the one who is brave enough to climb all the way to the top of the tree.

Now Men.... Men are like wine. They begin as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

[reyd reid reed]

1. That's the best thing I've read in...I don't know how long.

:applause::applause::applause:

[Haole Girl]

2. Here's one for you:

Great Advice to Pass on to Your Daughters

1. Don't imagine you can change a man - unless he's in diapers.

2. What do you do if your boyfriend walks-out? You shut the door.

3. If they put a man on the moon - they should be able to put them all up there.

4. Never let your man's mind wander - it's too little to be out alone.

5. Go for younger men. You might as well - they never mature anyway.

6. Men are all the same - they just have different faces, so that you can tell them apart.

7. Definition of a bachelor; a man who has missed the opportunity to make some woman miserable.

8. Women don't make fools of men - most of them are the do-it-yourself types.

9. Best way to get a man to do something, is to suggest they are too old for it.

10. Love is blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

11. If you want a committed man, look in a mental hospital.

12. The children of Israel wandered around the desert for 40 years. Even in biblical times, men wouldn't ask for directions.

13. If he asks what sort of books you're interested in, tell him checkbooks.

14. Remember a sense of humor does not mean that you tell him jokes, it means that you laugh at his.

15. Sadly, all men are created equal...

[Katina]

3. Uh oh

:rofl: you know this will start a gender war! Let the games begin! :nuke:

[Deja Q]

4. K&R

:rofl:

[deucemagnet]

5. You make it sound as if there are lots of easy, available, and...

...dirty women at my feet. Hell, if there were, I wouldn't even look at the tree!

[MrCoffee]

6. .

:rofl::rofl::rofl:
:applause::applause::applause:

[Haole Girl]

7. Ready for another one?

Men are like.....Mascara.
They usually run at the first sign of emotion

:rofl:













:hide:

[WindRavenX]

8. LAWLZ

:rofl:

[HEyHEY]

9. Do apples have deep-seeded issues keeping them from loving too?

[Name removed]

10. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[hedgehog]

11. But what if the man likes to smoke apples while driving an SUV?

Boy, I hope I didn't accidently write something dirty.

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

12. I've smoked weed out of an apple many times.

Of course, it pretty much requires two hands, so it's very difficult to do while driving my SUV.

[cwydro]

13. hey!

enquiring minds want to know...How does one smoke weed out of an apple?

[HarukaTheTrophyWife]

14. It's really easy actually.

I can carve one up properly in under two minutes.

I'm sure you can find more detailed instructions somewhere on the vast tubes of the internets.

[cwydro]

15. yeah, I know I know,

google is my friend.

Sitting here at work and trying to imagine it however....

[La Lioness Priyanka]

16. i like apples and am not afraid of snakes...

reminded me of the ani song

[redqueen]

17. Heh.

:P

Is it gender-baiting day at DU today?

[BarenakedLady]

18. I love you

That was awesome, even if I am a soft mushy rotting apple on the ground.

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Call Me Wesley]

20. Locking.

Sexism works either way, and it's:



Kind regards,

Call Me Wesley
DU Moderator