Women of DU: Help Me Understand!

[Hosnon]

What's with the whole "I just wanna cry" thing?

And why must I be there for it to be effective? Can't women form clubs where you just cry with each other every week or something???

[skygazer]

1. Well, this woman has no idea what you're talking about

I don't cry too often and I sure as shit am not going to cry in front of you. Or anyone else for that matter.

I wish guys could explain to me why they think all women act exactly the same.

[hickman]

13. Amen. n/t

[RebelOne]

18. Same here.

I only cry at weddings and movies that involve animals dying.

[LostinVA]

36. Bingo

[Writer]

2. We have to relieve the stress of dealing with men like you somehow...

[EFerrari]

3. So, what is it about being an audience that you don't understand?

Embrace it.

[Hosnon]

5. I don't mind talking about something...actually like it. But crying is not

talking.

[EFerrari]

11. Exactly! Crying is not talking!

Just sit back and think of England.

[Hosnon]

14. Hmm...good point. But can I think of any country or must it be England? nt

[EFerrari]

19. The colder, dry ones work the best.

[lildreamer316]

23. GO read the Women=Venus Men=Mars book.

I am completely serious, don't laugh and don't toss it off. It will tell you EXACTLY why a woman would do that.
We don't want you to "fix" whatever is wrong. We don't want you to even talk it through.
All we want, and the woman you are referring to here wants, is to have our/her upsetedness acknowledged. If you run away while we are being upset, then you are invalidating why we are upset, or that we have a right to be.
That's all.

[datasuspect]

4. it's okay

Somewhere along the way we tough to keep it all together,
We mask the pain we feel inside, to make everyone else feel better,
You wrap your arms around yourself and bury all your sorrow,
You can't hide from your emotions baby, they'll still be here tomorrow,
If your heart won't let it flow,
I want you to know,

Chorus
It's okay to cry (Everybody's gotta hurt sometime)
Let those tear drops fly (Don't even try to dry your eye)
Don't keep it all inside (In the mornin' it'll be alright)
It's okay to cry

First you gotta fall apart to pick up all the pieces,
If you don't learn to let it go,
the pain inside increases,
It takes more strength to hold it in then to give in and surrender,
why's the first thing that we learn,
the last thing we remember?
Baby, tears don't make you weak, If I could only make you see,

Chorus
It's okay to cry (Everybody's gotta hurt sometime)
Let those tear drops fly (Don't even try to dry your eye)
Don't keep it all inside (In the mornin' it'll be alright)
It's okay to cry

It ain't nothing at all
Sometimes you gotta break down and let 'em fall,
Baby that's true

Ohhhhhh
It's okay to cry (Everybody's gotta hurt sometime)
Let those teardrops fly(Don't even try to dry your eye)
Don't keep it all inside (In the mornin' it'll be alright)
It's okay to cry

It's okay to cry
Ohhhhhhhhhhh

[WritingIsMyReligion]

6. I think it's pretty self-explanatory.

She wants to cry.

Everyone has a right to cry. Why don't you let her, and get on with it?

[Hosnon]

10. I let her but at some point we have to work to solve the problem right?

[EFerrari]

15. Nah, not always. Sometimes crying fixes the thing nonverbally.

[Hosnon]

17. I get that...I just wish she would get that it doesn't make sense to me.nt

[Oeditpus Rex]

7. If a woman will cry in front of you

it means she trusts you.



And that's a good thing.

[Dangerously Amused]

8. Dude.

She is sad.


She needs comforting.


Let her cry, and comfort her.





That is all.

[LeftyMom]

9. She's willing to be vulnerable in front of you.

Your job is to let her get it out, then comfort her and help to build her back up as needed.

[hickman]

12. It's a guilt thing.

She's got a need and you're supposed to provide the audience/fixer. I'm a woman but never got that whole cry when things get tough thing. Just seemed manipulative to me.

[Hosnon]

16. Thanks. There is a big problem (not with us) that we have to get through

and every time I try to sit down and work through it the faucet opens and nothing gets done!

The first few times is understandable but don't I have the right to ask her to "deal with it" at some point?

Edit: Ironically I've posted in another thread about the stupidity of posting too much information in a public forum...so I'm going to slowly back away...

[hickman]

21. Sounds like you are supposed to just fix it yourself.

Then stand back and wait to see if you did it right. Been there. My ex didn't cry, just whined in circles till I gave up and fixed it. Then he'd criticize my fix.

[Hosnon]

22. Haha I like that: Fix it and see if I did it right:)

[hickman]

27. I may have been harsh. Maybe she's just not ready to deal

with it right now, but will be able to later. Then you just wait and be sympathetic. If you're on a deadline like I usually was, then you fix it and damn the torpedoes

[Hosnon]

29. Yep there's a timeline...problem is...she's essential to fixing it.

[hickman]

31. Oh damn. I guess you just wait.

If she's a trustworthy person she'll step up when it's time.

[Nikia]

20. Crying can be good stress relief

It does help if someone is there.
Some women do prefer to cry with each other instead of men, but if she doesn't have close girl friends to cry with or if the situation happens to arise/be discussed while you are around, she will cry with you.
It helps for someone to be around when one is crying. It feels safer.
For some women, crying is manipulative, but for a lot of women, it is usually not manipulative but a result of strong emotions.

[graywarrior]

24. This thread makes me cry.

[JVS]

25. Tell her that it makes you feel uncomfortable and to do so elsewhere

Problem solved

[vixengrl]

33. Heh heh--you know, if I was having a sloppy mini-freakout

and was told to "move it along"--words would get said! Problem started!

(Altho' when I feel weepish, my first instinct is actually to take it to a bathroom and "fix my face" or whatever. Who wants to sit and cry in front of somebody ?)

[Guava Jelly]

26. ah try a little sensitivity

I hate to see people cry.But I understand the need

[OhioBlue]

28. sometimes I just want to rent a sad movie and cry

it is a great release and I wish I had someone I could trust so much as to be comfortable crying in front of them.

You actually might be kinda lucky that she trusts you so much. Whatever the issue is.... she will get through it and she will have so much more affection and respect for you for helping her through it.

[Missy Vixen]

30. She's actually paid you the highest compliment

>And why must I be there for it to be effective?<

She feels emotionally safe with you. If she didn't, she would never cry in front of you. If she doesn't feel emotionally safe, she starts looking for someone who is. You do not want this to happen.

As the other women here have said, the best thing to do is to comfort her when she cries. I'm sure that "comfort" means something different to every woman on this thread.

Julie

[Haole Girl]

32. lol

Can't women form clubs where you just cry with each other every week or something???



Then, men would start putting prozac in the drinking water. It's un unwritten rule, as I guess you know, that women have to cry either in the privacy of their own homes, their car, or in the ladies room!

[badgerpup]

34. Told a male friend of mine who was winking very hard...

...to just go ahead and let it out.
Explained that biologically it was the smart thing to do, as there'd been studies that showed that tears help release toxins from the body as well as stress.
Getting rid of toxins he was OK with...and he did feel much better afterwards.

[Name removed]

35. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[BlueIris]

37. Get therapy. Get a lot of it. Get it now.

Sorry if that "killed the 'joke.'" But I'm not sure you understand how unattractive hate is. Start climbing, asshat. That's a deep hole.

[REP]

38. No Fucking Idea

If it's bad enough I'm actually crying, it must be pretty goddamned bad. Either something pretty goddamned bad is going on or you're dealing with a drama whore. If the tears are coming out weekly and no one's dying ... well, maybe she's under a lot of stress. I know - why don't you talk to HER about it?