Fellow childfree couples, what is your favorite response to

[RB TexLa]

the people who ask "Sooooooo, when are you going to have kids?"


I tell them "The apartments wants to high of a deposit for them."

or that "oh we can't have them in the house, the cats are allergic."

[XemaSab]

1. My boyfriend's penis is too small!!!!

:cry:

[_testify_]

2. Oh. My. God.

:rofl:

[Guava Jelly]

21. your not supposed to tell anyone

I'm leaving you.!!!
:rofl:

[REDKING]

75. Hahahahahahahahahaha...

loke it,like it....:D

[REDKING]

76. I meant like it not loke it...

Its sunday and I have a hangover....Peace

[texas1928]

3. I say...

We are still practising, so once we get the making them right.

[BrewerJohn]

4. I figure we've reached the age where we can probably

get away with saying "we're too old for all that".
Well, not all that, certainly. But the part we're (decidedly) not too old for,
they don't need to know about. Better for them to imagine and slowly turn green with envy.

[suzbaby]

5. We already have two...

they sold for $60,000 a piece on the blackmarket!
:P

[MrScorpio]

6. We were lucky

[arwalden]

7. How about...

"We're both sterile."

[benburch]

63. ...

:popcorn:

[REP]

8. "About The Same Time You Stop Asking Rude Questions - Never"

or When Hell freezes over.

or I can't - I have a medical condition - I had a tubal ligation.

or Why on earth would I do such a thing?

[Heidi]

13. Exactly.

I would never dream of asking a person with kids, "Don't you think you should stop now?"

[CanuckAmok]

9. "When we run out of slaves"

[Godhumor]

10. Not really funny, but I want to share the email--need advice

One of the parents of a student from last year sent this to me. The student accompanied me on my Japan school trip this year and the mother gave me 60 dollars in emergency money in case if anything happened to her son. When we returned I forgot to give it back to her and sent an email asking for her address to return it. This is the reply that I got (slightly edited)-- She also knows my wife and I do not plan on having children:

"I have changed my mind about the sixty $$$$. this is what I want you to do. go to your moms cabinet and get a jar. place a label on the outside that says baby . the moment he or she arrives via natural childbirth or adoption, you take that $60.00 and go buy a teddy bear from me. you tell him / her that I wanted to be one of the first to welcome him/her to the world. now this may happen sooner or later, but whenever it does you must keep this promise to me. my best to you and your family."

How the hell do I politiely respond to this about wanting to return the money still?

[pitohui]

12. are they japanese?

i don't think you can say anything more except "thank you very much i'll do that"

at such time as you are too old to be able to reproduce then i think it would be perfectly okay to take the money from the jar and donate it to some children's fund

but from relatives who live in japan i get a vibe of you just can't tell them no, the white lie is of great value in such situations

they DON'T want to know your personal or gynecological issues, they are maybe just trying to give you a nice thank you and don't know how exactly?

i'm totally dweebie so if this is off base i'm not hurt if you say so

[Godhumor]

14. Not Japanese, parent of an African American student

My wife is pretty uncomfortable about this situation, though. I'm debating how to do this, but she, my wife, has informed me that under no terms are we keeping the money.

Hmmm....maybe if I buy a bear and donate it to an orphanage....

[calico1]

23. I would keep trying to get the address.

Then once you do, send the money back with no mention of the jar or anything else she said.

[uppityperson]

66. Find someone who needs a bear, go to women's shelter

orphanage, something. Don't return it, just pass it on to a baby as it was meant to be. If they ask, thank them, tell them the baby you passed it on to was thrilled to drool.

[madeline_con]

15. What she did was rude, IMO

Knowing you don't plan on having kids, she writes, ".... the moment he or she arrives via natural childbirth or adoption ..." Really inconsiderate!

I'd put the money in an envelope and give it to the kid to return to Mom.

[zanne]

25. I'm sure she didn't mean to be rude...

I'm childless by choice, too, and when I was younger, people used to figure that I couldn't have children, so they'd ask me if I wanted to babyit, thinking that would make me happy. After awhile, I realized I had to tell them why I was childless. Most of them weren't at all upset and would say something like "I don't like other people's kids--only my own". So it's not like they thought I was a monster or anything. Back in the 70's, an organization called Population Zero had a commercial. In the commercial, a newly married couple were opening wedding presents. One big box contained a crib. They looked at each other with dismay and you could hear a voice say "Remember--you do have a choice". This commercial used to air in prime time. Our society has become a little baby crazy, and it's getting harder to be childless.

[madeline_con]

94. I have 3 sons, but I'd never assume I could get someone to...

"cave" and have a litter of the little darlings if only they knew what a joy... yada yada yada...

The money seemed to be saying, "I just know you'll come around one day." If you don't want kids, no one should be putting you on the spot like that. It's infair.

BTW, "I don't like other people's kids--only my own", is true with a lot of us! :rofl:

[REP]

16. "Dear Madam:

We have no jars named "Baby" nor do we plan to adopt any. Please tell me where I can return your money to you so you can use it for much-needed therapy."

[fudge stripe cookays]

99. Perfect.

That'd be my response, definitely.

[sarge43]

19. Try one more time to get the address

If she doesn't come through, contribute the money to Planned Parenthood.

My standard answer: "Well, there's this court order ...."

[sbj405]

22. Send a note telling her that you are buying teddy bears

for a charity. Look for one that helps teen mothers or babies born addicted to drugs.

[China_cat]

37. Go buy yourself a Vermont Teddy Bear

and support a good Blue company with a marvelous line of products...and thank that lady for it.

[liberalitch]

51. Send her a pleasant email.....

We found your suggestion/gift to be a wonderful idea that should be put into effect immediately. What we did was take the $60, bought (This is where you pick)
A) $60 worth of formula and donated to our local food bank
B) That teddy bear but it went to the local children's hospital

[Heidi]

11. CMW and I have been asked that question.

My answer is, "When I'm younger, less emotionally stable and more financially insecure," or, "My goodness, what a personal question."

[Kajsa]

45. That's a perfect response,

and it throws the ball into their court.

" My, what a personal question!"

is all you need to say. It's none of their
business!!!

btw: I have kids- one human, two felines

:-)

[Heidi]

48. "Would you consider 41-year-old eggs 'fresh'?"

That's the question I asked my 80-year-old grandmother a couple of years ago, when she pressed me about why CMW and I have no kids. But that didn't stop her. She replied, "Well, stranger things have happened." :eyes: I didn't feel the need to inform her that even if we _wanted_ children, my old eggs and CMW's vasectomy aren't a very promising procreation combination. :rofl:

[Kajsa]

50. That's funny!!

:rofl:

[Luminous Animal]

17. Well...

I wouldn't be able to continue to live my dirt bag lifestyle.

[JackDragna]

18. If they're older people, I say the following:

"Just as soon as you break your hip."

That usually shuts them up.

[Dangerously Amused]

20. Maybe try,

When Bush pays off our national debt. We don't think it's fair that they should have to inherit that burden.

[calico1]

24. It depends on how well I know them.

If its someone I hardly know I will look at them and say something like "now why in the world would you ask me something like that?" That usually shuts them up. Or I tell them "I do have kids! I've got 7 of them, all four legged. But they are great because I don't have to buy them clothes or send them to college."

I have relatives who still ask me sometimes and I try to be polite. When I went down recently for my mother's funeral, a very old friend of hers who has known me since I was a baby asked me if I was going to have any. Every time this woman sees me she asks me. She told me one time "A woman's life is just not complete without a child. Women need to have at least one child." Now, this woman is very kind and has done so many things for my family. I could not think to be rude to her. Before I used to answer that I just didn't want any and then quickly tried to change the subject and usually that was that. Now I have a better reason. I am 48 so this time I made that comment to her. So I don't think she will ask again.

My best friend however, is another story. Until recently she was telling me about all these wonderful fertility treatments. "You can STILL have children, you know!" She's got 4 and is a great mother. The last time she said something like this I think I was around 45. I said to her "Good God, if I got pregnant now I would jump off the nearest bridge!" We both laughed and I think she got the message. I saw her about a month ago and she did not bring up the subject again.

[NMDemDist2]

33. here's something for your fridge then with all your furbabies

Notice to People That Visit Our Home


1. The dog lives here. You don't.

2. If you don't want the dog to be near you, stay off the furniture.

3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do I and so do you. What's your point?

4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog.

5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff his.

6. I like him a lot better than I like most people.

7. To you he's a dog. To me he's an adopted son who is shorter, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. I have no problem with any of these things.

8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a gazillion dollars for university fees, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups.

[calico1]

35. I have seen that and would actually like one

that includes all furbabies and as a mat or a plaque I can put outside at the entrance. Here are some of my children:


My girl, Aja


Zoey


Juniper

The two in my sig are Tabitha (gray) and Quincy(orange..whom we lost about 6 weeks ago). I also have two other kitties I have to put pictures up of.

[smirkymonkey]

77. Awww... your Rottie is beautiful!

Now that's the kind of baby I want! :)

[raccoon]

40. ANybody know if there's a similar one for cats? nt

[Rabrrrrrr]

26. Say, "I'm so sad to hear that you can only define people by children.

Your insinuation that my life isn't worthless is quite rude. Perhaps some day you will find the maturity to accept people as they are, and not judge them by who you feel they should be. When are you going lose 60 pounds? When are you going to stop being an asshole? When are you going to learn how to decorate your house in a way that isn't in the dumbass provincial tacky style? When are you going to get a better car? When are you gonna..."

Okay, maybe not those last bits, but I think it's totally appropriate to point out to people that their question is insanely rude and not a question that polite people ask.

[StellaBlue]

86. ROFL

"When are you going lose 60 pounds?"
That made me laugh out loud.

"When are you going to stop being an asshole?"
Even better, I like it when people are direct. :thumbsup:

"When are you going to learn how to decorate your house in a way that isn't in the dumbass provincial tacky style?"
:rofl:

[Rabrrrrrr]

88. Thanks! The question really is up there in the realm of insane rudeness

with "Why are you fat?" and "When are you going to start raping little boys?" and so on.

I really, really hate that question.

[StellaBlue]

89. And how often do MEN get asked it?

:puke:

[Rabrrrrrr]

90. Men who are in relationships get asked it, that's for sure.

Not if they're single; but ever since I've had my SO of 10 years ago, I get asked that question a fair amount.

[StellaBlue]

91. Really?

I've never seen it happen, I don't think.

But then everyone else in my family has two or three kids by age 25, so... hahahahaha

Seriously, my first-cousins's kids are around my age, and all of THEM are married with children. I am the ONLY person left in the family (not counting the under-16s) who is holding out. I love it.

[RB TexLa]

96. I get asked all the time, I tell them one of the things I put in the OP

or something else. The funny thing is then they always ask "what does she want." Which I get serious about in telling them that doesn't matter, I am not going to have children and she can not have my child without something from me and I do not allow her to have that. It's my body and I choose, I chose to have that snipped and clipped, no one else has any say in that.

[liberalitch]

27. At 41 people usually say to me.... "You'd better hurry up,...."

"....the clock is ticking."
".... childbirth dangerous as you get older."

ASSUMING that I want to have kids. ("Miss Scarlet...... I don't know nothin' about birthin' no babies")

I just say.... "You're rude."

[calico1]

34. That's what I got once I hit 40.

"You know, there are a lot of WONDERFUL fertility drugs on the market! And in-vitro is always an option!" Or even "You could always use a surrogate. Have you thought about that?"

:wtf:

[livetohike]

28. Those questions never stop and I am 54 years old

Now people ask, "Why didn't you ever have kids?"

My answer, "I didn't want them."

Before when the question was "When are you going to have kids?" I would simply say, "Never".

[MountainLaurel]

29. If you want, clear off the table and we'll get started now.

:evilgrin:

[YankeyMCC]

30. It really never ends...I have one child

and we still get "When are you having another?"

My general response was "We like things how they are."

But now I can say..."If we have another either my wife has met someone else or I'm suing my doctor." :)

[NMDemDist2]

31. "He's fixed and I'm broken"

is what I usually say :evilgrin:

I have major fallopian tube damage due to a Dalkon shield and DH got a vasectomy in his late 20's

luckily we're at an age now we don't get that question anymore

[fudge stripe cookays]

100. I'll have to remember that one!

Same sitch here, only I've got endo from hell, and am looking at a hysterectomy at 40. He got fixed years ago, though.

[graywarrior]

32. We've put up with that question for 30 years.

Earlier it was "when?", not it's "why didn't you?" My reason is that I did not want to continue the line of potential malfuckups that run in both our families.

My response is usually an uncomfortable silence while I stare at them followed by a shrug.

[arwalden]

41. Perhaps Some Fake Tears And Woeful Sobbing...

... might make them feel like idiots.

[liberalitch]

49. Now that's the BEST!!!!!! make sure it's LOUD too.

[NewWaveChick1981]

36. Fortunately, my mother never pushed the issue with me

because she knows exactly how hard it is to raise children. :P My father, on the other hand, asked me from before hubby and I got married until last year. He ignored my previous assertions that we would NEVER have children. I think he gets it now, though! Hubby's parents pushed us for a long time and then have sort of stopped.

I don't have any snappy comebacks for the nosy idiots who ask me about my own personal affairs. If I'm asked about when I'm going to have children, I say, "We're not. Case closed." And I leave it at that. :)

Don't get me wrong---I love children, and they love me. I just simply could not see myself as a parent, and I have never wanted my own. I'm an aunt, and I love seeing my nieces, but if they misbehave, I can hand them back to my sister. :P

[CanuckAmok]

69. Ever load 'em up on sugar and send 'em home?

We used to do that. Good fun!

[NewWaveChick1981]

74. Oh, yeah. That's my favorite trick!

Well, my favorite besides giving them gifts that make noise.... :evilgrin: :rofl:

[CanuckAmok]

78. Ha!

My uncle gave me a drum kit for my second Christmas. I don't think my mom spoke to him for five years after that.

[NewWaveChick1981]

79. LOL! At my sister's house, Tickle Me Elmo became Throw Me

The Fuck Across The Room Elmo after she heard it for the thousandth time.... :rofl:

:hi:

[CanuckAmok]

80. "Throw Me The Fuck Across The Room Elmo" - I'd SO buy one!

I think you're on to something big, there.

[NewWaveChick1981]

84. You think we could make some money selling "Throw Me The

Fuck Across The Room" Elmo to frustrated adults? It'd be good for them---you know, stress relief and all! :rofl:

:hi:

[Lady Effingbroke]

38. My favorite response: "I can't bear children."

[Courtesy Flush]

58. Hey. That's mine too!

Actually I say my wife can't bear children. Glad the line is getting some play.

[Lady Effingbroke]

62. As said in conversation:

"But I really can't bear children! Honestly!"

Leaves 'em guessing - is she unable to conceive children, or can she not conceive the notion of conception? :D :hi:

[blindpig]

39. "I'd rather have rabies than babies."

That usually does the trick.

[Haole Girl]

42. I've got the perfect response:

What I say, to the idiots with small children- who are stupid enough to badger me about why I don't have kids- is: "My problem is that I love children between the ages of 2 through 12, but when they reach adolescence I can't deal with all their antics...and since they don't allow child abuse anymore, I can't have any!" That usually shuts them up and makes them think a little. They only ask once.

Edit to say: I would never resort to child abuse, having been a victim of it myself. But, it makes a point. Not having children is a guaranteed way to end the cycle.

[Guava Jelly]

43. I have a few responses

One I Explain that I have three cats..Whom are my kids.
And I explain that I am to selfish .I like to walk around the house nude.
I like to come and go as i please not worry about babysitters.
Children are expensive there is feeding, clothing,health,education, and other Child related accidents.
And i also don't have to worry sick that they get in trouble or some freaky Sob abuses them in witch I would have to kill the sob then I'd have to do jail time with a large smelly and all too well endowed cell mate named Bubba.

besides i would hate to raise a kid that spells as bad as i do

[hyphenate]

44. Good responses!

I'm at the age now where it's obvious I won't have any, but when people ask if I have any, I always answer, "I don't have any of the two-legged variety." It leaves them puzzled, and unless they're quick on the uptake, it's me getting the last word. :)

[skygazer]

46. My daughter's habitual response

"When people become an endangered species."

My daughter has no interest in having kids. She got married last year and gets this question a lot. It seems a lot of people can't figure our why she'd get married if she didn't want kids. Interesting logic.

Personally, I'm always pleased when people realize that having children is not something they want to do - too many people have them who shouldn't. (And I'm the one who provided my daughter with the above response, which works quite well).

[calico1]

52. That's an excellent response.

By the way some people worry about others having children you would think we ARE an endangered species!

Other ways to deal with it are to reply with a similar personal question such as:

How old are you?

Is that your natural hair color?

How much do you weigh?

Have you gotten a face lift?

Is that your real hair?

How much money do you make?

People are usually shocked that you'd ask them such a personal question. Then you can respond "Now you know how I feel."

[CanuckAmok]

67. There should be a childfree dating network...

...my ex wasn't into having kids, and I'm snipped. Now that I'm dating again (mostly women in their early to mid 30s), that's a "deal-breaker", and I'd say 9 out of 10 I meet want kids. Now.

NOW!

There's this organisation out of Vancouver called "No Kidding", but it's more for couples than for singles. Plus, too may of their members wear Tilly hats, and that usually means trouble.

[sarge43]

47. Here's the answers I've routinely used over the years

1. Why do you need to know?

2. I never wanted any.

3. I never thought I'd be a good parent.

4. I figured that if I were to spend the rest of my life in prison, I'd prefer a better reason than infanticide.

5. I'm sterile, have been most of my reproductive years, and have always been one financial disaster away from living in a refrigerator box. Is there any other inmate personal information you'd like know about me?

6. And the nuke: Fuck off.

[Oeditpus Rex]

53. 'Well, we're gonna get started

as soon as my erection gets big eno... whoop, there it is!"




10... 9... 8...

[hippywife]

54. All they are is noise with dirt on them!

Oh, and they are major germ carriers!

[YellowRubberDuckie]

55. I tell them the truth:

We're going to be foster parents as soon as we buy our own place or have the money to upgrade to a three bedroom.
Duckie

[I Have A Dream]

56. I say that it's not what's meant for me in this lifetime; maybe...

in the next one. They usually shut up at that point. (By the way, I really mean it when I say it.)

[mduffy31]

57. my best answer was

tell you what...you have them for us and we will come and visit them.

[Zhade]

59. "I'm not selfish enough to further overpopulate the planet."

Of course, I WAS 8 years ago, and I love my son and wouldn't go back and not have him born, but I know better NOW.

[rug]

60. Tell them you prefer anal sex.

[enigmatic]

64. I'm going to use that line...

:thumbsup:

[CanuckAmok]

65. !!!!

:spittake: :rofl:

[dropkickpa]

61. My brother and SIL say

"We're not, we are perfectly happy being Uncle ____ and Aunt ____"

[CanuckAmok]

68. "I need to end this hereditary conditon of spontaneous violent murder."

[wickerwoman]

70. "When I can afford a nanny to raise them"

Kids give me hives.

[JackDragna]

71. Even better response:

"Why? You want to go have sex?"

Try it. You'll like the response.

[Name removed]

72. Deleted sub-thread

Sub-thread removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[Withywindle]

73. Ask a rude question, get a rude answer:

Q: When are you having babies?"
A: *looks confused* What? He's been putting it in my butt 5 times a week for six years...and...I don't understand, I'm currrrsed....*cries!*


Q: "When are you having a baby?"
A: "How bout 'never.' Does 'never' work for you? Can you pencil it in? We'll have our 'never' shower in six years or so, OK?"


Q: "when are you having a baby?"
A: Well...when cancer is cured. Because I've listened to decades worth of people berating women who've had abortions and women who are childless saying...BUT YOUR KID MIGHT"VE CURED CANCER WAAAHHHHHHH"; and I just think the last three generations of women (and people who say dumb shit like that) should've gone to advanced oncology studies to work on curing cancer their own fucking selves! How long can this passing the buck to the next generation go on, anyway?

Q: "when are you having a baby?"
A: "Mayyyyyybe when you set down and listen to hours and hours of us talking about things we think other people SHOULD do, including the Peace Corps, archaelogical dig discipline, Harry Potter fandom, intense record collecting, vote-solicitation in the 27th Ward, historic Great Lakes ship carving, open-mike poetry performance, hardcore vegan cooking, and intense Zero-gravity training.


Q: "when are you having a baby"
A: "Infants will fly out of my twat and flying monkeys out of my ass at pretty much the same time."

[smokey nj]

81. When hell freezes over.

[Vinca]

82. I'm too old now, but in the day I told the truth:

We don't like kids. It saved us from that "aren't you being selfish" line which I never understood anyway.

[RB TexLa]

85. That's rich, we are the ones being selfish LOL

How does someone tell someone else "we feel that we are so wonderful and great that we should produce another person from ourselves, but you are the one who is selfish."

[MiniMandaRuth]

83. I just say that

I have better things to do with my life.

Yes, I have been asked by people when I want kids.


If I could pop out a fully functional eight year old, then I'd do it. Other than that.... well, no!

[StellaBlue]

87. In all seriousness

I am torn on this one.

As an only child, single at 27, starting to get those questions from old biddies at Christmas, etc... I don't want to end up old and all alone, especially since I have no siblings and am not close to my cousins (they're all like 15-20 years older and live 400 miles away), and I always wanted to have like 10 kids when I was younger... like the Kennedys or something. I think it would be nice at Christmas to have a big family over, like in "The Family Stone" hahahaha.

But, really, in this day, when I don't even have enough money to support myself past the next two weeks, and I am selfish and like to travel and hope to retire to part-time work by age 55 or so, and don't have the maternal "baby" gene AT ALL, and don't like kids that I am not really close to (i.e. kids of my closest friends, that I have known since birth), and don't feel the urge EVER to hold a baby or talk silly to it, and I don't feel a gaping whole in my life whatsoever, and I don't expect to get married ever, and I really don't understand why women would do that to their bodies in such numbers and repeatedly now that they don't have to... well...

I suppose I am in the chilfree camp by default. ?

When my old aunts ask me why I'm not married or "don't you want to have children?" I always point out that those two things are not mutually exclusive, and, as far as I'm concerned, promising someone you'll love them and spend the rest of your life with them at age 27 is INSANE, and then I point to the fact that they, the questioners, are always on their second, later-in-life marriage themselves, so maybe early marriage isn't so smart and people should settle down at age 40 and thus avoid the whole nasty divorce/ex-husband/single mother problem.

:shrug:

[idgiehkt]

92. I've always wanted to say that I almost did, but then I changed my

mind at the last minute and had a late-term abortion instead. Yes, I'm twisted.

[StellaBlue]

93. ooh, good one!

and serves em right for asking in the first place!

[Broken_Hero]

95. my favorite response is...

"thanks for reminding us, that we can't have kids"...been trying for almost three years now...no success(obviously)...

[DeposeTheBoyKing]

97. "I can't have kids."

That always shuts 'em up. It's true, unfortunately.

[Kixel]

98. I know it's a personal thing

But I would just be blunt and say you don't plan on having children. It's a valid choice and anyone who makes you feel bad about it or presses you further isn't worth your time.

I am very good friends with a couple who don't want kids. It's something that neither of them have wavered in the ten years I have known them. The wife is turning thirty soon and I am planning a "I'm Not Having a Baby Shower" for her with her husband. Of course, it'll only be close friends, but I love the concept.

[liberaltrucker]

101. We're enjoying the playpen

and not tied to a carriage. Makes a fundie's jaw drop every time!

:woohoo:

[electron_blue]

102. You know, I have one child, I'm divorced, 43 and not seeing anyone

People still ask me if I'm going to have another child. Although I'm not 'child free' I spent most of my adult life not having children and resent the implications that you're not whole unless you have had at least one and preferably 3 children. I love some of the comebacks on this thread!

People used to break my heart when they asked when we were having children (bcs I was in my late 30's by then, clock ticking, etc.) and I didn't want to share that actually I had several miscarriages and my husband was being a jerk about it all. It really is an incredibly personal question and takes a lot of gall to assume they are going to confide this in you.

[Skittles]

103. none of your f***ing business

that usually shuts them up

[liberaltrucker]

104. Best reply!

You win the *fictional* DU Kewpie doll!

:toast: