The most horrific thing witnessed on TBN

[Fenris]

I am not a regular viewer of the Trinity Broadcasting Network, but I do on occasion stop on the channel when I'm surfing. I'm usually drawn in by extremely low-budget religious epics starring either Michael York or Kirk Cameron, and written by either Tim LaHaye or San Antonio's own bloated eschatologist, John Hagee. But this morning I stopped and looked in awe at the 'gift' for TBN subscribers offered this month.

For a mere $250 "donation" (which can be made in $25 installments!), you could be the proud owner of one of the most hideous pieces of religious junk ever.



That, by the way, is Jesus on that horse. Jesus, in a crown, with a sword and a ram's horn, on top a white stallion. This is a reproduction of the statue that adorns the entrances to both TBN Christian City in California and TBN Music City in Tennessee. A life size sculpture of...Aragorn Jesus?





There are so many, many things wrong with that statue.

By the way, meet the artist, Max Greiner, Jr.! He lives a relatively short distance from me. Short enough to make me want to move.

http://www.maxgreinerart.com/index2.asp

:scared:

[WilliamPitt]

1. Kaplaaah!

[Midlodemocrat]

2. Wow! Sure glad my cable doesn't carry that channel.

:scared:

[flamingyouth]

3. Oh my

:scared:

[Robb]

4. Righteous

:rofl:

[jpgray]

5. Jesus rides bareback

[Fenris]

12. Leviticus prohibits saddles?

[jpgray]

14. Condoms too

:D

[Fenris]

18. The Bible's all about the rhythm method.

:D

[RebelOne]

29. Well, he rode the ass bareback into Jerusalem

so the story goes by the bible.

[DS1]

6. Jaysus got your back, homie

[Fenris]

9. He must work out.

A lot.

[asthmaticeog]

7. Woo hoo, FIGHTIN' Jesus!

[Fenris]

10. This sends the message to unbelievers:

"Jesus gonna fuck you up."

[jpgray]

13. Also "jesus was cross-eyed"

[Fenris]

16. Check out his forearm! Totally zombie-fied!

:D

[CanuckAmok]

8. 'the hell?

That's worse than this one:

[Fenris]

19. Tough call. But yes.

[SoulGlo]

11. watching tbn?

you are a glutton for punishment. I prefer god's learning channel, where you can watch a black man say racism no longer exists and that bush is a good president.

[CanuckAmok]

15. I wonder what a nearby "Sculpture Prayer Garden" will do to your...

...property values.

By the way, his wife has the "thousand yard stare". She looks nuts.

[Fenris]

17. She's also a fan of hairspray and sateen as well.

[graywarrior]

20. This is exactly how I picture their JC

Pissed off, revengeful, a little on the Mel Gibson crazy side.

[Elidor]

21. Being the LORD means never having to turn the other cheek

Why should God forgive? He's God, dammit! Fundies just hate it that their savior was nailed to a tree. What kind of pussified shit is that? It's not in keeping with the kind of Old Testament machismo that they expect from a supreme deity and his only begotten son. They hate that turn the other cheek stuff. They yearn for a do-over where Jesus gets to take up the sword and smite his enemies! Fire and brimstone and righteous wrath! Dark souls trapped in the dark ages.

[no name no slogan]

22. Slayin' for Jeebus, Slayin' for Jeebus

Killing all the infidels

[GOPisEvil]

23. What Bible do these fucksticks read?!

[djeseru]

24. The zero-compassion version.

Wouldn't want anything "Christ-like" in the Bible...sheesh. :eyes:

[Fenris]

26. Apparently the one that reads like a Dungeons & Dragons manual.

[GOPisEvil]

27. Does Jesus have a +5 Sword of Divine Retribution?

[Fenris]

28. Yes. And +5 healing!

:P

[GOPisEvil]

30. And he loses no mobility while walking across water.

:bounce:

[Brigid]

25. Jesus Wept.

John 11:35

[Beware the Beast Man]

31. It would be a lot cooler if he was riding an ostrich.

[mikeytherat]

33. Wouldst thou blaspheme and knock Jesus on the head?

Joust rules!

mikey_the_rat

[peekaloo]

32. Looks like the horse is standing on a mountain of its own poop.

kinda fitting.

I'll hold out for the Jebus on the Brontosaurus.

[realisticphish]

34. fuck that

Jesus on a Velociraptor. That would be the shit...

[peekaloo]

37. Imagine the confusion.

Jesus has returned on a raptor.

It's the rapture!

No a raptor!

That's what I said, the rapture.

Kind of like a Biblical Abbott and Costello.

}(

[LynneSin]

35. I thought maybe you saw this on TBN

Yes, Jesus wants us to have giant sized pink hairdos with too much makeup - that's what Jesus would do

:scared:

That's Jan Crouch by the way

[Random_Australian]

36. Or you could get a big sign saying "Don't fall for that ridiculous CRAP"

for 1/2 the price.

[B3Nut]

38. Bloated eschatologist....ROFL!!!!!

I love it! Fits that heterodox windbag to a T! Sorry John, no matter how big you make that silly Scofield chart, and how many cheesy kitschy drawings you festoon it with, and how many temper tantrums you throw, it's still nonsense.

That statue is hideous...and that praying-hands-with-cuetsy-soldier-doll takes pseudo-Christian kitsch to a new low. But hey...anything for a buck, right? (insert obivous comparison to moneychangers here)

Todd in Beerbratistan

[Coventina]

39. last night I was watching some of their fund drive

I turned it off after the perky blonde preacher promised the viewers that if they called in and pledged $66.12 a month their kids would not do drugs.

That made my heart cry.

[LynneSin]

40. And for some families if they pledge $66.12 a month....

they can be assured their kids won't eat either

[Coventina]

42. No, you don't understand. If they pledge that money, God will take them

to the "wealthy place".

[Left Is Write]

41. "TBN Christian City"?

Christian City? What the.....?

[philosophie_en_rose]

43. Yet still not as horrific as Jan Crouch's hair.

:scared:

[Burma Jones]

44. And people poke fun at the Catholic Church

for their iconography........

[On the Road]

45. If You Read the Bible, You Get to Choose Your Jesus

The one they've chosen is from Revelation 19:

¹¹I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. ¹² His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. ¹³ He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. ¹⁴The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. ¹⁵Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. "He will rule them with an iron scepter." He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. ¹⁶On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written "KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS."

Whether Jesus would have led an army on earth if he ever got the chance is open to debate, but he is certainly depicted as a military commander in his heavenly form.

[SlavesandBulldozers]

47. i'd actually probably buy that statue

if Jesus had a sword coming out of his mouth. It'd be the centerpiece in my office.

and of course I'd buy two if he had a sword coming out of his mouth AND was riding a velociraptor

[RubyDuby in GA]

46. I thought you were going to say that woman's pink/lavendar/bluish hair!

Scary indeed!