Have you ever had the experience of someone telling lies about you...

[Misunderestimator]

and there's nothing you can do about it? I have a hard time letting go caring what others think about me. But it's a necessary lesson in everyone's life, so I'm becoming reconciled with it. I know who I am and the people in my life who I care about know who I am. People who choose to believe lies about me from others... I don't have any control over that. Reacting to it, trying to combat it with the truth, feeling frustrated about it, wastes energy and time because those who believe the lies are dead set on not hearing the truth.

I've experienced this lesson in various forms throughout my life, as I'm sure everyone has to some degree. I am lucky to have many people in my life who enrich it and whose lives I enrich. I'm not complaining and I'm not a victim. And I truly value my friends here, so I'm definitely not leaving.

What experience have you had in which other people have believed some lie about you that you have had little success in combatting?

I'll start... when I was about 12, my sister accused me of stealing her bag of halloween candy. My father believed her and punished me for it. Later she found half eaten candy bars and chewed up wrappers behind her pet rat's cage. No one ever apologized to me.

What's yours?

[LaraMN]

1. When I came home from college to visit after my first year,

I found out there was a rumor circulating about me having been pregnant and had a miscarriage (not true). I wasn't even mad- it was so typical of my small town experience, that I just basically shook my head and rolled my eyes. At one point, word was out that one of my oldest friends was dead (she wasn't) but one of our classmates just about had a heart attack when they saw her alive and well, strolling the aisles of our local Wal-Mart.

[Misunderestimator]

2. Oh wow! That sucks.

That must have been so frustrating for you. And I'm sure no matter what you said, people just believed what they wanted to believe. Yikes.

[LaraMN]

5. I didn't really care that much.

It was just stupid people saying things that weren't true, anyway. Anyone who knew me knew it wasn't accurate information, and I didn't even live there anymore, so it was little more than an annoyance, albeit a ridiculous one. It's like that "telephone" game where you whisper something into someone's ear, and the secret passes through a circle of people until it reaches the end, where the last person announces the phrase they heard, and you compare it to the original statement uttered. My guess is the original story was probably something like "Lara C--- is kind of a slut," (which wasn't entirely inaccurate) and it turned into "Lara C--- was sleeping with like eighty guys and got pregnant, but she had a miscarriage." :rofl:

[Beware the Beast Man]

3. ...

:hug:

[DS1]

4. I was the only kid to ever ace some math/science combo test in

school, and some fuckwit Russell B. yelled out that I'd cheated - and since my grades were typically low due to a complete disinterest in actually doing homework, the teacher believed it.

I was furious.

[Heidi]

6. Yep.

It stinks when people just say what they want to say. But the up side is that people (as Paul Simon said) hear what they want to hear and disregard the rest. You can't influence another person's actions, but you can influence what other people want to hear, and you have. Case in point: I don't want to hear any nasty crap about you. :hug:

[miss_american_pie]

7. Junior high flashbacks

:hug:

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

8. Yes

In fact, one was one of the most important people in my life and the other was someone I regarded as a friend.
Not only did they lie to one another about me, they lied TO ME. They lied to others too.

Then if that isn't bad enough they had the gall to humiliate me in a community I had been a member of for years.

Hell...one of them asked me to move in with her three weeks before she decided to move in with the other.

I was completely cold cocked by the experience. I challenge anyone to sustain the humiliation and deceit I did and not crack up just a little.

[Misunderestimator]

9. No one lied to you.

Not at least the people you are referencing in that post, nor in many of your recent posts. I however, have been lied about ... extremely. While not ever divulging the truths that might hurt those who have been lying about me.

Peace... please.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

11. Peace?

Then why post this? What specific lies have been told? To whom?

Perhaps you don't remember the pm's you sent to others

[Misunderestimator]

12. You know...

You portraying me the way you did in a post that still has not been deleted despite the fact that it is absolute slander. That's who. I have not lied once about anything to anyone.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

14. which post?

pm it to me and if it is about you I will personally ask a mod to delete it

[Dangerously Amused]

74. If you really want peace, why do you keep baiting fights here?

None of this is anybody's business but your own, except you make it our business by airing it all in public. This is very distasteful. Please stop.

[Misunderestimator]

86. What's distasteful is the gossip that has gone on behind my back.

What's distasteful is reading slander about me that doesn't get removed despite my alerts. I didn't reference anything in my OP, and I had no intention of doing so. Just fighting fire with fire here... IF others can reference me negatively for months, I can do the same. The public airing occurred subsequent to my OP.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

93. No most of the public airing has been by parties curiously absent

[Dangerously Amused]

146. My point is that

...NOBODY CARES. If someone posts slander about you, I certainly don't bother to read it and wouldn't remember it if I did. The same goes for anybody else here. And I'll bet that 98% of the rest of the Lounge DUers feel the same. The only people who care about the merits of these fights are the two little warring factions. But what the rest of us DO care about is that you keep provoking these nasty arguments in public. Then people get drawn into the middle of this crap by opening what we think is a legitimate OP.

Please don't try to say that this post was "completely innocent" and you had NO IDEA it was going to go in this direction. You either knew, or you should have known.

[Misunderestimator]

154. If someone posts slander about me that stands, I care.

Since many people I know outside DU know who I am here, and know the circumstances around my life. It would be very easy to put two and two together and figure out who was being referenced in that slander. Therefore, yes, somebody cares.

I have not provoked ANY argument in public prior to this one. And this one only because I'm sick of others provoking me.

[1gobluedem]

10. Yes

I used to be on the board of an area blues and jazz festival; was the marketing and sponsorship chair. The festival producer and I didn't want to make a local record store our music sponsor because we'd had bad luck with the owner; he wouldn't pay his sponsorship in advance (wanted to wait and see how his sales at the festival went) and then always had a hard luck story that would keep him from paying his fee in full. We wanted to go with a full, cash-in-advance offer from another music store that also happened to be a chain. The local guy went to our board president who, without consulting us, struck a deal with him, ousting the national chain who, understandably, was pretty angry.

Fast forward to the festival conclusion. Local store owner not only doesn't pay his sponsorship fee; he also doesn't have the $22,000 he owed for ticket sales. He used that to pay his employees at his failing business. It takes the festival several months and frequent visits from lawyers and police to obtain the funds.

In the meantime, I am elected president of the board and we acquire new board members who want to oust the Festival producer for the next season, and bring in out of town team that they used to work for. When the Festival selected the former producer instead, new board members resigned in a rage and began a smear campaign against me and the producer, claiming we were party to the music store embezzelment. They sent anonymous letters to the press, to the Festival sponsors, and to the president of the university where I work, making it necessary for me to have to have to go in and explain the situation.

Festival lawyers go after the smear campaigners and the campaign is halted. I suffer no more repercussions because our president understood the situation perfectly. HOWEVER, the person who set this all in motion, the music store guy, has not only never apologized for causing the festival, the producer, and me so much harm; he has been trying to ingratiate himself back into the Festival and on to the air at my radio station. When directly confronted about this his explanation was "I was trying to save my business." So, I guess I was just "collateral damage." I will never give his business air time.

Maybe your father thought it wasn't worth the effort or didn't understand how outraged you were at the injustice of the situation. I don't want to judge him. BUT....adults who knowingly perpetuate or spread lies in my opinion tend to be self-absorbed, petty, unsuccessful, worms who resent others success and have to belittle and abuse others -- especially those they are jealous of -- to somehow make themselves feel better about themselves. Their sycophants (and, this guy has some unfortunately) are either naive or have serious problems of their own. While it's easy for us to say just ignore it, they want attention and the best thing you can do is not give them any, the injustice still burns. This thing happened to me six years ago but the pain and outrage are as clear as if it were yesterday.

By focusing their negative energy on smearing you, these losers don't have to look in the mirror and face their own inadequacies. It's unfortunate that people buy their pathetic lies. I have seen it many times -- even here on DU -- and it troubles me.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

13. Exactly..one of the parties who did it to me was just like that

BUT....adults who knowingly perpetuate or spread lies in my opinion tend to be self-absorbed, petty, unsuccessful, worms who resent others success and have to belittle and abuse others -- especially those they are jealous of -- to somehow make themselves feel better about themselves. Their sycophants (and, this guy has some unfortunately) are either naive or have serious problems of their own. While it's easy for us to say just ignore it, they want attention and the best thing you can do is not give them any, the injustice still burns

and has waged a campaign not only against me and messed with my life but with the lives of several people here...going as far as telling several people that another woman who was straight had a cruch on her when she was the one who turned out to be gay

[1gobluedem]

15. Wow

Something similar happened to a friend of mine on this board and it upset me a lot because I was the one who introduced my friend to DU. I felt so responsible for her having to go through that.

[ScreamingMeemie]

60. Something similar happened to me...and I ended up feeling a teensy

bit used. I sure hope you don't end up feeling that way. It's the pits. I really would step back though. I know I mentioned it elsewhere to you. But no one truly knows what goes on inside anyone...even friends forever. I thought I knew my father really well until he left my mother last year after 40 years...

Not that I blame him. :hi: But, none of us could possibly hazard to know the truth of each other's relationships, only that which they choose to show us.

[Misunderestimator]

16. No one lied to you. No one cheated on you.

No one has campaigned against you. The campaigns have been against us... and we've stayed quiet. We've barely even referenced our relationship here, but that has obviously been to no avail. Some won't be happy unless we leave here entirely. And that won't happen.

It never had to be like this. Your friends here have fanned the flames and spread the lies. I have sat back and read the passive-aggressive posts accusing me ever so vaguely of being a monster. I'm not. I'm a person, who broke up with another person. Who tried to respect that person despite the horrid things she has written to me and yelled at me. No more. I have a limit. It's been reached.

[1gobluedem]

17. I agree

I know Misunderestimator and the other person in question personally, both are friends, both are wonderful people. They have been going through hell and it's not fair.

[Misunderestimator]

18. ...

:hug:

[merh]

20. Stay out of it

This is none of your business unless you want the friends of NSMA to tell you the truth about your personal friends.

Hint for MisU and the other Duer, you want a private life keep it fucking private and don't post about your new little family, the boy and the cat, in the lounge.

Links are available to demonstrate the lies already told in this thread.

[eyesroll]

23. How is this any more your business than it is 1gobluedems?

You're not a party to it either, merh.

And neither am I (and I've been blessedly free, or at least unaware, of people spreading lies about me in any case) so that's all I have to say on this subject.

[merh]

33. That is why I suggested to 1gobluedems

to stay out.

And I suggest the same to you.

They made it my business by posting about it in the lounge, by making their private lives public and by making me a victim of their lies and their gossip and hate.

They have campaigned against me for standing by my friend, for being loyal, though they demand the same loyalty of their friends and defend it.

[Misunderestimator]

58. Because I posted about my feelings for someone I am no longer with...

it is YOUR business? So much so that you become a part of it and perpetuate lies about it? No, sorry... it's not your business anymore than it's my business to insinuate myself into the lives of strangers I've never met who post about their relationships online and subsequently break up.

[merh]

69. No, because you posted of the lies of your life

You gloriously stood before all of DU proclaiming an unending, never dying love for NSMA.

While along you were betraying her with the friend she introduced you to.

This makes me laugh "No, sorry... it's not your business anymore than it's my business to insinuate myself into the lives of strangers I've never met who post about their relationships online and subsequently break up."

You had never met your new love until you went to DC - 3 weeks later you dump your "never ending, love you forever love" for the new, cyber love that you JUST MET!

You hypocrite, the really sad thing is, you are only fooling yourself.

[Misunderestimator]

77. How many people have proclaimed love for another..

and then broken up? Is that a crime? You don't know the details of my relationship with her. You don't know why I broke up with her, yet you judge me and make assumptions about me. I would say that someone like you who quotes bible passages, is the hypocrite for judging me without even knowing me.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

87. She knows why you said you broke up with me...I'll gladly post

your reasons

[Misunderestimator]

95. It was the straw.

You know that.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

97. And when was the second to the last straw? Did I ever get notice?

[Misunderestimator]

108. Many times. Apparently you didn't hear me.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

111. ROFL...uh...on 8/24 I got this card about spending the rest of your

life with me...after the DC trip you said I should move in with you...were those my warnings?

[Misunderestimator]

117. I might have tried to hard to make our relationship

"the one"... I am guilty of that, definitely. It was the final straw that convinced me I was wrong.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

127. And you have now very persuasively convinced me I was wrong

to believe you. Thanks for that...it has gone a very long way in helping me heal

[merh]

99. When it was through DU that you met, when it was your former

DU love that introduced you two, when you proclaimed your undying love for your former love in the lounge while all along emotionally betraying your former love, being courted here in the lounge, by pmails and instant messaging, it is no crime, but it is an act of deception and betrayal that would cause most folks embarassment at best. Others with feelings would have some discretion and kept it low key or take a break from here. Someone with class would have been private and given the healing time.

NSMA was on this board long before you and she is politically active. What do you and your new DUer bring to the table and what have you contributed in the last 6 months but lies and hate and to use your new DUer's new term "negative energies".

I try my best not to judge you, I have begged and pleaded you to stop posting shit like this thread to keep your private lives private and to stop the dramatics (from a former opera diva, I know that is hard). You refuse and you continue trying to portray yourself and your new DUer victims. You are not victims, you are responsible for this mess.

And you, the female that thinks anyone who makes a comment about a woman or a gay is subject to your attacks, mock me for judging? Look in the mirror, you are the worst judge of others because you really are afraid to judge yourself.

[Misunderestimator]

115. Wow... It's fucking amazing that you think you have any part in this.

Absolutely fucking amazing. I judge myself everyday. I made a choice to stay above this shit that you and Zombywoof and nini and Maddy have been posting out of respect. Well, my respect is gone now. I don't respect horrible people who lie.

You have "begged and pleaded" with me??? WTF are you talking about? You begged me to leave... I didn't and I won't.

Thanks for all the personal attacks in that post, Merh... it really shows the true you.

[1gobluedem]

25. I have been hearing AND reading about it for months

I have also known one of the parties for 15 years and would hazard a guess that that is longer than everyone else discussing this have known each other so I have a pretty good handle on what kind of person this is. I'm entitled to an opinion and to post on a thread a friend began. I posted my own experience and what it taught me, not to fire up any wars. But, I will defend a friend if I feel it's necessary and I did.

[merh]

35. And so will I

Let this between the parties and stay out or I will continue to defend.

[Beware the Beast Man]

38. Noble.

[merh]

53. Why judge me when you are in this thread?

Where is your nobility?

Mind your business and get on with your life.

They are not victims, they share the responsibility and they need to live up to it and stop posting victim threads like this one.

What crap.

[Beware the Beast Man]

82. Ohio cabal was mentioned. It is my business.

Good day.

[merh]

110. Are you a card carrying member?

:rofl:

[Beware the Beast Man]

118. Indeed I am. All we do is talk about you. I even wrote a song about you.

...

[Cathyclysmic]

134. Funniest song ever..

It was noble for you to take it off the internet after a couple days...I would have left it there.

[Beware the Beast Man]

137. Shhh! First rule of the Ohio Cabal is,

do NOT talk about Ohio Cabal, or the people we antagonize. :eyes:

[Cathyclysmic]

153. That's too deep for me....

How do you antagonize people that we have on ignore?:crazy:

[Cathyclysmic]

121. "Mind your business and get on with your life."

Merh, Where do you get off telling people that you have attacked to mind their own business? Your posts are so angry, they barely make sense and you are just a bystander. Take your own advise and stop acting like a 'victim'.

[Beware the Beast Man]

26. This is none of your business either, technically.

Nor mine. But when the "Ohio Cabal" (:eyes:) is referenced, it becomes my business.

[merh]

55. When it is suggested that friends of NSMA have told lies

it becomes my business you hypocrite.

Stay out and stay away from me.

[Misunderestimator]

29. She's my friend. She doesn't have to "stay out of it"

You however, should have.

[merh]

41. Why, why should I stay out when this is a public message

board and you air your dirty laundry in public, as if you are a victim, or the only victim?

You caused this all, you didn't have the class or the discretion or the respect for another human beings feelings by keeping this private, by taking time away to let the healing happen.

You and your other DUer have posted lies about me and others who have stood by our friend, while you champion your friends for being loyal to you.

What hypocrites.

[Misunderestimator]

80. Why should she stay out of it then?

I didn't cause anything. Gossips did. You, in other words. I have never posted anything about you, merh. What a hypocrite.

[merh]

103. You want the link where you called me a liar and other names.

That was in one of your paiting threads about some window, where you and your little cabal attacked me, posting negative things and outright lies about me.

I have told you, you leave a history on DU that can be proven. Your words are recorded. Do you want the links?

You are a hypocrite.

[Misunderestimator]

109. Oh, you mean the one in which you were lying?

Perhaps that's true.

[merh]

116. I have not lied

You are the one that has a problem with truth, especially the truth about yourself.

[Misunderestimator]

119. Only I know the truth about myself. It's presumptuous for a total stranger

to assume that she knows anything.

[merh]

145. You post on DU

about your private life and then run away from it, denying it.

Your words are enough.

I have told you, you have left a trail and a history.

[Misunderestimator]

151. This is running away? Hardly. I think you'd prefer I do though.

My trail and history is that of someone who was in a relationship and left it. Nothing more, nothing less.

[merh]

155. No, this is playing the victim

A new script might be in order.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

22. As Misu is fond of saying

Only the people who were there know. There were only two of us here in California and one of us remembers all the details while one has squarely placed all responsibility on me not only for what I did but for what she did while sitting in complete denial about all the facts

[Misunderestimator]

28. I never placed it all on you.

Relationships fail because of both parties... because of incompatibilities. There were certain things that were very important to me that were not fulfilled. Over time, I realized that they were important enough to me to not accept not having them.

It's very simple.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

32. But you sure accepted them when you wanted an escape from Florida

Didn't you?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

37. Just this weekend I was reading your flirtatious posts with her

from July 20...a weekend where I worked all three evenings...where I worked to resolve the debt you used to define me...a debt I told you would take a year to clean up...

I didn't change...you simply sat around IMing someone who you gossiped to about me...someone who had a dog in the hunt

[Misunderestimator]

45. People flirt here. You can find flirtatious posts with others as well.

Neither of us intended what transpired after I broke up with you. She never said ONE word of gossip about you. Neither did I. Not until that night shortly before I left you when you stayed out all night doing what you promised never to do, did I ever even confide my problems with her.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

51. Your story about how it went down has changed 4 times

It no longer matters whether you lied to me. My life is better without you. My life is better without the demands you placed on me to handle things in a nano second simply to prove that I loved you. My life is better without the tug of war you created between me and my family.


Go live your life and learn what you need to learn. Just don't toss out the words "forever" unconditional and the like when you know you are reserving an out. I didn't reserve an out...I would have never done what you did to me the way you did it

[Misunderestimator]

54. I'm am sincerely glad that your life is better now.

We all make mistakes with what forever means.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

75. LOL...bye

[Misunderestimator]

42. Yes, and I never put my ex through what you are doing now.

I didn't even punish her for cheating on me for months... and I never ONCE cheated on you.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

46. You ended it on peaceful terms because I supported you in doing that

You never once looked me in the eye after October 16 even though you lived so close I could toss a stone and hit your house.

You weren't a coward with her because I supported you in completing your past...

[Misunderestimator]

48. I didn't look you in the eye, because you becamea different person

Accusing me of the worst possible things and screaming profanities at me. I don't deal well with that. Sure, I'm a coward when faced with that sort of thing. Absolutely.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

61. Again...you conveniently don't recall what you said and did

you told people I abused you after you pushed me 6 times to the point of knocking me over then claim I grabbed your wrists out of the blue

[Misunderestimator]

67. I told one person that you grabbed my wrists... I never once said you

abused me. But that's the way of gossip isn't it?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

70. I got the message sent to me...please try not to lie

and you have POSTED it

[Misunderestimator]

76. I would ask the same thing then... that you try not to lie.

What difference does it make anyway... even though I never did say that... what difference does it make? Almost six months later now, we both need to move past this. It's over. I won't take the shit anymore. I don't care who doesn't want to read this.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

89. Geee....it was only my life...it did make a difference

just as it made a difference for half of DU to find out from your partner via PM's that we broke up before we even told anyone

[Misunderestimator]

94. We? I told people we broke up. You and I weren't talking.

How would you know who I told we broke up? It was my life too. I'm not the only bad guy here for breaking up with you. We both played a part in it.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

98. It is so funny to watch you defend her sneakiness..really it is

[Misunderestimator]

105. What?? I'm not talking about anyone but you and me.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

114. I know. That's what's so humorous

[ScreamingMeemie]

47. 1gobluedem, I'd leave this one alone, FWIW...

None of us really has any say except for the three involved, and I know the third person (three years now) and would also say she is a wonderful person who has gone through hell. See where I'm coming from?

Peace,
Laura

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

19. Barely referenced your relationship? Please

Any idiot can read the archives. Any idiot can read the shit that has been posted. No one has tried to chase you away but if either of you had an ounce of class you would have taken a short break and allowed some time to pass.

Remember I found out about your relationship via pm's. I found out from the Ohio cabal that you were moving to Ann Arbor 3 weeks after you broke up with me. Any idiot can draw their own conclusions.

Post whatever you wish about me. The people who care already know every bad thing there is to know about me. I don't sit around in denial about who I am. In fact, you knew who I was before you moved here.

Any idiot could see her bragging about her 9th anniversary 3 weeks before she ended up with you.
Any idiot could read you wanting to share the rest of your life with me 6 weeks before you ended up with her.

You don't want it all public but you post this?


Hell one year ago you and I were still on the road moving you here...you're already living with her!

[Misunderestimator]

24. We were friends... those archives represent a blossoming friendship.

You found out about our interest in our relationship becoming more than friends AFTER I broke up with you. Yet YOU have implied to others that we were cheating, and we were NOT. We didn't even see eachother until a month after I broke up with you.

Things can happen very quickly to bring people together, as you should well know.

Sure, I want it public. Exactly why I posted this. I'm sick of the lies.

As for knowing who you were before moving there... relationships change. Relationships end. Some don't. Ours did. It didn't change because of someone else. It changed because of us.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

30. Whatever

That trip to DC was a complete set up...I know you think you generated everything...you didn't...you may think you are a charming gardener...you're a tool

[Misunderestimator]

36. You know it was not a setup. I didn't even want to go...

because I was concerned about the expense. And you and I were never apart the entire trip, no matter what lies you might told about it. You know that.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

40. Others saw it

[Misunderestimator]

49. Others see people flirt with others all the time.

Yes, we flirted. And again, we had no intention of it being anything else. Was your flirting with her intended to be leading to a relationship?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

63. link?

And no...if you want to see what was intended..look and see what you got

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

21. Judging by other posts in this thread....

...this doesn't seem appropriate at all.

Air grievances with other DUers in private, please.

[Misunderestimator]

31. That's exactly the problem. It's all been in private.

The slander and lies and misconceptions... all of it.

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

44. If someone's slandering and lying on the message boards

Alert the mods. They will handle the situation.

If not, this is not the place to be airing out private problems with other members. Take it up with them directly, not by using some passive-aggressive public post, luring other unsuspecting DUers into your personal fight.

[Misunderestimator]

64. No, that didn't work.

I alerted four times... and even sent PMs and emails. The post remains which slanders me. I posted this because I'm sick of the undercurrent of lies.

You are welcome to ignore it.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

68. Again..which post? PM it to me and I will have it removed

but you have to do it in 5 minutes...I have to leave soon

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

27. BTW...I am getting ready for court...feel free to say whatever you wish

about me...really anything.

Post it. I don't care about what a bunch of people think of me on an internet message board. Really I don't.

You have my complete permission to tell it the way you see it.

Go for it.

You can even post the insane emails I sent you when I broke down. I don't care...as I said...I challenge even you to not have cracked up just a little.

[Misunderestimator]

34. I don't not understand your grief.

I do. What I don't understand is the need to perpetuate lies. I don't understand your need to slander me. I don't understand your need to hurt someone else I care about who did none of the things you accuse her of.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

39. You defend her to your own detriment

But that typo in your header speaks volumes :D

[Misunderestimator]

50. That is not a typo.

I don't not understand your grief.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

57. That's because your emotions are guided by impulse

I went to war with my mother for you because I believed in you. I took the promises we made seriously.

I don't shut off emotions with a flick of a switch...I've never planned to marry one person in March of 04..moved to another in April of 05 with more "forever" bullshit then moved to another in January of 06 with more forever bullshit.

WHen I say I love someone ...I mean it...until they derail me so bad I can't see straight.

But it's cool. I know you don't understand and will never cop to anything...you will only ever cop out. I now accept that

[Misunderestimator]

62. You went to war with your mother because you decided to.

You also chose to let her control you so much that she came between us, along with all the other things that did. I'm sorry that our relationshi didn't work. I also mean it when I say I love someone. But some relationships end despite that emotion.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

66. No...I went to war with her because you demanded it and threatened

to leave if I didn't...again...your memory is quite selective and convenient

[Misunderestimator]

71. That's not true at all.

I never threatened to leave you over your mother. I threatened to leave you over something else however. It was the combination of everything... not just that and not just your mother, that ended our relationship. You know that. And you know that I didn't threaten to leave you over your mother.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

90. uh...yeah you did....you suffer from short term memory loss

[ScreamingMeemie]

43. I really wouldn't know which one to pick...

Maybe my Valentine's story here on DU...

Maybe the fact that I had no idea Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt were a metaphor for somebody else entirely...

Maybe my mother...

What I have learned, is that the more I try to combat them, the more I declare my innocence, the guiltier I will look...so I move on.

Truth is in the eye of the beholder...the hurt...the perpetrator and the victim. We choose who we want to be. I'm sorry that it appears that things are difficult for you right now...but it's how you choose to use the experience.

I just told a dear friend the other day, and I think you may know who I am talking about, don't let anyone define who you are. I let that happen too many times in my life. I believed I was the rotten kid my mother told everyone I was. I don't believe it anymore. You only become it if you yourself believe there is a grain of truth to it.

Best of luck,

Laura

[Misunderestimator]

52. Thanks. That exactly what I was getting at.

It's no use to combat the lies.

[merh]

79. Especially when you foster and cause them

and then come to a public message board as the victim.

You want absolution, go to confession, you want privacy, then keep your damned life private.

[Misunderestimator]

81. I am no victim.

Where do you get that impression. I thought that was your department.

[ScreamingMeemie]

88. Okay. I have to say...that's a bit over the line. Whatever you think of

merh personally, in light of her circumstances, I would say she has portrayed anything but the victim. It may be distasteful to some, but most days I see her defending people here...all the while making the best of a situation neither you nor I have any idea of the magnitude of suffering it caused. Wow. You owe her an apology.

[Misunderestimator]

101. No, after what she's said to me... not at all.

In the PMs she sent me accusing me of being a monster and telling me I should leave DU, she has acted like a victim in this relationship herself. No, I owe her nothing.

[ScreamingMeemie]

112. What a shame.

What a shame this entire thread is. Your response is that of a victim.

:(

[Misunderestimator]

120. Yes, it is a shame. It's a shame that any of this has happened.

That any of the lies and gossip that were spread about me were allowed to fester. That any of the slander posted about me was allowed to stay.

[ScreamingMeemie]

131. I'm done. But I will say, I think you have blown this way out of

proportion and made an entire group of uninvolved people uncomfortable.

[Misunderestimator]

138. I'm sorry to make anyone uncomfortable. I did not make this personal

It became that way after I posted the OP. I posted this thread because I am tired of the lies being spread about me. And I'm tired of just sitting back and taking it. Sorry that makes people uncomfortable.

[merh]

100. Read your fucking OP

You try to make yourself the victim at every turn.

[Misunderestimator]

104. My fucking OP? Ok.

[merh]

113. Yes, you have posted that you are the VICTIM of lies?

God, don't you even know what words mean?

[Misunderestimator]

123. Go read it again. I posted that I was not a victim.

You're having trouble comprehending my OP.

[merh]

142. You can say what you want - it is the post of a victim

My comprehension skills are fine, your understanding skills seem to be lacking.

[bridgit]

56. really, you mean that actually happens...

:sarcasm:

[In_The_Wind]

59. I would say one lie told about me played a part in breaking up my marriage

However things like that have happened to me since I was a child.
:shrug: So ~ The people who seriously doubt my integrity are out_of_my_life.

[seaglass]

65. I hate this. This is a political discussion board. I don't

know who told lies and who didn't tell lies and I don't care (except obviously there is a lot of hurt).

This becomes everybody's business when it is posted in an open thread at DU.

I have been here since 2001 and I miss NSMA's voice in the political arena.

I don't know what the other people have added politically but NSMA has added a lot and anything that is keeping her away from here is pissing me off.

[LynneSin]

72. Perhaps it's best that if there are issues between parties

to take it offline instead of dragging the rest of DU into it.

[Misunderestimator]

78. Offline (actually PM) is exactly where the problems have been.

And vague references to it online. I'm tired of the vagueness.

[LynneSin]

83. Well I'm not being vague

you start a thread like this and you know where it will go to and what'll happen.

It's like someone posting a thread about Led Zeppelin and being shocked that I would actually post it in - these things are expected. Of course no one's feelings get hurt in Led Zeppelin threads

[Misunderestimator]

126. What's funny is that others have posted things much more obvious

about me, that I haven't even responded to. I've reached my limit is all.

[LynneSin]

133. Then find a way to deal with it that doesn't drag everyone else into it

not taking sides here. The few times I've had real issues with other posters I've dealt with them directly and without involvement of anyone else. I mean none of you are even willing to post to everyone to full truth of what exactly happened (and I mean everyone who was directly involved) so basically we see a bunch of vague posts and fights going on that drag other people into many who have no clue about the entire story.

I just wish everyone would work this out and go back to being friends but I know that ain't gonna happen. But I've sent about 3 alerts on this thread because it's nothing but an unproductive flamefest.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

85. You mean like all the attacks on my picture thread?

You mean like the people that sit on IM then miraculously appear in threads attacking me? Like windows of joy that refer to things then all the denials?

[Misunderestimator]

91. Windows of Joy? That's the most ridiculous thing that's happened here.

Such paranoia, it's insane. Perhaps the misunderstanding of those threads is similar to all the other underlying lies and gossip. Those threads meant NOTHING and referred to NOTHING and NO ONE. And no one has attacked you anywhere. Members of this forum read threads and posts written by their friends... I Search out my friends' posts, as I'm sure they do mine.

Attacks?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

96. deny...deny...deny...thanks for the verite performance act

You're only as good as your last performance...isn't that your line?

[Misunderestimator]

124. Deny? Yes, I do deny that. Because it is not true.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

129. We've already been through this...you sent a pm admitting it

lord, you are hopeless....I'm off to court where evidence matters

[Misunderestimator]

143. No, I sent a pm to thtwdbeme saying that I thought it MIGHT be about

a different person, definitely not you, in response to HER sending me a PM assuming it was about you.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

149. Your actions are full of grey areas while you hold everyone else

to the black and white standard

[Nicholas D Wolfwood]

159. Where the christ are the mods?

How is this not locked?

[mdmc]

73. kick

[Lilith Velkor]

84. ...

[LynneSin]

92. If I could nominate a reply this one would win hands down

:D

[jukes]

102. MY problem is people telling the truth about me

but that's a different story...

[swimboy]

106. OK, Lunch is over. Please leave the cafeteria and return

to your separate classrooms.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

107. OK I am leaving for court...here's your homework

PM the link you think is about you that you want removed. I've now asked you twice and you haven't sent it. Three's a charm, eh?

Watch the movie MAGNOLIAS. You may be through with the past but the past isn't through with you.

Btw...I am the one that stayed away from DU for months at a time only to have one of my last good memories with you photoshopped by someone who got to cut me out of the picture in real life. That should have been enough...it wasn't.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

122. For the record...here's what I did

I gambled twice in 6 months. I owed her money..money she offered to loan and of which I have paid back all but $2140. She never left a forwarding address. Had she, I would owe her less. I didn't spend the night with her as often as she wanted. I lived with my 80 year old mother who threatened me and said< "I'll tell the cops you hit me if you don't come home at night"

She knew this.

I worked weekends so she was alone a lot...I was trying to clear my debt which is now almost cleared.

Other than that, I am not sure what she is referencing...she had a couple agreements she did nothing about as well...but you'll never hear about those.

The day I found out she was moving to Ann Arbor which was 3 weeks after we broke up, I left about 20 insane and distraught messages on her answering machine...this because i really did blame myself for everything and was cold cocked by the information

I also sent her some very strong emails..while some were rather hard worded...she deserved every one...you fuck with people, sometimes they fuck with you back

[Misunderestimator]

128. Seems you could have asked for my address in one of those hundreds

of nasty emails you sent me. But at this point, I don't want the money you owe me... especially if it will make you leave me alone. The quote from your mother was many months after I moved there... but really, it's neither here nor there, we aren't together. I'm sorry. I've said it many times, in many ways, and all I get back from you are accusations and insults. Just stop it, please.

On and on edit... it wasn't so much the gambling at the end... it was the lying about it.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

132. Uh....I did ask for your address..

My contact with you since you moved was twice...once when that pic was photoshopped and several messages after you wrote me

Of course you don't want your money back. It gives you something to resent me for

We aren't together...that is good..I deserve better than someone who crams my faults up my ass and feigns perfection and integrity where it's desperately missing

[Misunderestimator]

135. Twice? Really? You don't remember all the hateful emails you've sent me?

You don't remember the one the other day telling me to "look for payback?" Who has short term memory?

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

139. I remember every email I sent you

That email followed you telling me that you didn't read them...lol...and the payback will come...it isn't as though I need to send it. YOu are your own payback.

Yes K, I remember every word I said...even the mean ones...I'm not the one with the memory problem here

[Misunderestimator]

148. The email I sent last week, many months after receiving email after

email from you? Yes... I stopped reading them, but then decided I might need to save a few. That was one. I also remember everything I've said, T. And I never said a mean word to you.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

152. No...your actions were cruel enough,,,you didn't have to

again...if the tables were reversed I would have never done this to you in the manner you did to me...and actually you told me no less than six times you wouldn't read my emails...want the messages back? I have em

[Misunderestimator]

157. When someone calls me a fucking pig, yes, I react by saying that

I won't read that shit. Many I deleted straight away, but others I read. Your actions were just as cruel, if not more so, than mine.

[Commie Pinko Dirtbag]

125. Hey MizU

Just stopping by to say :loveya:. Wish I had 10,000 mile long arms to give you a hug.

And if someone suddenly feels like tipping * that Brazil has WMDs and has to be bombed like right now -- eat my shorts.

[Iniquitous Bunny]

130. Once upon a time.

There were two people at the end of two long bad marriages who met online. They fell in love yet their affair consisted of little more than letters and phone calls. It was a mess of confusion for both that lasted almost two years, but they didn't say much because it was private. Their marriages ended. One of the parties got tired of waiting and was hurt. This person fell in love with someone else on the eve of when, once and for all, the second party was ready to throw caution to the wind and give in fully to this love. Eventually this person realized how much they were hurting the person they had once loved and did what it took to LEAVE. This person was happy enough not to hurt someone else by continually throwing happiness in the face of someone whom was a decent human being.

The person who had been hurt was able to move on and fall in love again as well and because both parties took care to be as sensible as possible with the hearts of the person they once cared so deeply for, the can now remain dear friends. No, they weren't perfect and yes, there was pain, but the good they see in one another that they fell in love with isn't gone, just in a different form. It isn't blown up like a painful explosion for everyone to see, but an understanding of a time that brought them a knowledge of possibilities only to be realized later with someone else more compatible.

I wish everyone peace here. Take care of your hearts and the hearts of all those that have ever meant something to you.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

136. Thanks for that

If either one of the other two parties in this situation had that much class, you wouldn't be reading this nor posting this

[Misunderestimator]

140. There is only one other party in this, me. You keep dragging it down

to something else. I would have liked to be your friend, but you made it impossible.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

147. And if I had been a doormat for your deceptions, I am sure

we could have been friends on your terms. Except within hours of us breaking up you began yelling at me for no reason...but I'll bet you forget that too

[Misunderestimator]

150. Being called a lying cunt bitch whore, etc....? That's a reason to yell

at someone to shutup. I never called you anything close to the names you've called me. Friends? I've never had a friend call me such things.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

156. Uh.....weeks went by before I cracked up...again

You told me in the morning on 10/16 you wanted to be friends. I said nothing mean. I blamed myself. By the afternoon when I offered you dinner you were yelling at me...you cut off all communication after I figured out you were clearing me out of the way because you know who was coming to town. You got hostile because you got caught

On 11/13 when I found out she was getting a divorce and you were moving...yeah...I went off on you...

[Iniquitous Bunny]

141. I wish everyone peace and healing.

:hug:

Love can hurt a lot sometimes. I don't know enough to say much of anything else in the situation, so I'll just say I'm sorry to everyone involved.

:hug: ('cause it looks like people need 'em) :hug:

[Misunderestimator]

144. Thank you too.

[Blue Diadem]

158. STOP PLEASE! There is so much pain in this thread..please stop

and think what you are doing. Life is too short for this..believe me it is. What has been done can not be undone..but forgiveness can help to make it better.

:hug: to everyone who has been hurt. I truly hope your hearts can begin to heal.

[Skinner]

160. Locking.

This is the last I expect to hear about this situation. Ever.