So last night, we had a little 'get together' for my daughter's friends

[Midlodemocrat]

because one of these nicest ones is moving to Michigan. We have had some concerns about under aged drinking, so I told my daughter, if anyone came in and went out again, they had to stay out, (unless they were playing basketball or on the trampoline)

So far. So good. No alcohol. Until one kid showed up at 9 PM half in the bag with a half drunk bottle of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum. I cornered him and my friend and I had a sit down with him in the dining room, but of course all the kids wanted to see what was going on.

It actually ended pretty well. Someone drove him home. And several of the non-drinkers told him to call if he ever needed a ride. I had totally sober kids here until 12:30. I was exhausted but I figured I would rather have them in my house, not drinking, than doing something else, somewhere else.

My question to the good folks of the lounge? Should I tell the drinker's parents? I know them and I asked the kid what he thought his mom would say and he said she wouldn't be happy.

Thoughts? Let me just, in the interest of full disclosure, state that these kids are 15 and 16, not 19.

Thanks.

[elehhhhna]

1. If you'd want to be told, tell.

[leftofthedial]

2. did you greet him with one leg up in the air

do you have a little Captain in you?

I hate the "tattling" thing, but you should speak with his parents.

why were you concerned in advance about underage drinking?

[Midlodemocrat]

4. Because on New Year's, we got word that some of the

kids were planning to each get a bottle of Captain Morgan's Spiced Rum, (why they like this, I have no idea), drink it and then if they couldn't find a place to sleep, they would sleep in the woods.

Mind you the temperature was about 30 degrees. So we had gotten wind of it and, I'm not stupid, I knew it was coming. I didn't drink when I was underaged, but the drinking age was 18, so it was no big deal. I taught high school in my twenties and was astonished at the amount of drinking.

[JanMichael]

3. Yes, you should call them today

It sucks being the grown up sometimes, doesn't it?

If Scout or Stinky were out drinking, I would want someone to tell me. ;)

Sorry, but those are the only children I have!

Stephanie

[Evergreen Emerald]

5. Yes, tell them

I had a similar dilemma regarding sex not alcohol. My daughter's friend was in the car talking about her slightly older sister and the escapades in which she participated at a party. It was shocking and graphic (and dangerous behavior) and came from a 15 year-old who was telling a car full of 14 and 15 year-olds.

I called her mother.

[khashka]

6. Yeah you need to talk to them

I know how this story ends,,, and it's not a happy ending.

First let me say that I admire you for providing a safe place for your daughter and her friends to have fun.

But talk to this boy's parents. It needs to be done and you are the right person to do it.

Khash.

[Metta]

7. Person vrs. role conflict. If you don't tell them, you collude with

anything he may do/get into in the future and it could be bad. Not asking for a response here: Did this kid have any plan other than to get juiced and display himself? Any thoughts of getting home safely? How to avoid injury to self and others? These mark the differences between mature and immature drinkers. :donut:

[Midlodemocrat]

8. Well, he's 15, so I think he falls well into the immature drinker

category.

One of the other kids took him home after I confiscated the alcohol and poured it down the sink.

[nothingshocksmeanymore]

9. No. You ask him to tell his parents and have them call you

he wanted to drink to like an adult. Treat him as an adult and have him handle it like an adult. I caught my friend's son smoking pot when he was 15 and I was the "house mom" for a weekend and did just that. It brought him closer to his mother, had him stop smoking pot, focus on his education and graduate with honors in math and science two years later... he still talks about what he learned from that.

on edit: If you tell, you're the "bad guy". If you have him tell, he's the responsible guy.

[Midlodemocrat]

10. LOL. GMTA. I was just pondering this.

I think that is the route I will go.

My concern is that these kids have gone straight to liquor, with no stopping in between for beer or wine. They are consuming an enormous amount of liquor.

Last night was interesting, because of course, my daughter told me 'don't talk to my friends' :eyes: but I insist on being visible because I just think I owe it to their parents. I refilled snack bowls, etc., that kind of thing and then I was sitting in the dining room talking with a friend of mine who volunteered to help chaperone.

At one point, ALL the kids were in there talking to us. We were asking them about where they were going to go to school, what sports, etc., and it was sad in a way because they seemed so glad to have anyone take an interest.

About 11 around 12 senior boys showed up, stone cold sober, and came in and sat around the dining room table talking. I really wanted to go to bed, but I felt that there weren't doing any harm and were not misbehaving, so it was no skin off my nose.

Some members of this generation are absolutely remarkable. I think it bodes well for all of us.

[johnnie]

11. No

Honestly I don't think it is up to you to tell them how to raise their children. If the kid has an alcohol problem they will figure it out sooner or later.

Most of us got toasted at the age of 15-16 and not every single person who has has ended up in rehab. Just my opinion.

[Midlodemocrat]

12. Well, I wouldn't presume to tell them how to raise their children

but when the child conceded that his mom would be upset, it got me thinking that maybe they were totally in the dark about this.

He called my daughter today to ask if I was going to tell his mom. So, I don't think it would go over well, if you get my drift.

And, see I guess I am older than you, because I didn't get toasted at 15 or 16 because the drinking age was 18.

There are a lot of kids here who are choosing not to drink, including virtually everyone here last night, except this boy, and some of his friends were really pissed at him because apparently this isn't a one time deal.

My concern also is that these kids are getting licenses soon. And, you know how kids are. They think they will live forever.

[johnnie]

13. You might be right

I admit that I am not a parent and I really do feel like I have no idea what is right or wrong in being one. I only go by how I was as a teenager in the circumstances.

I was 15 in 1979, and the drinking age didn't bother me or my friends. Then again, maybe I was in a group of people that weren't "normal" at that age.

[Midlodemocrat]

14. One of the things that concerns me the most is the driving.

When I was a kid, I drove my mom or dad's car. Here, it is almost a given that a child will get, at the very least, a third family car. I couldn't have gotten away with having beer cans or the like in my parent's cars, but if the car is one the parent never drives? Who knows?

There is a pretty big movement here to keep kids from drinking, which, thankfully, my own child and most of her friends have embraced.

This is some scary stuff, I'll tell you. It was a helluva easier when she was getting up three times a night as an infant to eat.

[johnnie]

15. A lot of my friends are raising teens and I don't know how you all do it

Maybe you might have the kid over and speak to him. Give him the opportunity to tell his parents himself. It might be a good chance to nip it in the bud and maybe he will see that you honestly care about his future and not just getting him in trouble with his parents.

[Midlodemocrat]

16. That is probably a good idea. I tried to convey that to him last night

but he was too drunk to comprehend.

It was an interesting night because all of the kids seemed very eager to interact with the adults...except of course, for my own child and my friend's child...:eyes:

We had kids coming in and just spilling their guts. It was very interesting. Not quite sure what to make of it yet. I am waiting to hear what is said tomorrow at school.

Buddy list away messages can be very informative, as long as they don't know you are looking.

[northzax]

17. you had a rule about alcohol?

and he broke it? yes, tell his parents. you have a moral obligation to do so. And since he disrespected your rules, you don't owe him any secrecy. If this was a one off thing, you might get away with not doing something, but it sounds like they are drinking heavily, and planning to do so, that's risky behaviour.

And yes, as a teenager, I had the parents of one of my friends tell my parents that I was drinking at a party and came over to their house (my friend was the sober driver) it was the right thing to do.

[skygazer]

18. I guess Capt. Morgan must be the "in" thing now in your area

The only way to look at it is to think about what you'd want if it was your kid. I'd want to be informed.

[cally]

19. I don't think I would tell the parents the first time it happened

I would tell them if it happens again. I would talk to the teen about it and try to get him to tell his parents.

I had a similar dilemma about something I read in my daughter's yearbook. I didn't tell the parents but I found out later that someone else had told them. Looking back, I probably should have told them. Good luck. Raising teens is soooo hard.