I am fast losing my perspective.

[lildreamer316]

I used to have a handle on life....then it broke.
No, really. I was just fine and dandy until my little bundle of joy gestated and was born unto our fledgling family unit 2 years ago....now I am a fuckin' WRECK.
Rant on:
IF I HAVE TO SEE ONE MORE STORY ABOUT A BABY OR A LOVING HAPPY WONDERFUL CHILD BEING HURT OR BLOWN TO BITS BY ANY PERSON IN THIS HUGE WORLD I AM GOING TO GO CLINICALLY INSANE.
Rant off....my rocker.
So, facing the inevitability that I am going to be on my way to loony-ville within a matter of days (seconds?) I stop for a moment to beg the question: how did this happen?
I used to understand death and suffering to an extent; and my personal understanding of such has not changed. Just my FEELINGS.
Why? Other than the obvious...I mean; like; almost everyone is or has had a child at one time or another. What is the difference really? Why would my "rules" not apply anymore emotionally? Better asked; what happened to my emotional understanding of life and death?
Sheesh.
NOW I think I understand the appeal of Xanex.(just kidding...sorta. Don't worry; I don't have a tendency to go overboard on that sort of thing;I've seen where that can go).
Ok; sorry about the selfish wining. Just needed to vent; feel free to let this drop to the bottom of the page. Just writing it made me feel better.

My kingdom for a good fantasy book! Sigh...:silly:

[riderinthestorm]

1. Hormones?

I remember reading Frosty the Snowman to my first daughter when she was two years old, and there I was, sobbing at the end of this "Little Golden Picture Book" I picked up at a garage sale, every single freaking time I read it.

Same emotions. I was devastated that Frosty melted.

Completely fucking irrational. That's not to denigrate your entirely appropriate reactions to small children being blown up in Iraq or anything.....

Just empathizing in a wierd way.

But seriously, I did go through a strange emotional time at the two year old stage of my daughter's life. I wonder if it's the last vestiges of birth hormones finally washing away. I've spoken to others who felt the same.

I was also a bit ambivalent about the whole motherhood thang for the first two years after she was born. I wasn't one of those mothers who were immediately "madly in love" with their shrieking infant. I resented the craziness and the total lifestyle change as much as I loved her. I know that once my daughter turned two years old and really starting talking, THAT'S when I fell head over heels in love with her and the implications of mother-love ran through me like wildfire. All other considerations fell away.

And that's when the sorrow for Frosty hit hard.

[lildreamer316]

3. Thanks

I never had too much ambivilance about him/lifestyle change; but I think maybe you are right about the hormones. Mine just started to settle down and the weight is just now starting to really stabilize. I actually am quite irritated at being this sensitive--I feel as if I cannot function in reality sometimes. I'm pretty sure that I just need to get out of the house and around ppl more.
Appreciate you listening...

[riderinthestorm]

6. I felt crazy during her two year old year

I couldn't believe I was this sensitive. I finally went to see a therapist. One session only and this enormously empathetic woman told me that by the end of that year, I would be done with the changes and feeling on a more level keel. She then gave me a hug and told me to "scoot"... 16 years later and I still think of her fondly.

I will say that I went back to work part time after that. And that also helped enormously - I was back "in the world" and dealing with other issues and the perspective of being back in the workforce just forced me to get a grip as well.

I've worked part time ever since (and through the births of my other children).

Good luck.

[LeftyMom]

2. I'd recommend a good fantasy book

but it's pretty dark and I think you'd come to hate me if you're looking to be cheered up by somehting escapist.

[lildreamer316]

4. Mmm

I actually have plenty; I just need to get off DU and go read them!:eyes:
Thank you anyway..what is it? Maybe when I'm in a better mood...

[Shine]

5. Motherhood is a transformative experience.

so it follows that your emotional responses to life's circumstances would be transformed, as well. I can relate, for what it's worth.
:pals:

My advice? Be gentle with yourself and embrace Change.

:hi:
Shine

[lildreamer316]

7. I'm a-tryin'

Seems my heart now exists outside my body...scary stuff. Off to read my guru Richard Bach.
Thanks for the advice.:hi:

[jpgray]

8. You'll be painting like Hitler in no time. (nt)