Suffering from Panic Disorder, makes my life a mess. Anyone else?

[The Straight Story]

I just started taking zoloft after a year of hell in my life. Actually was several years of it but this year has been the worst.

From all indications I am suffering from anxiety / panic disorder. I don't like leaving the house the much, fears of dying, and so on and so forth (won't bore you with the details).

I am turning 40 this month. Since I have turned 30 here are the things which seem to be milestones in my life (the bad milestones, had really good ones too like my wife, daughter, promotions this year, first house and so on):

-in order as best I can recall, it all blurs together though-

1. Lost 3 boys in divorce. Have not seen them in 7 years, they were the world to me.

2. X-Girlfriend: broke up with her, wanted to marry her. She hem hawed around and I found love of my life. Then I found out she was pregnant. I was 2200 miles away when she had my daughter. Long story, no ones fault, we just met at wrong time.

3. Best friend Scott died in a car accident.

4. Best friend Brady died of accidental overdose of pain meds

5. Good friend and 'mom #3' died of pancreatic cancer (Judy in Ridgecrest, CA). She and her Husband were friends to me when I was so far from home (Ohio).

6. Marietta and Tom, Neighbors and friends of the family both died. Son lost their house and is virtually homeless.

7. Mom and Mary died. Mom on 12/31 and Mary in April. They were best friends and Mary was mom #2 to me growing up.

Have moved several times. From Mt Vernon, Ohio to columbus, to Ridgecrest, back to Columbus, then again to ridgecrest. Then to Columbus, then Tehachapi, to Columbus, to Circleville then to Laurelville, then back to Columbus (bought the house next door to mom).

Laid off one job, quit the other, then laid off again, then found the job I have now.

It has been an amazing journey for me. Good and bad. Great memories have been made, and great sadness as well.

It all snapped when mom passed on I think. She went in for a simple infection, and languished two months in the hospital. Came home for a few days, bad ice storm, power out, she went back into hospital and died new years eve.

Now I have these attacks. I find it hard to go anywhere, from shopping to church to work at times.

Anyone else feel such things, or am I just nuts?? I am NOT looking for sympathy, does not help me at all really. Just wondering sometimes if I am the only one who seems to suffer day to day when it comes to the little things.

My wife is upset because I don't want to do anything anymore, though we have done things like go pick apples, went to church tonight, and so on. but I have difficulty even going to dinner now somewhere.

I guess I just have a safezone and don't want to leave it. Maybe I am nuts :)

[DesEtoiles]

1. Please see a counselor or some professional to talk to

There's something about saying your worst fears out loud to a stranger - they shrink down in the light of day. You can really get perspective on them. Don't let them fester in your own mind. Plus you will feel better that you are taking affirmative steps to solve the problem.

[The Straight Story]

2. Been seeing a psychologist off and on

Paid for via work thankfully.

Has helped some, but I still get terrible panic attacks which cause me to just want to stay at home. Even here I get out of sorts, but less so when I have to go somewhere.

Example from today: I am on zoloft and some muscle relaxers and I often feel tired. Wife radioed me on nextel while she was out and wanted to know if I wanted to go out and get lunch, she would pick me up.

I said no, and she got upset. But I just needed to lay down and rest. My meds make me tired, plus I really have no desire to go places for lunch. I feel bad for her, which just makes me feel worse about myself....

I dunno, seems to be a vicious cycle in some ways.

[Richard D]

3. You are traumatized

And seeing a trauma specialist would be a really good idea. Check out
"Walking the Tiger" by Peter Levine.

My guess is that you are suffering more from PTSD than an anxiety disorder.

On Edit: http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/155643233X/qid=1128918021/sr=8-1/ref=sr_8_xs_ap_i1_xgl14/103-9593965-8609450?v=glance&s=books&n=507846

[Mnemosyne]

4. I think anyone would be wary of life when

so many hard things had slammed them in such a short period of time. I've been there, made myself a prisoner practically for quite awhile.

When feelings like these go on too long it becomes a chemical imbalance and does take meds to help kick things back toward normal, whatever that may be:7

Give it a few weeks, though I know it seems forever now, and you will most likely be feeling somewhat better Straight.

Time will ease many things.

You can still see the blessings and that is good!

Just reach out when you have need, someone here will listen, or pm me, I have strong shoulders. I check in a couple times a day. DU junkie!

Good luck in your struggle back from that hell.:hug:

V

[Tace]

5. I've Felt And Behaved As You Describe At Times In The Past

I've taken anti-depressants during a couple periods during the past 10 years. They really did help me to feel a lot better. I stopped taking them, but would take them again if I found myself paralyzed again, as you describe.

These are incredibly stressful times we live in today. As another DU'er said, "If you're not depressed, you don't know what's going on!" And, that doesn't include all the personal travails that each of us face on a daily basis.

I haven't nailed it yet, but I've been trying to focus on my lifestyle. I don't push myself to exhaustion -- I try to get enough sleep, eat right, exercise a bit, minimize alcohol intake, take Sundays off from worry, and basically take it a little easy.

Things are OK for me now, today anyway. I hope I'm being encouraging. : )

On Edit: It sounds like depression is a big part of your situation. But, I'm not a doctor.

[shifting_sands]

6. Panic

You're not "nuts." I went through several years of them until they finally slowly subsided. Like you I had gone through some rapid fire crises. I felt as if I had just lost my ability to deal with anything. I couldn't go into groups without having a panic attack. One thing they found was a serious case of hypoglycemia and took me off all sugar, that finally brought them under control. You might check into a physiological cause, because when we are under anxiety and stress for long periods of time we have a release of excessive hormones, as well as adrenalin and insulin, so check it out. I would also check into some homeopathic remedies for panic attacks. But I can assure you that you are not "nuts."

[Erika]

7. You're suffering from tunnel vision

You are unable to see beyond your own situation. Get counseling. That being said, W has harmed our country beyond belief, and it is depressing to all of us.

[MnFats]

8. you've endured more than anyone should....

the meds should help (though be careful with Zoloft...I took it for a couple of years and it helped my depression but my sex drive decreased...which can further depress one...) keep in touch wi/your doc on that...
also, you might get into a men's discussion/support group....other guys are experincing some of what you are....but it's hard to imagine coping with all that at once...

[Spinzonner]

9. Do things even when you don't want to - or think you don't

to break the pattern and avoid a downward spiral.

And to avoid living too much within yourself.

[jaded_at_best]

10. except for the death of you mom

which was kinda sudden, everything else you went through are more or less part of everyone's lives.

I had panic attacks after two relationship breakups (one with a woman, the other with a man).

Fear of rejection and abandonment are the root of most people's mental distress. You should look for the cause of your fear of rejection (I did) and the fear will disappear (mine did). You will also learn who you are for the first time. I've lived in a more peaceful, more stable and happier state of mind since I finished therapy sessions in 2002. I know who I am now, it doesn't sound like you do, please see a psychologist or buy self-help books about self discovery.

[Cheney Killed Bambi]

11. One Day at a TIme

Is the way to do it. I have phobias as well, and I try not to get too focused on the future or the past, but rather just try to stay in the present. It helps, a little at least.

You're not nuts. Or at least, if you are nuts, I am too ;)

[longship]

12. I have been dealing with anxiety disorder for years.

And I know how tough it can be. The most difficult thing for me is maintaining focus on something. Once I do that I can put everything aside temporarily. Granted, the demons often return. I deal with it day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute.

Also, I have been taking Wellbutrin for years. It takes the edge off, which is a huge assistance. I've tried all sorts of anti-depressants, but, like you, I'm married. Anti-depressants kill libido deader than a Tyson chicken. Not good for anything. Finally, a doctor in Michigan diagnosed the anxiety component and Wellbutrin became a friend.

It ain't perfect and the demons still exist, but I can cope if I work on it.

[kineneb]

13. its ok to be nuts, after all you have been through

(from the "been there, done that, did not get the t-shirt" school)

You have just had too much personal trauma to cope with. Find a good therapist to talk to; meds will help, but you need to understand why you feel the way you do. Then work on coping/management strategies. And it is not just panic disorder you are coping with, but most likely clinical depression. The two often go hand in hand.

I have been there. At the beginning of my last major depressive episode (yes, "last", I can count at least 5 during my life that I can remember), I spent two weeks in constant panic mode. By that I mean the feeling one would have if they came home to discover the plumbing had broken and the house was full of water. My shrink gave me some Valium just to get calmed down a bit while the increase in my anti-depressants kicked in. It then took me a good 8 months to recover. Until I started feeling better, I was just sleepwalking through life; it took a long time for the mental numbness to wear off.

I recently had to have my medication changed, because I could feel myself slipping into the depression again. It happens when I am under stress and start having problems sleeping. My current stressors are my work and Hubby's health issues (diabetes, renal failure). I could not afford to have another episode while dealing with his heath problems; otherwise we might wind up sharing a hospital room.

Hang in there. It sounds like your condition is "situational" (caused by events outside of you and your control) rather than my inherited variety of mental problems. But please look into therapy. Part of managing panic is to understand what sets it off.

-one does not cure depression, one merely manages it-

[helderheid]

14. hang in there. I know where you're at - been there.

I lost my family business, my marriage, and totalled my car in a span of 3 months and ended up in the same panic state you were. Xanax saved my life ( but I took the advice of the doctor not to take more than .75 mg per day as more than that is addictive). I took .25 as many as 3 times a day for a year. I will never forget telling my mom that someday I would be over this - someday I could tell someone going through the same thing that they will get past it as I did.

Thank you because today I get to tell you I am past it.

I no longer think I am dying of a heart attack. I know it is panic and it leaves almost immediatly when I acknowledge it. I can now drive on bridges. I can now drive through tunnels. Hell, I can now DRIVE. I can now go to a restaurant and know they didn't try to poisen me. The only thing left is flying and I can even do that though it can be somewhat uncomfortable.

Hang in there. It hit me 1996. I was so much better by 2000. Even after 9/11 - I am so much better.

[helderheid]

17. I should mention

I took the xanax for about 1.5 years before I decided I was strong enough to go it alone. I wanted to drive and gave it up (with no problem). You can get through this.

[longship]

15. I have been dealing with anxiety disorder for years.

And I know how tough it can be. The most difficult thing for me is maintaining focus on something. Once I do that I can put everything aside temporarily. Granted, the demons often return. I deal with it day by day, hour by hour, and sometimes minute by minute.

Also, I have been taking Wellbutrin for years. It takes the edge off, which is a huge assistance. I've tried all sorts of anti-depressants, but, like you, I'm married. Anti-depressants kill libido deader than a Tyson chicken. Not good for anything. Finally, a doctor in Michigan diagnosed the anxiety component and Wellbutrin became a friend.

It ain't perfect and the demons still exist, but I can cope if I work on it.

[kineneb]

16. oops,dupe-computer barfed.

[porphyrian]

18. Effexor helps turn down the volume on my anxiety.

Not that it's the best or anything, just works for me. Don't let the attacks make you a hermit. Try to keep a voice of reason in your head when they hit - you aren't dying, they're only staring at you because you look like you're freaking out, etc. Try going somewhere that you can calm down for a few minutes before continuing what you were doing. Pretend you're making a cell phone call if you have to, whatever. Panic has a tendency to cause more panic, so anything you can do to calm yourself down will help you get past it. Keep going to therapy, and if the medication you're on isn't working, tell the doctor. There are lots of slightly different prescriptions or combinations of prescriptions that might work best, and it's often trial and error to find what's best for you. The worst side effect of these medications is decreased interest in sex, which does suck. However, they don't all effect everyone equally, so that may not be an issue for you. Be honest with the people close to you about your panic attacks, otherwise your behavior may confuse them. Is any of this of any use to you?

[kestrel91316]

19. Lay off the caffeine. I had a heart problem that caused me to have an

irregular heartbeat intermittently, and I thought for a while it might be a stress-related panic disorder. Turned out I had become overly sensitive to caffeine and had to stop altogether, and even then it took two weeks for the symptoms to abate. I still get an occasional irregular beat, but now that I know what it is, I don't wonder what is freaking me out and making my heart jump.

I'm not saying this is your problem, but it is something to think about. My sister had the same thing years ago, thought it was an emotional thing, but when she lightened up on caffeine and hard liquor (regular nightcap of scotch, yech) it went away.

It would be a shame if you were having to mess around with doctors and medications and all it was, was caffeine........

[Digit]

20. I am in the same cycle...

My mother died in 1998 and the panic attacks began...

More recently, my father died in April of this year, and they began once again. It did not help that I had lost my job in February.
Then I began a new job in June which I promptly lost in July. That boss was very abusive, so I was looking to get out of there anyway.

My doctor gave me the lowest dose of Xanax available, and I will take half a pill when I need it. Since it makes me sleepy, I hate to take it.

I was at a loss for what to do until I remembered I had learned Transcendental Meditation back in the 70's. I did manage to do this for a couple of consecutive days, twice a day, and my mood lifted.
I have since stopped and I notice that my stress level has increased.
I know what I need to do.

Losing a parent or loved one is not an easy thing. I wish you well.

[Jamastiene]

21. I have what they call severe anxiety with

avoidant personality disorder. Basically, that means I avoid leaving the house, dealing with certain people and situations because I have severe anxiety about them. I take Zoloft too. It's the only one that works for those things plus the depression I have as well. I was always knocking all antidepressants because they never worked for me and the side effects made me more miserable. Now, other than the high price, the zoloft seems to be working.

It also helps with my pmdd (pms to the nth degree makes women extremely psychotic). With each passing month, I think less and less of buying an uzi and standing on top of the 2 story courthouse (the tallest building in my hometown) with the trigger pulled laughing and screaming, "take that you redneck republican motherfuckers." I do think about it every now and then, but it's not a plotting/scheming sort of obsessive thought like it used to be. It's more of a funny comedy sketch I'd like to do now. :D

[friesianrider]

22. You're not nuts..not in the least...

You've had some extremely traumatic events in your life recently. Quite a few actually...any one of them could have triggered this, let alone all of them.

My grandmother died last November 24 - day before Thanksgiving. She was my entire world and since my Dad never had time for me she and my Mom were my parents. I am still devastated and avoid talking about her but I think about her constantly. Since she died I've had some of the same problems you have. My Mom-Mom, in the week before she died, kept asking me every night "come talk to me when you get a chance" and I always was very busy with school to really talk too much to her. Now I am actually afraid to go too far away from home out of fear that if I go on a trip or a vacation that someone I care about will become hurt or sick or die and I won't be there.

I'm starting to see a counselor to help deal with my grief over it - I've been avoiding admitting I am not over her death and blame myself for not spending more time with her before she died. Although our situations are not identical, I was really traumatized after her death and can only imagine what you must be going through with all that has happened to you.

Please see a counselor or another professional. It can only help - you have nothing to lose, right? Also, please feel free to PM me any time at all if you just want to talk to someone know knows what you're going through. Hang in there :hug:

[Oeditpus Rex]

23. I've had PD and bouts with agoraphobia

for 38 years, since I was 11.

Man, you've been through a lot of trauma, and most of it's been loss/separation. No wonder you're having panic attacks.

I'll probably catch a lot of hell for this, but don't let anyone tell you that counseling alone will work, much less DIY therapy. It helps to understand what causes the stimuli, but panic attacks are caused by a chemical imbalance in the brain; the best evidence points to a misfiring of the neurotransmitter norepinephrine, which triggers the "fight or flight" response. This can be controlled to some extent with homeopathic therapy — keep caffeine and red meat to a minimum, get plenty of vitamin B, etc.

But I often use diabetes as an analogy. Diabetics are probably better than anyone about watching what they eat, but only a fool would suggest they can get by without insulin.

So... first: Find the med, or combination of meds, that works for you. This may take awhile, since there are so damned many of them (and so many doctors who have preferences), and they work differently with different people. But when you find what works, it's well worth the time in the experimental stage.

Then put the control to work. Do the stuff that scares you. The more you do it, the more you can do it. Your confidence will grow, and you'll start thinking you can do it without the meds. This is good, but eeeease off of them. Take a little bit less for awhile and see how that works. If it goes well, take a little less again, etc. (Note, too, that tricyclic and SSRI anti-depressants are not physically addicting. Benzodiazepine anti-anxiety agents are, but it's not so hard to get off a low dose.)

And PM me if you want, whenever you want. I've been there. To some extent, I'm still there. I understand.