Foreign Policy Hurting American Students' Chances Of Getting Laid Abroad

[matcom]

why won't SOMEBODY think of the CHILDREN! x(

<snip>

AMSTERDAM—American students traveling abroad confirm the findings of a study indicating that Washington's unilateral approach to foreign policy has seriously undermined Americans' chances of getting laid.


"I've been in Amsterdam for two months and have yet to begin a conversation with a cute girl that hasn't ended in a lecture about how big, evil America is taking everyone's oil," said college sophomore Brad Higgs, a participant in Johns Hopkins University's study-abroad program. "I offer to buy them a drink, and they tell me I shouldn't just stand by and watch Bush destroy the world. Look, if I had that type of pull with the president, I obviously wouldn't be out trolling for anonymous Dutch pussy."

The report, released Monday by the Center For U.S.-International Casual Relations, was based on interviews with approximately 1,400 American students returning from abroad. According to study director Gilbert Hapbrook, sexual contact between American students and foreigners has declined steadily since January 2001.

"Unpopular military actions and dismissal of international organizations have galvanized world hostility toward the U.S.," Hapbrook said. "Instead of being inundated with questions about Hollywood and requests to help hot young foreigners practice their English, Americans are being openly scorned in European pubs and cafes. Data taken from a poll of students in December 2004 showed that only a dismal 11 percent had achieved sexual congress with a non-American."

Hapbrook said the 2004 overseas-coitus figures show a slight recovery from the all-time low reached in November 2002, after the Afghanistan invasion and during escalating conflict with Iraq. But the figures are still well below those of 1999, when Bill Clinton was in office and a very healthy 67 percent of respondents scored abroad.

http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4117&n=1

[Dogmudgeon]

1. But I DO think of the Children

At least three times a week for twenty, thirty minutes at a time!

--p!
I mean ... it's hard ...
(G.W.Bush)

[MercutioATC]

2. Two words: "I'm Canadian".

See, even discounting a relatively sane government and universal health care, the benefits of Canada are legion....

[underpants]

3. I guess Ann Coulter has to pick up the slack then

}( :evilgrin: :hurts: :grr: :headbang: :banghead: :woohoo:

[LynneSin]

4. Americans who are abroad and want to get laid should wear this shirt

http://www.cafepress.com/americanapology.6524861

[Arkana]

5. As soon as I read the title, I knew it was the Onion.

Only they can come up with gold like this.