Engineer jokes

[Democrats_win]

Read at your own risk.

"Normal people ... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."
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Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"
The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking along yesterday minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said, "Take what you want."
The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."
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What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil Engineers?

Mechanical Engineers build weapons, Civil Engineers build targets.
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Microsoft is not the answer. Microsoft is the question. The answer is no.
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To the optimist, the glass is half full.
To the pessimist, the glass is half empty.
To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
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A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!"
The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such ineptitude!"
The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greenskeeper. Let's have a word with him."
"Hi George. Say, what's with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?"
The greenskeeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime."
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight."
The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything he can do for them."
The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"
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An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the wife or a mistress.
The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, "I like both."
"Both?"
Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some work done."

[short bus president]

1. hee

"Arguing with an engineer is like mud wrestling with a pig. After awhile, you come to realize s/he likes it." ;-)

[TlalocW]

2. From my college

Get a mathematician, a physicist, and an engineer together and ask them what Pi is.

Mathematician: Pi is the ratio of a circle's diameter to its circumference.
Physicists: Pi, to 6 decimal points, is 3.141596.
Engineer: Eh, 'bout three.

Sociologists think they're psychologists.
Psychologists think they're biologists.
Biologists think they're chemists.
Chemists think they're physicists.
Physicists think they're mathematicians.
Mathematicians think they're gods.

TlalocW

[Democrats_win]

3. LOL

[pdx_prog]

4. PI to six decimals

is actually 3.141593 (from an engineer.....lol)


What's the difference between an onion and an opinion?

3.1416

[bleedingheart]

5. okay..here are my contributions

You can't spell beer without a EE (normally pronounced "double e"


The physicist drops his watch from the top of the building and taking the difference between the time he dropped it and the time listed on the broken watch he calculates the height.

The mathematician, uses the watch to calculate the height based on time of day, the shadows the building is casting..etc

The engineer goes over to the janitor and says.."I will give you this watch if you tell me how tall the building is"]

[Hugin]

6. *chuckle*

But, I always heard it was "geek" ya couldn't
spell without a "double e".

;)

[bleedingheart]

9. actually I recall the exchanges going this way...

Someone would call one of my EE friends a geek and he would say "well you can't spell beer without a double e".

I also remember another EE joke..."I bet you think 1+1 is 2.."...and we would would all end up laughing...and if any liberal arts people were around they would think we were deranged...

[Lisa]

7. after the revolution, three academics are sentenced to be hanged ...

They put the noose around the first prisoner's neck and pull the lever, but the trapdoor doesn't drop. "It's a miracle!", the onlookers cry, and they decide to pardon him.

The next prisoner steps up to the platform, and the same thing happens. Again, the crowd decides that there's obviously been divine intercession, so they let her go as well.

The third prisoner is an engineer, and as they're adjusting the noose, he says, "I looked at the mechanism as you were taking the shackles off the first two, and I think that the door is jamming because the bolt that connects the mechanism to the lever has come loose."

[Abelman]

8. Why can't the play at night?

It makes sense to me.