An Army Recruiter just came to my door looking for *ME*

[Heddi]

See, I had, uh, signed up online a few months ago for the free t-shirt or boonie hat or watch---lied about my age heh. Got the watch--cheap peice of shit made in China---has already lost 45 minutes in the last month, and I can't get the alarm to turn off, so every hour (well, that hour gets longer and longer with each passing week) it beeps.

So I'm sitting here, reading a DU thread when the doorbell rings. I don't know anyone, and couldn't figure out who it could be.

Go to the door and there's a moustached Army fellow outside, wearing full regalia--beret and all. I have to admit he looked pretty smart and spiffy, but my face is WAY too round to pull off wearing a beret.

He asks for "Nicole" (my middle name). Says "I'm her". He asks if I signed up for recruiting info. I said 'Uh no, my mom did. She wants me to get in the service" (lie LIE LIE). Said "Sorry, I'm in nursing school and can't take the time off to go to Iraq" He said they've got plenty of need for Army Nurses when I'm done. He had opened the screen door and was acting like he wanted to come inside. No can do, fellow. I'm here alone, a female, and NO idea where the bullets to the gun are (we hid them when we went on vacation.) Plus, he looked pretty buff and could probably chase me down as I went looking through the closet for said bullets.

I don't like being in compromising situations.

He stood there after he told me about the need for nurses for like what seemed like forever, not saying anything, looking inside the house....hope my bong was hidden....Said "Sorry you had to come out here' and he said "Well I was in the neighborhood"

As he left, he eyed the "War is never the answer" and SEND THEM HOME NOW stickers on my car, plus the WAR=Terrorism sticker on our window.

I know when he was eyeing my pad he HAD to have seen the poster from the recent Seattle stage-production of 1984, which has GW's face right there, hovering above 1984.

It was funny.

For a minute, I was really scared---being a nursing student, I know I'd be among the first to be drafted if there were a draft. I thought I was being conscripted. Luckily I wasn't....and sadly, all I got out of it was a shitty watch that can't keep good time and has a crooked face and an itchy strap.

[BurtWorm]

1. They're not too desperate for new blood, are they?

:eyes:

[Heddi]

4. No...not at all...

I was actually expecting him to ask for one of my cats...they're often the names I use when signing up for freebies and such. My "son" Sebastian got an Army T-Shirt when we lived in Seattle, and his "sister" Penelope got a Boonie Hat a few months ago.

I'm such a sleazy scammer.

[Ellen Forradalom]

6. Haha

They need kitties to serve in Iraq:

[montana_hazeleyes]

12. My son's friend

used this name he made up to get a ton of free CDs- Miser Gankenswiper.. I guess you have to say it to get the meaning of it.

[Heddi]

16. I sometimes use the name Terry Toma

because a Teratoma is a type of tumor that has hair, teeth, and other types of tissue in it. If you do a google image search on "Teratoma", you'll see what I mean. THey're pretty gory, but I grew to love them when I took Anatomy, and then later when I worked at a Cancer Research Center in Seattle--I'd often see women who had ovarian tumors that were teratomas. While I never saw any with teeth or hair, I did see some with thyroid tissue or lung tissue in it.

It's always funny when a solicitor calls and says "Uh, Hi..I'd like to speak to Mr. Toma...Mr. Terry Toma" ha ha ha

Sorry...I guess it's one of those "funny if you were there" things :-/

[pstans]

2. Be ready for them to come back in a few months

once Bu$h gets his draft and puts his plans in motion to invade Iran or Syria. On March 31, the draft lists will be ready to be called to service in as few as 75 days.

[OldLeftieLawyer]

3. Now they know where you live

That - what you did - was SO dumb! SO DUMB!

It's also funny.

But, mostly it's scary.

If you want a watch, PM me with your damn address, and I'll send you one. If that's what it takes to keep you from getting "disappeared."

Big goofball girl, you are............. :)

[Heddi]

7. The chances of him getting in the yard are slim to none in the future

we have a fenced yard, and the front and back gate are both locked 24-7. They're only NOT locked today b/c my landlord is coming by later.

And it doesn't matter if he knows where I live---I used a totally fictitious last name, incorrect date of birth, and spelled my middle name differently than it's really spelled, used it as my first name and my cat's name as my middle name :)

For him to get access to the house in the future, he'll have to scale a fence and deal with DOGS OF DEATH that aren't my dogs but the dog's from next-door. They've taken up residence in my yard. The little dog with one eye is a real bastard. Don't let the one-eye fool ya....although I guess you could always 'get one over' on him by creeping up on the left side where he can't see ya.

And I didn't want the watch--I wanted the boonie hat. Which I got when I used my cat's name. It's a dorky hat that doesn't fit if I have my hair in a ponytail, but it's nice to keep the sun out of my eyes when I'm gardening :)

[Systematic Chaos]

5. Recruiters made me sick when I was younger

I ended up working a graveyard shift job not long out of high school, and they seemed to ALWAYS call in the middle of the day when I was trying to sleep. And I would tell them I was exhausted and had to be up to work that night and they'd keep prattling on and on. Many times I just set the phone down softly and went back to sleep, letting them run their mouths until they figured out I wasn't there.

Fortunately I didn't get any visits at my house.

[Heddi]

13. They've never showed up at my house before

but then again, I've only recetnly started re-ordering Army & Marine freebies off line. When we lived in Seattle, we lived in a secured building so I woudln't have buzzed them in once they identified themselves.

Oh I got a really nice pen from the Marines. I told them I was an 18 year old boy with a GED. I got that pen like before I even hit the submit button. I used my old work's fax number as a contact number. Heh. They're probably harassing my old receptionist as we speak.

[Heddi]

8. Oh and here's the funny/ironic part I left out of the first message

When I was 19, I joined the Coast Guard (it's military-lite), but was kicked out 2 weeks before graduating boot camp because they found THC in my pee.

Actually, the DS said "We found trace amounts of THC in your urine sample you provided on X date". I said "wow. I'm surprised!" and the DS said "So you'd like a re-test?" and I said "No! I'm surprised that there were only trace amounts...there should have been ALOT more than trace"....they sent me home a week later.

SO--because I was discharged while 'in the service', I can't voluntarily ever join another branch of the service again. I'm tainted goods. Soiled. Dirty. Useless pot-smoker :)

I shoulda let him in and had him chat up the benefits of being an early-age amputee. Offered him some soda, some pistachios...then bring out my discharge papers from the USCG and see just how many miliseconds it took for him to high-tail it out the door :)

[likesmountains 52]

17. Heddi, this may be a bit off topic but if you're in nursing school

you're going to have to be peeing in cups to get hired by a hospital or traveling company after you graduate...if you get my drift.

[Heddi]

21. Oh I know that

I don't smoke pot anymore but I do have paraphanelia around (memories of good-old-days).

Even though now I'm in school and they don't drug test, I feel it's too much of a liability as I'm working in the hopspital doing my clical rounds---even though I *KNOW* I'm not affected today by pot I smoked last weekend, I feel that if I made an error (god forbid one that caused harm or death to a patient), everything about me would be scruitinized, including my urine. Even though I know i'm not functionally challenged by a joint from 2 weeks ago, I feel that it would not only end my not-even-started nursing career, but it would take focus off of me and my error, and allow someone to make the connection that pot+urine=inebriated during patient care. No matter WHY I made the error, the marijuana would be made to be the MAIN culprit, if not the ONLY culprit. Since drug tests can't say for certain how long ago X drug was ingested, they could argue that I COULD have been, and MAY have been high while doing clinical rotations.

I've put TOO much time, effort, and money into this program to have it go up in smoke (pun intended) because of a joint.

Oh, and that coast-guard thing was 10 years ago, just for the record

[likesmountains 52]

23. it was just a thought..when I started nursing they never tested for

anything except drug calculations! Hope your clinical go well...I know sometimes the nursing staff can be pretty hard on students.

[SnowGoose]

9. If it's legal to request info in someone else's name

maybe we should start helping some of our more conservative acquaintances support "the President" by signing them up for a personalized visit by the good ol' US Army... I mean "requesting information" on their behalf.

Of course, if it's not legal, I would never advocate doing it.

[Heddi]

14. I'm sure it's legal

or at least I've never seen anything with it being illegal. I'm not using a fake name to get things that I'd otherwise have to pay for, or using fraudlent information to get out of paying for stuff.

And I SPECIFICALLY checked the box that said "Check here if you DO NOT want a recruiter to call or visit you". In the comments box, I said that my mom was a shut-in and got antsy when people knocked on the door because of her OCD, so it was best just to send info through the mail or email.

[The Backlash Cometh]

10. LOL!

Very entertaining, but you shouldn't have teased them like that.

[Heddi]

15. I never expected them to come by...as I said in another post

I specifically checked the box that said DO NOT SEND A RECRUITER TO MY HOUSE. I asked that all correspondednce be made through mail or email since my mom is an agoraphobic shut-in who gets hetchy if someone doesn't knock three times because of her OCD.

[Bouncy Ball]

11. Your story reminded me of my story, which I started in a different thread.

They will NEVER leave you alone. Evah.

[crimson333]

18. sure they will

just get diagnosed with a chronic disease and they will leave you alone

[Arkana]

19. The recruiters up where I am are very polite...

they call on the phone, I politely tell them I am A) epileptic, and B) flat-footed, and that takes care of it.

[Heddi]

22. Did you sign up for the free boonie hat too?

isn't it a peice of crap? It won't even fit on my husband's head, but that's not too surprising considering his head is like the size of a watermellon.

Or did you get the crummy watch that can't keep time? Oh and it doesn't know about leap-year, either. I can't get it to advance past Feb 29th. It won't go to "3" for March. I guess it's like Groundhog's Day....with that fucking beep beep beep every hour on the not-really-the-hour.

I hate that watch, but I keep it around just to see how long it takes for it to die.

[LiberalFighter]

20. Should had told him you were having sex with your girl friend tonite