Monday Night I Spent Two Hours With A Coworker Who Spent The Entire Time

[THUNDER HANDS]

talking to me about how he's trying to convince his girlfriend not to get an abortion.

The longest two hours of my life.

The coworker, in addition to being about 6-3 and 280-190 pounds, is also probably borderline psychotic. He told me his story of how he got this woman pregnant after being with her for a month (literally, he fully described the moment of conception and everything).

And then he goes on about how she wants to have an abortion and her family wants her to have one considering she has three kids of her own already. And he said he feels differently.

Not, mind you, because he believes abortion is murder. But because in his words:

"I want a child of my own."

He felt that since he impregnated her, it was his right as a man to be able to father this child and that if she wanted to 'destroy' it -that she would be, in a sense, destroying their relationship.

I'm ashamed to admit that I didn't confront him, but instead nodded politely and told him I understood where he was coming from. I was internally vomiting at practically everything he was saying, but on the outside it seemed like I was agreeing with him.

I don't know why this has been on my mind. This guy's life doesn't really affect me at all and we work in different departments, so I'll probably never spend any time with him again. But every time I think of him I think of the poor woman he's with. What she has to put up with. Imagine getting impregnated by a psychotic lunatic who (probably) threatens you if you dare deprive him of his 'right' to be a father.

Its a sad world we live in.

:(


Oh, and on a side note, if you ever shop at Wal-Mart, by all means, do not eat at the snack bar there.

[GreenPartyVoter]

1. That is so scary. Mind you, I am not a fan of abortion as birth control &

I can sympathize with men who are hurt when they lose a potential child, but.. in the end it's the woman's body and therefore her choice.

[wtmusic]

2. So what?

The kid is half his...don't get your point. If he's going to take care of it, why not?

[RC]

3. Because it is the woman who is pregnant and has to carry to term.

And if this guy is off center, chances are good the kid could be also.
It's the womans body. She should have the final say.

[kick-ass-bob]

7. *pulls up seat*

*munching popcorn*

:D

[jswordy]

14. LOL -- Bob, it's a RERUN! Sorry! LOL!

[RC]

16. You use real butter?

Mine's in the microwave.

[xmas74]

47. Air popped here.

Now I can add extra butter.

[Nay]

17. LOL, Bob! Here we go!

I do have to wonder, though, if she knew what she wanted to do, is not 'showing', why didn't she just have an abortion without telling him and involving him? That's what I would do. they have only been together a few months, not years, so she doesn't have the emotional investment in the guy that she might have had after years of being together. I just don't get it. Also, if I were the woman, giving the child to him wouldn't solve a certain problem -- she would have to pay him child support for 18 years, and with her 3 other kids, she probably can't afford it.

[put out]

22. I think I'll get some soda pop, spiked. Want some? Need a seat belt?

I'm sure I will have something offensive to say, after reading all.

[Green Thumb]

37. So

should only slaveowners have had a say in the civil war too?

[David Dunham]

4. I agree that it's solely a woman's choice in the end.

[wtmusic]

6. It will always be a woman's choice

but the guy wants to convince her to have it...I don't see the issue

[LeftyMom]

44. He's not a seahorse.

She still has to carry the baby, take time off work, deliver the baby, all with three other kids to care for, mental instability and no way of knowing this guy will really follow through.

Also, she'd be liable for suppourt, even if she signed over all rights to the kid.

[johnnie]

5. I have to say that I feel bad for this guy

Yeah, I know..it's the woman's body and so on. The truth is..this woman slept with him with consent (I am assuming) with the knowledge that she could get pregnant, and now she says it's too bad.
She had no idea this guy is "borderline psychotic"? In my opinion, he should dump this woman and move on.

[kodi]

8. praying for the day when womb implants are available for jerks like that

.

[wtmusic]

10. Oh I see...he's a jerk for wanting her to have the baby

that's half his...care to explain? :eyes:

[THUNDER HANDS]

12. she already has three of her own

and she doesn't want any more and her family is against the idea also. Plus they don't like him.

Oh, and he said that if she had the abortion he would 'dump her and treat every woman I ever met from then on like shit.'

And a whole lot of other stuff along those lines that I will not repeat because its probably too graphic for this board.

[kodi]

18. half his? are you out of your mind? he isn't carrying the fetus around

what the fuck is wrong with you?

a woman can not be forced to have a child simply because the sperm donor wants her to be a birth pod.

the child belongs to the woman, its hers if she wants it. the man, who is not involved except for ejaculating into her has no say in the matter.

you ought to be ashamed at yourself for even posting to this thread such ignorant crap.

[Name removed]

19. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[kodi]

23. Genetics has nothing to do with it a woman's right to control her own body

Sorry, you are the one blowing smoke and are exposing your own ignorance of American jurisprudence concerning termination of a fetus.

Oh, and nice attempt at misdirection of the issue by throwing genetics into this. It is besides the point.

From the intellectual paucity of your past postings on-site, I question whether or not you even know how many chromosomes a human cell actually contains.

Simply put, you want the man to determine what a woman can do with her body merely because he fucked her and an egg was fertilized by his sperm.

There is simply no legal requirement for a woman to bring to term a fetus merely because the sperm donor demands it. The restriction on aborting a fetus via Roe v. Wade is based upon the length of time a fetus has been in the womb. The sperm donor is not the person who is allowed by law to decide to terminate the fetus. That decision is left to the woman and her doctor. I have presented the pertinent section of the actual decision written by Justice Blackmun.

From your snarkiness, it sounds like it is you who have "issues" about this, not I. Probably you are paying child support for one of your own dalliances and are pissed off about it. Too bad.

Btw: the paternity laws deal with children, or fetuses that the woman wishes to bring to term. your blatant attempt to muddy the waters by infusing paternity laws to cases where the fetus has not reached the third trimester and are not wanted by the woman are not germane to the issue of whether a woman has a right to terminate a pregnancy.

Roe v. Wade

http://www.tourolaw.edu/patch/Roe/

For the stage prior to approximately the end of the first trimester, the abortion decision and its effectuation must be left to the medical judgment of the pregnant woman's attending physician. Pp. 163, 164.

(b) For the stage subsequent to approximately the end of the first trimester, the State, in promoting its interest in the health of the mother, may, if it chooses, regulate the abortion procedure in ways that are reasonably related to maternal health. Pp. 163, 164.

(c) For the stage subsequent to viability the State, in promoting its interest in the potentiality of human life, may, if it chooses, regulate, and even proscribe, abortion except where necessary, in appropriate medical judgment, for the preservation of the life or health of the mother. Pp. 163-164; 164-165.

Do you see any mention of the rights of a sperm donor in the Blackmun decision to force a woman to term?

I don't, and no one else does either.

[Name removed]

25. Deleted message

Message removed by moderator. Click here to review the message board rules.

[kodi]

26. clearly and thankfully for us all, your opinions dont matter.the law does.

btw. i am a man and a father.

twit

[fleabert]

28. "kneejerk feminist responses."

[wtmusic]

29. LOL thanks Smoky

needed that!

[Maddy McCall]

33. What a horrendous thing to say to someone just because they don't...

agree with you. The last sentence of your post is one of the nastiest things I have EVER read on DU.

[wtmusic]

38. Oh come off it

and:

"what the fuck is wrong with you"

"the man, who is not involved except for ejaculating into her"

the father is "a sperm donor wants her to be a birth pod"

is an appropriate way to respond to someone who disagrees with you?

Pahleeze. :eyes:

[Maddy McCall]

39. Wishing childlessness on another DUer is hideously mean...

beyond anything I've ever read here. Evidently, the mods agreed.

[wtmusic]

40. So you're not going to read my posts either

I didn't say anything like that, but whatever.

[immoderate]

30. There is no "baby" until it's born.

Her choice. Maybe if they were married he would get a part of a vote.

--IMM

[wtmusic]

31. questions

1) Should the father help pay for an abortion?

2) At birth the baby becomes part his, and until then the fetus is not?

3) You have the right to not support a woman's right to choose. Does that mean it shouldn't be done anyway?

[Maddy McCall]

35. What is a man going to do with a fetus if there is no mother to grow it?

Put it in a jar?

[immoderate]

41. Answers.

1) Should the father help pay for an abortion?

I think that would be polite. Not an obligation, legally.

2) At birth the baby becomes part his, and until then the fetus is not?

The fetus is part of the mother.

3) You have the right to not support a woman's right to choose. Does that mean it shouldn't be done anyway?

If a woman has a right, what I do is irrelevant. Suppose I don't support your right to freedom of speech. What does that accomplish?

--IMM

[wtmusic]

45. Exactly

And I think it would be polite to consult with the father before having an abortion. That's all (apparently some think that's a whole lot to ask).

[immoderate]

46. And it would be polite...

to let the woman make the choice.

--IMM

[wtmusic]

50. This is the root of the problem

To "let the woman make the choice"? Last I heard she didn't need his permission...

On the other hand, he isn't breaking the law by *asking* her to have the baby, is he now?

[immoderate]

51. I tried to split the difference.

Frankly, I believe it's her call. Under some circumstances, I agree with those who said to not even tell him.

If there is some sort of relationship, the man should be informed. Help in making the decision. It's still up to her though.

--IMM

[Green Thumb]

34. Not according to the ultrasound

of my baby that I saw last week. :)

[immoderate]

42. Congratulations.

Although I don't know why you'd need to ultrasound a baby. Unless you mean a fetus. Maybe it's an unborn adult. Get it?

Welcome to DU!

--IMM

[Beaverhausen]

9. appropos of nothing...were either of them using birth control?

just wondering.

[THUNDER HANDS]

11. well, according to him

he said "we started using condoms but then she said she wanted me to stop using them and _____ inside her."

I don't know if this guy is full of shit or what, but my B.S. detector was flying off the handle.

[emma_jane]

15. She could offer the guy the option of full custody...

if he says yes then his desire to keep the kid has some grounds, if not he should shut the hell up and let her make her decision and stop making it harder.
Had that same discussion with someone before. He wanted it, she didn't. She said fine you can keep it if you are prepared to have full custody and responsibility for it.
That soon sorts out whether he is serious or not.

[wtmusic]

20. if the guy is unstable

that still might not be the best solution, although if he was basically a good guy and sincere about it that might change the equation.

BTW, welcome to DU!

:bounce: :toast: :bounce:

[bettyellen]

48. why do all liars put their own words/ actions in the other person's mouth.

bs is right.

[HereSince1628]

13. I've looked at this from various angles, and concluded pregnancy can't be

approached as an egalitarian issue. Someone's rights get privileged regardless of the outcome.

Of the 3 entities immediately involved in a pregnancy, a man's interest, while not insignificant is surely the least proximate. If you accept biotic proximity to the consequences as a factor in decisions about abortion, then men's right to choice after coitus and conception declines to a tertiary level.

[Radical Activist]

21. What a nightmare that would be

I don't know how I would handle it if a woman wanted to abort a child I fathered and wanted to keep. That's the sort of thing that would haunt me for the rest of my life it if ever happened. I'm doing my best to make sure it doesn't.

[LynneSin]

24. Seriously - there is a very valuable lesson learned here

USE FUCKING BIRTH CONTROL ESPECIALLY EARLY IN A RELATIONSHIP.

Magic Rat mentioned that condoms were ultimately not used because she wanted to feel....well, you fill in the blank.

Hey, it's more than just pregnancy at issue, there are such things as sexually transmitted diseases including AIDS. Plus she was one the requested the condom not be used and personally I find her just as unstable as the man in this situation. Three pregnancies and she still hasn't learned that just because THAT feels good doesn't mean you're safe from getting pregnant - because once again she's knocked up.

Personally, I think the woman should always have the final say in these choices because although the chromosomes are split 50/50 - the actual work of lugging the child around for 9 months is 100% the mothers. What if this idiot father changes his mind 4 months later and decides he doesn't want to be the father? Then she's stuck with a baby that she didn't want in the first place.

Also, if I were just dating a man for about a month and found out I was pregnant with a child I didn't want (and oh, btw, had a massive brain aneurysm that prevented me from using both birth control pills & a condom), believe me I wouldn't even mention this to the father if I was still in the consideration of having an abortion.

BTW, the fact that this idiot father said that if the girl has an abortion that he would treat this girl and all other girls like shit is living proof he is NOT ready to have a kid. Personally he just just drop this girl like a hot potato and find himself a nice girl who wants to have a relationship and children.

Nuff said!

[SarahB]

27. I couldn't have said it any better.

:thumbsup:

[wtmusic]

32. amen

It prevents unwanted pregnancy and even flame wars! :D

[bleedingheart]

36. Okay...I am going to sound old fashioned....

but why didn't he follow these steps if he wanted a child of his own...


1. Court her and date her
2. Ask for her hand in marriage
3. Marry her
4. Have kids

or he could...


1. try and adopt a child

or

1. ask a surrogate to have a child for him to love and keep and call "george"


granted the sex could happen at any of these stages but if he wants kids why didn't he do any of these things?

Also, without knowing her side of the story I feel even worse...what if she is just pregnant and trying to catch a husband in the worst possible way...and she is now just making him nutzy until he finally blurts out..."get the abortion"...or "marry me darling"???

ah the chaos of human relations...ain't it grand.

[beyurslf]

43. if he wants to be a father... become a foster parent or adopt

[BensMom]

49. You are a good friend

You are a good friend for listening.

Your co-worker was having an emotional time and letting you in on it all. Mot sure if my ears, heart or shoulders could take it.

The first word and the last word still are the womans....