who were the popular kids when you were in high school and where are they

[Blue_Roses]

now? Do you think the "cliques" in high school were just snobs or emotionally insecure?

I don't mean groups that get together for fun and common interest, that's totally different. I mean "cliques" that shun, ignore, or are just down right mean to anyone (actually sounds like the republican party, but that's another thread:D) besides their group. Here's an example:

I substitute teach at one particular school on a regular basis and I see all kinds of things going from one classroom to another each day. On one particular day, I noticed this very bright out-going girl who was crying at recess. When I asked her why she said, "so and so group wouldn't let her play" (elementary school here). This is one of the brightest, kindess kids in the school. Ironically, she is one of the most popular. I've never had any trouble with her and she is helpful not just to the teachers, but to other kids, especially one child in her class who is physically handicapped.

I have to wonder...all this time when some of us were worried about not being accepted in the so-called "popular" clique, maybe we should be glad. When I was in high school, ironically it was the kindess who was the most popular and not the ones in the "cliques"...hmmm...I look back at where some of those who were in the "in" crowd are now and after seeing then at my 20th reunion, they aren't "in" any crowd. Many have lost their way.

Something to think about for those with kids who are facing this now. The "in" crowd may not be all that "in" in the real world.;)

[liontamer]

1. why do you keep saying it's ironic that the kindest are the most popular

That's generally what happens. It's just hard to tell sometimes because there are mean kids who demand attention loudly.

[Blue_Roses]

2. I see how that sounds backwards

guess what I mean is that you would think that a "clique" would want the most popular kid in the school in their group rather than shun them.
For what it's worth, I'm glad this particular child is smart enough to not care now.:)
We're talking about kids in school where peer pressure is high and acceptance is life and death for some--believe it or not-literally.

[tigereye]

3. oddly enough

at my 25th high school reunion, the nicest person there was one of the most handsome jock type guys. And he was still nice. He was never mean to anyone. The cheerleaders and the jocks were the big deals when I was in high school - since I had no interest in their doings, it didn't really affect me. I always hung out with art/drama/ music/ geeks folks. Like anything, some popular people are nice now, and some are still rude and obnoxious; I guess that is how it goes.

Even in my nerd cliques, we seldom made serious fun of anyone, I never really saw that as a good thing.

[Blue_Roses]

5. I never really cared either

I stayed pretty active playing sports and just being a kid. I just hope my kids don't worry about being in the "in" crowd. It seems to be alot of pressure these days for some reason.

[AndyTiedye]

7. Popularity Has More to Do With Social Skills Than Kindness

[Blue_Roses]

9. these two go hand-in-hand

for popularity.

[TNDemo]

4. Have you read Reviving Ophelia?

It talks about this very thing with girls - how some are shunned for no reason and it is random, basically because they can. If you are working with girls in the adolescent and pre-adolescent age group you might find this book helpful. It gets into the whole psychology of girls growing up in our society.

[Blue_Roses]

6. Hey, thanks

:D I'll definitely check it out. Who's the author?

[TNDemo]

10. Mary Pipher.

I wish I had read it before my oldest daughter got to that junior high age. She had a hard time, as opposed to her little sister, who appears to be sailing through it. It starts out showing how carefree and happy girls are until they are 11-13. Then their self perception takes a nosedive. It goes into how our culture helps produce this phenomenon. I wish it had more "this is what you do in this case" information. Basically it reiterated what I thought was important - find one thing they can excel at to help them through this age. The author talks about how she can remember being at a party at this age and how, for no reason at all, decided to exclude this one girl, which was of course very hurtful to her and she could not understand it. She still feels bad about doing that but delves into why girls do these things. It also gets into girls cutting themselves and other kinds of behaviors. Hope it helps!

[cally]

8. I'm happy my kids are not in the "in" crowd

I wasn't either but I wasn't disliked. There is a huge difference. I wasn't picked on but I wasn't invited to the cool parties and didn't date the cool guys. Looking back, I'm so lucky.

So I go back to the HS reunion after 5 years (many years ago). Those 'popular' kids were not as successful. The bullying didn't work anymore. I show up in a a car where I can't open the door and have to climb out the window. I bought a dress at a second hand store and I brought my underemployed husband. I was welcomed by my classmates like me. We talked about our school and what we would do next. We weren't talking about the glory of HS, but about what was ahead.

Here's a repost of mine:

As an aside, have you ever been back to a HS reunion. I went to one or two and those popular kids and bullies were often the least successful. The different kids and the nerds were the successful ones from my HS. One of the saddest comments was hearing one ex-cheerleader tell me HS was the best period of her life.

[Aiptasia]

11. I was a metalhead in the 80's

and I turned out o.k., although a few of my mullet-esq pictures have been destroyed for posterity.

I was a military brat and moved twice in high school, so I was automatically on the "outs" as far as cliques were concerned. In my senior year, the clique crowds were all preppies and jocks. Some had varying degrees of success at leaving this redneck beach town, but most are still in the area. Of the ones that used to give me a lot of grief for being an outsider, all are doing menial service industry jobs or wound up absorbed into their family businesses after failing at this or that.

Because I was a long haired kid with an attitude, even my vice principal (think nurse rachett) was convinced that I'd end up a hoodlum or some other no-goodnick, and tried to have me expelled on more than one occasion.

Today, I have a comfortable job. A nice new home with no mortgage on a lake. My car is paid for. I have a nice lambskin from my alma mater hanging in my office. I have more in savings and my retirement portfolio than anyone else I know that's my age. I live comfortably but not beyond my means, and my credit score is somewhere in the 800 range because I never carried a balance in my life.

I've been lucky enough to inform all of my nieces and nephews that the whole "clique" fascade will end on graduation day and you'll be surprised how quickly you lose touch with all of those people. The oldest, now in college, is finally starting to believe me. And, she's finally wearing colors other than black (she was sooo goth).