Help me give advice on internet porn....

[liberalitch]

If a guy looks at internet porn does that mean that he's not attracted to or find his wife/girlfriend sexy anymore?

I told my sister that it doesn't necessarily mean that, but I'm not so sure I told her the right thing.

[liontamer]

1. porn is porn, a gf is a gf

most people can tell the difference.

[arwalden]

4. Excellent Answer.

[Wat_Tyler]

2. No. It means he is attracted to different people and images

on different levels. That's perfectly normal.

[liberalitch]

9. I think that she thinks that she's not "racy" enough...

... and I can sympathize... and my sis is kind of old fashioned
I mean if you work, keep house, are politically active.... sometimes the "snuggle sex" is all you have energy for.
I think that she's afraid he'll start to stray if she doesn't change

[Wat_Tyler]

12. Men are very good at compartmentalizing.

A guy may fantasize about something, but it doesn't necessarily mean that when presented with it, he'll actually do it.

[KinkyDem]

15. Ahem ... clears throat ... strides to soap box

If what she fears is that she's not "racey" enough is that she could try being a little more racey.

Her man likes porn, why not go get some, put it on for him and try some of what the actors are doing. Why not go get a book, there's tons, I could even make some suggestions, and try out some of what they say. It can be fun, it can be down right humerous at times.

The key here is she needs to tell her partner that she wants to try some new things, show him the material shes looking at and give it a try.

I'm a big fan of Dan Savage and his column Savae Love. One of the things he realy pushes is the idea of a good lover being "Good, giving and game". Tell her to go try some new things. Try some new positions, get some lingerie or a cheer leader outfit and have some fun.

I will, for the sake of this post avoid suggesting chains and whips ... don't want to scare the natives. :)

[slipperduke]

3. Not a chance

In the words of a UK comedian:

"I love my wife deeply, but she really must accept that there's still millions of women on this planet that I want to see naked."

There's nothing wrong with healthy fantasies.

[Phillycat]

5. It means the guy falls squarely into the "normal human" category.

As would a woman doing the same thing.

[kick-ass-bob]

6. I really don't think that has anything to do with it.

Do people only find one person in the world sexy? Does that change when you are in a relationship?

Hardly.

[veteran_for_peace]

7. My personal opinion

I think that men in general look at porn and we don't look at it as having a relationship with that woman. It is objectifing the woman in the porn. It has nothing to do with us not finding our partner attractive.

[NotLiberalEnough]

8. I agree with you.

[BlueEyedSon]

10. It means he wants his gf to do exactly what's in the pictures.

No matter how many other women, dessert foods, sex toys, barnyard animals, etc. are in them. Then he will be truly happy with her.

:evilgrin:

[liberalitch]

13. See that's what she's afraid of.... she can't

[short bus president]

14. can't, or won't?

I'm not saying that what the previous poster said is true. In all likelihood, dude's not watching the porn for fresh ideas to try out, but for an immediate gratification of a need that's not always able to be fulfilled in a timely manner between 2 rational but distinct humans. But if he does have an interest in getting more adventurous, and if that's really problematic for her, then it's something they should both know. I'm sure great sex can't hold a relationship together, but terminally under-satisfying sex can damn sure hasten the end of one.

[liberalitch]

16. I don't know.... but I suspect it's...

just not in her make up...
I am a little "more worldly" than she but I still am wildly uncomfortable with the idea of trying to be something sexually that I am just not..... I can't feel sexy when I'm not being me.

Maybe I should ask her, but since we were raised in the same house by the same people (both raging liberals) I think that might be it.

[short bus president]

19. OK, one thing...

you should never, ever mention "sex" and "makeup" in the same sentence in my presence, because it inevitably results in bad jokes that no one but me gets about weird German porn featuring clown makeup, sex swings, and liberal quantities of crisco.

:P

[liberalitch]

21. You KNOW he's not messin' when he shows up with the wesson (oil)

[short bus president]

24. And now here comes

the stream of bad jokes about corn(hole) oil...

:P

[JimmyJazz]

30. You'd better go easy on the oil if you're using the swing

at the same time - don't want to get all slippery and fall off and hit your head on a bedpost. Wouldn't want to explain that one to the ER nurse...

What do you say? I sustained a "effin boo-boo" :P

[WoodrowFan]

34. clown porn?

[BlueEyedSon]

37. Mmmmm.... linguini in clown sauce!

[eataTREE]

11. As an unashamed consumer of vast amounts of porn...

...who is also lucky to be married to one very hot and sexy woman, I can assure you that it doesn't mean that at all.

People (and not just men) crave sexual variety. Among other things, porn can be a way to satisfy that craving without betraying one's partner's trust. (It can also be a way to enhance and stimulate a couple's sex life, but I digress.)

I believe that the percentage of men who look at porn at least on occasion approaches 100%. That includes men who have the mad hots for their partner, men who are bored with their partner, and men who have no partner in the first place.

[spatlese]

17. As a girl,

I have to say that I don't find watchingporn offensive or dirty.. nor does it mean that my boyfriend is no longer attracted to me if he watches porn.. I have no problems with him watching porn, or going to a strip bar. I will drive him there, and pick him up, because I don't want him driving drunk. It's OK to look at the menu, as long as you don't order from it. That's my two cents.. :)

[liberalitch]

20. That's kind of what I told her....

except I don't approve of the strip bar thing.... I have a few of friends who were dancers and had low self esteem and suffered sexual and emotional abuse daily.

Now, don't ask me why I feel this way and feel that prostitution should be legal.... maybe it's the public health and safety thing.

[Dukakis88]

18. A related question...

The webmistress of my favorite amateur porn site is worried I'm not attracted to her anymore and don't find her sexy because I got married, and she is threatening to cut off my membership to her web cam. I told her that men need variety, but she seems very angry that I got married and I don't know what to tell her. I need more in my life than just her web site, but I can understand why her feelings are hurt by this, but I need someone to eat with at IHOP.

[liberalitch]

22. All of this aside.... i think she's begun to see her hubby differently.

I can't explain why.

I personally NEVER liked the guy but he's actually proven himself to be a good husband.... so I don't know what to tell her.

[Enraged_Ape]

36. I bet she says that to all the guys...

who patronize her web-cam site. How much does she charge? With that kind of personalized service, I bet she's raking it in.

Unless, of course, you are one of her only clients, in which case you have more than an just impersonal, anonymous "thrill-surfing" relationship with her--a relationship which, now that you're married, I would seriously consider terminating.

[sniffa]

23. the soup

as a maLe, i can expLain.

we Look at porn because, yes, it does excite us. it, in no way diminishes the vaLue/sexiness we pLace on our S/O's.

my S/O is into porn (won't eLaborate on how much, or raciness) and enjoys my brousing on it. most of the time i do it aLone, and i'm given that aLone time. porn, for many men, is a source of comfort; at whatever age we Learned to er, expLore ourseLves, we had the aid of our father's pLayboy, or sticky smut mags found on raiL road tracks.

[BiggJawn]

25. It could mean he's tired of the small print at the bottom of the ad.

Porn is non-committal, non-judgemental. The person in the picture or video clip doesn't give a rat's ass if you're fat, losing your hair, not as "long-winded" or "The Man of Steel" as you once were, doesn't care if you didn't clean out the garage last sunday, in short, they just dont care. There they are, whack away.

And no static about "performance" or "mood", or dryness, either.

[LibLover]

26. Heck, I'll watch it with him

Two attractive people doing something that feels REALLY good? It's not geared toward women (no foreplay) but it's not all bad. Men like to look at naked women. Just because a man looks at pornographic images doesn't mean he doesn't still want me.

Besides, anything that trains a man to go down can't be all that bad!

[SarahB]

27. No, it doesn't mean that.

I'll add a few disclaimers though. It would bother me to be involved with a man into child porn, rape scenarios, the weird animal stuff, or masturbation to porn becoming more important than sex with me. Maybe since I'm a strait woman who wants to be with a strait man, heavily into gay porn might take me aback a little (in the sense of "am I what you really want?"), but a little curiosity and dabbling in that realm most certainly wouldn't be an issue.

Other than that, it doesn't bother me at all. In fact, I've been known to share some even. In my marriage, I know I freaked out my husband because I was so not uptight about this stuff. I didn't care. It didn't make me insecure. It kind of turned me on- sometimes the stuff itself and seeing a guy get exited by it. I've even been known to write a thing or two myself. I tend to be largely monogamous by nature and I think it can sure give monogamy a nice bit of a "kick". He had a lot more shame about this stuff (like he seemed content to feel guilty and have it be his dirty little secret) whereas I was more like "Hey, let's incorporate this into our sex life somehow and make it fun." I was kind of made to feel like I was some type of weirdo for that and bought that line for far too long. Now, that's done and well, it's a totally different ballgame now. :D

[jpgray]

28. Fuck that, let's make the thread about me.

Nah screw it. Getting my ego stroked in this particular thread would be too surreal.

:)

[Wat_Tyler]

31. Is that what you call it?

I call mine Henry. :o

[jpgray]

32. Well, then Kellanved is a unique take on a sock puppet

I really call mine General Sherman, but because it left fire and destruction all over Georgia last time it was down there, I don't really want to let on, you know?

[WoodrowFan]

35. General Sherman

I thought maybe it had gone "marching through Georgia."

[brainshrub]

29. All men look at porn.

All of us. Men with hot girlfriends, men with ugly girlfriends, men who are rich, men who are poor, men who are popular and men who stay at home all the time.

Old, young, disabled, athletic, fundamentalist, ... it does not matter. We all like porn. Any man who tells you he does not is a lier or does not have testicles.

There are only three true statements:

1) There are an infinite number of numbers.
2) Liquid water is wet.
3) All men like porn.

[WoodrowFan]

33. you were right

check out the advice columist Dan Savage about that. Links are below.

http://www.thestranger.com/2003-10-02/savage.html

http://www.thestranger.com/2003-09-25/savage.html

"Her letter is sweet," says Loftus. "Unlike other women, she admits to her own insecurity instead of attacking her boyfriend. It is common for women to think their men are comparing them to the gals in porn, but believe me, we don't. Men are much simpler than that: We enjoy looking. When we regard a passing Porsche with awe, it doesn't mean we really want to own one or that we hate our little Honda." So you're a Honda, AG--I hope this compassion stuff is making you feel better. Moving along, Loftus wonders why women who feel insecure about men looking at porn don't feel insecure when their men leave the house. "The women he sees on the street every day," says Loftus, "are far more accessible than the ones on the page, his VCR, and computer screen. But it's a lot of work to get to know someone new, and we tend to like our significant other for a host of reasons besides mere looks."