2004 Darwin Awards

[bif]

> > Darwin award nominees
> >
> >
> >
> > Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time
for the
> > Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the
persons who
> > died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from
the gene
> > pool. This year's nine nominees are:
> >
> > Nominee No. 1: :
> > An unidentified man, using a shotgun like a club to
> > break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally
> > shot himself to death when the gun discharged,
> > blowing a hole in his gut.
> >
> > Nominee No. 2: :
> > James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo, MI, was
> > killed in March as he was trying to repair what
> > police describe as a "farm-type truck." Burns got a
> > friend to drive the truck on a highway while Burns
> > hung underneath so that he could ascertain the
> > source of a troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught
> > on something, however, and the other man found Burns
> > "wrapped in the drive shaft."
> >
> > Nominee No. 3: :
> > Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to
> > death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the
> > sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he
> > reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith &
> > Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it
> > to his ear. (For whatever reason, residents of
> > Southern states always seem to figure prominently
> > among the Darwin nominees.)
> >
> > Nominee No. 4: :
> > Police said a lawyer demonstrating the safety of
> > windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed
> > through a pane with his shoulder and plunged 24
> > floors to his death. A police spokesman said Garry
> > Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto
> > Dominion Bank Tower early Friday evening as he was
> > explaining the strength of the building's windows to
> > visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
> > demonstrations of window strength according to
> > police reports. Peter Lawson, managing partner of
> > the firm Holden Day, told the Toronto Sun newspaper
> > that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members
> > of the 200-man association. (Nice to see another
> > Canadian province getting into the awards.... The
> > Maritimes always have been heavily involved.)
> >
> > Nominee No. 5: :
> > A terrible diet and a room with no ventilation are
> > being blamed for the death of a man who was killed
> > by his own gas emissions. There was no mark on his
> > body, and an autopsy showed large amounts of methane
> > gas in his system. His diet had consisted primarily
> > of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things).
> > It was just the right combination of foods. It
> > appears that the man died in his sleep from
> > breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over
> > his bed. Had he been outside or had his windows been
> > opened, it wouldn't have been fatal. But the man was
> > shut up in his nearly airtight bedroom. According to
> > the article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity
> > for creating "this deadly gas." Three of the
> > rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.
> >
> > Nominee No. 6: :
> > Michael Anderson Godwin made News of the Weird
> > posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting
> > South Carolina's electric chair on a murder
> > conviction before having his sentence reduced to
> > life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in
> > his cell attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit
> > into a wire and was electrocuted. (South Carolina
> > entrants are always perennial favorites.)
> >
> > Nominee No. 7: :
> > A cigarette lighter may have triggered a fatal
> > explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using
> > a cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle
> > loader, was killed Monday night when the weapon
> > discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators
> > said. Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents'
> > rural Dunkirk home at about 11:30 PM. Investigators
> > said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzleloader
> > that had not been firing properly. He was using the
> > lighter to look into the barrel when the gunpowder ignited.
> >
> > Nominee No. 8: :
> > A man cleaning a bird feeder on the balcony of his
> > condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
> > slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan
> > Macko, 55, was standing on a wheeled chair when the
> > accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
> > the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair
> > moved, and he went over the balcony," Honer said.
> > (Another Ontario entry.... I wonder if people are
> > moving there from the Maritime Provinces.)
> >
> > Finally, THE WINNER!!!: :
> > Two local men were injured when their pickup truck
> > left the road and struck a tree near Cotton Patch on
> > State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County
> > deputy Dovey Snyder reported the accident shortly
> > after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of Des
> > Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were
> > returning to Des Arc after a frog gigging trip on an
> > overcast Sunday night when Poole's pickup truck
> > headlights malfunctioned.
> >
> > The two men concluded that the headlight fuse on the older-model
truck had
> > burned out. As a replacement fuse was not available,
> > Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his
> > pistol fit perfectly into the fuse box next to the
> > steering-wheel column. Upon inserting the bullet
> > the headlights again began to operate properly, and
> > the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White
> > River Bridge.
> >
> > After traveling approximately 20
> > miles, and just before crossing the river, the
> > bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck
> > Poole in the testicles.
> >
> > The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the
> > pavement, and striking a tree. Poole suffered only
> > minor cuts and abrasions from the accident, but will
> > require extensive surgery to repair the damage to
> > his testicles, which will never operate as intended.
> > Wallis sustained a broken clavicle and was treated
> > and released.
> >
> > "Thank God we weren't on that bridge
> > when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both
> > be dead," stated Wallis. "I've been a trooper for 10
> > years in this part of the world, but this is a first
> > for me. I can't believe that those two would admit
> > how this accident happened," said Snyder.
> > Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's
> > wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and
> > did anyone get them from the truck???
> >
> > (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of
> > their misadventure as normally required by Darwin
> > Award Official Rules, it can be argued that Poole
> > DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the
> > gene pool.)
> >

[Cloud]

1. I liked number 5 the best

That reminds me, I better go open a window just in case.

[aden_nak]

2. The Winner is from a Lewis Black routine.

Though it IS a true story.