Things not to do while suffering from insomnia

[flamingyouth]

I was down in my basement, which is currently a mess due to remodeling, looking for "Awareness Through Movement," by Moshe Feldenkrais, the classic book on the Feldenkrais Method of movement.

While I was down there, I looked at the three big bags of clothes that still have not been unpacked, six months after moving into this house. I figured most of them were mine. About a month after my husband killed himself, my best friend came over and helped me pack up most of Alan's clothes to give to a homeless shelter. And that helped me.

Well, tonight I opened the bags, found some clothes that are now way too big for me (hooray), as well as some sweaters for winter (very timely), and Alan's studded belt. I had wondered what had happened to it. I have a weird relationship with belts right now, because Alan hanged himself with one of his. I guessed that, because I hadn't seen this belt in months, he had used this particular one. The funeral home offered me the belt he used, but I declined to take it.

Holding it in my hand, it felt amazingly heavy and cold and a chill passed through me. It's been four months and almost a week since he died. Now I feel like I'll never sleep tonight, and I even took an Ambien about an hour ago. Now I just feel spacey and disconcerted.

At any rate, to sum up, don't look at emotionally charged objects before sleep. It's probably an obvious lesson. Thanks to any of you out there who is reading this.

[Mojambo]

1. Hang in there kid.

Hope you can find some way to smile tonight before you end up going to sleep.
:hug:

[flamingyouth]

2. Thank you for replying

I appreciate it. I'm going to try to read a funny and/or stupid book before attempting sleep. :hug:

[blackcat77]

3. Thanks for sharing.

Make sure you talk about this -- really talk, face-to-face -- with someone you love and trust. This is not the kind of thing that should be just locked up inside yourself.

[flamingyouth]

8. Thank you for your kind words

I'm going to see my parents tomorrow. :hug:

[Behind the Aegis]

4. Oh my dear!

I can't sleep either! I am so saddened by your post. I am glad you can "talk" about it thought, as that is a good sign.

Not to make light of your issue, but perhaps tonight, you could watch a good comedy until you drift off to sleep! If not, I can chat with you for awhile here (I will keep refreshing, or use PM) or use AIM. I hate to think that there is someone out there who is feeling like you do right now and no one to talk with!

I wish you the best and my offer stands. I was going to play an online game, but I can hold off.

Brightest Blessings!

[flamingyouth]

9. Oh my, I don't want to keep you up too!

I'll be okay. In fact, I am quite often a very normally functioning human being (albeit an eccentric one!) but sometimes things like this - little things - can set me off.

Thank you for your sincere and very kind offer. I want you to go play your game and have a good time. :hug:

Brightest Blessings to you as well! :pals:

[Behind the Aegis]

16. not a problem!~

I actually have worked as a counselor (not saying that is what you need right now). My heart just broke in so many pieces. I can't stand the thought that you are looking for distractions. I am pretty eccentric myself..we could have a fun conversation! My game can wait...I use it for my own distraction! :)

You don't know me, and I don't know you. No judgments, just chat. You are a "flaming" youth...I am just flaming! :) !!!

PM if you wish!

BB!

[flamingyouth]

19. LOL - well, I'm no youth

But I am pagan. I think the coming Samhain, as well as the other holidays, is weighing on me somewhat. I really dread Yule and my birthday, which is two days after Christmas. Thanksgiving is another toughie. I really don't know what to do with myself this year.

I am an only child, so I will have to be with my parents; truth be told, they've suffered as much if not more than I have. Not only did they lose a son-in-law, they have had to watch me completely fall apart. And they're not in the greatest of health. I worry about them.

Thanks for listening. :pals:

[Behind the Aegis]

22. OK...I will say this as a counselor.

Right now, you need to look to your own well-being! Yes, your parents pain is real and important, but do not use their pain or age to undo what you are feeling. Your pain is real and what (I suspect) you are doing is trying to cast aside your own pain to worry about others. If you do not care for yourself, you have nothing left to offer others (that "guilt trip" works for those of us who like to do for others)!

Holidays are tough for many people, more so for those who have lost someone in the past year. The pain is real and amplifies because we realize we no longer have that person with us. No one can tell you how to mourn..nor should they!! We all mourn in our own way!

You see...I am hitting refresh...I told you I would stick around! :)

Serene Blessings!

[jdj]

5. I am so sorry.

I did not know this. You will be in my prayers tonight.

[flamingyouth]

10. Thank you

I really appreciate your prayers.

[fleabert]

6. tough lesson...

thanks for sharing, that has to be hard for you. Hope you get rest tonight, with pleasant dreams. So sorry for your loss.

[flamingyouth]

Thank you for your kindness

Normally I do okay, but sometimes it hits me like a ton of bricks. Our marriage was not a happy one, and at times I don't think it makes his loss any easier because of it.

Again, thank you.

[miss_kitty]

7. Sorry, hon

those things can kick you right in the ass. I knew he died a little while ago, but I did not realise it was so close.

I am sorry. I never lost anyone that way. I have no idea what it is like to lose a spouse, either. I'll keep on keeping a thought for you.

try a hot bath and warm milk...I sleep in fits and starts often and that works for me-sometimes :)

[flamingyouth]

13. He died on June 12

Other odd facts: I was eating Irish oatmeal - the good kind, the kind you have to cook for 30 minutes or so (I loved the stuff) - and I was re-reading for the 46th or so time The Mists of Avalon by Marion Zimmer Bradley when I got the call from the police officer that they were "very sorry to inform" me that had found his body. Aside from the fact that I couldn't stand, speak or do anything, I cannot even think about oatmeal now, nor can I fathom anything to do with the Mists of Avalon, a book that at one time gave me great comfort.

I hope that passes.

[miss_kitty]

15. I hope it passes for you too. n/t

[Zomby Woof]

11. Hi Lisa

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

12. <sniff>

There was Mayhem in my basement, ZW! :cry:

[Zomby Woof]

14. if I have any say so...

I will DEMAND that 2005 is a year of peace and healing. You have too good a heart for these troubles of late. I will not tolerate it.

That being said, your resilient humor surely reveals the depth of your character more than any pithy comments I can offer.

:hug:

[flamingyouth]

17. Thank you

"It's hard work" (LOL) putting on a strong face, but I figure if that idiot can be president, I can buck up and smile. :D

Thanks for your kind words.

[Zomby Woof]

18. I pick the worst times to correct people

But if you call him the "president" one more time, I will send Quincy over to smash your Clash albums! :P ;-)

[flamingyouth]

20. Please send Sam instead

I always secretly had a crush on him. :D

[Zomby Woof]

21. Sam can't make it

Quincy is making him work AGAIN, and had to beg in that pathetic, pleading way Quincy was always good at. Poor Sam, he solved the mysteries, and Quincy took the credit. :-(

[flamingyouth]

23. Yeah, and poor Sam has to go comfort the crazy woman in the basement

Damn it, he had a date tonight! Doesn't anyone ever think of Sam!?!? :D

[flamingyouth]

24. Ah, I'm finally sleepy and am going to go up to bed

Thanks sincerely to everyone who helped me out here tonight. I love the Lounge and how we can rant and get support. Thanks so much.

[Aunt Anti-bush]

25. I am so sorry for your loss.

I've had to deal with a similar loss in our family so I know that it can be so difficult to get through it. You'll be in my prayers.