Gaaaaaah! Idiot Freeper Co-Worker

[NashVegas]

I'm going to try to make this as short and sweet as possible, k?

You know that particular type of person (they always seem to be female in my case) who seems to have it altogether on the surface, but are a fucking wreck on the inside? You know how sometimes, if you happen to catch their mask slip, (usually after they've gone postal on you) they turn around and, because they know you have their number and have no reason to feel kindly disposed towards them, take the initiative of trying to screw you over because they fear you'll do the same to them?

The said idiot in the title of this thread is doing just that. The psycho got all pissed off because I was insensitive to her needs (my words, not hers - but it's the bottom line) a couple of weeks ago and launched into a 5-minute tirade. I let her spew her hateful bullshit until she was done, and when, instead of just falling to my knees and apologizing for being insensitive, tried to explain WHY, it set her off all over again - and then she started to RUN AWAY. At this point I got pissed off, stood up and in my "talking to a bratty 8 year old" voice, said, "hold it right there, you do not get to come back here and scream at me .. " which set her to yelling some more while she continued to run away.

As it happens, there was another co-worker present when she started her spew. Sadly, he chickened the hell out of there and missed the finale. Other than him, I told no one of what had gone on.

This woman has some problems; raised in a Christian fundie family, has a domineering bitch of a mother who subjected her to all kinds of verbal abuse. The theory of fear + aggression in the Freeper personality make-up is present in this co-worker in a huge way. She lets her clients beat her up, and then she tries to do the same to some of us in the office. I usually don't put up with it, but on this day gave her a break, because she'd been in a nasty car accident and was upset.

Today I found out, from my supervisor, said Freeper idiot lodged a complaint with our general manager about my insensitivity and how upsetting it was for her. I *would* have apologized to her if she hadn't launched into her Rambo impression. My supervisor had no clue about the later contretemps, and I'm betting the GM has no idea either.

And I've gotta wonder: how could anyone be so fucking stupid as to lodge a formal complaint over a fucking communication error and think they're going to get someone in trouble, and expect to get sympathy once it's known (did she think I was going to keep this under the rug?) what as ass they are by intention? In front of a fucking witness?

ARRRRRGHHH.

*sigh*

[sui generis]

1. here's what you do

You MUST put the event down in writing, including what you said, what she said, how it happened, etc., but not defensively. Just say "for the record" - and try to take some blame for participating.

Then send an email with an apology to her and copy her boss (or whoever the involved parties are - don't worry about right and wrong, just do it to be "the bigger person". And when you get a chance, after all messages have been read by everyone, drop by and apologize for tangling with her at work.

I know it sounds like sucking ass, but you have to continue to work there with this woman and you will feel better if you take half the responsibility responsibly, especially if she continues to have rabies towards you. Who knows, you may be setting a good example for her if you do it right.

[Droopy]

2. I say don't do this

Just tell your side of the story if you have to then forget about it. Nobody respects an ass-kisser.

[sui generis]

6. it's not ass kissing

it's a grownup thing to do. :grouphug:

Sometimes you win by being the bigger person, regardless of how good it would feel to go set someone's hair on fire. Nobody respects squabbling children.

[NashVegas]

4. I'm Not That Big a Person

I have documented the incident, including contributing events that led up to it (let's say the little explosion was about a lot more than what set it off).

The #1 reason she got no apology from me is because she preferred to have someone to scream at. So I gave her someone to scream at.

There's a bit more going on, too. The previous evening when all was hunky dory, a few of us from work were sharing stories of what we were like as kids in school. She told me I would have beat her up if we'd known each other, and I was like, "WTF?" Violence ain't exactly my thing. But as she went on with her stuff I was like, 'yeah, if I'd run out of patience, I just might have eventually.' (Think "Heathers" on speed.) Apparently she'd harrassed some other girl until the kid got so upset she whacked her upside the head with a schoolbook.

My story was about how, as an 11 year old, I stared down the school principle while she (a nun) punched and then harangued me in front of two classrooms over a false accusation. I was so pissed off that I refused to out the guilty party and let her continue her shit just to see how far she'd go in making an ass of herself (which she realized she had when the guilty party stepped up).

The Freeper idiot KNEW that when she launched into her tirade. That's a fucking psycho's game and I'm not giving her what she wants this time around.

My boss thinks it's pretty funny.

[madaboutharry]

5. I am not sure if he needs to

apologize for anything more than participating in the exchange. He absolutely must put the entire episode down in writing without being defensive. I also don't think it would be out of line to write a complaint about her for verbally abusing him.

[disgruntled_goat]

3. oh man that's rough

i would be...well, in jail I think.

look. She seems borderline insane. (IMAO, everyone is partially insane, she just hides it less well than others.)

kudos on your patience, which from my "enraged hillbilly" perspective, seems quite vast.

your scenario is sadly all too common.
how the FUCK are we supposed to come together, work together, and thrive when these insane idiots are ruining it for everyone?

if you work for the govt. and she has filed against you, I would suggest a counter-complaint. Even though your peers know the score, the complaint can carry a greivous weight.

then again, stories like this give me some faint, grim comfort that i havent had a steady job since * took over...havent had to deal with workplace nutjobs for a while.

[NashVegas]

12. Not the Government

We work at a creative outlet; she's in sales, I'm on the creative side.

[Dzimbowicz]

7. I think I know how you feel

Three years ago a new teacher arrived in my department at school. She did not get along very well with a good friend of mine (for reasons I never asked about), but I avoided her because of her overuse of perfume; I happen to be allergic to certain ingredients to perfumes, namely the alcohol. In her opinion, I was being influenced by my friend against her.
Well, a year passed, my friend retired and life went on. I still avoided her because of her perfume. In a gesture of goodwill I offered her a free space on my class trip to Europe last summer (a $2800 value). While on the trip she was the most demanding pain-in-the-ass! It never dawned on her that I had to put the concerns of my teenage students ahead of hers. An example: she strained a muscle in her back the morning of the trip and should never have gone on the trip, but she came along anyway. She whined when she could not upgrade her ticket to first class. Several days later, still whining about her back, I took a student on an errand. While we were on this errand she wanted me to go to a pharmacy to buy some muscle relaxers and pain relievers for her. When I said, "you are an adult and you should be able to do this for yourself" her response was that she wanted to go on the tour of the castle which was planned for that morning. Hmmmm, if she was in that much pain... Oh well, I was able to obtain some effective pain killers for her while I was away from the group. I returned to the group several minutes late and I was informed that she was bitching about my tardiness with her medicine. She, like always, had someone else ask me if I had found anything for her and if so "to please give it to her because she was suffering so much". My response: "Yes I did, but she must stop whining like a child before I give it to her or it's going out the window!"
Other complaints: my room is too hot and you did this to me on purpose (we were in Germany at the time and the temp was about 80); you will not listen to my advice on monitoring the children (she wanted me to do a bed check every night, but refused to get her ass out of bed to help). Then, one night after supper she let her rage at me fly. I listened to her, then told her that her concerns for her own comfort were self-centered and childish; my students were my main concern, not a 56 year old adult who should be able to take care of herself.
This is only the tip of the iceberg of how she treated me after I gave her a free trip to Europe. Evidently she wanted me to be obsequiously servile to her for my past treatment of her (recall my allergies to the alcohol in perfumes). Then, upon return to school, she tried to turn the department against me. This backfired on her. I informed her that the trip was private and she was trying to create a hostile workplace because I was supposedly so mean to her. I then had my cousin, an attorney, inform her of how she could be sued for this. My department chair and principal also backed me up.

BTW, this person is an outspoken repuke and a 'christian'.

So, in summary, I understand how you feel. Document everything, note witnesses and as much detail as possible.

[NashVegas]

8. Oh My GOD

By the sound of it, the woman on the trip was probably my co-worker's mother.

[Dzimbowicz]

10. Here is some more of the "ice berg" I mentioned...

During the trip there was a girl in my group who had the first bi-polar experience of her life. Well, I promised the father of this girl that an adult would be with her until he could arrive in Madrid to pick her up and take her home. To make a long story short, it would be 36 hours until he could be in Madrid. Never did this aforementioned co-worker and "chaperon" ever offer to help with this young girl. We then had to take a nine hour bus ride from Barcelona to Madrid. Upon departing Barcelona she said: "Nuevo horas con eso?" (I can't get my special characters to work here and I know I must have an inverted question mark at the beginning), translation: Nine hours of this?!?
Luckily for us, there was a parent on the trip who is a registered nurse and helped us care for the girl. At one point another colleague of mine brought the girl who was having the bi-polar problem up to his seat on the bus to relieve the nurse. Princess Pain-in-the-ass was seated directly behind him, she leaned forward and said: "Can't you keep that girl quiet?"

And, this is from someone who openly calls herself a "compassionate conservative"!

[NamVetsWeeLass]

9. OOOOH, Get this.....

OK similar in situation, yet entirely different... I work as an independent contractor for a relatively small community hospital here in good old West (By Gawd) Virginia. I got a phone call today from my parent company and the hospital requested that I "Do not return" to the facility... I am a LPN/LVN, and last night the other LPN on a 32 patient ward left early (Crisis at home kinda deal.)I was left with 3 Rn's and myself... The 3 Rn's, decide instead of having one of them do the LPN part of the job that the 3 of them will split rooms 111-118, as an LPN I had Rooms 101-110. I had two empty beds. The back assignment has 5 rooms that are private (one occupant)so, it took THREE Rn's to do the meds on 11 patients? I had 18 patients of my own. Now this isn't like an Intensive Care Unit, this is more like "I don't feel good, give me pain meds and I will feel better". I have been written up before, mainly for things like having a "Bad attitude" (the person that nailed me for having the bad attitude sounds rather like the co worker of yours... Terrible attitude, yet that is somehow my fault...when I say something back, I am the one that gets nailed to the wall for it.) and For another instance that didn't happen the way that the RN said it did...I even have someone to back me up on that one, one of the aides was present the entire time and when she found out I got wrote up she was going to say something, but I didn't feel it was needed at the time, I posted an apology and it was taken care of. Now this latest thing, I have no idea what I did (Or didn't do) wrong, I know my mouth gets me into more trouble than not and because I am pretty much a straight shooter. (Read: No filter between Mouth and Brain, If it is in my head, it is out of my mouth) I will tell patients if someone
screwed up, and that includes ME! I get blamed for things I don't do, and now it is costing me money! GRRRRRRRRRRR. How dare you be different here in West Virginia. Bad Pagan!!Bad Pagan! (Adjusts "bible" belt, Yer kind ain't welcome around these here parts!) ::steps off soapbox::

[warrens]

11. yeah

You know that particular type of person (they always seem to be female in my case) who seems to have it altogether on the surface, but are a fucking wreck on the inside? You know how sometimes, if you happen to catch their mask slip, (usually after they've gone postal on you) they turn around and, because they know you have their number and have no reason to feel kindly disposed towards them, take the initiative of trying to screw you over because they fear you'll do the same to them?

Seems like there is someone doing that to me on PM. Not naming names.